• For men who keep falling in love with female friends
    399 replies, posted
I agree with everything said here.
What if there is a girl you loved for ten years and would like to spend your life together with, even though you are only a friend to her, she had a dozen boyfriends and and at times seems rather bitchy and unlikable, but you just can't help but to love her dispite all logic?
[QUOTE=Nikita;25966522]What if there is a girl you loved for ten years and would like to spend your life together with, even though you are only a friend to her, she had a dozen boyfriends and and at times seems rather bitchy and unlikable, but you just can't help but to love her dispite all logic?[/QUOTE] go to a asylum. or ask her out just for the rejection you know she will give.
[QUOTE=Nikita;25966522]What if there is a girl you loved for ten years and would like to spend your life together with, even though you are only a friend to her, she had a dozen boyfriends and and at times seems rather bitchy and unlikable, but you just can't help but to love her dispite all logic?[/QUOTE] Grow some balls and get over it. Find someone else to take interest in.
Thanks for the read and advice.
[QUOTE=Nikita;25966522]What if there is a girl you loved for ten years and would like to spend your life together with, even though you are only a friend to her, she had a dozen boyfriends and and at times seems rather bitchy and unlikable, but you just can't help but to love her dispite all logic?[/QUOTE] Reevaluate your romantic interests. Every so often when I have a crush on someone I try to objectively describe their qualities every once in a while to determine if I should actually be attracted to them or if I am being stupid. It has worked on at least one occasion.
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;25967311]Reevaluate your romantic interests. Every so often when I have a crush on someone I try to objectively describe their qualities every once in a while to determine if I should actually be attracted to them or if I am being stupid. It has worked on at least one occasion.[/QUOTE] Yeah, Nikita, recheck those feelings. There are three core aspects to every man and woman, and a happy relationship relies on all three. Firstly comes the mind. A woman needs to be on the same level as you. You can have the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful woman in the world, but if she's not on the same level as you, you will get bored of her, or worse, angry. Point in case: my best friend dated a girl named Ciara for a year, who seemed like an fucking winner. She was stunningly beautiful, and one of the kindest people I have ever met. The only problem is, she wasn't especially bright. Actually, she was pretty dumb, as bad as it makes me feel to say it. He loved her, and didn't want to be mean, but she never seemed to understand [i]anything[/i], and he was always having to explain himself to her, explain other people to her, explain [i]everything[/i] to her. It was that, more than anything else, which killed the relationship. The mind is also where ambitions and interests and all that jazz fits. The second core trait is the heart. A woman needs to treat you right. She needs to make you feel like the most important man in the world. You'll get in little arguments in damn near any relationship, but in order to remain happy with a woman, she absolutely positively can't be mean or spiteful or bitter as a norm. If she regularly belittles you, teases you, and generally makes you feel bad, you won't want to stay by her. The heart is where her secrets are, and her fears and desires and worries and whatnot. She's got to share her heart, want you to share yours, and intentionally hurt either one. This is where it sounds like your girl fails, Nikita--at least from your labeling her as "bitchy and unlikeable." Thirdly, of course, comes the body. This one is simple, but no less important than the other two. She needs to make your pants dance, bro. And she needs to know [i]how[/i] to do it, too--even if it takes a little bit of practice. This is her sexuality. Why this needs to check out seems self-evident. And the things people keep coming in here to say, about just going for it and asking the damn girl out, are spot on. Yeah, it sucks if you get shot down, but once you've gone for it a couple of times, you start to learn how to go about it without crippling yourself and the friendship. I've fallen in love, asked out, and been shot down by two different wonderful girls who are also soulless harpies for shooting me down (if I'm a great friend and amazing guy, then the fuck won't go for? Do I smell bad or something?) in the past five or six weeks, and while both rejections made me feel like a huge fuckup, I managed to keep friendships with both of them. Hell, the second one was last night, and we're still going out for lunch and minigolf tomorrow. You don't have to make it seem like a huge deal. Even though I felt like writing multi-tome works of praise and love for both girls, because I'm an idiot, when I took the plunge I made it seem (I hope) pretty damn chill. What I basically said was, "You're an awesome friend, but I want to learn the rest of you too. Let's hang out more." Only not so succinctly, because I'm not a fucking poet. I may have added a "you know, more than just the friend stuff," after the first sentence, but I think I sound a bit classier and more sophisticated and shit if I exclude that. The first girl was a bit weirded out, but after a couple of days she let things get pretty much back to normal. The second girl was really cool about it, just saying that she didn't feel that way about me, but she still wanted to be friends. Yeah, it sucks a bit, but it's not the end of everything. Just go for it. Once you've gotten to that point where you know you're interested in her, take your shot. If they're not already in a relationship, you've got no excuse not to. The worst that can happen is she says she doesn't feel that way about you, and things will get back to normal after a few days--unless you act super weird and spill everything all at once, in which case it could take considerably longer than a couple of days to normalize. Really, the only repercussion you might see from a well-handled spillage of intent is that for the first couple weeks following, she might want to have another friend or two over when you guys hang out, until she thinks the tension has passed. If you play it [i]really[/i] cool, you go-getter, she might even think it won't get in the way of anything, and you'll be back to hanging out like normal almost immediately. Rejection sucks every time, especially when it's from a good friend who you never meant to fall for anyway, but if you stop for a minute to think about things, it doesn't suck forever. Thinking it does is stupid, you're stupid, stop being stupid.
Like a girl? Ask her out. If you don't and she ends up with someone else it's your own fault. Get rejected? Doesn't work out? It sucks, but it happens. Deal with it.
I don't understand why so many people say this. Just about every girl I've become good friends with has ended up liking me just as much as I like them. If you're thinking about it, chances are the girl is too. In my experience, honesty is the best option, don't hide your feelings. If I have a friend i think is hot, I'd tell them. Not randomly, of course, but not necessarily in a completely serious tone either, it's not a big god damn deal if you think someone is attractive. That isn't to say you should put someone on the spot, or be fucking creepy or awkward, but being shy and pretending you don't have hormones is just dumb. Basically, confidence. If a hot girl is hot, you don't have to hide that, and don't expect to be rejected just for saying it, it is what it is, don't make a big fuss over it, that's creepy. And yeah, being rejected does suck, but if you pay attention to a girl's attitude and body language, you can usually avoid that embarrassment without having to actually ask.
[QUOTE=Tugger;25968136]Like a girl? [b]Tell her.[/b][/QUOTE] no [I]no[/I] [B]no[/B] [B][I]no[/I][/B] Never fucking ever tell a girl that you like her. Never spill your guts about how you've always loved her and all that stupid ass fucking bullshit. Like a girl? [B]ASK HER OUT[/B] God fucking dammit, that's [I]it[/I]. Nothing else you need to do. At all. You can tell a girl that you've always liked her once you're actually with her, but you never use that bullshit while attempting to get her to go out with you. Jesus christ.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;25968197]no [I]no[/I] [B]no[/B] [B][I]no[/I][/B] Never fucking ever tell a girl that you like her. Never spill your guts about how you've always loved her and all that stupid ass fucking bullshit. Like a girl? [B]ASK HER OUT[/B] God fucking dammit, that's [I]it[/I]. Nothing else you need to do. At all. You can tell a girl that you've always liked her once you're actually with her, but you never use that bullshit while attempting to get her to go out with you. Jesus christ.[/QUOTE] This too. You're not in middle school (I hope). The mature thing to do is ask her out, and let it go on from that point. It's creepy as hell to just tell someone you've liked them for a while. [b]There's time for a serious relationship down the road, the first few weeks of dating is just to see whether or not you even like the person.[/b] In a romantic sense, that is, as you might already be good friends, but make a terrible couple.
Why o why does this keep happening. I blame Mr. Nice Guy syndrome.
I blame you're-a-pussy syndrome.
ha, you got told son.
its usually the chicks
Also keep in mind that any high school school relationship is incredibly likely to end in heartbreak. You know what girls go to college for? The maths and sciences and literature are secondary. They go to learn how to suck dick and party. Almost every girl, no matter how sweet and innocent she seems, will have a period after high school, when she gets out in the real world, where she decides to take the time to learn how to suck some dick and get drunk. I've seen it happen with the most conservative, quiet girls I've ever known--as soon as they got to college, out of the sheltered gaze of their parents, and learned what the place was really about, they started figuring out how to get drunk and fuck. I don't believe in the "High school sweetheart" thing. It's a pretty concept, but will almost always end in disappointment. That's probably not what most of you want to hear, but it's better to learn now than let it catch you off guard later, when you discover that the girl you've been loving on has been sucking dicks that aren't yours. Writing long, flowery, feel-good advice on how to be okay with things is lovely, but everybody needs this just as much.
I needed this. I needed this so bad it hurts.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;25969760]Also keep in mind that any high school school relationship is incredibly likely to end in heartbreak. You know what girls go to college for? The maths and sciences and literature are secondary. They go to learn how to suck dick and party. Almost every girl, no matter how sweet and innocent she seems, will have a period after high school, when she gets out in the real world, where she decides to take the time to learn how to suck some dick and get drunk. I've seen it happen with the most conservative, quiet girls I've ever known--as soon as they got to college, out of the sheltered gaze of their parents, and learned what the place was really about, they started figuring out how to get drunk and fuck. I don't believe in the "High school sweetheart" thing. It's a pretty concept, but will almost always end in disappointment. That's probably not what most of you want to hear, but it's better to learn now than let it catch you off guard later, when you discover that the girl you've been loving on has been sucking dicks that aren't yours. Writing long, flowery, feel-good advice on how to be okay with things is lovely, but everybody needs this just as much.[/QUOTE] This whole post is full of retardation. It's obvious that you're simply butthurt that you couldn't recognize the telltale signs that nearly every soon-to-be slut gives off. Not all girls go to college to learn how to party and suck dick, in fact, a good portion of them don't. The only reason why it seems like nearly every college girl parties and has copious amounts of unprotected sex is because those girls are obnoxious and make their presence known. If you'd stop being a butthurt dumbass and actually take a look around, you'll see tons of girls that aren't complete fucking nerds but don't party or have sex, they just go out and do "normal" shit for fun like shopping/bowling/bullshit like that. When I go to parties, I hook up with sluts. However, I go out on dates with "normal" girls. They aren't exactly goody-two-shoes or anything like that, but they don't go around opening their legs for anyone that wants in either. Hell, a girl I've been dating for a while now is gorgeous, doesn't drink or smoke, is a virgin, but spends her nights driving around with friends doing fun legal shit all the time. She wasn't a tough find or anything like that either, I know plenty of girls like that. On top of that, my school is one of the main party schools in the nation. It's so much a party school, they changed the name of it a handful of years ago in an attempt to shed it of its terrible reputation. If I can find plenty of good "normal" girls on a campus that is pretty much designed to be land of the sluts, then you can do the exact same thing, if you'd just grow some nuts and open your eyes. I agree that relationships rarely last from high school into college, but it isn't because girls turn into sluts. It's because college opens up a lot of opportunities, you have a lot more freedom and therefore are exposed to many more people than you ever were in high school. Hanging out with people is as easy as walking over to their dormitory. Relationships rarely last because it's easy to quickly find someone that is better than your partner in every way. In high school, you have at the most a couple thousand people to choose from. My college isn't small but definitely isn't huge either; there's twenty-five thousand female students here. [I]That[/I] is why relationships rarely last outside of high school. This concept that girls turn into sluts is something you pulled out of your butthurt asshole.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;25970092]This whole post is full of retardation.[/QUOTE] ah shit it's about to get new orleans up in here
I thought Love Advice was full of aspies, but shit, General Discussion easily takes the cake when it comes down to the number of kids with assburgers.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;25970206]I thought Love Advice was full of aspies, but shit, General Discussion easily takes the cake when it comes down to the number of kids with assburgers.[/QUOTE] welcome2theinternet maverick can i take your pastel coloured coat and Ah-Ha cassette?
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;25970206]I thought Love Advice was full of aspies, but shit, General Discussion easily takes the cake when it comes down to the number of kids with assburgers.[/QUOTE] That would explain why half the people here couldn't tell if someone was being sarcastic or facetious if they showed up at their front door and explained it in song.
I found Maverick: [img]http://img222.imageshack.us/img222/1460/socash.jpg[/img] But in all serious, he's right. I know I've been a victim of the "nice guy" syndrome, when it's really just "scared guy" syndrome. Besides, putting yourself out there will make you a more self-confident person, which is generally the lacking trait of all loser "nice guys".
You have no idea: I was telling my roommate the EXACT SAME THING a while back.
Maverick's posts are [i]always[/i] worthy of reading.
I can totally relate to this story, except I'm not pretending that I just want ot be friends, I know I want to get with her, from day one. The problem is I'm to scared to make a move, if she's not into me I wont be with her anymore... I would rather be with her as a friend, than not be with her at all. This is how I got my first and only realtionship, so far, and it's hapenning again now. The difference is, she asked me if I had feelings for her and I said I didn't want to loose her as a friend, but yes. So now I guess we are friends until she either admits to having feelings for me too (yay!), she gets a boyfriend and I break down or I break down just because I can't wait any more... It hurts every time a "session" (for lack of a better word) with her ends, because I know it will be too long until I'm with her again... Being with her is the best thing I have ever experienced, but it makes the rest of my life seem grey in comparison... If something doesn't change soon I will break down. [editline]10th November 2010[/editline] [QUOTE=Handsome Pete;25963020]It hurts so bad to read this because it hurts even more to know it. Dear everyone: Act now. Try, at least fucking try. Because there is always that perfect moment that almost no one can ever reach; right after a decent amount of friendship, but right before she thinks that even though you're a nice, smart, funny, attractive guy, you are only treating her as a friend, and do not like her that way, so she looks elsewhere and finds someone who she isn't as close with, but can still have a nice relationship with; the one she could have had with you. A lot of people here just can't do it at the moment. They can't find it. It takes years of heartache, dozens of chances you pass because of a single stupid sentence you could have spilled out weeks ago. Because you can end up on the happiest place on Earth: the friend zone. TL;DR: He who waits masturbates. Related: It's much easier to know that that douchebag who's neck she's resting her head on is a complete fuck than it is to know that he's actually a decent guy; albeit not you. Now I'm reminded of all this past shit I've had in High School, god damn it. This sucks.[/QUOTE] "whats the worst thign that could happen?" She could say no and tell me that if I can't be just her friend, we can't see each other anymore... I don't want that. [editline]10th November 2010[/editline] The big bang Theory :P
[quote]You want to smack yourself for falling victim to this high school bullshit[/quote]Perfect. I couldn't think of a better way to explain it. I live it. :buddy:
[QUOTE=bree;25933189]same goes for girls falling in love with male friends. trust me males arent the only ones who get friend-zoned[/QUOTE] This makes me feel a little bit more confident inside after reading that.
I can give you a good tip: think her as your sister. I have many good female friends and I do not personally have this problem, because I politely, when I meet someone for the first time, politely mention "Hey, you're such a good friend of mine, you knew that?" and smile. This is possible because I do not run after women.
People get friend-zoned for two reasons and it has nothing to do with feelgood bullshit about confidence or a sense of humor or whatever: 1) You just aren't physically attractive enough 2) You just aren't socially attractive enough Alright, confidence and a sense of humor play somewhat of a role in the second one, but it still won't make you a fun person to be around if you still act like the same cynical neckbeard you do on forums. I want to downplay this whole idea that confidence/funniness is the magic bullet: if you're still ugly and/or boring, being confident just makes you [i]that[/i] guy. Please, don't be [i]that[/i] guy. 1) Cut your hair 2) Shave unless you actually look good in a beard (chances are high that you don't) 3) Wear well-fitted clothes 4) Stop being a boorish downer who judges others 5) Find and cultivate a passion in something creative in real life; this is one of the easiest and also most rewarding ways to becoming a more interesting and fun person
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