seriously zomboid you do not know how to work out from critique.
they are giving you loads and all you say is that they're being dicks and not giving you want you want to hear, but I think you're the one being the dick in this situation
oh really, just read BDA's posts, negative.
[QUOTE=zomboid;30586702]oh really, just read BDA's posts, negative.[/QUOTE]
UHHHH
all criticism has an air of negativity by nature, but good criticism like BDA's up there is grounded in good intentions.
there's a lot of grammatical errors and spelling errors that I'm not qualified to teach you
You need to describe the setting and characters way more because right now there is nothing that makes me feel like anything is going on at all.
[editline]20th June 2011[/editline]
I don't even know who's talking in your dialogue
look at what he posted about back story, he didint read what i was saying. continued not reading, being a dick.
maybe he didn't refresh. stop thinking the worst of him hes being nice enough to help you and you should be grateful!
[QUOTE=zomboid;30586835]look at what he posted about back story, he didint read what i was saying. continued not reading, being a dick.[/QUOTE]
How can you [I]not[/I] be twelve? You've been ignoring his criticism from the very beginning
did you just bring age into this?
I'm beginning to think that might be relevant, because you are acting very immature
[QUOTE=zomboid;30586904]did you just bring age into this?[/QUOTE]
you're smart
We're getting sidetracked though, so anyways, you're saying that BDA is ignoring what you've been saying and is being negative, yet you have ignored or generally disregarded everything he's said since post #1
Read this:
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;30586209]You know what I say? Fuck Jason. Fuck his brother. Fuck his parents. I don't give a shit about any of them because you haven't [I]made[/I] me give a shit about any of them. I hope Jason gets raped. I hope he is literally bent over a can and raped. Hard. I hope it fucking ruins him.
Make me care about the characters, and then I'll care about what you do to them. Work on making your story, your settings, your dialogue, and your characters more believable and more relateable. Right now "Jason" is just a faceless name. "Stephen" is just a faceless name. Give them faces. Describe your settings. You can't just [I]tell[/I] us what's happening, you have to [I]show[/I] us.[/QUOTE]
Was he insulting your character? You might think yes (if you're twelve), but what if he was trying to put the concept of actually making a character real and believable into your head
well, what age do you think i am?
What you've done here is post a story with the intention of receiving constructive criticism, then ignored all of that criticism and said that everybody who was trying to help was a dick, and then demanded that we just write the story for you rather than teach you how to write it for yourself.
You want suggestions on how to be a better writer? You've gotten them. We've told you what you need to work on, and now you need to go work on it. Criticism isn't about us helping you to write your story, it's about us telling you what areas you need to improve on as a writer, and we've done that.
[editline]20th June 2011[/editline]
Shut up about age. Even a twelve-year-old can take advice. Belligerent refusal to do so is a mark of foolishness, not age.
you know what, if a mod is being a dick and ignoring what im saying close the thread cause im not coming back to it.
holy shit you are so stupid
[QUOTE=zomboid;30586961]well, what age do you think i am?[/QUOTE]
Whichever age you really are, I'm beginning to think that your IQ shares the number
I'm kinda curious what grade he is going to get on this. He's probably going to be dumbfounded once he sees his grade and his teacher gives him the exact same advice that all us "dicks" gave him.
[QUOTE=wewt!;30587083]Whichever age you really are, I'm beginning to think that your IQ shares the number[/QUOTE]
I don't think he is three.
I see this all the time all over the place - OP asks for crit and instead of listening to it, tries to justify his mistakes and call people horrible and mean. It's even worse in art when people tried to justify errors in there drawing by saying they meant to draw like that. Same here, terrible writing and then says he meant to write like that on purpose even though he asked for crit.
Your story is uninteresting and I didn't enjoy what I've read so far.
I'd write up some cc, but you've already got plenty great cc and you seem to be ignoring it. So I'm not going to bother.
[QUOTE=zomboid;30587064]you know what, if a mod is being a dick and ignoring what im saying close the thread cause im not coming back to it.[/QUOTE]
Jesus christ you're an idiot. BDA is a very talented writer, and you're being a fucking moron by just rejecting his advice.
You probably aren't going to see this, but I'm going to expand on BDA's point. You need to be more descriptive.
I'll be specific on this one:
[quote]
“STEPHEN WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO GO THE INFECTED HAVE CAUGH UP!”
I woke up my brother and we ran, but we new we couldn’t run forever, we had to hide or we would be killed.[/quote]
It's not bad or anything, it's just not descriptive. You could describe the place where Stephen and the narrator are currently at. Are they located in the supermarket in a "used-to-be" populated city? Or are they hiding in the highway?
[quote]We ran in, we ran into the storage room. The only thing we could hear was the infected run past the station. We heard the door creak open, the groaning and mumbling of the infected getting closer, and closer. We had no choice.[/quote]
This one wasn't really as vague compared to the last quote, but it would be interesting if you could describe the things in the gas station. Was it empty or is it filled with goods?
[QUOTE=zomboid;30587064]you know what, if a mod is being a dick and ignoring what im saying close the thread cause im not coming back to it.[/QUOTE]
You're dumb and your story is dumb. I recommend swallowing your pride, like a bucket of cum, and taking their advice.
Seriously though, it would help if you put out a general age or grade level where you're at. I'm pretty sure BDA would give you different advice if you were 10 than if you were 20. And no, I will not guess how old you are because it may very well result in you calling me a dick.
Offtopic: 100th post
[QUOTE=Smooth Jazz;30587187]I'm kinda curious what grade he is going to get on this. He's probably going to be dumbfounded once he sees his grade and his teacher gives him the exact same advice that all us "dicks" gave him.[/QUOTE]
Or, seeing as it'll be his teacher, the advice would be - "Very nice! Have you considered submitting something to a writing contest?"
[QUOTE=zomboid;30587064]you know what, if a mod is being a dick and ignoring what im saying close the thread cause im not coming back to it.[/QUOTE]
If he really wanted to be a dick he would have probably banned you, 'nuff said. Even then calling him one would be pushing it
This is your english essay. Like for school. K.
I did one of these in 6th grade, but about HL2 zombies.
[sp]it was better than yours[/sp]
I wouldn't write about fucking zombies in an english essay for school anyways, unless you give them a full blown thriller full of quality writing. Which you won't.
If you come in here, asking for criticism and refusing it, you're gonna get your ass handed to you by your teacher and ridiculed by your classmates, so get your shit together or get out.
[media]http://vocaroo.com/?media=vHnDpPINCjQT2sA1u[/media]
dramatic read
Incredibly loud, turn speakers down before listening.
Dramatic. My breath stopped.
I was laughing too hard.
[QUOTE=milkandcooki;30615395][media]http://vocaroo.com/?media=vHnDpPINCjQT2sA1u[/media]
dramatic read
Incredibly loud, turn speakers down before listening.[/QUOTE]
i was thinking of a slightly different approach
how it sounded in the op's head
[url]http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1482927/zomboid.mp3[/url]
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