Bleh.
I've been thinking about some stuff for a long time, and some recent things, and I think I need to just dump it all out. Any takers?
[editline]17th February 2011[/editline]
Some stuff I need to keep to myself for someone though.
[editline]17th February 2011[/editline]
Funny how the only time I actually willing to come out and just say everything on my mind no one seems to care, but when I'm cryptic there's always someone who tries to say something. This thread is funny.
I too need to PURGE some FEELINGS. Most likely not anything super srs tho. Someone steam message me.
I'll be back in like an hour, then I can be your therapist, ok?
I closed my doors.
I don't fucking trust girls my age. Probably because the only ones that actually pay attention to me are these Latina bitches that keep making fun of my ass for some dumb reason. :argh:
I swear to god they all fucking pretend to like me hoping I'll fall for their obvious trap.
oh god I'm a mysoginist aren't i
Oh and I have the honor of being the extremely rare "Nerdy black kid" so people like to fuck with me because I stick out like a sore thumb. Then they start asking about my dick of course which is awkward as hell. (Even if it was large, why the fuck would I tell you?
So there is this guy at my school, now to say the least: He's weird as fuck.
He calls everyone dumbass and when people criticize him, he says "I'm just kidding!" and thinks that it makes it alright.
Now I should mention that this guy and I have play practice together, and we were waiting to go on stage, and he had to go before me. He walks up behind me and judo chops me on my neck. And I decided to be an ass and not move, and totally ignore him.
Another time I’m sitting in the theater talking to some of my friends, and out of the corner of my eyes I see him walking up the stairs to the rows near me. I thought "Fuck he better not sit next to me."
At first it looked like he was gunna pass me by, but no he goes in my row. "Fuck, fuck, fuck that bitch better not sit next to me!"
He sits down next to me, and I try to ignore him but I can't, mostly because he sticks a piece of hay in my ear.
I couldn't take it anymore, I looked at him and this is what our conversation went like:
Me: Okay, what the fuck man?
Him: What’s you're fucking deal? What did I ever do to you?
Me: Oh I don't know, maybe you being a huge prick.
He gets up to leave.
Me: See ya fuckface.
Now, I hate this guy, he just gets under my skin.
I surprised I haven't punched him yet.
Feels good man.
tl;dr
Prick pisses me off, I hate him.
Well, a shit load of weight has been taken of my shoulders. Got a lot of things cleared up too so now thing are more clear and understood.
But what I don't get is why don't I feel any different. I literally just pour out everything that was on my mind and talked it all over.
Shouldn't that make me feel better about things?
Is it because I don't care or that I don't want some things to change?
A lot more confusion has come to replace all my stress, god dammit.
[editline]17th February 2011[/editline]
Can I like disappear now with no consequences? Doubt it, but maybe taking a break from some stuff would help me clear shit up.
[editline]17th February 2011[/editline]
Know what, I think I'm not happy with what went down.
I liked another girl, I almost loved her "tired" look, it charmed me. I'd like to get to know her.
She's 14, but looks beautiful. I'll even say she's perfect.
[QUOTE=Wish I wasn't an 09er;28085871]Didn't just lose a girlfriend, I lost my best friend. The only person I've really cared about in a long while. Maybe we'll talk again, but with how she's reacting I just don't think it'll ever be the same.[/QUOTE]
An update on this. Just as I was setting things in order and getting ready to forget about her, she comes to me to tell me she just wants me, her, and her ex to be friends, and she needs to get her life in order, but she wants to keep us in her life.
She actually told me she still sees a chance for us, she just has to get over her rebound period, because "You deserve so much more than just some depressed dumped girl."
I like to think all the drama brought us closer - we learned a lot about each other. All the same, I'm just glad we're talking.
Holy shit. I can finally exhale.
I skipped classes today cause the dean is dick.
Rebel to the end! :cool:
This week has sucked school-wise. I have two huge tests today and a paper due Tuesday. However this weekend I'm going down to see a couple of friends with the girl i like to party and go outdoor climbing. I'm so excited and hopefully I can increase my chances with this chick. Fingers crossed.
I miss you guys :(
I really really really really dislike someone who is above me on the "food chain" so to speak.
But I'm swallowing my pride and dealing with him anyway.
My friend, Kern, has been really stressed lately and hes comming over tomorrow for a three day gaming party. gonna be fun on a bun.
[QUOTE=Binsky;28108415]This week has sucked school-wise. I have two huge tests today and a paper due Tuesday. However this weekend I'm going down to see a couple of friends with the girl i like to party and go outdoor climbing. I'm so excited and hopefully I can increase my chances with this chick. Fingers crossed.
I miss you guys :([/QUOTE]
We all love you :love:
I'm taking a break from everything today.
[QUOTE=MrJazzy;28108559]We all love you :love:[/QUOTE]
I love all you guys. You're all great, caring people.
[editline]17th February 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Makol;28108646]I'm taking a break from everything today.[/QUOTE]
We all need those days. I hope it goes well. Rest and recreate.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;28102123]This is assuming that the process of death is in the right conditions for DMT to be released.[/QUOTE]
I probably should have mentioned that. However, in most cases, DMT is released.
[QUOTE=Binsky;28109159]We all need those days. I hope it goes well. Rest and recreate.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I just need a break from talking to some people. Not saying I don't want to talk to them today, probably will later tonight or something.
Rock-a-Billy Records just went out of business. I'm on the verge of depression. They were the only local record store in the area and over half my collection of CDs came from there.
For Christ's sake! They were right in my neighbor hood!
Absolutely fucking pissed and for a good reason. I'd rather not talk to anyone today because the only thing anyone is doing is irritating me. I mean the things they're doing SHOULDN'T irritate me, because they're not doing anything, it's just my attitude today and it can't be helped.
I'm gonna end up saying stuff I don't mean in this state, so I'm just gonna keep to myself for today.
This is like the only time I've ever been thrown into rage mode instead of depressed mode around this time so I'm gonna try my best to keep it contained.
But seriously, I hate everything right now fuckit
Longest post I have ever made incoming. Coming clean about everything I can think of.
I am also in a tremendous amount of physical pain and no amount of painkillers are helping.
So I think that Valentines day may have caused several girls to show that they like me a little. Theres the one I mentioned here before, one who asked for my number and texts me everyday, and one who just flirts all the time.:h:
Well I'm tired of keeping to myself so I guess I'll just say everything now. The past year or two has been quite the rollercoaster emontionally. Started going to school for something I thought I liked and was barely making it by at first. About half way through it things began to pick up, started doing better academically, but near the end I lost interest and just completely fucked up. I dropped out of school and now owe somewhere around $30,000 in loans which put my parents into a lot of debt. So now I'm moving back in with my dad to get a job and go back to school, which I'm actually excitied about. I get to back to doing what I loved and hopefully get a career going. Fuck respiratory therapy, I'm going to fire acedemy.
Now the part that makes me a bit sad about all this is that I really want to move to where a friend, well more like my best friend, lives. Sure we met here on Facepunch back in May of 2010 but whatever, friendship is friendship. Got two other great guys who I met here too. We actually had this plan of all moving to the same state and living together. But I guess that's kind of on hold or something seeing as we're all having our own "issues" in life right now.
Now here's things I guess get somewhat complicated. Turns out my friend and I like each other, I guess this came about around the beginning of this year but I don't really remember. What makes it kind of weird is that we never actually met in person and really only know each other through the internet. So after be both openly admitted that things have become kinda weird. We started to kind of ignore our other two friends and have private chats or do things on our own with out them. Probably wasn;t very thoughtful on our part, ignoring them when we were all pretty good friends. So last night we talked about and agreed just to to keep it chill and go back to how thing were before. But as I mentioned before, we never met in real life so we both agreed to wait for each other to see what happens when we do meet and see if things between us will actually work out. Thing is that we'd be waiting for somewhere between a year or two, and a lot can happen in that time so I'm all bent out of shape over that I guess.
All of this put together has been created unneed and unneccesary stress. I've been really negative lately, obviously, and decided to take sometime away from everything but that didn't seem to help much. And going back reading Skype logs I realzied I can be a real dick at times and my reactions/responses aren't the greatest either. Hopefully after I'm done driving cross country and finally moved back in with my dad I'll be a bit less stressed since I'll be busy looking for a job and getting ready to get back into school. I kinda want things to back to the way they were with my 3 friends when we were just having fun all time and didn't give a flying fuck about anything else.
But I can't say I have just 3 friends, over time I've been meeting a lot of real cool people on Facepunch and mostly in this thread. Guess I should address these people so they know who they are. Pascall, Dragon, loco, TheBrokenHobo, Binsky, ClaBrendon, fusionpoo, Zabe Aeiger, and StrykerE.. You guys are the best I'm glad to call you friends. Sorry for anything I may have done wrong to any of you.
Sorry if this seems like a jumbled mess, I'm bad with wording things so I just barfed this all in Word and pasted it here.
Bleh.
Feeling weak as fuck. Almost passed out twice already. Still in a tremendous amount of pain. Emotionally fucked up right now.
May have to go to the medi-clinic ER if I keep on like this.
Idk.
I feel like dying.
I wish i didn't have so many things to worry about.
Sometimes I wish I could get away from everything for a while. But no matter what, stress always finds a way to get to me.
I can't remember a time when I've felt stress-free in my entire life.
[editline]17th February 2011[/editline]
Going to bed at 7pm to try to stop worrying about shit has its consequences in that I cant sleep because I'm thinking about too much.
Some people are such assholes despite how well i treat them.
Pisses me off. :v:
Bahahahaha, I was an internet affair/rebound that is fucking cool.
Some racist, homophobe redneck guy who sits at my lunch table wants to beat me up. Apparently I've been disrespectful to women or some shit and he says I have no honor because I steal orange juice from the lunch line. Not really stressing me out, just the fact hes a douche and insulted my dad even though he knew he was dead. He said if I don't move I'll end up in the hospital. I lol'd. I'd fight him, but I already said I'm not going to and I'm skinny and hes big.
[QUOTE=Super_Nova;28118485]Some racist, homophobe redneck guy who sits at my lunch table wants to beat me up. Apparently I've been disrespectful to women or some shit and he says I have no honor because I steal orange juice from the lunch line. Not really stressing me out, just the fact hes a douche and insulted my dad even though he knew he was dead. He said if I don't move I'll end up in the hospital. I lol'd. I'd fight him, but I already said I'm not going to and I'm skinny and hes big.[/QUOTE]
Try to reason with him in any way you can't and if you can't then tell a teacher. Fighting won't resolve anything and it is good that you're not considering it.
[editline]17th February 2011[/editline]
The girl I was going to go climbing with this weekend bailed because she has a bunch of homework this weekend. I still get to go with one of my best friends though. It just would have been cool to have her there so I'm just kind of disappointed.
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