[QUOTE=ForDaNords;38117177]By going in an extremely long LSD trip, filled with sex and violence.[/QUOTE]
while, in reality, you are being run over by a blimp
Flying a spaceship, then crash into a meteor, smash into the windshield, thus sending me through the airlock of a ship made of flowers, which is crash landing into earth, and the gas canisters cause a pre-mature explosion, causing me to fly into the ground of the earth, creating my own grave and then a bolt of lightning 10 seconds later revives me before I decompose and then I get up and go get a hamburger, but it is infected with radioactive bunnies, causing time travel to an age that has all of history happening at once, and all of the future as well, causing a paradox and then I would paddle down a chocolate river in a canoe, and one of the wheels falls of, then I will be stuffed inside a dog house while it rains acid chocolate. And then I would die from age.
Nicki Minaj suffocates me with her ass cheeks.
A spaceship explosion.
Carve "I LOVE YOU MITT ROMNEY" on my chest, hang myself upside-down by my feet, and slit my own throat while [URL=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCvOx-LlzBI]this[/url] plays in the background
Death by slipping in Ban Camp's Shower
Shooting an m60 in the middle of some random town.
Humanity clings to life. Demons erupted from hell on the end of days, seeking out the souls of the innocent. Only few survived. The world is full of evil, the skies are stained a blood red, trees and plants wither from the darkness, spread by the demonic beasts. Those who have evaded the creatures wrath hide in fear, seeking shelter where they can. But not me.
I hunt the demons, I slay the monsters. My name is whispered among men; the demon-slayer, the slaughter, God's champion. I have hunted these beasts from the first few days it began. You see, while in hell the demons are immortal, in their world they control everything, they can inflict pain on you where ever you are, break bones by speaking words. They can destroy you in the most painful way imaginable with no more then twitch of a finger. But in our world, they are just as mortal as the next man, their only advantage is in their numbers.
I journey for years, across the destroyed cities left by the beastly creatures. Burnt villages, towns brought to nothing but rubble. But yet I continue, I vowed to cleanse the earth of them. But it seems my efforts are in vain as no matter how many of these monsters I send back to their fiery home there are always more, always...so many more.
Rumors are spread between the survivors, most would consider it incoherent babbling by the maddened minds of those who struggle to live to the next day, but what do I have to lose? They say to defeat the armies of hell, to purify the world of evil, the head of the snake must be severed. Who you ask? Lucifer himself.
And so I make it my quest, I take a new vow, to hunt and kill Satan. I travel for years, following the continued destruction of mother earth, banishing the demons that dare cross me, saving the settlements raised by the fear-stricken people so unfortunate to still live in this world. I try my best to save their souls.
But finally, all my hard work pays off. I stand on the hills, looking over the fields that used to be such a beautiful green. Now they are sprawled with the rotten corpses of men and dead grass. My heart beats slowly, something is near. The earth around me quakes, the heavy thumps of some monstrosity echos through the dead lands. And suddenly, all is quiet. A sudden drizzle rains from the blood-red skies, a mild breeze gently sweeps across the fields, causing the dead plant life to crackle and crunch. The smell of the dead hits my nostrils, making me recoil slightly. It is then I see him, in the distance from behind a valley, two horns the size of houses sprout into sight. Then his head, his eyes filled with fire, bellowing threateningly as he looks my way. He was colossal, lumbering towards me before letting out a deafening roar. I'd never faced something of this size, but it was expected. After all, he is the King of demons.
I know this will end badly for me, but it is my only chance to beat this, to save everyone. I grip my weapons and with hesitant steps I begin to step towards the charging demon-king. My brisk walk turns to a jog, his speed matches mine, my jog turns to a sprint and he too begins to pound the land with his heavy strides. I grip my weapons hard, hoping they'd keep me safe, but I was a fool to think so. We are close to each other now, his giant demonic hooves kick up dust clouds behind him, fire seeps from his eyes and his mouth springs open, his large black teeth all on show. I leap in, striking at the beast, but to no effect, he is large but I am quick, I dodge between his feet as he clumsily sweeps at me, I attack constantly, causing nothing but tiny scratches. He gets lucky, knocking me with the back of his hoof. I fly backwards, my ribs are broken, lung punctured. I'm coughing up blood. I thought I had a chance at this.
I lay in the dead field, looking up to the crimson sky, the light drizzle pours onto my face as I struggle to breath. This is it, my soul is to go to hell now where I will meet the demons I've vanquished once more. My vision starts to blacken, my breathing becomes more ragged. Thoughts race through my mind, flashes of the past storm my vision. Before the end of days...The clear blue skies, the fresh smell of the ocean, family, friends. And then flashes of the apocalypse take over, the constant dark red sky, the ocean of blood, dead family, lost friends. I can't breath no more, blood pours from the corners of my mouth as the monster of a demon comes into view, peering down at me with his bellowing eyes. I close mine, accepting my fate...
Suddenly, a flash of light. My eyes are open, my breathing is fine, I can smell freshly cut grass, I can hear laughing, children playing. It's blurry, but it comes into focus. I'm standing in front of millions of people, all eyes are on me. Everyone is suddenly quiet and an old man steps from the crowd. He looks fragile, a grey beard that looks unkept, brown robes secured by a rope around his waist. He doesn't say a word, he just keeps walking closer. I keep my eyes on him, so does the millions of people, all watching on quietly. He holds out his hands and in them he has some sort of blade. A short sword, scribbles written down the side. I take it from his hand, and suddenly my vision starts to blacken, my breathing becomes more ragged. Thoughts race through my mind...
My heart jumps, a sit up suddenly, my eyes are groggy, my breathing is hard, I can smell death as it lingers through the air, I can hear laughing, the demons mocking me. It's blurry, but it comes into focus. I'm back on earth. I struggle to my feet and look around. The beast is in the distance. A grab my chest as pain wrecks my body with every breath, yet I managed to summon a cry of pure hate and anger. The beast stops, turning to face me, and like before, begins charging.
In my hand is the sword, it glows brightly, unlike anything else left on this world. Once again, we run towards each other, I hold the sword in an iron grip, he lets out a beastly roar as fire spews from his mouth. We come close once more and I strike. The sword sweeps across his hooves, he falls, I can barely believe my eyes as each wound I cause glows brightly, a almost heavenly light. I carry on my assault, striking the demon as he falls to the ground, stabbing his legs, his chest. I finally come to his head and I stand there, watching the beast squirm in pain. I've been waiting for this moment. A sudden hand reaches out, grabbing me tightly. I try to scream in pain, but I've no breath, my bones crunch painfully in his grasp. I manage to free one arm, the sword still in my grasp and with the last ounce of strength, I launch it at Lucifer.
Either by extreme luck or divine intervention the sword flies true, the tip aimed straight towards the demons mouth. It flies into his gullet and all is silent, the fire in his eyes die out, but in his death his grip tightens, the life being crushed out of me until he finally drops me to the ground.
I lay there once more, looking up to the skies...the crystal blue skies...I close my eyes for the final time...
The demons across the world retreat back to hell, the skies turn blue, life begins to flourish, people rebuild, repair, tend the sick and restore order. In a few years the world is under control, cities have sprouted back, world leaders are appointed and governments created. It returns to the old times. Yet once every year, all wars are ceased, all fighting stopped. People who hate another come together in their capitals and put their differences to one side. They stand silently among a memorial, in both respect and thanks. The memorial of the one who saved earth from death, who despite all, rose from the pits of despair and defeat. He took a vow to restore the world to it's former glory, and he did. At the cost of his life he saved those who still had theirs. He provided a future, he provided hope. His name is whispered by many, the slayer of the fallen angel.
And that is exactly how I would want to die.
Cum all of my organs out of my dick.
Riding a penis-shaped nuke into an enemy base which, after many years of subtle sabotage, looks like a giant vagina. Looks like I died of *puts on sunglasses* explosive orgasm.
YEEEEAAAAH
On live TV by komodo dragon presenting a nature documentary.
Tie razor wire to a bridge and create a noose. Glue my hands to my head. Jump off.
A quick swift slash of a sword into my jugular during an awesome duel.
Having the queen bend over with her rear exposed, running up, jamming a pole up her arse and using it to pole vault in to an active volcano with my last sight being the judges raising my score up
I would want to know exactly what time I am dying. That way I would lay down face first with a recording/playback device and jury rig it to play back the recording when someone flips my body over. That way when someone finds me and goes "Oh no he's dead" and flips me over the device will have my voice going "SURPRISE!" and they'll think that it was just a joke, then find out that I am actually dead and be sad a second time.
[editline]23rd October 2012[/editline]
Either that or falling off a tall ass building onto some rich asshole's sports car.
Another death I would love,
I'd like to go sky diving and then when I'm supposed to pull my chute, have it completely fail, same with the back up. So I'm just falling to my death.
Except, as I'm falling, by some luck I know exactly where my most hated enemy will be and he/she is in range. I'll fly towards them, from the heavens itself, clench a fist and stretch my arm out as straight as an arrow. And just before I smash their body into the inner core of earth, I scream 'A MESSAGE FROM THE GODS' and continue with driving my iron fist through their skull and into the ground below.
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