Man this thread is not smooth. It makes me think about shit I don't want to think about.
I have a crick in my neck.
Shit hurts.
I sort of feel like I should start drinking, maybe when I have alcohol in my system I can be less socially useless.
The thing is a couple of weeks ago my friends convinced me to have a pint of cider. At the end of it I was feeling a bit light-headed which I guess meant I was tipsy. The feeling really scared me off at the time, but maybe if I drink more I'll build up a bigger tolerance for it?
On the other hand I could get addicted to anything easily and I would hate myself if I got properly drunk. I hate the idea of my rational self not being in full control of my body, if that makes sense.
People who drink to make them social are not winners...
You'll just have to become more social or accept that you aren't and find friends who are cool with that...
[QUOTE=God of Ashes;28433886]my girfleidns fdumpedume. and now I'm drunk. and can't stop texting her. why can't I get her outof my head[/QUOTE]
Awesome.
[QUOTE=MindMuncher;28436303]People who drink to make them social are not winners...
You'll just have to become more social or accept that you aren't and find friends who are cool with that...[/QUOTE]
I'd certainly like to be more social so I could be in a conversation and feel like I made some contribution to it, rather than just standing there failing to think of anything to say most of the time. And be more confident when I meet new people. It's just getting there that I'm not good at.
I feel ashamed for having that consideration now.
Oh god! I need to get out of the house before I go crazy.
Tendonitis in my hand is driving me crazy, can't do anything. It's just like having an broken arm... Won't heal for months.
[editline]5th March 2011[/editline]
When i say i can't do anything i mean stuff like playing games or drawing. Or playing intruments.
e-drama is stupid, fuck this noise
[QUOTE=MegaJohnny;28439763]I'd certainly like to be more social so I could be in a conversation and feel like I made some contribution to it, rather than just standing there failing to think of anything to say most of the time. And be more confident when I meet new people. It's just getting there that I'm not good at.
I feel ashamed for having that consideration now.[/QUOTE]
Well if you're just standing there, then the first step is to talk. Really it can be about anything as long as it's not really retarded. If you start talking about anything it'll get easier and people will start to have at least the notion that you contributed to the conversation.
Yo we just talkin', conversations with God.
Shout at the devil, hundreds of rebel martyrs assemble
Under the black flag with white skull and guns
Drink vodka straight out the bottle and puff chronic
[QUOTE=Dank Dave;28358116]During the summer my mom left me, and in December I broke up with my girlfriend.
My mom never really liked me much and used to tell me I was a mistake, and while I was out of town in July she packed her bags and left and refused to talk to me or see me. Now that she'll finally talk to me she still refuses to see me and won't tell me where she lives. I really don't know what to do about her. It hurts to have her in my life and it hurts when she's gone.
My girlfriend was a bit of a nut. She had been in love with me since the fifth grade (we're seniors now in high school) so when I asked her out it was a big deal to her. She was really into me and it was great for a while but eventually it got to be too much. She hated absolutely every girl I talked to, especially my best friend De'andra. If I would spend time with De'andra and she found out, she would call me crying. If she saw someone who looked like De'andra she would call me crying. She wasn't just jealous of other girls, though, she was jealous of everybody I spent time with. When I would spend time with friends she would cry or yell at me. I cared a lot about her, though, and I stupidly put up with all of her crap. I spent all my free time with her, I took her to hockey games, I bought her diamonds and flowers, I took her out to dinners, I made all my plans revolve around her and I always put her first especially when her dad was in the hospital. Eventually we broke up but I still heard from her plenty. Every night for two months she would call me and tell me she loved me. I would seriously get calls from her at 3am where she would tell me she misses me and loves me even though she was the one to break up with me. I also found out she was going on my facebook and deleting wall posts from other girls. We ended up getting into a huge fight and now she finally leaves me alone.
I miss having a girlfriend in my life, but at this point in time I feel like I need to take a break from relationships. Losing my mom really messed me up and there are times where I freak out and think all of my friends really hate me and are going to ditch me and I'll be all alone. I feel like I should work my own shit out first before I let another girl into my life. It's hard though, I'm really lonely. Even though my most recent relationship wasn't very good I miss the way she made me feel and not having a mom makes it even worse.
I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for and I made this post a lot longer than I wanted to, but it feels a little better just getting all this out there.[/QUOTE]
Well I got in contact with my mom recently. A week ago she started blowing up my phone so I called her back the next night and we just talked for thirty minutes. It was really weird. The call went well but I still felt the same after I hung up. I called her again a few days ago to ask if she would take me for a haircut, hoping we could spend some time together, but her response was "go make your father take you instead". I mean, either she's completely oblivious to the fact that I can take myself and was only asking her so I could see her or she just really dislikes me. I hung up on her but ended up calling her back and the first thing she said was "don't you ever hang up on me again". At that point I just went off on her and started yelling about how she left me and how angry I was as a result. I just kept screaming and screaming and it got pretty bad. She hung up on me and turned her phone off for the rest of the night.
I don't know what to do. I have great friends and I know my dad and my grandmother both really love me but I still feel so empty. I was able to deal with losing my mom when I still had a girlfriend because she loved me so much. Now I just feel empty. Like I said in my other post, I really want to find someone to love me but there's no way I can deal with having a girlfriend in my life at this point in time. I spent so much time putting my ex's problems before mine and, while I definitely don't regret doing so, I'm too drained and have too much to deal with on my own end to help anyone deal with their problems.
This morning my dad had me go through a few drawers to see what we could use and what we could throw away and I found a few pictures of me and my mom. This was one of them:
[img_thumb]http://i.cubeupload.com/gX0Fom.jpg[/img_thumb]
All I have left to remember my mom by are a handful of pictures. I haven't seen her in so long and I have a feeling that's not going to change any time soon, if ever.
I've also really been struggling to sleep these past few months. I get in the range of 2-4 hours of sleep a night if I'm lucky and I'm starting to really feel like shit as a result. I'm getting sick now, I'm completely drained, can't focus and a few days ago there were times where my vision got a little shaky and I was dizzy. Weed helps though. I've spent so much time smoking with friends lately because not only do I feel great but I also get to sleep at night.
I want to make love to Dragon.
No, not dragons, the mod.
I find kissing uncomfortable and awkward, I don't like it.
I like hugging and cuddling, but I just find kissing creepy.
Probably because I was never really popular among girls and didn't get my first kiss until I was 16.
I've also never had any relationships, so kissing has mostly just been something my partner wants to do when I have one night stands. I go along with it since I want them to feel good, but I don't enjoy it much myself.
My life's been going pretty good the last few days. I have some really awesome friends.
My best friend is going through a lot of shit. Basically, this girl he had been dating ignored him for a month, then started insulting him when he finally texted her about it. I want to punch her so badly. Sometimes, I really, really hate my gender. Some girls are just completely stupid about everything.
So Barbara claimed she wasnt ready for a relationship. Today I find out shes dating this douche I hate.
:smithicide:
Life is going swell for me. I started talking more often to this girl that I had a crush on and after ten minutes of trying to tell her my feelings, she and I are now together. Fuck yeah. Dat Australian ass. Did I mention she's an Australian who now lives in the U.S.?
But.. my ex keeps telling me everyday how she misses me and loves me and it makes me feel a little guilty. Like, I feel as if I'm supposed to come back to her but I can't do it. I have to keep saying no.
OTHER THAN THAT. My face is now :D everyday.
[QUOTE=Nohj;28483376]So Barbara claimed she wasnt ready for a relationship. Today I find out shes dating this douche I hate.
:smithicide:[/QUOTE]
It's k, buddy. There will be others. Try not to dwell on it. Go do shit you enjoy
[editline]7th March 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=azndude;28483772]Life is going swell for me. I started talking more often to this girl that I had a crush on and after ten minutes of trying to tell her my feelings, she and I are now together. Fuck yeah. Dat Australian ass. Did I mention she's an Australian who now lives in the U.S.?
But.. my ex keeps telling me everyday how she misses me and loves me and it makes me feel a little guilty. Like, I feel as if I'm supposed to come back to her but I can't do it. I have to keep saying no.
OTHER THAN THAT. My face is now :D everyday.[/QUOTE]
Enjoy the Australian chick. Be nice to your ex but maybe give her some space-ish.
Also, hi5
[editline]7th March 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Penultimate;28482848]My best friend is going through a lot of shit. Basically, this girl he had been dating ignored him for a month, then started insulting him when he finally texted her about it. I want to punch her so badly. Sometimes, I really, really hate my gender. Some girls are just completely stupid about everything.[/QUOTE]
People can be completely stupid sometimes. It's rough just be the best friend you can be to that person. My heart goes out to him.
[editline]7th March 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=hammerheadshark;28479138]My life's been going pretty good the last few days. I have some really awesome friends.[/QUOTE]
That's great, Buddy! Last night I drove 3 hours to Nashville to see one of my favorite bands, Streetlight Manifesto, with 3 of my friends. I had a kicking time and met some awesome people. I love that whole scene
I all of a sudden no longer want to be around many people in my life. One of my best friends, whom I have known for 5 years, is starting to get annoying. There is a two year age gap between us, and maturity levels have also differed slightly. But I have matured faster than he has lately. I graduated highschool early and have been in college for about two years, he is still in highschool. we used to get along perfectly, now he just annoys me sometimes. I'm maturing at a really fast rate, but it seems he doesnt mature at all. He seems to be stuck as a 14 (sometimes 13) year old. Normally I just ignore the little things, but its starting to annoy me more as I grow up, and he doesnt. He might end up reading this post, because he comes on here once in a while. But I suppose that would just be the hard truth though. It sucks because we used to be (are? idk) such great friends. But I just plain dont want to deal with all of the kiddish stuff that happens with/around him anymore. I hope I learn to ignore those things once again, but I don't know if I will. And buddy, if you somehow come about this post and read it. I'm sorry but it's true. Sucks really, because I don't have a whole lot of friends.
[QUOTE=Dank Dave;28469165]Well...[/QUOTE]
I'm so sorry you're struggling this much with your mother, man. I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry and you can always PM me if you need someone to talk or vent to. You may want to see a doctor or something about the insomnia.
I know the whole situation with your mom sucks but try to not make it devalue your life. You're a fucking human being and that in itself is amazing. On top of that you seem like a caring individual and a generally good person. Try to take pride in yourself and maybe you can find solace in that.
[editline]7th March 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=D0C H.;28484013]I all of a sudden no longer want to be around many people in my life.[/QUOTE]
Try not to be too pretentious about your maturity and humble yourself a bit. I don't know the entire situation but I think maturity is a pretty trivial thing and there a lot of different ways to define it. Be careful in that mentality.
College is a large eye opening and life changing experience too and since you are there and he isn't, that is obviously also a large factor.
I smoked pot for the first time this weekend and had my first kiss (not while I was high) on the same day.
Huh.
Now I seem to be sick and my breathing is a little labored. I'm hoping it is because I'm sick, and not because my lungs have an unusual reaction to smoke.
Still a very good weekend. Bit bittersweet, but nice none-the-less.
[QUOTE=MindMuncher;28484842]I smoked pot for the first time this weekend and had my first kiss (not while I was high) on the same day.
Huh.
Now I seem to be sick and my breathing is a little labored. I'm hoping it is because I'm sick, and not because my lungs have an unusual reaction to smoke.
Still a very good weekend. Bit bittersweet, but nice none-the-less.[/QUOTE]
Weed is great.
Haha nice, man. Sounds like you had a ballin' time.
It's more than likely because you're sick. If it starts to get bad don't hesitate to see a doctor, though.
I consider killing myself sometimes :smithicide:
I think a majority of people have at least thought about suicide. I've considered it myself before but I really don't think it's worth it. There's so many beautiful things in life you just have to appreciate them
[QUOTE=Binsky;28485006]I think a majority of people have at least thought about suicide. I've considered it myself before but I really don't think it's worth it. There's so many beautiful things in life you just have to appreciate them[/QUOTE]
I lost the one beautiful thing in life. Now I have nothing but these stupid computer games.
[QUOTE=MacTrekkie;28485075]I lost the one beautiful thing in life. Now I have nothing but these stupid computer games.[/QUOTE]
Hey, 2011 is a great year for gaming.
After i play Skyrim i can go kill myself.
[QUOTE=MacTrekkie;28485075]I lost the one beautiful thing in life. Now I have nothing but these stupid computer games.[/QUOTE]
You're ignorant and whiney if you think that there was only one beautiful thing in life. Everyone else finds a reason to live, and I'm sure they think that at least one thing is beautiful somewhere in the world.
You have the ability to sense a three dimensional space around you and interact with the world directly. Videogames cannot possibly be the only thing that you have.
[QUOTE=Binsky;28484969]Haha nice, man. Sounds like you had a ballin' time.
It's more than likely because you're sick. If it starts to get bad don't hesitate to see a doctor, though.[/QUOTE]
I'm betting that it is too, but I can't help but feel that suspicion in the back of my mind every now and then. Then I realize how paranoid I'm being...
[QUOTE=MacTrekkie;28485075]I lost the one beautiful thing in life. Now I have nothing but these stupid computer games.[/QUOTE]
You have to learn to appreciate many things. It's silly to only care about one thing because there are so many things out there, buddy. Just try to relax and think of things you enjoy whether is be videogames, books, music, sports, nature, etc. and focus on those things
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