I think drop all contact and move on.
[editline]4th August 2011[/editline]
Typical messy breakup, you should have dropped contact earlier.
I stopped reading the chat log when you called her selfish. What the fuck is your problem man? You broke up with her (apparently 'mutually') and you're supposed to be 'over her' but that clearly isn't the case at all.
Your first mistake was asking her not to hook up with some guy after you had broken up. Of course she ignored the message and got annoyed, way to go and make her feel uncomfortable for doing what she had every right in the world to do. You had already broken up, her issues are supposed to be separate from yours and vise versa. Then you still decide to try and be her friend, lying to yourself that you're 'over it', but then ask her not to have sex with anyone? And somehow, you still think you're 'ready' to be her friend? No, you're not even close. You haven't 'moved on', getting a date with a girl to your formal doesn't mean shit when looking at the mess of insecurities you've just displayed in that chat log.
You're the selfish one here dude, she has every right in the world to not want to speak to you when you're fucking with her emotions and being a manipulative bitch about it saying shit like "I did everything for you, why are you being horrible?" She's not being horrible, she's worrying about herself, exactly what you've failed to do. She's doing what she has to do to move on from you and the relationship you had, and you're not doing anything at all to make it any easier for either of you. I love how you tried to be all dramatic at the end there with the "goodbye forever, enjoy your life whilst I sit here and cry," when in all likelihood she was probably thinking "fucking finally."
You need to stay well away from this girl and worry about yourself. The relationship you had with her probably wasn't all that great as you're making it out to be if she got bored of you after 9 months and happily moved on to another guy. It's tough but it is what it is. You're not 'over' it at all if you're still emotionally invested into her/how she treats you, which you clearly are.
Move on, focus on yourself and your own life, don't occupy yourself with thoughts of her, and in a matter of weeks or months, you'll look back on that chat log and kick yourself. Chin up, dude.
[editline]4th August 2011[/editline]
Also her name is ~, you didn't do very well at hiding that just FYI.
ah, sorry I didn't censor it very well, could you maybe snip her name please?
I will but seriously who cares.
I mostly just got upset with the fact that she just didn't listen when I asked her not to do anything with the guy. I didn't see it as much of a big thing to ask, especially when I knew she would prefer not to to upset me.
Just seemed strange when she was the one who insisted that we stayed friends, and that she would always care for me.
Also, I didn't call her selfish, if you were referring to the part in the last message, I was quoting what she had said
but yes, I know that I've fucked up badly. But I just got fed up with everything feeling so unfair
Dude. You are in the wrong. Fucking leave it, grow a pair and meet someone else.
Jesus christ.
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31524175]I mostly just got upset with the fact that she just didn't listen when I asked her not to do anything with the guy. I didn't see it as much of a big thing to ask, especially when I knew she would prefer not to to upset me.
Just seemed strange when she was the one who insisted that we stayed friends, and that she would always care for me.
Also, I didn't call her selfish, if you were referring to the part in the last message, I was quoting what she had said
but yes, I know that I've fucked up badly. But I just got fed up with everything feeling so unfair[/QUOTE]
Why would she even consider that request? Let's flip the situation for a moment: you break up, you happily move on, find another pretty girl who you're interested in and who is interested in you. You're going to a party and she's going to be there, you're excited to finally be single and able to do what you want, having spent the last month in a relationship you wanted to leave. You're on your way out and you get a text from your ex asking you not to do anything with her.
Would you feel like she's trying to control you, even after you've broken up? Would you feel like she's only concerned about her own feelings? Would you feel even slightly inclined to listen to her? Would you even know how to reply to such a retarded request, or would you do the obvious thing and ignore it?
It's true that maybe she doesn't want to upset you, but you're not together anymore, her own happiness is more important to her than yours. You could be in a similar situation if you had just dropped contact right from the start and started moving on, instead of trying to stay friendly and all sorts of other shit to stay close to her.
You just need to let go of it and forget about her. It might feel unfair now, it won't be easy, and you're probably going to spend many days feeling pretty fucking lonely and miserable, but it's for the best. In a year's time, she'll be nothing more than a memory.
Move on.
Any suggestions on how to make things move on more easily?
It'd probably be best to mention that she was my first proper girlfriend, and I was her first boyfriend. That would probably explain why I've been such a mong about everything :/
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31524390]Any suggestions on how to make things move on more easily?
It'd probably be best to mention that she was my first proper girlfriend, and I was her first boyfriend. That would probably explain why I've been such a mong about everything :/[/QUOTE]
stock up on radiohead and joy division records and sing along till your sorrow fades away
"Cracked eggs, dead birds
Scream as they fight for life
I can feel death, can see its beady eyes
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out again"
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31524390]Any suggestions on how to make things move on more easily?
It'd probably be best to mention that she was my first proper girlfriend, and I was her first boyfriend. That would probably explain why I've been such a mong about everything :/[/QUOTE]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIiUqfxFttM[/media]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq3ICK9ypck[/media]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR6uz_VTCUo[/media]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4[/media]
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFkSMHle8-M[/media]
After you've finished this list you should be feeling better.
Also, it's a bit tough, we share quite a few of the same friends, what can I do about that?
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31524592]Also, it's a bit tough, we share quite a few of the same friends, what can I do about that?[/QUOTE]
Do nothing about it.
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31524390]Any suggestions on how to make things move on more easily?
It'd probably be best to mention that she was my first proper girlfriend, and I was her first boyfriend. That would probably explain why I've been such a mong about everything :/[/QUOTE]
Read the quoted section at the bottom of [url=http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1089242-Maverick-s-Love-Relationship-Social-Advice-Thread-V2]this thread[/url].
Tl;dr: Distract yourself. Friends, hobbies, going out, games, music, projects, porn. Every day that you feel shit, remind yourself that one day you won't feel shit and it's up to you to reach that day sooner rather than later.
There's also her party. I kind of have to go because when she organized it we were still going out and she invited a LOT of my friends. I have no problem with going, but obviously I'm going to have to be careful with what I do. What should and shouldn't I do? Arrive, say happy birthday and keep low key for the night?
[editline]4th August 2011[/editline]
I'm not planning on shitting in the bird bath and snorting coke off the toilet but yeah
Personally I wouldn't go to an ex's party unless there's a hell of a lot of people going (Meaning I don't actually need to say more than a word to her)
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31524592]Also, it's a bit tough, we share quite a few of the same friends, what can I do about that?[/QUOTE]
It wouldn't matter if you didn't make yourself look like an ass, trying to control her.
If you don't try that again, maybe you can get along, otherwise, you're likely to end up [I]incredibly[/I] unpopular.
[QUOTE=Radapalf;31524977]Personally I wouldn't go to an ex's party unless there's a hell of a lot of people going (Meaning I don't actually need to say more than a word to her)[/QUOTE]
thats pretty much the situation
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31525021]thats pretty much the situation[/QUOTE]
Can you stop yourself from interacting much with her at all? That's what's important really.
[QUOTE=CAPSMAN!;31525011]It wouldn't matter if you didn't make yourself look like an ass, trying to control her.
If you don't try that again, maybe you can get along, otherwise, you're likely to end up [I]incredibly[/I] unpopular.[/QUOTE]
I'm definitely not going to pull anymore stunts. Also I'm not sure why I've gotten such a different reaction on here, but a few of her friends have said they're actually on my side with the whole situation.
[editline]4th August 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Radapalf;31525060]Can you stop yourself from interacting much with her at all? That's what's important really.[/QUOTE]
Of course
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31525065]I'm definitely not going to pull anymore stunts. Also I'm not sure why I've gotten such a different reaction on here, but a few of her friends have said they're actually on my side with the whole situation.[/QUOTE]
They aren't. They're probably just trying to get what you think out of it. Same happened with my first breakup where I didn't move on fast enough.
[QUOTE=thisispain;31524440]stock up on radiohead and joy division records and sing along till your sorrow fades away
"Cracked eggs, dead birds
Scream as they fight for life
I can feel death, can see its beady eyes
All these things into position
All these things we'll one day swallow whole
And fade out again and fade out again"[/QUOTE]
gr8 song nigg
[QUOTE=Radapalf;31525167]They aren't. They're probably just trying to get what you think out of it. Same happened with my first breakup where I didn't move on fast enough.[/QUOTE]
I think they are, but it's mainly just because they've been in very similar situations to me and they understand what it's like.
Also it's not like I'm a bad guy. I've got plenty of good mates; girls and guys. It's just been a right kick in the balls which I'm sure everyone here has experienced before. Things now are a lot better than they were a couple weeks ago, some days are shit and some aren't. Everything is gonna be fine I'm sure, I just feel like a massive cunt at the moment and it's odd not being able to do anything about it other than just let it heal.
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31525065]I'm definitely not going to pull anymore stunts. Also I'm not sure why I've gotten such a different reaction on here, but a few of her friends have said they're actually on my side with the whole situation.
[/QUOTE]
If people start saying they are on your side, you're already losing.
It shouldn't be a matter of sides, and if they feel the need to tell you which side they are on, you're fucked.
[editline]4th August 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31525322]I think they are, but it's mainly just because they've been in very similar situations to me and they understand what it's like.
Also it's not like I'm a bad guy. I've got plenty of good mates; girls and guys. It's just been a right kick in the balls which I'm sure everyone here has experienced before. Things now are a lot better than they were a couple weeks ago, some days are shit and some aren't. Everything is gonna be fine I'm sure, I just feel like a massive cunt at the moment and it's odd not being able to do anything about it other than just let it heal.[/QUOTE]
You can start fixing it by [I]not being a massive cunt[/I], it should get rid of the feeling, and it's pretty much the only thing you can do about such a feeling.
How can I "not be a cunt" now? It's not like I can talk to her again and make up for everything.
I'm seriously a pretty easy going guy all the time, and I would never consider myself a cunt for anything else that I do or say, it's just this whole situation built up and got messy, something which rarely happens with me.
[QUOTE=someguyihate;31525533]How can I "not be a cunt" now? It's not like I can talk to her again and make up for everything.
I'm seriously a pretty easy going guy all the time, and I would never consider myself a cunt for anything else that I do or say, it's just this whole situation built up and got messy, something which rarely happens with me.[/QUOTE]
If you said "goodbye forever, enjoy your life whilst I sit here and cry,", break the contact. You just fucked up son. But in all seriousness, stay away from her. It's simple not to be a cunt in this situation; stop being part of the situation. Don't let your friends "take sides"(even if you're not being backstabbed). Don't show up at her party, and don't try to apologize. Anything you do after saying anything like "goodbye forever, enjoy your life whilst I sit here and cry," makes you look like an even bigger loser.
New experiences happen all the time, it's just a matter of dealing with them and learning from them. I made some huge mistakes with my first girlfriend, did some seriously regrettable things which also left me feeling pretty horrible, but I learned from all of it and am able to look back on it knowing that I'm able to take away a lot from the whole experience.
@capsman
While that wasn't exactly what I said, I suppose it isn't really that far from it. I hate being angry, every situation where I have been it's just made life harder. I always say stupid shit which I regret the second I calm down.
I think that her party is something I will have to go to, unless she uninvites me or something. I'm just going to have to tread carefully when I'm there. Drinking will have to stay to a minimum
[editline]4th August 2011[/editline]
Also something that is bloody annoying is that a lot of the girls I could potentially get with are friends with my ex
Don't think of it as 'her' party, it's just a party with people you know. My ex is turning 18 soon, I doubt she's going to invite me to her party but if she does, I'll go and just treat it as I would any other party, so yes that includes 'getting with' people that are there. Just relax man, you're overthinking this. Who cares if they're her friends?
Yeah sure, I'm gonna go and have as much fun as I can, I mean really, it's going to basically be all my friends there plus more.
I actually have my eye on one girl in particular, but yeah the problem is that she's friends with the ex, you don't think it would be controversial if I make a move on her?
No. Your ex has already moved on.
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