So there are two dudes drinking at a bar.
one guy's homosexual, the other guy isn't.
so the homo stands up, finishes his drink and asks the other guy:
"can you push my stool in for me?"
I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering.
[sp]98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?"[/sp]
I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
[sp]She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?![/sp]
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
[sp]Nothing, she's already been told twice.[/sp]
How does a black woman fight crime?
[sp]She has an abortion[/sp]
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?
[sp]Nail its other hand to the floor.[/sp]
The difference between a Jew and a Pie is [sp]that Pies dont scream in the oven[/sp].
What's faster than a black man with a TV?
His cousin with the VCR.
How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny
This jokes are hilarious. My dad agrees and we both enjoy reading them when he's fucking my 9 year old ass in the "we can both watch the TV" position.
Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs?
Because he had sex with a chicken.
What does a black man and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
Here's a long one:
There's three guys waiting for their punishment, a black guy an Irishman and an Australian. The guard says "you get 50 lashes each and you get one wish"
The irishman comes up and says i wish i had a pillow on my back.
So the guard starts whipping him and after 20 hits the pillow burst and he got the last 30 lashes harder.
The black man comes up and says "i wish i had 2 pillows strapped to my back"
The guard starts whipping him and after 40 lashes he got the last 10 really hard.
The Australian comes up and the guard said "since your from the land of milk and honey you get 2 wishes"
So the Australian says "i want 100 lashes" the guard says what! Alright then you asked for it, your second wish?
I want that black cunt over there strapped to my back.
How'd you stop a baby from choking?
[sp]Take your dick out of it's mouth.[/sp]
How'd you make a dead baby float?
[sp]Take your foot off it's head[/sp]
What'd you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
[sp]Art[/sp]
What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
[sp]Deep throat[/sp]
[sp]I'm so sorry[/sp]
What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
[sp]The pizza doesn't scream when you place it in the oven[/sp]
[QUOTE=Torjuz;35023160]What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
[sp]The pizza doesn't scream when you place it in the oven[/sp][/QUOTE]
Neither did Jews because they were already dead by the time they went into the furnace.
[sp]This is funny[/sp]
What's worse than 20 babies tied to a tree? [sp]one baby tied to 20 tree's.[/sp]
What's the difference between a ferrari and a bag of dead babies? [sp]I don't have a ferrari in my garage.[/sp]
one you've all probably heard,
Why did Hitler kill himself? [sp]He saw his gas bill[/sp]
What did lil Tyrell get last christmas? [sp]Your bike[/sp]
Why do jewish boys get circumcized?
[sp]Jewish ladies can't resist anything with 10% off[/sp]
There are two things that I really hate:
[sp]racism and niggers.[/sp]
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks; "why the long face?" The horse replies, "I have cancer."
Sexplay is actually very common between cousins. The first time I saw my cousin naked I looked at her little vag and said,
"wut's dat yu haz dere?" She said it was her peepee, and I told her mine didn't look like that.
She wanted to see it so I pulled it out, then she asked if she could touch it. I said yeah, so she did.
When it got hard, she started giggling and said it was cute, then gave it a kiss. I liked that, so I slipped it on into her mouth.
We were both pretty young at the time. She was 6 I think. [sp]And I was about 38.[/sp]
[QUOTE=Duckie;34978892]How do you babysit a little black kid?
[sp]You put velcro on the ceiling and tell it to jump[/sp]
Not that distasteful.[/QUOTE]
How do you get it down?
[sp]Tell a Mexican it's a pinata.[/sp]
How do you clean up the mess?
[sp]Tell a Chinese kid it's dog.[/sp]
[QUOTE=JerichoX;34984337]What do you do if your TV is floating during the night?
[sp]Say "Drop it nigger".[/sp][/QUOTE]
What do you do if your VCR is also floating during the night?
[sp] Say "You too, niglet." [/sp]
Why don't you stick your hand in a jar full of jellybeans?
[sp]The black ones will steal your watch[/sp]
What did the girl say moments before crashing into a tanker?
[sp]Driving and facebooking is not safe! Haha.[/sp]
[url=http://facepunch.com/threads/1168528]The thread in question.[/url]
Jack and Jill were having sex. Jill told Jack, "You're heavier than Dad." Jack replied, "I know, Mom told me yesterday."
Black people are evil.
[sp]They steal all the sunlight.[/sp]
So an asian man marries his wife, Wendy. He feels so much for her that he gets the letters WENDY tattooed on his dick, but when he's not hard you can only see WY. He's in the urinal when he notices that a jamaican man next to him also has the letters WY on his dick.
So the asian man asks,
"Did you marry someone named Wendy too?"
He replies,
"No, my tattoo says 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, I hope you have a nice day.'"
lol because asians have tiny penors
Three jews walk into a bar.
[sp]Just kidding, it was a gas chamber![/sp]
what's the difference between a freezer and a baby?
[sp]a freezer doesn't scream when you pack your meat into it[/sp]
What do you call two white guys pushing a car up a hill?
White Power.
What do you call two black guys pushing a car up a hill?
[sp]Grand Theft Auto[/sp]
dohohoho this fucking thread, I LOVE IT.
whats the difference between jews and boy scouts?
[sp]boy scouts come home from camp[/sp]
What organ stays warm in a dead baby?
[sp]My dick[/sp]
Why Did timmy fall off his bike?
-His mother threw a fridge at him
What do you call pushing an Abbo off a cliff
-Clean up Australia day
Whats the difference between a black man and a park bench
-A park bench can support a family
Whats the difference between a jew and a rat?
-Once you get the rats out from under your floorboards they stay out!
Did you see the keyboard Stevie wonder was playing?
-Neither did he (Courtesy of my Dad)
What is red, suppurative and screaming?
[sp]A skinned baby dipped in salt[/sp]
What is red and gets smaller and smaller
[sp]A baby with a cheese slicer[/sp]
Why should hookers wear glasses?
[sp]To avoid blindness[/sp]
So an Irishman walks out of a bar
A black man, a communist and an illegal alien walk into a bar. The bar keep says:
[sp]"What can I get you, Mr. President?"[/sp]
What's the difference between jews and boyscouts?
[sp]boyscouts return from camps[/sp]
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