The Generally Just Creepy Stuff Thread V2: Hyperrealism, Content, or GTFO.
2,555 replies, posted
seriously give me some fucking crits on my creepypasta
and some inspiration for an ending would be nice
[QUOTE=Neat!;33713298]seriously give me some fucking crits on my creepypasta
and some inspiration for an ending would be nice[/QUOTE]
Sorry. The first thing you should do is formatting. If it's not a poem, it's kind of hard to read, since poems usually go faster. I think the exposition could be a little faster, but I like your description. Set up the scene, have the bomb go off, and have the person wake up, etc. Something you could do is focus on emotions, as well as focus on varying sentence structures and beginnings. A paragraph is harder to read if it's just, "I... I... I..". I really like it, though, so keep working on it and it'll be awesome.
[QUOTE=Penultimate;33713622]Sorry. The first thing you should do is formatting. If it's not a poem, it's kind of hard to read, since poems usually go faster. I think the exposition could be a little faster, but I like your description. Set up the scene, have the bomb go off, and have the person wake up, etc. Something you could do is focus on emotions, as well as focus on varying sentence structures and beginnings. A paragraph is harder to read if it's just, "I... I... I..". I really like it, though, so keep working on it and it'll be awesome.[/QUOTE]
Thank you, and yes I noticed the formatting was shit but I was lazy. Any suggestions with showing emotion? I don't really have much of those irl
Well, you could always imagine the person's face. Have you ever been scared? Maybe you were really young, and it was dark in the house, and your closet door was just a little bit open. I guess you could think about what you would feel in the situation, or think of what an actor would do in that situation.
[QUOTE=Neat!;33713298]seriously give me some fucking crits on my creepypasta
and some inspiration for an ending would be nice[/QUOTE]
Hard criticism? Not much, it was a good story.
As for the end, fuck I don't know, but I feel like a plot twist would work nicely.
So uh, I made a Skyrim creepy pasta today:
[B]"V05C.esp"[/B]
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/p4lvx.png?5723[/IMG]
[QUOTE] If you have heard of the new Skyrim mod "Parlor_PlusV05c.esp" (Other names it guises are "Quest_Extender_PlusV05c.esp", "Unofficial_Skyrim_Patch_V05c.esp", and "Armands_Beast_RacesV05c.esp", or any mod with "V05C" on it), DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT. If you have: DO NOT PLAY WITH IT INSTALLED, DELETE IT. If you ran the game with this mod, I STRONGLY advise you re-format your hard drive AS FAST AS YOU CAN. The dangers of this mod should out-weigh your curiosities about it.
[/quote]
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/kZHSS.png[/IMG]
[quote]
The first thing about this mod you should know is you never download a .esp file when you get it. It's always an installer file that changes filetype depending on the OS it was downloaded on. When you run the file it looks like any other installation program, except the description looks like it was assembled from random pieces of real skyrim mods.
Bare in mind that the .esp isn't the only thing the program installs: It also installs malware onto your machine that does things depending on what you do in the game using the mod. This malware also seems to copy and renew itself every 30 seconds: This makes it extremely difficult to un-install even before you load the game.
[/quote]
[url]http://soundcloud.com/sbwaffle7/skyrimmodsongpart/s-5Wt5l[/url]
[quote]
When the player runs the game with this mod the first thing he will notice is the menu music has changed. It has now been changed to what is described as "Deep wind or breathing". It has been confirmed to just be the menu music with its speed lowered significantly. Saving/loading is disabled and doesn't even appear in the menu, forcing the player to make a new character. What's worse is that even if you remove the mod, all of your current saves in your Skyrim folder will be corrupted. Note that if you quit the game now, the malware will reformat YOUR WHOLE HARD DRIVE. If you get this far, there is no turning back.
When a new character is created, instead of the usual execution scene like in the normal game, the player jumps right into the character selection screen in a white room. All the races have been removed, except for a race named "Player". This mysterious new "Player" race seems to be the default Nord with no textures on the model or any racial benefits. It has no extra face, head, or hair options either. When the character is ready to be assigned a name, the name "Prisoner" cannot be erased. This forces the player to play with the name "Prisoner".
The game can be a bit unpredictable at this point, and if you exit the game at all without finishing it the malware will wipe your HDD (Including, but not limited to: Crashing, Alt-Tabbing, Ctrl-Shift-Escaping, or Ctrl-Alt-Deleting and closing Skyrim).
Despite the Creation Kit not being out at the time of this writing, the player starts in a seemingly new dungeon with no starting clothes. After the character creation, the player can exit the white room through a door that takes him to a rather dungeon-like area half-way submerged underwater with cages. There is no music except for the slowed down menu track the whole game. The player spawns within one of these cages with the door locked. If the player dies in any way, the game will freeze, play a startlingly loud screeching noise and restart Skyrim: making you start all over. Every time you die, the game gets more and more unstable.
There is a lockpick in the cage with the player and if he succeeds to pick the Hard lock, then he only has to swim upwards to the upper platform where the entrance for the next room is. The next room is a dimly-lit maze with a creature that seems to be a Troll with a glitched Breton model bent backwards, and a largely stretched jaw. This creature will be called "The Hisser" from now on, due to all of its sounds except for idle (Which is silent) being replaced with loud hissing, white noise, and distorted screaming. If the player is seen by the Hisser, it will open its small eyes and large jaw. It will then chase the player [I]very[/I] fast while playing a broken running animation. If the Hisser touches the player, he will die from a gruesome finisher not seen in-game. If the player somehow dodges the Hisser and finds the exit door to the maze, he will spawn where he would normally escape Helgen from.
It will always be night in the game. There are no quest-givers. There are no Animals, Dragons, or bandits. Every other NPC say nothing, and if you talk to them the text "I HAVE NO GREETING" will appear (This happens in Oblivion as well when an npc has no greeting dialogue, or any at all). General Tullius and Ulfric Stormcloak are also dead, bodies impaled on stakes in Whiterun. All AI from the game also seems to be removed, causing everyone to just stand in place forever. You can even punch everyone to death, and no one will do anything. When the player goes to Riverwood, the Blacksmith isn't there. He is instead replaced with an NPC with a race never seen before: A small, Bald, wide, wrinkled, old looking humanoid with long thin arms, short thin legs, large black eyes, and a small "o" shaped mouth. It will always face the opposite of you. It never makes a sound. It just exists. [B]IF YOU ARE PLAYING UP TO THIS POINT - WHATEVER YOU DO - DO NOT TALK TO, OR EVEN GO [I]NEAR[/I] THE THING. [/B]If you look at him from ten meters away, it will snap its head facing right at you, [I]and he will let out an unsettling screech as it walks towards you, mouth wide open, the entire game. This causes the game to be extremely unpredictable[/I]. Some people didn't heed this warning. They experienced glitches so bad from the... Thing that it rendered the game unplayable. They lost their computer and everything on it.
After 15 minutes pass in the mod, the real danger begins. A message box will appear saying "YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE" and the player will be brought to the cell "PARLOR01". It looks like a living-room made of stone with doors on each of the four sides, with a sign next to each of the doors. One will say "Knowledge". [B]DO NOT PICK THIS DOOR. DO NOT [I]EVER[/I] PICK THIS DOOR.[/B] The door definitely will give you knowledge, but not at all what you're thinking. Given most people's lives, this information will break them. Mankind shouldn't know these secrets. Not yet. The only known person that opened that door, is no longer understood by anyone. His ideas seem like nonsense and gibberish to us, but it's because it's way above our comprehension. But no matter how good that might seem to you, just know ignorance is bliss. Some things you [I]really shouldn't know.[/I]
If you are using this as a guide (I wished you haven't even gotten tangled in this in the first place by the way), pick the one that says "IMPOSE" and NO OTHER DOOR. I don't want to have to explain it, fearing you might figure out too much, but just know that you never want to bear the knowledge buried behind that door. If the player picks the "IMPOSE" door, he spawns in a room with three corpses dangling my their ankles from rope attatched to the ceiling. Looting one of them will be the first piece of any apparel at all in the entire game. A ring, "OBLIGE", that runs a script which opens the next door when worn, but cannot be taken off, and damages the player 2 health per second when standing still. You now can never leave this game: Dying will increase the chance of crashing, crashing and quitting will whipe your HDD, and now standing still, or otherwise being AFK will kill you. Any other corpse being looted will scream, shake the screen, and kill you. The corpse with the ring is random every time, you just have to guess.
The next room is a larger, more complicated version of the starter maze, but there are traps that kill you instantly, switches and doors, buttons, physics puzzles and TWO Hissers. you must think fast, move constantly, and hide from the Hissers. If that has been accomplished, then the next room will be a small one with a chest containing a full suit of iron, full suit of hide, 2 swords, an iron shield, a hide shield, a claymore, 2 waraxes, a battleaxe, 2 maces, a warhammer, some spell tomes, a hooded robe with an increase magicka enchant, and 2 daggers. This is the only part where you get to attack anything besides the npcs in the actual game world. After the armor, weapons, and/or magic have been chosen, the player enters the door, leading him to "The Tower" (Cell ID: "VICTIMSTRIALS") which can be comparable to an Oblivion tower in Elder Scrolls IV, except there is a straight pathway upward. It is very high, and there are doors on the walls with giant gates blocking the pathway upwards next to the door: Each door has a challenge room the player needs to complete, and completing the challenge will open the gate allowing you to climb higher. there are [i]over 80 challenges that usually take a half an hour per challenge.[/i] Hissers are abundant in these challenges, too. Now you see why you should not install this mod. You're not going to get your computer back from this mod until you complete every challenge and get to the top. You're not going to get your computer back from this mod until you complete every challenge and get to the top. No eating, bathroom, sleeping, or any breaks at all. You will be a slave, bending to the game's will for your precious computer. If you also were foolish enough to irritate the odd thing in riverwood, you will have that screaming at you too, through all the trials.
You must now ask yourself: "Is my computer even worth it anymore?" That, my friend, is up to you. I will however guarantee that you will eventually get your computer back, if you are so skilled that you will never die in any of the brutally difficult trials in the tower. Are you going to take a huge risk, take the trials, have to start over again after you die and increase the chance of catastrophic loss in doing so? Or are you going to save the humility, go to the menu, and hit "Quit"? Will you possibly miss the one lucky shot at getting your computer back? All this can be avoided if you just listen:
[I][b]DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT DOWNLOADING ANY "V05C" MODS.[/b][/I]
[/quote]
Constructive criticism appreciated, I'll tweak the story a bit too from time to time.
Shitted out an ending, and fixed the formatting.
[quote=Arousing Story]Chernzobog Dream Cycle
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The blast tore a hole in the earth and the sky, the smoldering ruination obstructed by a
massive white mushroom cloud. The heat was unbearable, I could feel my hair
falling out. No matter how hard I closed my eyes, how hard I pressed my sunglasses to my face, I was still blinded by the searing light.
It shone through my skin, illuminating every bone in my hand like a blacksmith's tongs.
I noticed the trees in the distance bend over towards me, and a powerful wind was tearing across the battered landscape.
The several zeppelins and ornithopers that loomed over the
battlefield were reduced to ash and tangles of red-hot iron beams. I notice a ring forming
around the top of the mushroom cloud, it was expanding quickly and was almost directly
above me. The shock wave hit me, a deafeningly loud bang, shattering the
windows on a nearby car, as well as the lenses of my sunglasses. It knocked me off my
feet, and out of consciousness.
When I woke up, the landscape was now a hideous ichor of brown and grey, with orange embers raining down from the now black mushroom cloud.
That was when I saw it. A hideous mass of black eyes and sharkskin, drenched in the bile,
viscera, blood and semen of it’s former world. The thing was flying like a drunken moth as it was
birthed from the churning smoke of the cloud. Flying on angular golden wings it surveyed the
abused landscape, it altered course and beamed it’s “head” at me, summoning a large beak-like protrusion, forming something one could almost call a face.
I began to remove my broken
glasses, when I noticed my skin was mutilated and red from the radiation of the
blast. Looking upon my melted, wrinkling skin I wondered how I was still alive, and I
wondered even more so after I noticed my left hand was all but a cudgel of bone and
flesh.
Amidst my horror I failed to notice a gaunt figure, red as the smoldering iron it loped over,
skulking over the mud and wreckage.
I finally realized my assailant when I heard a mulish, depraved, yet
sharply-pitched wail coming from the figure, summoning embers and smoke from its
jagged mouth. I innately find the strength to run, or limp, away from the figure. I’ve been
motivated by fear and anger in the past, but I have never had to endure such horrors as this. I
made my way towards what looked like a large, grated sewer pipe about seven feet
in diameter. It seemed to be the only cover from the burning embers and radioactive mud
raining from the sky, as well as the unyielding gaze of the beaked thing.
I stumble over defunct brass war machines and charred corpses, still clutching their rifles
and swords. The desperation of the situation begins to sink in as I realize there are no
nearby roads or buildings; just charred husks and ash. When I finally make it to the
outflow tube there was no water in it, just an outline of sediment and feces.
I walk through a hole in the grate, and notice the red-hot thing was now a light grey, and gaining speed as it
lopes towards me in a hypnotizing yet sickening gait. Pain in my left arm and face begins
to set in, as a smoldering hunk of flesh slides off my neck and lands on the floor of the
chamber, like a wet, fleshy rag. I advance into the darkness, hot wind coming from the
inside of the chamber like the breath of some hellish beast.
Pieces of paper and ash roll out from the depths of the tunnel. I could hear the loping thing coming closer, its howl getting louder.
I begin to stagger away from the thing, its deafening scream echoing through the chamber, Its footsteps get louder. When it wasn't screaming
in that horrible tone it was wheezing heavily, with phlegm and god knows what undulating in its
mouth. I hurry down the musty tunnel, noticing a copper shine to my right, about a hundred feet
away.
The creature hurries as well, its scampering feet coming closer, scratching like a dog on
concrete. It screams again, echoing throughout the tunnel, piercing my ears. The shine reveals
itself to be some exposed copper pipe, warped in a manner that allowed me to wedge myself in,
hopefully safe from the loping thing's grasp. I was about fifteen feet away from
the pipe when the creature took hold of me, pulling me away, slamming my mangled
head against the ground. It was the most grotesque sight I, or quite possibly anyone has ever
seen. I think I went mad then.
It was just under seven feet tall, it was hairless, with a hunched, warped back and large, three-fingered hands at the ends of long, lanky arms.
Its legs were essentially the same as the arms, but slightly longer. Its head was that of a humans, but much larger, earless
and inverted, with crusted, dead eyes and with a fleshy hole where it’s nose should be. Pink tentacles protruded from the
nasal bones, and the mouth was large, with horribly deformed, tiny jagged teeth. It let out another depraved scream as I writhed away.
It leaped at me, but I dodged its lunge. The evasion was not without toll, however, as my back was now completely skinless. It a fit of pain
I stagger towards the exposed pipes, nestling myself between two layers of pipes. The thing clawed at the pipes, trying to get at me, wailing and screaming.
This assault went on for about three hours, and then you showed up."
"Did you see anything more of the 'beaked thing'?" asked one of my interrogators.
I replied, "No all I saw of it was outside the tunnel."
The secretary typed furiously on her typewriter.
"Do you know where the creature went?" he asked.
"No sir, I passed out after about an hour." I respond. My condescending emphasis on the “sir”
went unnoticed.
"Did you know you were the only survivor of the blast?" the other agent asked.
"I'm blessed." I reply flatly.
I feigned a smile,showing my yellowed, gritty teeth.
The agents looked at each other, one nodded to the other, who then signaled the secretary
stop typing.
“That'll be all for today, Mr. Wozniak." one says.
The agents and the secretary leave the room, the secretary carrying three papers,
presumably transcripts from the recollection of my misfortune.
The rhythmic thuds and hums of the life-support machine lull me to sleep. It’s been so long
since I was last immobilized like this, with tubes and needles encompassing my broken body like
an empathetic cornucopia, binding and degrading me in an attempt to spare my feeble life.
I can’t hope to repay the debt I’ve made in this condition.
The beaked thing knows that.
The loping thing knows that.
This machine knows that.
I knew I wronged red crown the moment I looked into the beaked thing’s eyes. The red crown
will not forgive, nor will this machine once it turns. I can feel the shores of Adamantinarx hissing in my ears.
The zephyrs of the Keter tremble my innards, my side hemorrhages at the very sight of my new interrogators...
[img]http://waynebarlowe.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/barlowe_examination.jpg[/img][/quote]
Should I continue it?
[QUOTE=cardfan212;33750081]Original?[/QUOTE]
I don't think there is one, I think that's daijitsu in a costume scaring friends/relatives or something. That Hella jeff face looks like a paper mask.
[QUOTE=bopie;33749937][IMG]http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwa44xn6dZ1qj26eao1_500.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]
A woman could have just knocked on it.
[QUOTE=alien_guy;33755513]A woman could have just knocked on it.[/QUOTE]
Even more horrifying!
[QUOTE=daijitsu;33748191][img]http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu4am3eijd1qi1l2xo1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1324108000&Signature=uw%2BCOGcQwSZXt5CiVUvhJIC59H0%3D[/img][/QUOTE]
Hella Jeff's face is really fucking creepy if placed right, like in that picture. At least in my opinion.
Regarding the Skyrim story above, it seemed a bit to unrealistic, the thing about the door with "knowledge" written on it was kind of silly IMO. Also, all the weird shit that happens in it is unrelated and disjointed, which I don't think makes it that scary, "the Hisser" thing is pretty weird I guess, but it only appears for a few seconds.
Possibly it's a bit unfair to use jvk as an example, but I think that was one of the creepiest video game creepypastas I've ever read. It seemed to be plausible enough at the time I read it. I mean, sure, it's impossible, but it seemed like it might exist. The different elements in the story are related, eg. the assassin, the people leaving their homes, living in caves and slowly disappearing, the night sky slowing down and finally stopping completely, created a really eerie end of the world feel. There isn't anything openly paranormal in the game, just the guy starts going insane at the end from sleep deprivation, which, again makes it a bit more believable.
It's just my opinion, but I think that if it's a bit more coherent and believable, it's scarier.
Shadow of rome for the PS2. Part Gladiator sim, part hack and slash, all blood and gore.
I remember all the myriad ways you could kill your opponent. You could even hold an arrow to their head and they would pee themselves, the you would tear off their head and throw it to the crowd for bonuses.
"Please....Don't kill me. I'm a slave! Like you!"
Never heard that before. Must be new. He starts grovelling again.
"I have a wife and children waiting for me, I fight for my freedom! Not glory!"
Since this was the introductory fight a kill was mandatory. No lives spared on the sand and grit. The crowd went wild, the satisfaction bar almost went through the roof. But there was one figure between them that started running out the stadium.
Cutscene. still as regular, you'll see the character (Agrippa) bonding with a close friend (Sextus), also a gladiator, he tells you of his homeland, how he wanted to join the army for glory, yet there were no wars. So he entered into the arena.
The next fights were as regular. Nothing special. Until I hit something incredibly strange. An Undoubtedly female gladiator would be facing me, I didnt remember there being any female fighter at the time. But I pressed on. The crowd mocks, wolf whistles and laughs at her.
She keeps staring at Agrippa. As if the crowd did not exist. She just broke into a full sprint and rushed at me. A shield bash and a mace to the head later she was on the floor. Instead of the grovelling she showed strong spirit. Rising to her knees, taking off her helm showing matted, bloodied hair. The game shifted into first person for the execution. The noble at the seat saw her fit to die. And die she did.
Her last words, "Murderer."
The crowd roared louder than ever before. They enjoyed the spilling of a woman's blood.
Numerous battles and cutscenes followed that one. I would have almost forgot about it if not for the crowd being harder to satisfy, giving me blunted weapons as if to extend the pain and bloodshed of the next victim. My Character though started to become more and more cynical in cutscenes, bordering on nihilistic appreciation for human life. Sextus still saw the better of him, and they remained brothers.
A small timeskip happened of about 14 years, since then Agrippa killed almost 100 gladiators in single combat. Not to mention kills that are off the record.
The announcer stepped up. Announcing my character as the Centennial Gladiator, crown champion of the arena. He would be facing a young upstart from some backwater arena. He gave Agrippa the same piercing glare that the woman gladiator gave me, rushing at me with greater speed and ferocity than any other enemy. It was a hard battle, no thanks to the crowd giving me shitty weaponry. Again, he rose to his knees, removed his helm. Marked for death.
"Murderer."
The crowd went wild. They always do.
The next cutscene showed Agrippa at a grand feast. wine, food, women and a fine company of blood-brothers. All what a gladiator would want, it faded to black as my character blacks out.
It was hard to expect it. All was going so well. the volume cranked up and Agrippa started screaming. There was a gladius sticking through his collar.
"Help me!" Agrippa started grovelling, a first. "Someone help me!"
"So that you may kill, as you have done before." His friend appeared out of the shadows.
"So that more slaves may fall at your hands. So the blood thirst of rome may be sated. You know there is no end to the slaves and no end to the public's thirst for blood. Yet you still fight."
"What?"
"I will show you the mercy that you never showed your adversaries. The mercy that my Brother has not seen" He stabs with a dagger, Agrippa screams once again "The mercy that my Brother's wife never saw" Another dagger, His screams die down to pained whimpers. "The mercy...That their son never saw" One last dagger forced into his leg. Agrippa coughs up blood and blacks out.
The game goes into first person for a cutscene. Agrippa is alone, in a forest. All his wounds are open and bleeding. He hears a wolf howl. They materialize out of the darkness, surrounding Agrippa, growling as they prowl towards him.
They leap and I saw them start to ravage his flesh, and rend his tendons apart.
After 2 minutes of grueling and torturous screaming, Agrippa dies.
The screen fades to black. The fades back into the image of a skeleton, still fleshy and red from blood.
At that point I could only turn off the game.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rAJQPpGbSXE[/media]
[editline]17th December 2011[/editline]
-__- media tag is broken...
[IMG]http://www.thedoctorwhosite.co.uk/wp-images/doctorwho/630/silence-will-fall.jpg[/IMG]
Silence will fall.
Any King of the Hill creepypastas other than that jacked up one with Bill from a bunch of pages back?
Needs less screamers/shockers and more things that are actually creepy or unnerving.
Like that sonytalk website. I am god damn terrified. EVERYONE has between 1300 and 2000 posts, it SEEMS legit and they all talk like they know each other and are friends.
I am seriously creeped out now.
[QUOTE=CapLaPorte;33776099]Needs less screamers/shockers and more things that are actually creepy or unnerving.
Like that sonytalk website. I am god damn terrified. EVERYONE has between 1300 and 2000 posts, it SEEMS legit and they all talk like they know each other and are friends.
I am seriously creeped out now.[/QUOTE]
I'm creeped out.
You want to know why?
Your name is Cap LaPorte. I just happen to live in a town named La Porte.
(It meant "the door" in French. The area I live in was considered to be the "gateway to the wilderness" by the French.)
Holy shit. I did that because that's my last name. I am now even more creeped out.
Sorry, wrong thread, similar titles.
shut up and fuck already
[QUOTE=CapLaPorte;33776159]Holy shit. I did that because that's my last name. I am now even more creeped out.[/QUOTE]
Well congrats, you have a town named after you!
Wonder why your last name is "the door"?
[img]http://i.imgur.com/koeV9.jpg[/img]
[QUOTE=Pretiacruento;33785609][img]http://i.imgur.com/koeV9.jpg[/img][/QUOTE]
Ooh, ooh! An ancient story!
Seriously, who doesn't know this? Either from its original form or one of the thousand variations?
That was the first creepypasta I ever read.
[QUOTE=CapLaPorte;33776099]Needs less screamers/shockers and more things that are actually creepy or unnerving.
Like that sonytalk website. I am god damn terrified. EVERYONE has between 1300 and 2000 posts, it SEEMS legit and they all talk like they know each other and are friends.
I am seriously creeped out now.[/QUOTE]
It's probably one of those bot websites where it copies threads from other forums and gets names and pictures from Facebook, like that Bethesda forum from awhile back.
They earn hundreds off ad revenue.
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