• Inglourious Basterds
    504 replies, posted
I hate movie critics. I saw this film opening night, and I loved it.
i reviewed this film!! a friend of mine is a bit of a film connoisseur and avid reviewer. this is how i respond [quote=me]For a while, I have told *first name* Clift, resident reviewer, that his monotonous reviews lacked a certain punch, something that made them unique and more interesting, rather than conforming with the boring and homosexual world of Cinema Reviews. So because of this, I am here today to bring you my very own review, and what better to start with than Inglourious Basterds. I’ve not been briefed on any correct review-writing-procedures, or how to structure this piece of shit, but I don’t give a fuck, and... FUCK YOU HERE COMES THE REVIEW Inglourious Basterds is based during fucking WWII era, and follows the story of a group of disgruntled American-Semites who are PRESUMABLY angry because Hitler is fucking their shit up with no remorse. The Basterds have one simple goal. To throw back the hot fucking potato and scalp the fuck out of them. Jesus fuck. Though the Basterds are paraded as the film’s main story arch, this is not the case. The cocksuckers in the advertising division really fucked that shit up. The Basterds only end up with about 40% screen time, if that. Instead, it follows a few different character scenarios which all lead up to a coinciding/conflicting end. When not following the basterds, the focus is on the BALLS TO THE WALL insane and eloquent antagonist of the century, Col. Hans ‘The Jew Hunter’ Landa. Seriously, how fucking awesome is his nickname? The Jew Hunter. I wonder how he spends his days. And then there is the fragile, yet brave Shoshanna Dreyfus, who we will call Shanna because fuck you that’s why. I will divulge further on her in a bit, fucking hold on. LT. Aldo Raine, played by Brad fucking Pitt, is the head honcho of this group of ultimate badasses. Tennessee born and raised, the playground where he spent most of his days, Aldo probably spent his childhood chewing the heads off small animals. I don’t know, who gives a shit. He’s pretty leet. Also ‘BONJARNEW’. I can’t be bothered writing about the rest of the Basterds in depth because this isn’t a fucking 10 thousand word Clift review and because I said so. Okay so pretty much they are all jews and stuff and they uh like Kill Nazis. I’m pretty sure I’ve said that already. By the way, I greatly enjoyed the scalping. I guess I’ll talk more about the amazing, off the chain GORE later. Oh and the fire guy from the office is in it. I didn’t know that he was Jewish but I guess it makes sense. He does look a bit Jewish. I’m sure his name is very Jewish sounding too, but I don’t know it and you can’t make me look it up. Also some director faggot who isn’t even an actor but does an okay job being all badass and insane and shit. Then it’s like FUCK YOU HERE COMES THE FRENCH BITCH. Shanna was the sole survivor of a Jew Hunting raid of a French dairy farm, in which her whole goddamn family was riddled to fuck with fucking Nazi bullets. So naturally she is depressed as fuck and has a long-stranding grudge against Hitler’s regime. Go figure. 4 years later, and she owns her own cinema, which by the way is fucking badass. I mean she owns her own cinema, jesus christ. Why does word automatically capitalise ‘christ’? Fuck you word I refuse to accept your religion stop forcing it DOWN my fucKING THROAT AH FUCK anyway yeah, so some Nazi dickhead faggot who is basically the German Audie Murphey (nice one Tarantino) keeps trying to get with Shanna, each time facing cold, hard French rejection. After learning of his feats in war, her rejection turns to loathing. Being the persistent and oblivious fucker that he is, he gets the whole fucking Nazi movie premier (I did mention that right?) to her cinema. Seeing a great opportunity to fucking mass murder Nazis, she obliges by way of Thomas More’s silent method (fuck English). So basically yeah the Bastards plan to blow the fuck out of it and she plans to burn the fuck out of it, bringing it down in a fiery, Nazi simmering blaze. Who wouldn’t, I mean fuck, that’s a great idea. As the not-so-great Mike Myers put it, “We’ve got all our eggs in the one basket. The mission, blow up the GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING PACK OF CUNTS BASKET HOLY SHIT.” 100% exactly what he said no lie. Quentin Tarantino shoots the fucking golfball into the goddamn hole with a fucking rocket launcher on this one. The writing, as always, is well constructed, interesting, witty, and above all, badass. He manages to write incredibly dramatic scenes, in what most would consider an incredibly dark movie. Not only this, but when Quentin wants a scene to be intense, it is INTENSE AS FUCK. Nearing the ending, when both plans were coming to fruition, my heart was dancing around like an elderly with EXTREME PARKINSONS (Also an upcoming Olympic sport). OK So there is a lot of things I could talk about right now but I can’t be fucked so FUCK YOU YOU JUST GOT REVIEWED TO FUCK FINAL THOUGHTS (WHORE’TS) The movie was amazing. Anything said by anyone else, particularly Clift, is a lie, and they should subsequently be lynched and scalped for their heresy. In my opinion (the only one that counts), it was the best Tarantino film I’ve seen to date. That lardy motherfucker will have you believe this is not the case. Fuck that guy, what does he know? DICK. That’s what. If you didn’t like it you are officially uncool and have a bad taste in movies (also you are gay). Wait, fuck this is nearly at 1,000 words. How did I do that holy shit. This review is pure concentrated awesome. ~~peACE~~[/quote] now he is going to pay me TWO WHOLE DOLLARS to watch and review twilight
Cool review. However, the reason Word capitalises Jesus Christ is because it is a name. Capitalising "god", however, is a different story.
I liked when the Jew Hunter ordered a glass of milk for the girl and everyone in the theater sounded like they were in the crowd of Jerry Springer. "OOOOHHH SHIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!"
[QUOTE=mikeyt493;16858076]I so want to see this, it looks awesome. Shame I'm not 18 :saddowns: Guess I'll have to wait for the DVD[/QUOTE] Wtf This is a 12 and 15 in some countries. [B][I]12[/I][/B]
Everyone laughed when the JewHunter pulled out his pipe at the beginning
[QUOTE=Dr.C;16922885]Everyone laughed when the JewHunter pulled out his pipe at the beginning[/QUOTE] Same, everyone started yelling "DAS BOOT!" When they saw the [sp]SS Officer[/sp] have a beer mug consisting of a glass boot.
[QUOTE=ProboardslolV2;16914499]My brother says that they got the criminally insane to be in the SS, is this ture?[/QUOTE] The criminally insane were the ScheissKommando, they were given charge in some sectors of the Nazi camps, especially the children.
Some kids behind me were yelling "LIGHT A BOWL" when the Jew Hunter pulled out the pipe. And "POOP!" And "Penis!". Typical idiots.
I agree Rusty100 that both of us have reasons to believe our points of view, I'm not claiming to be right either, that's just how I see it. As for the stuff from SA: [sp]Going with a getaway driver can be explained in a couple of other ways. First, not all the Basterds can get in the theater, the actress can only bring three. What are the other guy/s supposed to do? Give them a job, maybe 'you guard our retreat, and you drive the getaway car in case something goes wrong' and so on. I don't think Pitt's character is going to say "We're all doomed, we're gonna die in there, so those of you not going in the theater might as well go home...". No, I think they'd plan it out as normal, with escape routes and all. It's just they know the chances of them coming out alive are virtually zero, but none of them would say that out loud. Why would they? The only important thing is killing the Nazi leaders, it's a once in a lifetime shot they have, it's worth any price. Remember too, the guys who know German, the guys who were originally supposed to do this are long gone. It was already an extremely risky mission, and now out of desperation(one last chance to kill the Nazi leaders) they are going with a half assed Italian impersonation plan. Any reasonable operative would know that their chance of success was even less than before, their chance of survival even less than that. The only reason those two Basterds lived is that one was forcibly removed from the theater before the attack, and the other apparently never went in the theater. That kind of proves that going in the theater for the mission= death.[/sp]
basterds
Maybe it would be fun for a change to make to make a movie about allied bombing campaigns on food and medical convoys going to concentration camps. Really nazi movies get boring...
[QUOTE=Baldr;16924240]Maybe it would be fun for a change to make to make a movie about allied bombing campaigns on food and medical convoys going to concentration camps. Really nazi movies get boring...[/QUOTE] The only one I can see being historically accurate would be if someone made a movie about the Bombing of Dresden.
[QUOTE=Canuhearme?;16924388]The only one I can see being historically accurate would be if someone made a movie about the Bombing of Dresden.[/QUOTE] Or about that one camp that gassed 6 million jews. Or why 6 million jews died while there were less than 5 million in europe. etc etc
[QUOTE=Baldr;16924594]Or about that one camp that gassed 6 million jews. Or why 6 million jews died while there were less than 5 million in europe. etc etc[/QUOTE] There wasn't a camp that gassed 6 Million jews. Also, I think the whole Concentration Camp Genre has been overdone already, if not in movies then in literature.
[QUOTE=Canuhearme?;16924609]There wasn't a camp that gassed 6 Million jews. Also, I think the whole Concentration Camp Genre has been overdone already, if not in movies then in literature.[/QUOTE] [quote] Oswald Pohl, Head of WVHA office in Berlin, is responsible for all concentration camps by British troops to Nenndorf placed tied and beaten so that he lost his teeth and lost consciousness. Later he moved to Nuremberg and Americans half years daily hours of intensive interrogation subject. One of them, his face smeared with faeces and as long beaten until he "confessed". U.S. interrogators, unfortunately, mostly Jews, accused Pohl haveing condemned [d]30 million people and killed 10 million.[/d] Pohl said that he "by their evil intimidation and harassment had been so dull that they got what they wanted: not the truth but the statements they wanted. "He was forced by prosecutors made false and sign self-incriminating statements. They were at his His trial use. Pohl: "If documents are not consistent with what the prosecutors wanted or not sufficient for conviction were "confessions" attached to each other. Most striking was that those creations defendants themselves guilty. This can only understand if one knows how they were created. " On false witnesses in Nuremberg said: "As manufactured" explanations "were not enough, took the authorities to resort to so-called "star witness", ie paid witnesses. A special group of such unreliable, miserable types in Nuremberg played a despicable role. Among them were high officials, generals and intellectuals, as well as prisoners, mentally impaired and dangerous criminals. During my trial appeared a certain Otto, psychiatric patients, as 'Star witness. A tough disturbed criminal. The same applies Krusial witness, under oath to the most fantastic myths court presented, which of course were believed ....." "Following the heavy abuse in Nenndorf and my treatment Nuremberg I was completely mentally dead "he wrote. "I was 54 years, 33 years, I served my country honorably and was I could not aware of any crime. " About post-war trials of German leaders: "It was evident that the Dachau processes and equally in the Nuremberg processes, the plaintiffs, who Jews dominated motivated by revenge and hatred. Their goal was not looking truth, while destroying their opponents. " U.S. Senator McCarthy said of the lawsuits against the press: "I've seen documents and witnesses of abuse and psychological torture in a way that only sick minds can rise. About the prison Swabian Hall McCarthy said that officers SS Leibstandarte Adolf Hitler were flogged until they Söpte in their blood, until then just their genitals until they were kicked powerless on the ground. In the infamous Malmedy trial ordinary soldiers, prisoners were hoisted, and as long beaten until they signed confessions required. Partly on the basis of such "confessions" of SS generals and forced Sepp Dietrich Joachim Peiper, the Leibstandarte was designated as a "guilty organization.[/quote]If you want the source I could send the PDF that is in dutch
Saw this opening night, now my favorite Tarantino movie
basterds!
So many spoilers I can't click yet. :frown:
expected something completely different due to the trailers, but it's still one of my favorite movies of all time.
I think it was kind of cool that, in this day and age where the trailers usually give away the entire movie, the trailer of this movie barely hinted at what's in the movie. Sure, you do get what's in the trailer(Basterds scalping Nazis), but you also get so much more. On the other hand, people who hate subtitles are in for a surprise, hehe.
QT does it again in this movie. I loved the whole thing. I liked that most of it was in German, French, and a little Italian (lol).
bwonjewrnao. [editline]05:46PM[/editline] si uh correcto
[QUOTE=Baldr;16925106]If you want the source I could send the PDF that is in dutch[/QUOTE] One camp did not gas 6 million Jews, that is the estimated total of the whole holocaust.
Think i might go back and see this again on saturday.
[QUOTE=Vasili;16931191]One camp did not gas 6 million Jews, that is the estimated total of the whole holocaust.[/QUOTE] Exactly. Also, I'm liking the Beta Dr. Breen you have as an Avatar.
[sp] No no no, the black man only locked the doors that go directly into the theater, so the Basterds and the black guy could have escaped. But the black guy most likely exploded before he could leave[/sp]
Watched this on Saturday, pretty damn good.
[QUOTE=Uberman77883;16932825][sp] No no no, the black man only locked the doors that go directly into the theater, so the Basterds and the black guy could have escaped. But the black guy most likely exploded before he could leave[/sp][/QUOTE] [sp]the black guy never knew about the basterds, the balcony was unlocked because there were guards at the doors, he probably died in the fire. All he hoped for was that shoshana would escape.[/sp]
I just got back from seeing this movie. It was alot different from what i expected, but i still loved it.
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