Computer Game I'm Currently Developing [I want your opinion on the general plot-line ONLY] - Games

If you really are planning on making this, you need reasons for them ending up in this "other world", other than "It just happens". And like many have said already, the story is way to generic to be taken seriously. The whole righteous, good and pure beings VS. The Soul Sucking, evil horrors from beyond has been done to death. Add conflict between the characters as well. People, real or not, never just accept a situation and work together to defeat it. There's always differences in opinion, ideas and even belief. It's this kind of inter character conflict that make stories interesting, as not only do they have to combat the outside problem, but also the problems among one another.

I voted "Other". It's pretty dogshit. Evil man in control of monsters made of pure dark matter (Which, by the laws of physics, would just annihilate if matter is present)? Change that bit at least, it just sounds ridiculous - In other words change the main group of antagonists and mooks. And how do they get to this other dimension in the first place? There needs to be an at least plausible way (By science fiction standards) they end up there.

Reminds me of a generic JRPG, no offense.

Sounds like Kingdom Hearts. You friends are in different worlds being attack by dark creatures (heartless) that steal peoples heart.

[QUOTE=MageMaster;26995392]Darkness is space without particles of light traveling through it, also known as shadows but I didn't wanna say shadows for it cause that happens to be what my enemies are CALLED. Dark Matter is Negative Matter filling the space between everything in the universe. Imagine a space without air, gases, dust, stone, anything, just pure nothing, not imagine somehow having LESS than nothing in said space, that's Dark Matter. [/QUOTE] do you even know what you're saying

Sounds a lot like Kingdom Hearts. You should name it Castle Souls.

This post has a better story then your game

Terrible. Sounds like something a small child would write, and try and think of something that hasn't been done before.

What about my game guys? [url]http://www.indiedb.com/games/odd-job-eddie-returns[/url] It already works as a functioning platformer by the way.

Generic evil villains that are evil becouse whythefucknot are stupid. Take a look at Dr. Breen from HL2, now that's a villain.

Let's hope you never get into the video game business. If by some miracle you do, don't be the story guy, be a modeler or something.

That gameplay better be good. Gave you a heart for attempting indie game development. :3:

How about this: Play as the bad guy story line, redemption is always good, even if it is in the name of vengeance. The protagonist and his friends are part of a small militant group labelled as terrorists by the government, you would go around in missions to further spread your group's strength, information and money all lead under a banner of a better world which would be provided by your visionary leader. Thing go wrong after a few missions though, you are double-crossed by an old member of the group ("I can't do...This anymore, you fought well but you did this all for nothing") and are captured by the government, time leap as you spend time in jail, about 29 years, no news of the group as they have gone underground. One day you receive parole, apprentice it's your old buddy who is your parole officer. He tells you the group have rethought their methods and that they will infiltrate and that you have changed somehow, become more...tolerant. After a destructive mission or two you actually look around after you caused damage and you see the hopelessness in the eyes of the people you damaged. You take this to the leader, demanding to know that is all this is leading somewhere, that all the pain you caused amounted to something of value. The leader deflects the accusations casually and you decide to investigate more into the matter. After some extremely eye-widening reveals you see that the leader has some personal interest in all this destruction. He is working with a massive defense R&D private company which is paying him money to keep the government afraid at all times to pay them for newer, better defense mechanisms, and that they are deliberately putting flaws in those systems to help him get past them. You are knocked out and dragged away by your buddy. After a massive amount of beating, no questions, you are thrown into a junk yard to die, you lay there unconscious for two days after which you are dragged off by the man who double-crossed you. A month later you secretly spread word to the government and they reply by telling you that they will deal with this covertly. you are to go to the company's bank and are to wire the funds back to the government, the next mission, if you succeed, will be to accompany a special ops team to the group's hide-out, there is a "co-operation incentive" tied around your neck in the form of an explosive collar, out of spite to the group you agree to wear it. The mission goes without a hitch, the leader is dead and so is your 'old buddy'. As a last mission you are to face the consequences, the group, now leaderless falls into chaos and sees the only possible action is to go on a full-on guns blazing riot into the city, after shredding your way through many of your old comrades you are fatally shot, trampled and the game seemingly ends. It then cuts to a epilogue where it would describe the fate of the country, your body is taken from the ashes of the riot and hung in public display for all the crimes you did and you become a villainous figure in the eyes of the country. Some mistakes and some things are not thought of, but I'm pretty proud of this 5 minute piece of prose. [B] If You want to keep thing supernatural you can say it's a cult offering souls to speed the arrival of the sons of Muspell. ([I]YAY norse myth!) Typical monologue: [/I][/B]"When the balance of the world is tipped and the halls of Valhalla sing no more, our time will come. We will ride from Muspell, spreading doom and fire, we will be the signal to the end! Yggdrasil shall shake! And then all will FEAR!" [B] AND:[/B] Dark matter does not make space black (And space is not actually black, if all the light in the universe merged as one it would be beige, the rest is just absence of photons.), for all intents and purposes it is (currently until another theory crops up) invisible.

[QUOTE=MageMaster;26995285]@Rubs10 Not at all. I do like that game series despite the stupid Disney charecters, but that's completley different. For one thing, in that series it's worlds, not dimensions. Also, Heartless A: Are made from darkness itself, and B: Feed on hearts. Whilst my creatues are A: Composed of Dark Matter which for those who don't know is what makes space black, and B: Feed on souls.[/QUOTE] According to the background in this picture, you do. [img]http://i992.photobucket.com/albums/af41/ApertureMageMaster/DCapture.jpg[/img]