• Depressed, Addicted
    80 replies, posted
Hes failed school cant get a job and relies upon drugs. Kids when you fail a test just look at people like this. Is this how you want to end up study hard and pass the resit.
[QUOTE=Exploits;32600615]Well, I was lurking out of Sensationalist Headlines for once and I caught a glimpse of the Facepunch Anonymous thread. I've been weird recently, emotionally that is, and I thought it would be a good time to fill one in. More than that, I just wanted to formulate something into words for once instead of bottled feelings, and just get it off my chest (A sentence repeated about fifty different times in the aforementioned thread). So I started typing, and typing, and I kept it as vague and as anonymous as I could, but the further I went, the less I wanted to continue with it. I don't want to just throw my feelings to the wind, I want to actually [i]come out[/i] with this stuff. It isn't a sexual identity crisis I'm experiencing, but I feel like it's the same. And yes, I'm aware this is the Internet, so I'm not exactly busting out to the world when I'm masking myself behind a name and avatar, but it's a first step I've been needing to take for years now. I've been depressed for five years of my life. I consider suicide as a legitimate answer to almost all of my daily issues, and the only reason I can avoid even an attempt at suicide so far is because I rationalize the idea to such an extreme that I make another option seem better. Since waking up at 5PM today, I've considered suicide seven times; Once because I had no more weed to smoke, and again because I was out of my favourite cigarettes and had to borrow from my roommate. It's stupid and petty, but these moments don't even frighten me anymore. I started drinking heavily two years ago when me and my girlfriend of then-two years broke up for the first time after an entirely failed segment of long-distance relationship. I didn't do it due to depression, I just drank to . . . drink, I guess. She kept me chained pretty well, and not in a negative way. Without her, I changed. At peak, I would drink every day, alone or otherwise, until I was stumbling drunk. I've never drank to unconsciousness but I have suffered acute alcohol poisoning twice. The second time, I partied the night after despite all doctor's warnings. I would have sex twice a month with random women on average, give or take. My best pull was three girls for every day of the weekend (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday). Sometimes I'd even just go right ahead and have unprotected sex since I used my last condom on a previous girl. I'm stupid lucky to have not caught an STD of any kind so far, but I continue to take this risk even today out of college at parties. I just don't care for some reason. Shock and awe, I fail my year of College. On my return the year after to complete my missed semester, I get right back into the same party circles and the cycle continues. Then I start getting into marijuana. It's cheaper than alcohol, the inebriation I feel is better than it, and it's really just more enjoyable to me. It replaces most of my alcohol use and I, once again, become practically an addict. I used it daily and would even skip classes during my critical retake semester and an [i]exam[/i] once just to go get stoned, because I didn't want to bother with the pressure from it. I continued to party four times a week at minimum. Everything peaked when, at the ripe age of twenty-one, I suffered a kidney stone. This was just last month. To gloss over the details of that, it was the worst pain I have [i]ever experienced holy fucking shit[/i]. The day it happened, my roommates started College again and I was home alone, shambling around the house and moaning in pain from it. I called 911, they took me to hospital, and kept me in observation until the pain dissipated. This would become my first experience with an opiate. They gave me morphine from the pain, and in less than a minute, I went from a writhing, wighting wreck on my stretcher to a gentle nap. It was the best sensation I ever felt, and I was already terrified of what this experience would mean for me. In the end, they couldn't find the stone on Ultrasound and I hadn't passed it yet, so since the pain was gone, they sent me home with a list of prescriptions. And at the top of the list - Oxycodone. Since then, it's been the worst spiral of my life. I hesitated taking Oxycodone even in moments of heavy pain with my kidney stone since I didn't want to risk anything, but in the end, I knew I would have to endure the pain of passing the stone out my dickhole, so I folded. I took two pills before bed one night to see how effective it was and how long it would take for the effects to kick in as well. [i]Holy shit[/i], summarizes that experience. It took about 10 minutes on an empty stomach for the goods to really kick in, but I was gone for four hours and I couldn't sleep due to constant sleep paralysis experiences and the inability to stop petting my roommate's now insanely soft cat. After that attempt, I took the remaining twenty pills of oxycodone I had within about a week and a half, taking two, sometimes three at a time, several a day, as often as I could, spending that entire week and a half in an entirely numb state, and still mixing it with marijuana use and the occasional beer, despite all reservations. I even popped pills during social situations and in public. Now, my last two weeks have been hellish. I can't sleep sober anymore. My moments of sobriety are anxious, melancholic, and entirely depressed. I write all of this with three shots of Crown Royal and a shot of 151 finished as an addition to my breakfast of Lucky Charms. [i]Breakfast[/i]. At some point all of this just replaced the act of actually fighting my depression to just not feeling depressed anymore. But then as soon as my high wears off, or basically once I wake up, all I feel is worse. And then I take more, and I take more, and I just despise everything about myself for it. Yet I continue? And honestly, after typing all this, I still don't know what to do anymore.[/QUOTE] Take some magic mushrooms with some good friends, it should take you back on track and your purpose on life on Earth. There is no reason to be depressed =) just ride through the storm bro.
[QUOTE=brianosaur;32621433]Damn dude, do you drink fancy liquor on the regular?[/QUOTE] Well I mean, if Crown Royal is considered 'fancy'.
your here for a good time, so have a good time, the sun cant shine everyday, and depression is a waste of time
I too would like to strongly recommend the OP to research various anti-depressants. The most important thing in your situation is to actually start on one. I personally have been experimenting with various medication combinations for a while, up to the point of pin pointing which chemicals in my brain are most likely to be deficient. And you know what? After thorough experimentation and zeroing out dopamine as being the deficient one, I requested my doctor to prescribe Wellbutrin (which mostly focuses on dopamine.) I have only started taking it recently, but I already have a high level of certainty that I truly solved my depression. The main point of this wall of text is that an anti-depressant EXISTING in the first place was the very element which pushed me to perform this extensive experimentation of pin-pointing and procedurally fully solving my depression. get yourself on ANY accessible anti-depressant to gain SOME higher amount of stability then you currently have. your objective right now is not to find the perfect solution, it is to step away from the razor's edge. In your situation, "feeling like crap" would already be a huge improvement. to list SOME of the medications I have went through (do not recall all of them) cymbalta (made my mind feel disgustingly empty) lexapro (used it for a while) effexor (recent) clomipramine (anxiety) Amphetamine salts ER (Adderall) CURRENTLY ACTIVE: Flurazepam (sleeping aid) Bupropion (Wellbutrin) I also regularly take a multi-vitamin supplement, fish oil, and melatonin (before bed)
I understand the opiate use part of the story quite well. I'm currently addicted to Methadone (google it) It completely cured me of all depression, 8 months later I cannot go more than one day without it before the withdrawal kicks in. Let me tell you, IT'S HELL I get RLS, I cannot sleep, I get the WORSE hot-flashes, I have zero Energy, and my depression gets worse. Shit I can't even enjoy games anymore without either Benzodiazepines' or Methadone. Since I don't know the time line here. If you JUST started taking the Oxy. Taper down Tomorrow you'll be able to get through it. If you've been taking them for more than 2 or 3 months I'd still recommend you get off. You're just delaying the inevitable. You'll get to where I'm at and you just might kill your self from the sickness of W/Ds And I know this will sound cliche and it is completely presumptuous of me to say this but - seriously, nothing in life is bad enough to commit to a final solution for short term (relative to our lifespan) Get well man, do it for me If you don't want to do it for yourself Your life is worth living Full stop.
Dude, this is a downward spiral. Everyone must have had the experience even just once in their lives. However realize that this depression is your own doing and you have the choice to be better, to make more positive choices and create a beautiful painting out of your life. I, too walked a similar path such as yours. I took to drugs and sex to take my mind off things. It never ended up well. An author wrote something I remember to this day: You can say a person needs three things in their life to be averagely happy. Without any one of these three things you cannot progress in a normal rate. It is Love, Wealth and Health. Without health, you have no love or wealth. Without love, it's hard to have wealth and health; and without wealth, it difficult to have love and health. I've tried to keep these three in perspective and it's brought me some clarity. I also took interest in Christianity and don't take me for the wrong guy, I find it interesting. It has done me nothing but positive choices in life and you can't argue with that.
Seek help immediately. Go to a therapist or even a general practitioner and tell them straight out that you're addicted to opiates and you have depression. If they laugh at you then punch them in the face and look for another therapist/doctor. This is something that you will likely not be able to get out of by yourself; perhaps not even with your friends and family. You need a professional. This is not because you're weak but because you're physically sick.
[QUOTE=ayaki;32620033]Voluntary or otherwise, they aren't pleasant places to be, I would recommend outpatient first[/QUOTE] The only unpleasant mental hospitals are the ones in 1940s America and the criminally insane ward
[QUOTE=Exploits;32602039]Calling up a random therapist from my yellow pages and telling him "Hey man, I wanna kill myself. Help?" just . . . no? Seems weird. Is that really the process? I kind of regret not dropping the fact that I'm depressed while I was in hospital for the kidney stone now.[/QUOTE] That's not the way it goes, say you have depression etc and want to talk about shit and arrange a booking. It's not just "I wanna killmyself" 'lol dont do it". Honestly, you need to seek help pretty fast if you're thinking about suicide over something as small as having no weed left.
go outside
If I missed it, sorry. But if you could post some more in-depth information about your opiate addiction I'd be able to give much better advice, this may sound strange but 420chans opiate board has some really great posters who have been through the same thing, try lurking there for a bit or posting a thread asking for advice. God knows they've helped me out.
Good thing that you're still alive though! I wouldn't have lasted through all that.
Alright. I've been going through some of the toughest times of my life these past 5 years. The woman I love is in constant pain. She's suffered through unthinkable abuse since she was 5. Every day I hold on, because I know that the future holds our true happiness. If I can just hold on I can take her out of her home from her abusive parents. I can give her the life she deserves. It has been so unbelievably tough for the both of us. There's nothing magic you can do. It's about will power, mental strength. Seriously, just hold on. You can CHANGE your damn life. Don't just give up. My girlfriend can never take back the things that have happened to her. Be thankful you still have an opportunity to fix things. Just be strong.
Take nice long walks, take them with a 1 or 2 friends. I was addicted to Adderall and I was having a lot of Depression/Withdrawals. It makes you feel much better when you take a break from the house and go on a nice peaceful walk.
-snip-
Facepunch is not your therapist.
[QUOTE=Exploits;32600615]Well, I was lurking out of Sensationalist Headlines for once and I caught a glimpse of the Facepunch Anonymous thread. I've been weird recently, emotionally that is, and I thought it would be a good time to fill one in. More than that, I just wanted to formulate something into words for once instead of bottled feelings, and just get it off my chest (A sentence repeated about fifty different times in the aforementioned thread). So I started typing, and typing, and I kept it as vague and as anonymous as I could, but the further I went, the less I wanted to continue with it. I don't want to just throw my feelings to the wind, I want to actually [i]come out[/i] with this stuff. It isn't a sexual identity crisis I'm experiencing, but I feel like it's the same. And yes, I'm aware this is the Internet, so I'm not exactly busting out to the world when I'm masking myself behind a name and avatar, but it's a first step I've been needing to take for years now. I've been depressed for five years of my life. I consider suicide as a legitimate answer to almost all of my daily issues, and the only reason I can avoid even an attempt at suicide so far is because I rationalize the idea to such an extreme that I make another option seem better. Since waking up at 5PM today, I've considered suicide seven times; Once because I had no more weed to smoke, and again because I was out of my favourite cigarettes and had to borrow from my roommate. It's stupid and petty, but these moments don't even frighten me anymore. I started drinking heavily two years ago when me and my girlfriend of then-two years broke up for the first time after an entirely failed segment of long-distance relationship. I didn't do it due to depression, I just drank to . . . drink, I guess. She kept me chained pretty well, and not in a negative way. Without her, I changed. At peak, I would drink every day, alone or otherwise, until I was stumbling drunk. I've never drank to unconsciousness but I have suffered acute alcohol poisoning twice. The second time, I partied the night after despite all doctor's warnings. I would have sex twice a month with random women on average, give or take. My best pull was three girls for every day of the weekend (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday). Sometimes I'd even just go right ahead and have unprotected sex since I used my last condom on a previous girl. I'm stupid lucky to have not caught an STD of any kind so far, but I continue to take this risk even today out of college at parties. I just don't care for some reason. Shock and awe, I fail my year of College. On my return the year after to complete my missed semester, I get right back into the same party circles and the cycle continues. Then I start getting into marijuana. It's cheaper than alcohol, the inebriation I feel is better than it, and it's really just more enjoyable to me. It replaces most of my alcohol use and I, once again, become practically an addict. I used it daily and would even skip classes during my critical retake semester and an [i]exam[/i] once just to go get stoned, because I didn't want to bother with the pressure from it. I continued to party four times a week at minimum. Everything peaked when, at the ripe age of twenty-one, I suffered a kidney stone. This was just last month. To gloss over the details of that, it was the worst pain I have [i]ever experienced holy fucking shit[/i]. The day it happened, my roommates started College again and I was home alone, shambling around the house and moaning in pain from it. I called 911, they took me to hospital, and kept me in observation until the pain dissipated. This would become my first experience with an opiate. They gave me morphine from the pain, and in less than a minute, I went from a writhing, wighting wreck on my stretcher to a gentle nap. It was the best sensation I ever felt, and I was already terrified of what this experience would mean for me. In the end, they couldn't find the stone on Ultrasound and I hadn't passed it yet, so since the pain was gone, they sent me home with a list of prescriptions. And at the top of the list - Oxycodone. Since then, it's been the worst spiral of my life. I hesitated taking Oxycodone even in moments of heavy pain with my kidney stone since I didn't want to risk anything, but in the end, I knew I would have to endure the pain of passing the stone out my dickhole, so I folded. I took two pills before bed one night to see how effective it was and how long it would take for the effects to kick in as well. [i]Holy shit[/i], summarizes that experience. It took about 10 minutes on an empty stomach for the goods to really kick in, but I was gone for four hours and I couldn't sleep due to constant sleep paralysis experiences and the inability to stop petting my roommate's now insanely soft cat. After that attempt, I took the remaining twenty pills of oxycodone I had within about a week and a half, taking two, sometimes three at a time, several a day, as often as I could, spending that entire week and a half in an entirely numb state, and still mixing it with marijuana use and the occasional beer, despite all reservations. I even popped pills during social situations and in public. Now, my last two weeks have been hellish. I can't sleep sober anymore. My moments of sobriety are anxious, melancholic, and entirely depressed. I write all of this with three shots of Crown Royal and a shot of 151 finished as an addition to my breakfast of Lucky Charms. [i]Breakfast[/i]. At some point all of this just replaced the act of actually fighting my depression to just not feeling depressed anymore. But then as soon as my high wears off, or basically once I wake up, all I feel is worse. And then I take more, and I take more, and I just despise everything about myself for it. Yet I continue? And honestly, after typing all this, I still don't know what to do anymore.[/QUOTE] Smoke some weed, or take some psychedelic mushrooms. You will learn much more about yourself and your true potential. It will get you back on track on life
[QUOTE=420carlo;32664827]Smoke some weed, or take some psychedelic mushrooms. You will learn much more about yourself and your true potential. It will get you back on track on life[/QUOTE] Didn't you read that weed was one of the steps in his downward spiral? Is this what he was supposed to learn about himself?
I would have already figured myself out, then. It doesn't really make sense to look at it that way. When I'm stoned (As I am now), I am definitely more content. I feel as though the goals and aspirations I had in life are entirely meaningless and secondary to the task of keeping myself chemically content. If I spend my days stringing from high to high, what else do I need? I am happy. But I am not successful. I can't make a living this way as much as I wish it were true. . . . Unless my writing dream works out, but whatever.
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