[QUOTE=TheDestroyerOfall;41448314]I'll share a life story of pain, Hatred and self loathing which gave way to something entirely else. When i had just started my schooling, there was a boy who i looked up to in kindergarten, while he was in 3rd grade. I was following him past school grounds and he took me behind a building and raped me twice. When they found me, i was curled up in a little ball on the edge of the field, and wouldn't tell them what happened, After some questioning i told them and the kid was tried or something i don't remember. From then on i grew cold, Colder than a child of that age should be.
Throughout elementary school, I was picked on, and beaten up regularly. One time i remember with clarity, when i was alone after school, and basically attacked from behind and kicked, until 4 of my teeth were broken or out entirely. I had two broken ribs, and passed out from the pain. This was 4th grade. It gets worse in 5th grade. Everyone started making fun of me. I was the odd one out. I encroached in my own thoughts, and asked myself if it were worth it. My teacher placed me in the front of the classroom, just so i could get away from the people who hurt me. He ended up being a great teacher, and one of the only people i would talk to.
In 6th grade i decided that it was the people that were the problem, and distanced myself in general from them that entire year. I didn't talk to anyone, not one person knew me at all. I basically just disappeared, Writing, thinking and otherwise. In 7th grade i almost did the same, But a glimmer of hope was shown above, and i came out that year, with many, many friends. I was a popular kid, i would always help those who needed it and i tried my best to help, the same way in 8th grade.
In 9th grade i fell in love with someone who didn't even care about me. I was hurt, but what really staggered me, was the betrayal of my best friends, again i was against the world, distancing myself, not talking to anyone, and being generally the best at anything i tried without doing it.
In 10th grade, I turned my hate inward, and used it as a device to further my reach and influence. I wasn't doing this for myself anymore, but just to break and destroy everyone i could that had wronged me. A hate like that doesn't just disappear. In 11th grade, i made friends, awaiting for the plan that had finally found fruition. Everyone knew me as the good but quiet kid. I was everyone's friend, from the asians, to the blacks, whites and mexicans.
In 12th grade, my last year of highschool, i took my revenge upon those who'd scorned me, by turning their friends against them, taking all they had away in the fact of how lonely their social life was. I cracked and broke the schools social order, and at the top of the fact, i was there, i was my own king. I had the power to strip people of the social status they had. I did. fragmenting the entirety of the different groups, and the outcasts, not knowing what to do worked alone. I didn't hurt anyone physically, i didn't want to. I had enough of violence. By turning them away, i worked quickly, finding what to do was easier. I worked alone, behind the scenes, pushing people, decoding things and fixing things for my good friends. I even set up some good people with people they're married to now.
I turned at the second half, to the person i wanted to be, i started helping people, even doing it to the people i had hurt. I knocked them down and picked them up, i let my hate, my anger, go. I solved it by being horrid, and although it felt good, i pushed it out and broke it at the end, for my own heart needed saving, and i realized that. I settled down, stopped doing things to hurt people, and now rather to help. I became the pinnacle of social order, someone who genuinely didn't care what people thought, and still helped his old enemies, doing everything in his power, to repent for their sins, and then his own.
I didn't want to become what i hated, but i made myself do it, just to take my revenge. That's all i could do, and wanted to do, and i found myself turning into it, and let it go, fixing it all.
I hope this makes at least a little sense, But i'm happy i turned from what i can describe as a villain who hated people to a person who wants to see them succeed no matter who it is.[/QUOTE]
I'm extremely sorry to hear that. And I hope you get better soon.
I won't go into detail but -
my mother passed away suddenly from a heart attack when I was 8 years old. Everything was perfectly fine the night before, she kissed me goodnight etc. I was tragic emotionally from 6-8th grade. I got better after talking with friends about it and seeking help from councilors and such.
No matter what it is, it will get better. But you gotta go out to strive to make it better. Good luck, bro. Feel better.
[QUOTE=TheDestroyerOfall;41448314] My story.[/QUOTE]
Looking back and reading it again makes me realize that i left out how i felt while doing those things. I turned my hate inwards, sure, but i neglected to say what i really felt. I hated them. i hated everyone and i took pleasure in destroying them, and i saw myself spiral down into a deeper depression than you could imagine, Driven slowly insane from the life i wanted to have but i never had the chance to. I did it to feel better, and after i did it, i think that's when i finally left it all behind, but just imagining the power i had and the pain i did inflict, shattering the social hierarchy and appearing suddenly on the scene, I wasn't so much that king on the top as i was the person in the shadows that used acts of subversion. I took those people that hurt me into the reigns of the social world and spit them out.
It was only after something large happened that i stopped. After some time in the 12th grade, I got angry at someone and started doing the same thing as i did with the others, but it was different. this wasn't a person who was out there socially. They were a recluse, and didn't linger socially. so then i cut them out completely and they came to me for help. At first i had the feeling that i shouldn't have helped them, but at the end i started to realize what i had done and just how deep blood ran. I helped her out of it, i actually dated her, made her socially adept. I took her to prom later, but the thought that people could change for the better swelled inside and soon i found myself helping those that i had hurt.
It's a strange feeling, sort of like after a major disaster and you're trapped inside a house, and someone pulls you out. It felt like i was the rescuer, but also the one who was being rescued. From the cold hearted boy to someone completely new, a changed person but also a person with a horrid past i hid from people. Most of the time they didn't even know it was me that did it.
It's like Edmund dantes from the count of Monte cristo, I let them gain their fortune and took it away, but i helped them back to their feet if they were recoverable, and left them if they weren't to the full ferocity of my plan.
I was in the car with my parents when I was 13. I think we were driving to my Grandmother's (Who is no longer with us) to spend a weekend there or something. The weather was kind of bleak and the roads were really icy that day. Basically, some idiot was speeding, spun out of control, smashed into the side of our car, which caused us to flip over and land on the side of the motorway. Me and my dad got out of what was our car and tried to haul my mum out, with not much luck. He shakily phoned for an ambulance and we were taken to hospital. I don't know what happened to the guy that hit us.
We were in hospital for around a week. When me and my dad were discharged, we were informed that my mum's ribs had broken and punctured her heart. That was a difficult fact to take in. My mum was killed because some asshole was speeding and spun out.
[QUOTE=Fulsam;41405229]Haven't had the best night tonight. Post any moment that hurt to the point of speechlessness, in an effort to show that we all go through days like this.[/QUOTE]
Oh, I though it was literally heartbreaking moments.. Like, this one time I'd done some coke at a party, and a girl starts making out with me on some random couch, and she's like nailing my back and biting my neck etc so my heart rushes to 180bpm and I nearly have a heart attack.
Holy shit.
I had a couple stories to tell, but nothing to this caliber.
Let's go through with it anyways.
My grandfather died 3 years ago in the hospital. He died from surgical complications. My dad was down in Oklahoma for a week and a half, and was at my grandfather's bedside right when he died. My aunt died years ago, from an OD I believe. She didn't mean to do it, it just happened. I still remember my uncle (who now has a serious drinking problem) talking about it. "I woke up... And she was just... cold." A few days ago he was talking about his new girlfriend and how he didn't want her to move in because it was "Mine and Someone else's house."
I actually didn't have depression up until last year. And it all came from a girl. This girl was my first high school girlfriend. We met like in the movies: she looked over and saw me dancing like a fool, I saw her and I knew she was special, yadda yadda. We started dating in 6 days, then three weeks later, some friends of hers were talking about how this one kid needed to beat me up because he had a crush on my girlfriend. I went and told the school principle because I really didn't want to get in a fight with this kid, I liked him. She dumped me that day.
And lastly, my longest-running issue. My mom had a cancerous tumour on her leg a few years ago. She had surgery, she was fine. Last year, she went in on March 9th for a regular check-up/debris check on the tumour. She got a sort of vacuum for her leg that would keep it clean, and needed to be changed every couple of days. Well, that vacuum got infected. My dad was telling me and my brother, aged 14 and 12 respectively, about the way it smelled and the necrotic flesh and how horrid it was. Well, after a removal, and another clean-up surgery, the leg got infected again. A few stays in 2-hour away hospital, several different types of dressings and infections later, my mom had to stay in a local old folks' home. The place was up a really big hill that me and my brother would go up every night after school. Fast forward past two girlfriends, dad losing his job and getting a new one, financial issues, and my birthday which happened 6 days ago, and we get here. Every day and night my mom gets a wound dressing changed, with a hole in her leg that about as big as my hand, going length-wise. She's back at work and everything and we are just barely holding on. We manage to survive (my family is better at holding on than both of my last girlfriends. :/ )
Like I said, my posts are nothing in comparison to what has been posted already.
[QUOTE=theobod;41441819]Knowing the fact that we'll put down my dog in about a month, man its gonna be hard to go to school when my dog's gone, I'll most likely have some breakdowns in school, but fuck it. I also lost my uncle the 12th of September 2010, still cry about it to this day. I'm still glad that I haven't gone through some of the stuff that you guys have gone through, my respect to you for going through it.[/QUOTE]
Also if someone was asking so do my dog have cancer. And my uncle got an seizure due to liver failure or something. Also me, my mom, my moms boyfriend and my sister went to visit my grandfather (my mothers father) and he has cancer, it was really hard to see him in that condition, so god damn skinny and barely eating or drinking anything. He have lost so much weight in the course of like five weeks, he was quite fat then and now he looks like he has anoreixa. Shit man, cancer is a bitch.
the day my mum got taken away by mental health people
it was my 11th birthday
[QUOTE=ThatSprite;41445216]Having to put down my second cat.
She was really special to us.
Another one.
The other week I was at my grandfather's house. He's currently dying of old age and the effects from heavy smoking earlier in life, to the point where he can't even get out of bed anymore because of how week he is. He asked to speak to me alone for a minute.
He told me he had been planning to travel to sweden where there's a business that operates in assisted suicide, because it's one of the only countries where it's legal. But before he could inform us and leave, it was too late, and he was too weak to travel there.
Now I have to just live with the feeling of how much pain he has to go through, feeling so helpless, and how he won't get the dignified death he wanted, and really deserved.[/QUOTE]
Update: He's been moved to hospital, he's getting even worse.
I don't think he'll even see the end of the month at this rate.
This thread is a bit late. Last week I might have still had the energy to speak.
[QUOTE=ThatSprite;41468007]Update: He's been moved to hospital, he's getting even worse.
I don't think he'll even see the end of the month at this rate.[/QUOTE]
My sincerest condolences. I hope his condition improves, or at the least dies the peaceful death he desires surrounded by the people he loves and cares about.
As for my story, I don't think anything I can possibly mention will compare to the heartbreak I have seen in this thread. I have lost loved ones, I have lost my only beloved pet, I have lost friends when they decided to betray me. I have felt truly alone, and felt like I was living out a meaningless existence. I have been made fun of on the internet, I have been trolled, caught on video and mocked endlessly, and I have felt like the most awful human being in existence.
I have a sloppy track record when it comes to dealing with members of the opposite sex. I always seem to scare people away without even trying, and looking at my past chat history for facebook makes me sick to my stomach.
I generally feel disgusting, and the "friends" I do have tend to stab me in the back whenever they want a laugh or feel like they can gain something out of it. One of my friends alternates between being a bro and an asshole, the other is a complete asshole for pretty much the entire time. My third close friend never seems to want to do anything with me, and never has time for any fun activity.
Despite all of the garbage I have gone through, I can always find a little bit of hope to cling to in order to get me through the tough times.
This is nothing compared to the horrible stuff like everyone here has had to put up with, but I figured I should post what was my most heartbreaking moment, way back in '03, when I had my sweet little kitty, Oscar.
Loveliest little bugger in the world, a real small fully black kitten who just loved everything, most notably, yours truly.
He was like my shadow, he'd follow me around, chill on the sofa with me, come up to my room and sit on the bed when I was up there, and when he was older he'd even find me when I was out playing and sit around with me and my friends, so as you can expect me and Oscar had bonded pretty strongly.
Which made the next part the heartbreaking part for me.
We knew Oscar had been sick for a bit and we'd taken him to the vet numerous times, staying there overnight sometimes and it all seemed to be going well.
The last time I ever saw him was the morning before school one Spring morning. I was ready to pop round my friends to get a ride to school as usual, and I bent down to Oscar, petted his sweet little head and said goodbye to him, that I'd see him after school and what not, and off I went.
I came back home that day, and Oscar was nowhere to be found, I figured he might be outside, so I swung my backpack onto my peg under the stairs, kicked off my shoes and walked into the living room.
There sat my Dad, who was sat on the sofa, and he told me that he wasn't in the house because he had died that day of leukemia, which was the cause of his sickness and I'm pretty sure my parents and the vets knew.
I cried for a pretty long time, and being 7 I didn't get over it in a hurry.
I have now though, I have memories of me and him chilling on the sofa, multiple photos of him sat on the bench in the garden with our other cat, Dweezil (who has passed on as well now), and much more.
I think the most reassuring part is that I loved him, I'm certain he loved me, and he at least had a happy little life despite how short it was cut, and the fact that I did at least get to say goodbye just one more time.
I just hope my minds so lucky when my Gran passes (though she is not in the hospital or anything, and there's nothing really wrong with her, it's been audible that her health is slowly deteriorating, so it may unfortunately be soon).
I also hope that everyone here can recover from whatever sadness and depression their current situations are putting them through.
my <3 broake when lmoa pics died rip funy pictures
;(
I liked a girl at my old college. We really clicked together, and I wanted to tell her. But I ended up not going back for another semester after vacation. I wanted to tell her in person, so I waited until I went back up to get my stuff from my dorm. And she wasn't there that day.
Haven't seen her in person since. She lives on the west coast, I live on the east. Champlain College is too far from here for her to visit. Still haven't told her, but because I'll probably never see her again, I don't think I'm going to...
[I]Most [/I]heartbreaking moment? No, I wouldn't say so. and it seems small for some of the stuff here- because it is. Its just recent and still sucks, y'know.
If I had to give my most heartbreaking moment, it'd be when I put down my old dog, Jack.
We picked him out because when he was a puppy, he wouldn't leave me alone out of all the dogs in the litter :v:
He woke up at around 1 or 2 in the morning and fell out of bed seizing all over the floor. I was in the room when we put him down. I was petting him and I felt his pulse slow to a halt and stop breathing. That was just so fucking hard for me. He lived for a long time though, and it was a good life. I miss him.
All but one of my grandparents died in a hospital before I could visit them one last time.
Grandpa from dads side was the only one because it took him a long time to finally succumb to cancer.
Others died within days of being attended to hospital.
All died of cancer.
Cancer of heart was the quickest one, it killed dads mom the same day she was taken to the hospital.
I hope they didn't think bad of me.
I took the girl I worshiped for months to a movie to ask her out. When we got to the theatre, a guy met her there and she sat with him instead of me even after I paid for her ticket. She is one cold heartless cunt.
[QUOTE=DEMONSKUL;41408354]I guess I'll tell my breakup again.
But I'll put you in the context.
I'm 25, socially awkward. Never had a girlfriend before. So of course I never really knew what love was, how it felt like.
At a birthday of my buddy, we go to a restaurant and the friend of the girlfriend of my friend (don't get lost) comes in. She was invited. I'm not giving her too much attention. Time goes on, till the next evening. By then she showed me lots of signs, like grabbing my hand, lying on me and by the end of the next evening, frenched me. God....it was awesome.
Then our relationship goes fast. Like real fast. I have sex for the first time in the following week. And in my head I prepare plans. But then, after 2 weeks of pure bliss....she ends the relationship, saying it is going too fast for her, that she isn't ready.
Can't argue with that, it was going really fast, but I liked it. Now several months later, I'm still single and still sad. I just hope it won't take me 25 more years to find someone else like her.[/QUOTE]
a similar thing happened to me about a year ago. however my current girlfriend of 2 months just dropped into my life out of nowhere and i knew her for years in highschool. look at your old connections man, you'll find the one.
i guess the most heartbreaking thing for me was finding out that all of the years of depression and hurting people emotionally was being caused by the medications i was taking to fix my depression. damn SSRI's fucked everything up bad for a while.
When I was about 14 my grandpa died(suicide). I remember when my stepdad broke the news out to me, my sister and my brother. At first didn't think so much about it as I was still in shock, but 2 weeks later at the funeral, I broke. When I looked at the ribbons hanging from the casket, I felt nothing until my eyes came to the at the front and on it stood "we're going to miss you grandad". That was what tipped me over the edge. I was bawling my eyes out everynight thinking of just that one ribbon.
That was my most heartbreaking moment
But whats weird about it, is that after his death, death don't seem to affect me that much everymore. It's like I can't feel sympathy nor empathy for family members of people dying or famous people and such.
[QUOTE=fredstin22;41468807]This isn't the place for jokes.[/QUOTE]
but im legit sad abuot the russian catpocalypse ;_;
Don't feed the troll
The day the man I'd called father for thirteen years told me I was adopted.
The pastor at our church had asked that I know before I was baptized so I wouldn't experience "spiritual rebirth" in the midst of a lie.
It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry. Because I'd been lied to for my entire life. The first time I'd ever felt what I can only describe as the most painful sadness that I'd ever encountered.
It was the definining moment that lead to a multitude of years feeling just...unwanted.
Ryan Davis' was taken too soon man.
-snip- I lie on the internet
[QUOTE=Miasmic;41476339]The day the man I'd called father for thirteen years told me I was adopted.
The pastor at our church had asked that I know before I was baptized so I wouldn't experience "spiritual rebirth" in the midst of a lie.
It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry. Because I'd been lied to for my entire life. The first time I'd ever felt what I can only describe as the most painful sadness that I'd ever encountered.
It was the definining moment that lead to a multitude of years feeling just...unwanted.[/QUOTE]
Ask yourself this: if you weren't wanted, then why were you adopted? Just because he's biologically not your father doesn't make him not your father. He raised you as hiss own for all the time they've had you. Does that make him less of a father?
[QUOTE=Cane Corso;41476688]You know, my dad taught me a lot of things before he died, but I think the most important thing he taught me was "That bitch ain't worth it"
Never cry over a whore, shadow.[/QUOTE]
she picked someone else to be with CLEARLY A BITCH WHORE BROS BEFORE HOES MANG
Back when I was 16 I suddenly developed schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder (there's a term that's used when someone has both disorders but it escapes me at the moment) At first I was under the impression that they were caused by the stress of having to witness my mother's second divorce and that it would go away eventually. I realized that my assumption was wrong when the symptoms of both disorders had persisted for more than a month. With that realization in mind I had to come to terms with my situation and accept the fact that these disorders weren't going to go away. Anyway that was two years ago and I've made leaps and bounds since then, so my future appears to be pretty bright.
Lost my girlfriend and my home.
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