For men who keep falling in love with female friends
399 replies, posted
Holy fuck.
Thank you, OP.
Damn i can reckon some of this, but it's not like the current girl i'm having a hit on is only boobs and booty to me, shes really beautiful friendly and fun the whole package you could love about a girl you'd want to be with forever. I'd just like to take the next step ! No'ones only want to be the guy "friend"...
Every guy who talks fantastically with a girl as a friend would like more beyond just the great talk and chemistry alone.
I like reading things like this.. :unsmith:
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;25937025]Not really, but once you start getting more familiar with the territory it takes less time for the nastiness to go away. Sometimes you just gotta accept that you're not getting anything more than friendship, and make the best of it that you can. Every now and then you get a turnaround in thinking, and you realize that you've been acting stupidly, and that you don't even [i]want[/i] anything more than friendship--your hormones are just going crazy because you've been spending so much time with a woman who you want to fuck. [i]But no[/i], you say, [i]I love her more than the moon, and the stars! But soft, what light through yon-[/i]
Shutup, you. I'm a champion at being stupid. We're "nice guys," which isn't necessarily a good thing, but it's what we are and we can't change it. We don't want to think that we're actually so base as to want to have sex with a girl just for the pleasure of having sex with her. No, we're relationship men. So, in order to justify the desire for flesh, we invent a desire of heart, or exaggerate the traits which make us like them as friends. We'll fall in love with pretty much any girl we want to have sex with, and we often foolishly mistake a great ass and brilliantly sculpted breasts for a sharp mind and a sweet, gentle personality. It's only later we realize that, while she was a nice girl and a good friend, it wasn't her head and heart we were really interested in.
We're also susceptible to acts of compassion. If a girl is kind, and lifts us up when we're feeling down; or if she needs help, and we're there to give it to her-- we can love her for those things too. That's fine and right, you've just got to be careful not to let it develop into one of those weird, all-encompassing loves that can spoil everything. You can love your friends, you [i]should[/i], but don't mistake gratitude and compassion for more than they are.
For us "nice guys," who fall in love fast and hard and without warning, there's not much hope for getting rid of that [i]Everything-Sucks-I'm-a-Loser-Nobody-Loves-Me[/i] feeling other than a finely managed coping skill, because you just can't have everybody. The good news is, that every now and then everything pays off, and the new girl that you totally love more than everything else in the world, ever, wants to be with you too, and then everybody is very happy, because we're good at maintaining long, stable, happy relationships which are free from some of the drama other couples bear. The bad news is that a lot of girls hate quiet, peaceful, mutually loving relationships, and maybe sometimes [i]want[/i] a little bit more action, and so they break it off, which always seems like it's coming out of left field to the guy because he's too stupidly happy to see it coming.
And then we come back to the coping skill.
[editline]8th November 2010[/editline]
Any relationship has to be rooted in friendship; the trick is learning how to not let every friendship be rooted in a desire for a relationship. I love having girls as friends, because girls are the only sort of people I can actually open up to in person. The hard part is that every time folks like me want to be a friend to a girl, and [i]just[/i] a friend, they first have to win the fight against falling in love with her. And they've got to be alert, because it's always threatening to come back.[/QUOTE]
Ahahaha, saw this coming.
The problem here is that you are mistaking nice guys for pussies. Despite what you might believe, you are [b]not[/b] a nice guy. You are just an asshole without balls, as is pretty much every other kid that gets rejected by every girl they try to engage with and then goes on the internet crying about how nice guys never win.
"Nice guys" aren't guys that treat a girl like a queen and get down to suck her metaphorical dick whenever she wants it. They don't sit there and bitch to her about why is she still with that jerk-off boyfriend when she could be with them.
You're no less of an asshole than those jocks and douches you despise. Everything is about you. You don't really care about girls, you want their companionship so [i]you[/i] can feel good. You sit there in stagnant relationships so [i]you[/i] can feel good about being a nice guy or whatever the fuck you think you are. When a girl realizes that you're a fucking creeper that jacks off to her facebook photos, you cry about it for a week or so and then move on like nothing happened, because it was never about her in the first place anyways.
The main thing that separates "nice guys" from everyone else that claims to be nice guys but are really pussies is the fact that nice guys have self respect. When it comes down to girls, I'm a legitimate nice guy. I treat them respectfully, but in the same light, I also treat myself respectfully. If I'm doing something important and a girl calls me wanting to cry her heart out, I'm not going to put my life on hold for something girls do on a regular basis. If I have already made plans with the guys and she wants to do something, I'll either decline or attempt to reschedule the date.
Girls don't find pussies like you attractive because you're pussies. Anything they want, you give it to them. You put them up on a pedestal and treat them like queens. Girls don't want to be with some loser kid that worships them, they want to be with someone that treats them like a normal human being.
Aaaaand a little side note:
"You're like a brother to me."
"I don't want to ruin our friendship."
And other excuses girls use are not truthful. If you legitimately believe it when a girl says those things, you're retarded. If a girl actually liked you, she'd date you in a heartbeat regardless of how long you've been close friends. What a girl is telling you when she says those things is "No. I'm not interested" and that's the bottom line. Girls will rarely be straightforward and blunt with you, they all recycle the same excuses when they are rejecting guys. So stop crying about how you being friends with her ruined your chances, because it was really just you being you that ruined your chances.
Idiots.
Get out of my mind.
Here, have some of my tears.
Wow a good thread in GD. Thank you.
I dont even have any female friends. they all think im ugly, but i got used to it :P
Man, its not THAT much of a big deal. Social relations are something that comes natural. Just deal with them your way.
There is no ultimate advice for everyone. Whats the fun of it if you don't try anything because you or even someone else
think you might know how things turn out? Life sometimes IS getting hurt, but you grow every time. And you will have a
wonderful time, before the bullshit heartache part. I'm just saying this, because sometimes I get the impression that a
lot of people are afraid of relationship stuff because they 'know hoe it will turn out' despite having little to no experience
with it. I want to encourage
Well, that OP defines what happened to me quite well. Especially the movie bit...I wrote quite a lot about the intricacies of a moment I spent on a couch watching a movie I wasn't paying attention to, I remember it quite vividly. That's all over now, though. I still talk to her occasionally but I've embarrassed myself enough to know that no friendship, or romance, for that matter, will ever come of it.
[editline]8th November 2010[/editline]
[QUOTE=reltih floda;25934879]maybe you should post stuff like this in the love advice forum instead of general discussion if you don't want it to be discussed, why is it that you posted it here?[/QUOTE]
He isn't giving advice. It can belong in General Discussion as well. Discussion does not always equate with arguement.
Maybe you should crawl out of Big Dumb American's ass and go nitpicking somewhere else.
I personally never came close to a point of falling in love with a female friend, considering various circumstances, but I did have a couple of close calls which I decided to back away from. It was not really as much of me being a coward as it was me genuinely not wanting to disappoint them or be a burden to them.
I really hope that I never hurt any of them, the possibility of actually hurting them annoys the crap out of me, hopefully I did not let any of those cases go any further then a mild disappointment.
Sheesh, I've had a crush on the same girl for about a year and I'm still doing okay.
Seriously, if you're dedicated, crushes can last a long time. They tend to slowly change over time of course; they lose their emotional edge, which is replaced with simply a deep respect. :3:
I have only one female friend.
And she only really became my friend after I had had a crush on her.
[editline]8th November 2010[/editline]
Why can't I see any avatars in this thread :|
Fuck I'm in the same shit as OP was in.
Symbolically speaking, my bandwagon was definitely not comparable to most examples in this thread, but reading the OP certainly did make those memories float up.
Funny how something partially similar just happened to me this weekend and I find this...
Me and my ex were suddenly becoming much better friends than before, we started hanging out a lot more often, we didn't feel awkward around each other anymore, and everything was going great. We didn't flirt at all, even less than I do with all my other female friends (:v:), so we didn't think anything was going to happen. We were just friends until this weekend.
She was scared to go home because of something, so I offered that she could sleep over at my house, which wasn't really that weird because she actually slept at my house a couple of weeks earlier. Things were just fine and nothing weird happened, except we were sleeping in the same bed. We had our own separate covers and all, didn't cuddle or anything, but still. She put her head on my shoulder a bit, but yeah... We both said that it was a little odd that it didn't feel wrong or weird to sleep with eachother like that.
The next day when we woke up, we were in bed a while, just talking and watching Scott Pilgrim. She said there was something she wanted to say the night before when "the mood was right", but she didn't want to say what it was. I couldn't get it out of her, but I later realized what that was...
During the movie, our hands "accidentally" touched, and neither of us moved our hands away. At first I didn't take her hand or anything, but our hands were constantly touching. I kept thinking more and more about it, "Should I move my hand away, does she want to hold my hand like I do right now, what the hell is going on" etc.
then I could feel her fingers moving against my hand, as if she wanted to hold my hand. We both knew what was going on, so we did hold hands. Then we started talking about it. "What's going on... what do we do... we can pretend this never happened... we're just holding hands, which friends do all the time, right?" She came closer, touched my chest with her head on my shoulder, all while not letting go of our hands. Her face came closer and closer to mine, and then we started making out. The cat was out of the bag for real :v:. After a little while, she had to go. We agreed that she should tell her boyfriend, and now we don't know what the fuck we're gonna do.
woops wall of text
This text is making me remember things. :frown:
I don't really have any female friends :buddy:
[QUOTE=MrJazzy;25939547]I don't really have any female friends :buddy:[/QUOTE]
do you have [i]any[/i] friends?
[QUOTE=Stizzles;25939567]do you have [i]any[/i] friends?[/QUOTE]
:v:
But yes, I do.
Big Dumb American, you are one of my favorite posters.
Please continue to be a poster of such peerless quality.
[editline]8th November 2010[/editline]
I tend to do this... sort of? Not really. I have plenty of female friends but it's not often I get stupid crushes over one. But when I do, uurrrgghhhh
I shed a mainly tear after reading this.
It really is true too, Ive done this once or twice. But meh, you'll get over it soon enough.
Most of my female friends are only acquaintences, none of them I am overly close to. Most of the female friends I have are friend's girlfriends. But I myself do not have a girlfriend. Can't seem to find a girl worth dating that is SINGLE.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;25938153]Ahahaha, saw this coming.
The problem here is that you are mistaking nice guys for pussies. Despite what you might believe, you are [b]not[/b] a nice guy. You are just an asshole without balls, as is pretty much every other kid that gets rejected by every girl they try to engage with and then goes on the internet crying about how nice guys never win.
"Nice guys" aren't guys that treat a girl like a queen and get down to suck her metaphorical dick whenever she wants it. They don't sit there and bitch to her about why is she still with that jerk-off boyfriend when she could be with them.
You're no less of an asshole than those jocks and douches you despise. Everything is about you. You don't really care about girls, you want their companionship so [i]you[/i] can feel good. You sit there in stagnant relationships so [i]you[/i] can feel good about being a nice guy or whatever the fuck you think you are. When a girl realizes that you're a fucking creeper that jacks off to her facebook photos, you cry about it for a week or so and then move on like nothing happened, because it was never about her in the first place anyways.
The main thing that separates "nice guys" from everyone else that claims to be nice guys but are really pussies is the fact that nice guys have self respect. When it comes down to girls, I'm a legitimate nice guy. I treat them respectfully, but in the same light, I also treat myself respectfully. If I'm doing something important and a girl calls me wanting to cry her heart out, I'm not going to put my life on hold for something girls do on a regular basis. If I have already made plans with the guys and she wants to do something, I'll either decline or attempt to reschedule the date.
Girls don't find pussies like you attractive because you're pussies. Anything they want, you give it to them. You put them up on a pedestal and treat them like queens. Girls don't want to be with some loser kid that worships them, they want to be with someone that treats them like a normal human being.
Aaaaand a little side note:
"You're like a brother to me."
"I don't want to ruin our friendship."
And other excuses girls use are not truthful. If you legitimately believe it when a girl says those things, you're retarded. If a girl actually liked you, she'd date you in a heartbeat regardless of how long you've been close friends. What a girl is telling you when she says those things is "No. I'm not interested" and that's the bottom line. Girls will rarely be straightforward and blunt with you, they all recycle the same excuses when they are rejecting guys. So stop crying about how you being friends with her ruined your chances, because it was really just you being you that ruined your chances.
Idiots.[/QUOTE]
i think i love you
I didn't see anything spectacular about this.
Seems like a :bandwagon: effect.
I wish I have love :(
[QUOTE=amcwatters;25940003]I didn't see anything spectacular about this.
Seems like a :bandwagon: effect.[/QUOTE]
Let us investigate the average amcwatters GD thread:
[QUOTE=amcwatters;24934699]So, I'm sure some of you have heard, obviously the Arizona folks at least, but bed bugs have been heading our way.
I think I have bed bug bites on my left leg, they're small little pin prick sores, and they've been making my leg itch a bit.
So, how can I track these suckers down and kill 'em? What should I do about the bites?
I'm a bit frightened to go to bed right now, because I think the bed bugs [i]will[/i] bite![/QUOTE]
You're right this thread is pure garbage.
Heh I don't have any females friends so I don't have this problem!
:smith:
this happens to me like twice a year, every year. what the fuck.
I didn't know guys thought about this kind of stuff this much. I just go by my feelings, myself... if I like a guy, I admit it to myself and try to develop something with them. If it doesn't happen, oh well, move on. But I would rather try to have something more than friendship and lose a friend than have a bunch of friends and no one to love.
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