No idea how good that is, but it heavily reminds me of one scp on the SCP foundation site(can't remember which one)
the pacing of what's occurring is fine I think, the writing itself is a bit weak. I wish you'd pasted the text instead of posting an image so it was easier to pick apart lol
The first sentence runs long, has an incorrectly used semicolon and an incorrect capital letter on Everyone. You begin in present tense and switch to past, keep it pegged in one or the other (past is obviously more typical, I don't usually care for present tense although the book I'm reading at the moment does quite well with it so it can be made to work). The first line being in the template for the walk-into-a-bar joke isn't good in my opinion, but that's a taste thing I suppose, I don't like to read blatant references because it breaks the immersion and tips the hand of the author so to speak. We should always be "in the room", not sat in the real world holding the book thinking haw that was clever what she did there. A couple of small errors that proofreading would weed out hopefully, fellow horseman instead of horsemen, and sour expression instead of and -a- sour expression. Another tense change in the second last sentence, begins "it [I]is[/I] not" (also consider "it's not" since you're going informal in a line like that whether breaking the fourth wall or if it's just rhetorical from a character, it's still like speech because it's a thought that addresses somebody) and ends "[I]was[/I] it". The armageddon joke is a real put-the-book-downer as well, i'd expect to hear it in a bad cartoon or something. Piece of brass isn't a brilliant handle for a pocket watch, the results in imagining the two sets of words are so different that I didn't even realise the "piece of brass" was something that had been mentioned before.
I wouldn't read more of your book, not just because it's unpolished but the way you're handling the humorous overtone is very unappealing to me, you need a deft hand to play humour as a cornerstone of your writing.
Yay for sloppy Christmas cards?
[url=https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/32719274/sloppyjob.jpg][img]https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/32719274/sloppyjob_thumb.jpg[/img][/url]
Click it.
Merry Chress Mess
So hey this is going to be a bit different from what's usually posted here because it's gonna require clicking a link and reading stuff so woops fuck it in advance.
So I started a little interactive story thing over in the MS Paint subforum, but then I started redoing it and gave it a website. [URL="www.ultimicaadventure.com"]Here's a link.[/URL]
I'll take any criticism other than that [I]one big glaring one[/I].
[sp]If Prequel can get away with it, so can I..!![/sp]
T’was a bright Christmas morning, and all through the house,
There was ample booze flowing for this contemptuous louse.
The stockings were empty, and to the side thrown away,
What was once within now on the floor lay.
The brandy was nestled, all snug in my gut,
Curled up near the fire, I was roasting my butt.
And mom in her ‘kerchief, and dad in his cap,
Had gone back to bed, to go take a nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the floor to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I stumbled now drunk,
In hopes that my fly would indeed hide my junk.
The sun shone down on the damp winter’s grass,
The lack of white snow made the ground look quite crass.
When, what to my sad, bleary eyes should appear,
But a scraggly hobo, with eight bottles of beer.
A curious fellow, and quite plainly drunk,
And to my poor nose reached a slight odour of skunk.
To be so trashed in public, this man had no shame,
And then, of his beers, he recited their names
“Oh Bud Light, oh Molson, oh Mill Street and Beck’s!
Oh Miller, oh Corona, oh Laker and Leck!
So I forget all my worries, both those big and small!
Now down the hatch, down the hatch, down the hatch all!”
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet an obstacle, mount to the sky.
As he tripped while prancing, his booze it then flew,
And landed on the ground, and the hobo did too.
And then, in a hurry, I heard on the ground,
The hobo frantically scurry around.
In an attempt to collect his spilled drink,
In hopes that his stockpile thereof wouldn’t shrink.
His clothes were in tatters, from his head to his foot,
And the black stuff that coated him, I hoped it was soot.
All of his spilled bottles he did frantically pack,
Back into their container, now upon his back.
His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
He looked like the happiest man of the hour,
Though the beard on his chin could have used a shower.
The bottle of brandy I raised to my mouth,
And with a sip put an end to my short booze drouth.
A question I asked, at what was seen with my eyes,
“What the hell is going on?” I said t’wards the skies.
He was scraggly, unkempt, a right sorry old sod,
And I laughed when I saw him acting so odd.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Made me wonder if I should just go back to bed.
In my lawn he did sit, enjoying a drink
“What compels him to do this?” is all I could think
And laying a bottleneck aside of his nose,
And giving a grunt, from the ground he then rose.
He brushed himself off, slightly damp from the dew
And he then began to stumble out of my view.
But I heard him exclaim, his voice full of cheer,
“Merry Christmas to all, now where’d I put my beer?”
[IMG]https://38.media.tumblr.com/ffd4dac5006a4f5661788fa64633c5ba/tumblr_ngy71nQHtH1snfjwfo1_1280.png[/IMG]
I drew a bunch of Christmas fanart for people, this is the only one I really like so here
[QUOTE=Talkbox;46792085][IMG]http://41.media.tumblr.com/769b9d1450cc2b531e66960f088a3997/tumblr_nh3txpJkLm1qksbd1o1_1280.png[/IMG][/QUOTE]
Do you have this in a higher resolution? Amazing stuff.
[QUOTE=Cock Boner;46795575]Do you have this in a higher resolution? Amazing stuff.[/QUOTE]
Thanks, I'll PM you a we-transfer link.
Edit: Can't PM you, heres hi-res - [url]http://we.tl/Jf8sth14x5[/url]
Make sure u credit me if u share it - [url]http://mrcoates.tumblr.com[/url]
all these heartwarming christmas skeletons
[IMG]https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7468/16084101796_a57140e6d6_b.jpg[/IMG]
drew my airsoft rifle
sadly I took proportions from similar photo, can't perfectly handle stuff like that yet.
a quick sneak peak of the progress on that friend collage I'm working on...
Me riding my friend :quagmire:
[t]http://i.imgur.com/aIEvlx9.png[/t]
[QUOTE=Forever_Forum;46797097][IMG]https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7468/16084101796_a57140e6d6_b.jpg[/IMG]
drew my airsoft rifle
sadly I took proportions from similar photo, can't perfectly handle stuff like that yet.[/QUOTE]
That's really good, but the barrel looks distorted to me.
[QUOTE=Forever_Forum;46797097][IMG]https://farm8.staticflickr.com/7468/16084101796_a57140e6d6_b.jpg[/IMG]
drew my airsoft rifle
sadly I took proportions from similar photo, can't perfectly handle stuff like that yet.[/QUOTE]
Love the materials you have going on there. Good job.
I made a movie poster for Journey. All of the image was made using the line and shape tools, except for the title and text box, which were a font and an editable psd respectively. I'm kinda' new to Illustrator (I have a few weeks of college courses I did before I dropped out), so I thought I'd post it up here for some critiquing. I'm going for a minimalist style to match the game.
[thumb]http://i.imgur.com/0xKo10W.png[/thumb]
Sorry for the fuck-huge image.
a spooky scary skeleton i gave up on
[t]http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2014/360/b/f/wraith_by_jhkris-d8bbow1.jpg[/t]
[QUOTE=_demolisher_;46771003]Compliments are good, but criticism is better.[/QUOTE]
did i say anything to imply otherwise? some dude said your work is good just dont be so stuck up
Some animation work in progress:
[vid]http://zippy.gfycat.com/ComposedNextBufflehead.webm[/vid]
Does anyone have a copy of the Michael Hampton book (at least I think it was Hampton) that Lilyo linked a few months ago? The site where it was hosted is down.
[QUOTE=Krinkels;46799826]Does anyone have a copy of the Michael Hampton book (at least I think it was Hampton) that Lilyo linked a few months ago? The site where it was hosted is down.[/QUOTE]
I don't know about the hampton book, but the vilppu manual is a safe bet for figure drawings, and it's easily found online.
im on vacations but i'll be back in sao paulo this sunday. you guys should see a lot of content from me the next week!
[QUOTE=Krinkels;46799826]Does anyone have a copy of the Michael Hampton book (at least I think it was Hampton) that Lilyo linked a few months ago? The site where it was hosted is down.[/QUOTE]
[url]http://www.filedropper.com/michaelhampton-figuredrawing-designandinvention[/url]
[QUOTE=MakoSkyDub;46801449][url]http://www.filedropper.com/michaelhampton-figuredrawing-designandinvention[/url][/QUOTE]
Thanks. Which download button do I click?
[QUOTE=Krinkels;46801494]Thanks. Which download button do I click?[/QUOTE]
The only one.
[img]http://40.media.tumblr.com/e46203803b75154cd4e98f43390546c5/tumblr_nh83skH8Ib1sjl9r2o1_1280.jpg [/img]
[img]http://40.media.tumblr.com/2a7b616257d1f190b7351a0c1dfc5c42/tumblr_nh83skH8Ib1sjl9r2o2_1280.jpg[/img]
For today, I managed to pump out 8 pages of feet studies.
Inb4 I aquired a new kink
lol
[editline]27th December 2014[/editline]
@ the button thing not the feet
[QUOTE=TheGreekOwl;46801841]feet
For today, I managed to pump out 8 pages of feet studies.
Inb4 I aquired a new kink[/QUOTE]
i'm assuming that the first and second pages are your first attempts and the last pages are your last?
if so, then your improvement is pretty clear. good job
[img]http://40.media.tumblr.com/2365b80e659b59072b8b1733cf26ad07/tumblr_nh8eb3nXWE1rt1xsno1_1280.jpg[/img]
A fun sketch, practicing faces and drawing my personal view of orcs and the way I see them.
Basically idea of an elf mage and her huge orc bodyguard.
A snippet from something I'm working on.
Goddamn Lord M, why you so good.
[img]https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/30622781/thock%20thock%20thock.jpg[/img]
That's real hard to read kep, and feels super tight, like you've severely cropped a larger composition
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.