My girlfriend of three years just confessed to me that she used to be a man
913 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Jrock455;37675980]And the reason she probably didnt tell you in the first place was because she was scared of what you would do to her if you found out but now she trusts you enough to tell you[/QUOTE]
Call me ignorant, but I'd think it'd be both easier and more sensible to tell him in the earlier stages of the relationship as there's less to lose and being judged would be less painful seeing as they wouldn't be as close as they are now
[QUOTE=RobbL;37676155]Call me ignorant, but I'd think it'd be both easier and more sensible to tell him in the earlier stages of the relationship as there's less to lose and being judged would be less painful seeing as they wouldn't be as close as they are now[/QUOTE]
But what if he turned out to be one of 'those' guys, and he started telling everyone about you? We don't know if they were friends prior, hang out in the same places, work together, or any part of their background. Discrimination based on this isn't illegal in most states, it could have ruined a lot more than just their relationship.
Edit:
Also, like I said in my post, trust issues. It is a very common thing among trans- people because of the usual bullying that comes along with it. Many don't dress the same was as you would expect a normal boy/man girl/woman because they don't feel that they are. You must remember how kids are treated in school for not fitting in.
[QUOTE=RobbL;37676155]Call me ignorant, but I'd think it'd be both easier and more sensible to tell him in the earlier stages of the relationship as there's less to lose and being judged would be less painful seeing as they wouldn't be as close as they are now[/QUOTE]
On paper aye, but that's so much easier said than done.
[QUOTE=Skelmech;37676117]There are things that cause ciswomen to not have periods their whole life you know[/QUOTE]
Yeah I know, but even if you knew she's cisgender and not having periods you'd still be worried that something isn't right and most likely ask about it at some point (i mean if you're wanting a long-term relationship you'll probably want kids as well)
[QUOTE=BLUchameleon;37676035]I can see OP being worried if he wanted to have kids with her, and has now found out he can't without adopting.
Other than that, I think this story is rather sweet. 3 years is a long time to keep that secret, but sweet all the same.[/QUOTE]
This is really the only problem.
If OP wants his [I]own[/I] kids, they're going to have a problem.
Otherwise you've built so much comfort in her that she wanted to tell you that really personal secret. I think that's a pretty huge step. And if you've been together 3 years and had no complaints before, why start them now?
Or OP could be trolling.
[QUOTE=RobbL;37676190]Yeah I know, but even if you knew she's cisgender and not having periods you'd still be worried that something isn't right and most likely ask about it at some point (i mean if you're wanting a long-term relationship you'll probably want kids as well)[/QUOTE]
You would be surprised at how many people do not want kids because they don't think they would be a good parent or don't have the ability. Edit: to afford kids, that is, not the physical one.
[QUOTE=Zang-Pog;37675968]I don't understand what the problem here is OP. Three years is a long time and I don't think something like this ( even though it's kind of a big deal ) should affect anything[/QUOTE]
Kids. Last time I checked transexuals can't have kids unless they kept some parts.
Comfort. I would be uncomfortable if I had sex with someone who used to be a dude.
Trust. She waited 3 years into the relationship to tell the OP.
I would break up with her.
[QUOTE=RobbL;37676190]Yeah I know, but even if you knew she's cisgender and not having periods you'd still be worried that something isn't right and most likely ask about it at some point (i mean if you're wanting a long-term relationship you'll probably want kids as well)[/QUOTE]
When you already have a pretty convincing vagina and you pass effectively it's pretty easy to lie about some reproductive disease.
[QUOTE=Skelmech;37676268]When you already have a pretty convincing vagina and you pass effectively it's pretty easy to lie about some reproductive disease.[/QUOTE]
Have you ever heard the term "It's too good to be true?"
[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;37676241]Kids. Last time I checked transexuals can't have kids unless they kept some parts.
Comfort. I would be uncomfortable if I had sex with someone who used to be a dude.
Trust. She waited 3 years into the relationship to tell the OP.
I would break up with her.[/QUOTE]
Kids. Adoption is always an option.
Comfort. Why? They are what they are now and they're still the same person. Not like it makes you gay.
Trust. It shows an immense amount of trust in him to take the plunge and give him information that could ruin her life if he was a dick.
What if they want their own kids to pass on their legacy etc.?
Btw, i'd also get suspicious if she never talked to me about her childhood or showed me childhood photos. I mean most parents keep pictures of their kids around their house, didn't you see any?
[QUOTE=venn178;37676309]What if they want their own kids to pass on their legacy etc.?[/QUOTE]
Then they're probably douche-bags.
[QUOTE=Autumn;37675397]i find it difficult to believe that you never noticed that she wasn't quite the same as other women...
unless she was your first girlfriend and only person you've had sex with[/QUOTE]
Without a doubt this, as I understand it transexual women lack the ability to self-lubricate during sex almost if not entirely.
[QUOTE=andrey191919;37675586][img_thumb]http://i.imgur.com/6x5J5.jpg[/img_thumb][/QUOTE]
Progynon Depot is also used to treat the symptoms of low estrogen in women who do not produce enough estrogen naturally.
four viable situations I see in this, and you probably know the real one already
1- it's face value and she's a man, baby
2- Crazy-girlfriend-level test of faith
3- Crazy-girlfriend tactic of making [I]you [/I]break up with [I]her [/I]so she doesn't feel guilty for being the one to initiate it
4- this was all just a fun little experiment to see how FP would react to the situation
4a (bonus round)- and [I]you [/I]are actually the transperson
[QUOTE=Biotoxsin;37676388]They actually do use it with transexuals, it's an estrogen ester[/QUOTE]
note the word "also"
If you love her, it shouldn't really matter. With the chemical treatments transexuals undergo they really do become the gender they wish to be. It's pretty astounding what physicians are able to do today.
[editline]15th September 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=daijitsu;37676371]Progynon Depot is also used to treat the symptoms of low estrogen in women who do not produce enough estrogen naturally.[/QUOTE]
They actually do use it with transexuals, it's an estrogen ester
[QUOTE=Biotoxsin;37676347]Without a doubt this, as I understand it transexual women lack the ability to self-lubricate during sex almost if not entirely.[/QUOTE]
K-Y jelly.
It's almost a universal lubricant, except for metals and some types of soft plastic/rubber.
Anyone remember the xenomorphs from Alien and Alien Vs. Predator?
Yeah, their droll is just K-Y jelly.
A. Can she get wet?
B. Can she squirt?
C. Can she even have an orgasm?
D. Holy hell I feel sorry for you.
If she can't get wet, did you think you just sucked?
Same goes for every other question, were you just thinking you were terrible in bed all together?
Reminds me of those news a while ago where this guy found out his wife used to be a man, after 20 something years of marriage :v:
[QUOTE=Van-man;37676422]K-Y jelly.
It's almost a universal lubricant, except for metals and some types of soft plastic/rubber.[/QUOTE]
Unless she had at one point stated she had lubrication issues it would seem a bit strange for a lady to not produce any lubrication of her own. The proof given by the estradiol supplement seems enough to make it seem legitimate, but I'm wondering how the OP didn't pick up on this a bit sooner.
[editline]15th September 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Zaex;37676427]A. Can she get wet?
B. Can she squirt?
C. Can she orgasm?
D. Holy hell I feel sorry for you.
If she can't get wet, did you think you just sucked?
Same goes for every other question, were you just thinking you were terrible in bed all together?[/QUOTE]
Unless he's lying the first two are going to be false, the third will probably be true, and the third is ignorant on your behalf
It's not like this news changes her, She's still the person you fell in love with.
Anyway Transgirls are like bro-tier to be around cause they grew up with videogames and porn.
[QUOTE=Zaex;37676427]A. Can she get wet?
B. Can she squirt?
C. Can she orgasm?
D. Holy hell I feel sorry for you.
If she can't get wet, did you think you just sucked?
Same goes for every other question, were you just thinking you were terrible in bed all together?[/QUOTE]
A. No, it is impossible I'm pretty sure. Lubricant is needed.
B. wtf...
C. Yes, they are able to use the male sex organ to create a nerve system intense enough to achieve orgasm (although it is possible to orgasm without it)
D. Fuck you.
[QUOTE=daijitsu;37676371]4- this was all just a fun little experiment to see how FP would react to the situation
4a (bonus round)- and [I]you [/I]are actually the transperson[/QUOTE]
Based on the new account, I'm going with this being an anonymous advice thread veiled in a weird conversation.
[QUOTE=Skelmech;37676301]Kids. Adoption is always an option.
Comfort. Why? They are what they are now and they're still the same person. Not like it makes you gay.
Trust. It shows an immense amount of trust in him to take the plunge and give him information that could ruin her life if he was a dick.[/QUOTE]
I want my own kids.
I am honestly uncomfortable when I imagine the idea of me dating a transexual.
It does take a lot of trust to admit that "I used to be a guy", and she must trust the other partner to say that. But it's hard to trust that person back after she told you after [I]3 years[/I] into the relationship.
[QUOTE=Kabstrac;37676526]some of you seem to be shrugging this off pretty easily, and I don't think most of you would in his situation.[/QUOTE]
Most of the people that are disagreeing with breaking up with the girl are transexual.
They think this would be an overation to lean to the choice of breaking up with the transexual when it's not.
I've actually run through this hypothetical before... Here's my take.
If you still feel that you truly love her, stay with her. If you don't, don't. It really is that simple, but I'll explain further anyway.
I would definitely have trouble being with somebody that I knew was previously a man, and I definitely wouldn't want to start dating one. I respect their choice to live that life, but I just wouldn't want to start on that emotional roller-coaster, especially since I want kids. But since you've been with her for three years, you might already love her, which is a whole different ball game. If you find that that love is stronger than the discomfort you feel, and you think that being with her will still be easier than being without her, then by all means continue with your relationship. If you don't love her, hell, you should probably be breaking up right about now regardless of the whole trans thing; 3 years is long enough to be in a relationship without love.
[QUOTE=sirdownloadsalot;37676331]Then they're probably douche-bags.[/QUOTE]
Because when I want to contribute to society it makes me a douche-bag?
If you've been with her for 3 years, this shouldn't change anything.
It's a massive overreaction. She's no different than she has been for the past three years, the only reason to break up with her is deep-seated homophobia because you're afraid of being gay. Lots of people are infertile, and breaking up with someone due to that is incredibly superficial.
The OP is attracted to her, has had a normal life with her, and can continue to have a normal life with her as long as he doesn't let something that barely affects him to get in the way.
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