[QUOTE=thisispain;25932831]this thread reeks of uncomfortable "nice guy" syndrome[/QUOTE]
Hey fuck you there's nothing wrong with being a nice guy.
...:saddowns:
It is like I said, Big Dumb American. You just need to write.
This is a perfect example of why you need to be a novelist.
Such heated arguments from a silly, upbeat morale-booster. This is why we can't have nice things.
Mandy.. :smith:
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;25933059]What a dumbass.
What do you do? You ask them the fuck out. It's that goddamn easy, holy shit, you kids make a big deal out of the smallest shit. Who cares if you've been friends for a long time? There's no rule saying you can't ask out friends. The worst possible thing anyone could ever do is the retarded "spill your guts" crap that all of you autistic idiots tend to do. When you ask someone out, you're inferring that you are interested and have feelings for them, you don't need to make shit awkward and pull that "Hurr I like you" crap out.[/QUOTE]
While you could do with a 'subtlety 101' class, this man is correct.
And then there's the guys who fall for EVERY female friend they have.
Had that problem with a guy who asked me out, saying he was border-line in love with me and when I said no, then turned around two hours later and asked another girl out. One of my close friends, no less.
The guy's still my friend but he's still hopeless when it comes to women.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;25934779]Such heated arguments from a silly, upbeat morale-booster. This is why we can't have nice things.[/QUOTE]
maybe you should post stuff like this in the love advice forum instead of general discussion if you don't want it to be discussed, why is it that you posted it here?
[QUOTE=Xephio;25934502]0 female Facepunchers arguing against OP?[/QUOTE]
No, because he's pretty much right.
Quotes from my best female friend:
"You're like a brother to me"
"I wish all guys were like you and not dicks"
"You're a great friend"
"I don't know what I'd do without you"
:saddowns:
[QUOTE=Pascall;25934898]No, because he's pretty much right.[/QUOTE]
Woman don't use logic, silly.
Tell me OP, what if said girl cuddles with you on the first night you meet and falls asleep on your arms, what if said girl asks you to sit next to her, what if said girl leans on your direction every time she's beside you, what if said girl gets her head really close to you and looks you straight in the eyes when talking. Should I go for it? :v:
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;25934779]Such heated arguments from a silly, upbeat morale-booster. This is why we can't have nice things.[/QUOTE]
Is there a solution for feeling like this?
I mean, anything other than waiting
Take the risk. Everything is better than this uncertain hope.
That's why you don't seek relationships from friends. I love my three best friends, and they are like sisters to me. I can't think of being with them.
[QUOTE=Paravin;25935243]That's why you don't seek relationships from friends. [/QUOTE]
I wouldn't seek a relationship from anything but.
[QUOTE=Elizer;25932768]:golfclap:
Well said and well written.[/QUOTE]
:wotwot:
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;25932668]only now instead of just watching the movie...you're sneaking peaks at her[/QUOTE]
haha, this is me. I know I shouldn't & know it will only make me feel worse and yet still I do the secret stare.
great post OP.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;25933059]What a dumbass.
What do you do? You ask them the fuck out. It's that goddamn easy, holy shit, you kids make a big deal out of the smallest shit. Who cares if you've been friends for a long time? There's no rule saying you can't ask out friends. The worst possible thing anyone could ever do is the retarded "spill your guts" crap that all of you autistic idiots tend to do. When you ask someone out, you're inferring that you are interested and have feelings for them, you don't need to make shit awkward and pull that "Hurr I like you" crap out.[/QUOTE]
It's not that simple. I've gone both ways multiple times before, and every girl is different. Many girls won't go out with you if you just go "herpa derp let's go out ololol", you have to start with a more emotionally based friendship and really get familiar with them. Watch the movie (500) Days Of Summer to understand this.
[QUOTE=Canned Induvidual;25935103]Is there a solution for feeling like this?
I mean, anything other than waiting[/QUOTE]
Not really, but once you start getting more familiar with the territory it takes less time for the nastiness to go away. Sometimes you just gotta accept that you're not getting anything more than friendship, and make the best of it that you can. Every now and then you get a turnaround in thinking, and you realize that you've been acting stupidly, and that you don't even [i]want[/i] anything more than friendship--your hormones are just going crazy because you've been spending so much time with a woman who you want to fuck. [i]But no[/i], you say, [i]I love her more than the moon, and the stars! But soft, what light through yon-[/i]
Shutup, you. I'm a champion at being stupid. We're "nice guys," which isn't necessarily a good thing, but it's what we are and we can't change it. We don't want to think that we're actually so base as to want to have sex with a girl just for the pleasure of having sex with her. No, we're relationship men. So, in order to justify the desire for flesh, we invent a desire of heart, or exaggerate the traits which make us like them as friends. We'll fall in love with pretty much any girl we want to have sex with, and we often foolishly mistake a great ass and brilliantly sculpted breasts for a sharp mind and a sweet, gentle personality. It's only later we realize that, while she was a nice girl and a good friend, it wasn't her head and heart we were really interested in.
We're also susceptible to acts of compassion. If a girl is kind, and lifts us up when we're feeling down; or if she needs help, and we're there to give it to her-- we can love her for those things too. That's fine and right, you've just got to be careful not to let it develop into one of those weird, all-encompassing loves that can spoil everything. You can love your friends, you [i]should[/i], but don't mistake gratitude and compassion for more than they are.
For us "nice guys," who fall in love fast and hard and without warning, there's not much hope for getting rid of that [i]Everything-Sucks-I'm-a-Loser-Nobody-Loves-Me[/i] feeling other than a finely managed coping skill, because you just can't have everybody. The good news is, that every now and then everything pays off, and the new girl that you totally love more than everything else in the world, ever, wants to be with you too, and then everybody is very happy, because we're good at maintaining long, stable, happy relationships which are free from some of the drama other couples bear. The bad news is that a lot of girls hate quiet, peaceful, mutually loving relationships, and maybe sometimes [i]want[/i] a little bit more action, and so they break it off, which always seems like it's coming out of left field to the guy because he's too stupidly happy to see it coming.
And then we come back to the coping skill.
[editline]8th November 2010[/editline]
[QUOTE=Paravin;25935243]That's why you don't seek relationships from friends. I love my three best friends, and they are like sisters to me. I can't think of being with them.[/QUOTE]
Any relationship has to be rooted in friendship; the trick is learning how to not let every friendship be rooted in a desire for a relationship. I love having girls as friends, because girls are the only sort of people I can actually open up to in person. The hard part is that every time folks like me want to be a friend to a girl, and [i]just[/i] a friend, they first have to win the fight against falling in love with her. And they've got to be alert, because it's always threatening to come back.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;25937025]
For us "nice guys," who fall in love fast and hard and without warning,[/QUOTE]
Hyper-erotics/romantics/whatever typically aren't very nice. Testosterone, as a side effect, makes you a real dickhead.
[QUOTE=Xolo;25937189]Hyper-erotics/romantics/whatever typically aren't very nice. Testosterone, as a side effect, makes you a real dickhead.[/QUOTE]
Shutup, I'm super fucking nice.
OP - the story of my life :'[
Thanks op, needed to hear this.
The thoughs of the endless ammount of girl friends ran through my head as I read through the OP.
Never ever has a sudden realisation of great truth been such a punch to the chest, followed by a cold and lonely heart, and a frown on my face.
Deeply inside, the feeling that you don't deserve her, that she's too good for you and you should lower your standards from finding the true love, to not ending up lonely.
From there, you run into the girl you've always noticed, but never spoken to.
You talk for hours, walk through the park holding hands.
With a smile and a warm feeling in your heart, you tell yourself that everything's gonna be alright. :gbsmith:
Then the story repeats.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7txuV3IUeE[/media]
[quote]...you go to her house to see her head on somebody else's shoulder. And more, she's practically sitting on his lap! It's not her you get angry at, though. It's him. Like an art snob evaluating a fine painting, you shun the idea that anybody could appreciate this beautiful woman as much as you do. Who the fuck does he think he is!
You sit there for a few hours, hoping for a break (like that maybe she'll realize this other guy is a big douchebag idiot and come to sit on your lap). Eventually you realize that no break is coming, and that they seem to want to be alone. You mumble something about being tired and trudge home, head down and shoulders drooped like a sad Peanuts character.It could take months before you realize you only have two options: stick with her under the guise of a caring friend, suffering through heartache and woe and jealousy on the off-chance that she'll eventually realize that you're much kinder and better and handsomer than the other men she keeps spending time with; or accept the unfortunate truth that you have to do something or nothing will ever change.
Do you cut off all contact and wait for the flame to extinguish, hoping that you can go back to thinking she's just a good friend? Do you confess your burning love in the hopes that it'll woo her into being with you? Dunno, sport. You want to smack yourself for falling victim to this high school bullshit, but you can't really be blamed. Eventually the flame will go out, and you'll be left feeling dumb for fucking up a perfectly good friendship with your hormone-driven hysteria. But it's okay, it happens to everybody. Chill out, stupid.[/quote]
This paragraph can essentially be kinda related to me right now, except that she's my girlfriend of 1 and a half years. :frown:
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