• SMOKED PORK! A Lolokaust Guide to Jews in MS Paint
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First off our thanks to Reichssicherheitshauptamt Perfumly for allowing us to continue our tradition of test driving the new guide here first. Please let us know what you think because thats exactly why we bring these to this fine forum first. This time somebody else was in the driving seat and I took on more of the art. We have had contributers from many forums and Xamllew has represented Facepunch. We hope you like it, this is again a little bit different to some of the others. [highlight]INTRODUCTION[/highlight] Every human has a duty to give more to society than he takes during his lifespan. If everybody lives like this we continue developing and progressing as a species. Sadly there are elements that see things differently, elements that only intend on taking and degrading the human race. These are the Jews and they have been doing this for thousands of years. We are going to empower you with truth, help you identify them and take action to safeguard the very existence of the human race. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/banner.gif[/img] [highlight]PART 1: JEWISH SHENANIGANS[/highlight] [b]Types of Jews. There are five distinct types of Jews.[/b] [b]Investor/Drone[/b] These are the foot soldiers of the Jewish horde. They invest money into their own Jewish banks as a method of preserving the economy within their own dirty hands. Drones are generally given the dirtier tasks of re-possessing goods owned by good people, collecting coupons, running nose-extension clinics and bagel shops. They are also in charge of stealing human hosts for the purpose of reproduction. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/jew_kidnap.png[/img] [b]Banker[/b] These are the higher ranking Jews. They are in charge of running banks who control international wealth. They like to prey upon simple minded young people by means of sinister bank contracts. It is a well known fact that bankers plotted 9/11 as well as the sinking of the titanic. [b][img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/jew_bankers.png[/img][/b] [b]Film Producer[/b] Jews have no talent when it comes to movie writing, directing and acting, so they are in charge of the only job they are fit to handle: money guzzling! Two popular Hollywood Jewducers are Steven Spielberg and Woody Allen. Steven Spielberg is notorious for making pro-Juden propaganda films such as Munich and gay classic Swindlers Fist. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/jew_film_producer.png[/img] [b]Rabbi[/b] The Rabbi is the highest ranking of all the Jews, except for the queen. Rabbis have an almost total mind-control over Drones and Bankers. They can easily be spotted by the funny black hats that they wear. Sometimes they utter vile words spoken in “Hebrew”. Don’t be fooled, while this is said to be a prayer in the Jewish language. They are probably poking fun at your misfortunes. Jews pray for two things: Money and the destruction of the human race. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/kike_rabbi.png[/img] [b]Queen[/b] This is the highest ranking Jew of all. It is unknown how many queens there are, but early Gestapo estimates number between 10 and 200 worldwide. Unfortunately, it is difficult to tell the difference between a Jewish queen and a critically obese woman who can’t move under the power of her own will. Unlike humans, Jews do not give birth to their young but rather lay eggs. These eggs are laid by the Jewish Queen, or "rabbi". When these eggs hatch, a spider like creature emerges, though this is not the Jew itself. This creature will find a host which it will latch onto and lay an embryo. This Embryo will eventually burst out of the victim’s ribcage in the form of a cockroach like creature, which is the Jews natural form. Eventually it will feed on enough bagels until it reaches full size and is able to morph into a human. Although it is not known for certain, physicist Stephen Hawking theorized that Jews get hosts by kidnapping people, namely tourists. This theory is compatible with the missing person rate compared with the Jewish "birth" rate. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/jew_queen.png[/img] [b]Dastardly Mastery[/b] Genital mutilation of a minor for sexual pleasure is a coming of age ritual that these ‘oven buns’ do on every male. A rabbi will bite the end off a child’s penis and spit it out before the alter of a goat shaped deity as an offering. Upon doing this they will eat money which is the Hebrew’s favourite meal. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/child_circumcision.png[/img] The entire world is run by Z.O.G (Zionist Occupation Government) who are the power Kikes. Amerikkka and most of Western Europe exist under this darkness without the masses even knowing it. Throughout history there have been key figures in politics such as Henry Kissinger who overthrew governments that didn’t hand over their riches and power, the Federal Reserve under Mega-Jew Alan Greenspan who controlled the world economy. Z.O.G never actually puts a ‘beak’ in the top spot like the president, rather it pulls the strings in the background so it can steal and thieve undetected. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/henry_kissenger.png[/img] The world over the last 2 years has been brought to its knees due to financial meltdown. Jews own the banks and here’s how it works. The banks sell bad debts on to other companies with a promise they will make them profit. The money stops flowing because of all the unpaid debt. The Jew bankers go to the governments from all countries for bailouts and in turn receive billions in hard cash. Whilst this is happening they stop lending out, causing businesses to go bankrupt and houses to be repossessed. The result of this meltdown? They get money from the state and own property and assets on a scale unimaginable, thereby giving them greater control, wealth and leaving the state in such a mess that the working man becomes a slave to even higher tax. People say the wealth is going to China but its not, its going to the Jew bankers as huge bonuses. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/working_man.png[/img] [highlight]PART 2: KNOW YOUR ENEMY[/highlight] To fight and protect yourself against an enemy you need to be able to identify them. The cockroach uses dastardly mastery to blend in to its surroundings, making it hard to eradicate them. There are physical differences that set them apart. The Jew nose is a dead give away. It is bigger because the Kike keeps his treasure in there. Body hair is another sign. They always have a lot of thick, black hair, even the women have it on their faces,. Chest hair, hairy tits and back are another sign to look out for. Some say that fucking a Jew is like having it off with Chewbacca. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/hairy_jew.gif[/img] If suspicion arises about a neighbour, then you must test them for Jewry. Various tests can be performed to reveal the Hebrew in spite of their disguises. Drape fine cuts of bacon around your neck and begin an interrogation. Pork to the Jew is like Kryptonite to Superman, or garlic to vampires. If you sense horror or fear, you have identified the enemy and action can be taken. Sadly some of our comrades have been fooled into relationships with these rodents. Again, if you have suspicions, simply smear some pork fat on your genitals and upon penetration the Jew will disintegrate. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/pork_test.png[/img] Saving money is a trait of the Jew. Look out for excessive money saving schemes like wet toilet paper on the washing line and illegal parking meters outside their houses. Collecting rainwater, using natural light from fire and raiding people’s dustbins set them apart from civilized society. The Jew, although owning the entire banking system, don’t believe in banks, they store it as gold because like scavengers, they find delight in shiny things. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/jew_gold.png[/img] Some Jews are shape shifting lizards. British broadcaster David Ike is a pioneer and leader in the movement to expose this foe. These shape shifters are part of the illuminati power-Jews who control things at the top. They eat money and have become drunk on power. Very few people have seen them in their natural form. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/shapeshifting_lizard.png[/img] [highlight]PART 3: OUR FUHRER, OUR LEADER AND SUPREME COMMANDER ADOLF HITLER![/highlight] Political correctness has made our duty to our fatherland difficult. We are told to accept all people, regardless of colour, race and sexual orientation but we all know that’s a bag of pig semen so we have to be pro-active. Our glorious leader and master, Adolf Hitler (peace be upon his great name and eternal memory), made it a national project to get this beast in its place by putting them in lol camps. This is the only time in human history the Jew has been put to good use. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/adolf_hitler.png[/img] Killing the cockroach was the easy part, getting rid of the bodies was the challenge. Before the bodies were buried or burnt in mass graves, gold was extracted from their teeth. This was another trick of the shape shifting lizard to hide its wealth. It was said that the gold extracted from the Yid’s teeth was enough to finance the entire war effort! [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/gold_teeth.png[/img] [highlight]CONCLUSION: THE FINAL SOLUTION[/highlight] [b]But what can I do about the Zionist problem?[/b] Every red blooded white human hates Jews. But unfortunately not everyone knows how to deal with the problem. You see, having a Jewish settlement in your community is a lot like being raped with a rusty pitchfork while on morphine; sure, you don’t notice at first, but just wait until it wears off! I’m not really going anywhere with this, I just wanted to make a reference to drugs and inanimate object rape. Anyway, there are several ways to counter-act the Jewish advance: Put cyanide in your local bagel store: Jews can’t survive for more than three hours without a dose of bagel, so if you put the poison right at the source you’ll be sure to take down a good number of the fuckers before they realize they are being infiltrated. At this point, you spill a jar of burning oil onto a little girls face and run away LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOL. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/bagel_poison.png[/img] Investing=bad: Don’t be a greedy fag, just take the money you earn out of the bank as soon as possible. Remember, every time you invest, an innocent child gets prostate cancer. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/jews_cancer.png[/img] Support Jew haters: This one is a bit of a kick in the bananas because you’d be supporting a nation of rag head terrorists, but as soon as Israel is wiped off the map we can stab the fuckers in the back and steal their oil. It will be easy because the conflict with Israel would have taken up what little resources they have and leave them fighting us with sticks and stones. A win-win situation! [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/destroy_jews.png[/img] The total destruction of Israel is the key to winning this war but until that happens educate family and friends: Knowledge is power, comrades! Educate your loved ones by linking them to this page and making them aware of the growing threat to the world. Showing this to parents and grandparents, teaching it in schools is an especially good idea. Remember, United we are strong! [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/pics/jew/nuke_israel.png[/img] [highlight]LOLOKAUSTS![/highlight] What's Hitler’s least favourite planet? Jewpiter What's faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon. Why don't Jews eat pork? The Torah prohibits cannibalism. Why did Hitler kill himself? Because the Jews sent him the gas bill. What is a Jews biggest dilemma? Free pork. What’s the object of Jewish football? To get the quarter back. How’s Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes? They put parking meters on the roof. Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years? They heard that someone dropped a quarter. What did the sunbather shout at the Jew? No, I won't PAY you for sunshine! What repulsive thing can be found in a Jew's clothes? The occupant. [b]Project director: Dredknot Text: Dredknot with additional content by: Jewdozer Art: Jewdozer Homodozer Smileycythe (fagcomix) Tino (uncover-reality) Trevor Fitzroy (ed forums) Xamllew (facepunch)[/b] Here are all our other guides: [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=803165][highlight]ANIMAL CRUELTY[/highlight][/url] [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=746661]MURDER[/url] [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=692952][HIGHLIGHT]VALENTINES[/HIGHLIGHT][/url] [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=608614]SUICIDE[/url] [url=http://forums.facepunchstudios.com/showthread.php?t=622455][HIGHLIGHT]ISLAM[/highlight] [/url] [url=http://forums.facepunchstudios.com/showthread.php?t=576017]FETISH[/url] [url=http://forums.facepunchstudios.com/showthread.php?t=536732][highlight]ZOOPHILIA[/highlight] [/url] [url=http://forums.facepunchstudios.com/showthread.php?t=586804]NECROPHILIA[/url] [url=http://forums.facepunchstudios.com/showthread.php?t=556785] [highlight]DATING[/highlight] [/url] Contact me to draw on the next one.
He's back! Yes!
Best thread on FP, period.
Such a failure. Not enough random gore and nudity.
Not a failure and has a good political backdrop to the offensiveness.
what is this
Art is getting better and better. Text was enjoyable to read (however somewhat lengthy). Overall this is probably my favorite guide now. They just get better as they go. This was a great topic, it might be hard to match.
Not quite as funny as the others, but the art is awesome.
Jewdozer and Lolokaust delivers again
:frogc00l: Good read.
Always good to know you guys are getting the job done.
[QUOTE=johanz;18485350]Such a failure. Not enough random gore and nudity.[/QUOTE] Thanks to all the feedback so far, including the negative. In answer to this one I'd have to say I expected a mixed reaction. Theres only so much porn-gore you can draw before it gets 'same old shit'. We aimed to do something slightly different. Jews are an obvious target but we feel we did something slightly more extensive rather than the usual 'Jews did 911'. To please those who prefer a sexual bloodbath of rape, we have decided the next one will probably be the most bloodthirsty yet. Work is underway and we would be happy to have new artists to collaborate with. Xamllew usually does a frame for us and I'm sure he'll agree, we are pretty easy to work with. Heil this forum, heil Zamllew, heil FP staff and heil the artists! Please post more feedback, we really want you to like what we do.
Wow, he didn't get banned for anything.
[QUOTE=broo20;18499643]Wow, he didn't get banned for anything.[/QUOTE] Why should I? What is there not to like? Humour should include all religions, races and types of people. To not make this guide would be marginalizing Jews, I would never do that. I thank them for giving us a pile of material.
Not as funny as it used to be. But I have skipped through a lot of text in many of the others. This one was interesting enough to read through all again like I did on the first ones. Quality stuff. Do you use MS Paint or just the pencil function in Photoshop? [QUOTE=broo20;18499643]Wow, he didn't get banned for anything.[/QUOTE] Why would he? It is a difference between being racist and poking fun at things. Basically the Lolokaust guides are like South Park episodes. They aren't offending because they pick out everything there is to be offended by and make it very clear that it is meant to be offensive. Rather than just being offensive.
[QUOTE=broo20;18499643]Wow, he didn't get banned for anything.[/QUOTE] There's a difference between racism and satire
It's funny seeing the reactions of new members that have never seen one of these before.
[QUOTE=dgg;18499867]Not as funny as it used to be. But I have skipped through a lot of text in many of the others. This one was interesting enough to read through all again like I did on the first ones. Quality stuff. Do you use MS Paint or just the pencil function in Photoshop? [/QUOTE] We just use MS Paint. I've caught 1 or 2 using other things and even tracing images but my all seeing eye sees all things, these beasts are not welcome collaborators. I'm glad you enjoy our work. I think our later guides became too long, sometimes less is more. What do you think makes a better guide? [QUOTE=Perfumly;18500629]There's a difference between racism and satire[/QUOTE] This is why he is a mod, he understands things. [QUOTE=The golden;18504362]These are so fucking childish and stupid.[/QUOTE] I had a look through your threads. Those pictures of animals and plants were riveting. Don't take these things so serious and be careful with the tone of your feedback, getting banned on account of me is not worth it.
I am a jew and I find this highly offensive.
[QUOTE=jewdozer;18506774]I think our later guides became too long, sometimes less is more. What do you think makes a better guide?[/QUOTE] Yeah, I definitely think the length has something to do with it. It needs to have more punch to it, explain more in less time rather than making it too detailed. When you start making up a whole lifetime story for each kind of jew it kinda becomes too much. Especially when that's the only time they are talked about. Also I think I'll just jump on the wagon and say you need more violence. When it just tries to offend through stereotyping and exaggerating the stereotypes but not really do much else it becomes boring. Also teach the David Icke guy to save in PNG, not JPEG.
[QUOTE=dgg;18508152]Yeah, I definitely think the length has something to do with it. It needs to have more punch to it, explain more in less time rather than making it too detailed. When you start making up a whole lifetime story for each kind of jew it kinda becomes too much. Especially when that's the only time they are talked about. Also I think I'll just jump on the wagon and say you need more violence. When it just tries to offend through stereotyping and exaggerating the stereotypes but not really do much else it becomes boring. Also teach the David Icke guy to save in PNG, not JPEG.[/QUOTE] Yes I'd have to agree, it needs to be more direct, a comedian doesn't spend too long explaining details about the joke he's telling. The david icke frame really fucked me off, I wasn't the writer on this one so somebody else made the call. Thanks for the post.
Oh god you made my day
Awesome!
Well here comes another preview of the next guide, work is well underway. [img]http://www.lolokaust.com/guides/catholic%20guide/catholic_burning.png[/img] What could this be about? For fun we are offering the chance to FP'ers to be immortalised in paint. On some of our guides, our own artists have modelled for some of the frames, yes, you can actually see the faces of some of the filthy fucks who draw with us in the angel frames. Would you like to feature in our next guide? PM a pic or drop me a message and we will see what we can sort out. FP has always been a really good place to preview our work.
BTW Jewdozer, when is the next guide expected to be finished? I might have some delay on my part since I've got a few other pieces I need to do.
[QUOTE=The golden;18504362]These are so fucking childish and stupid.[/QUOTE] Get off of your maturity high-horse.
[QUOTE=xamllew;18721075]BTW Jewdozer, when is the next guide expected to be finished? I might have some delay on my part since I've got a few other pieces I need to do.[/QUOTE] Take as long as you like Herr Paintfuhrer. This next ones going to be a big one so I doubt we'll be ready for some time. Don't sweat it, enjoy it.
Way too little anti-semitism in this thread.
Catholicism guide please
Hahaha what?
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