• Sex, Girlfriends and Shit II
    3,229 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Lertez;32884813]Well, my girl friend of 3 years has been dead for a year. I love her still, and I know this girl likes me we've been talking more. I told her today that I can't date her because it wouldn't be right, because I was with you because she was gone. I mean, I like her and all, but I still miss Clara more then anything. I need help.[/QUOTE] Do you think Clara would want to see you spend your life holding yourself back? I think not. Feel sad for her, grieve her, but you do need to move on.
[QUOTE=Evilan;32886153]1 year = too long, 6-12 months = understandable, 1-6 months = healthy. Everyone has their own timetable, but once you start counting the time in years, you need to find help.[/QUOTE] lolwut. 1 year is too long, but 12 months is understandable? Anyhow - no. If he really loved her, a year is perfectly fine. Hell, a few years, I think. I've been with my partner for almost three and a half years, and I've lived with him for most of that. I would be devastated if he died right now, and I certainly would not be ready to date someone else in a year's time. We don't know if he even likes the girl all that much romantically. If in two or three years he's not ready to date, yeah, sure, get some help. But 1 year? No.
[QUOTE=devotchkade;32888491]lolwut. 1 year is too long, but 12 months is understandable? Anyhow - no. If he really loved her, a year is perfectly fine. Hell, a few years, I think. I've been with my partner for almost three and a half years, and I've lived with him for most of that. I would be devastated if he died right now, and I certainly would not be ready to date someone else in a year's time. We don't know if he even likes the girl all that much romantically. If in two or three years he's not ready to date, yeah, sure, get some help. But 1 year? No.[/QUOTE] A year would be about the time I personally would start making an effort to move on with my life I don't mean I would have gotten over it by a year or finished getting over it, just mean that I would try to get back in the thick of it after about a year
[QUOTE=killerteacup;32888619]A year would be about the time I personally would start making an effort to move on with my life I don't mean I would have gotten over it by a year or finished getting over it, just mean that I would try to get back in the thick of it after about a year[/QUOTE] And I can agree with that, but you don't have to start fucking other people to move on, necessarily.
[QUOTE=devotchkade;32889111]And I can agree with that, but you don't have to start fucking other people to move on, necessarily.[/QUOTE] I don't think anyone suggested that he get with the girl
[QUOTE=Man Without Hat;32888392]Do you think Clara would want to see you spend your life holding yourself back? I think not. Feel sad for her, grieve her, but you do need to move on.[/QUOTE] I'm trying.
[QUOTE=killerteacup;32889160]I don't think anyone suggested that he get with the girl[/QUOTE] I'm pretty sure it was heavily implied, since most people who date (at least a few times) have sex. That's not the point, anyhow - he's still clearly emotionally invested, and trying to date another person when he's not ready may not help him.
[QUOTE=devotchkade;32891970]I'm pretty sure it was heavily implied, since most people who date (at least a few times) have sex. That's not the point, anyhow - he's still clearly emotionally invested, and trying to date another person when he's not ready may not help him.[/QUOTE] it wasnt implied at all, they were saying to go on a couple dates to get back out there and see if he could start to get past Clara and find someone else he might like, not to go have sex.
So I have a thing with a girl and I just discovered I can't handle relationships. I like being single more: you are more independent, do whatever you want and you can focus on being awesome and not giving a fuck at all. Weird or not, but I see no point in relationships. If you want to cuddle, tickle and have sex, just find a friend with benefits. I fail to find the argument on why are relationships so great & cute. Personally, it doesn't bring any happiness to me. Being alive and screwing around makes me happy and is more fun. Or maybe I'm just not [I]infatuated[/I].
[QUOTE=Milkie;32893543]So I have a thing with a girl and I just discovered I can't handle relationships. I like being single more: you are more independent, do whatever you want and you can focus on being awesome and not giving a fuck at all. Weird or not, but I see no point in relationships. If you want to cuddle, tickle and have sex, just find a friend with benefits. I fail to find the argument on why are relationships so great & cute. Personally, it doesn't bring any happiness to me. Being alive and screwing around makes me happy and is more fun. Or maybe I'm just not [I]infatuated[/I].[/QUOTE] that's cool for you. some people are like that. other people like the idea of eventually coming across someone that is a great match for you emotionally, mentally, etc., and you care a lot about, and want that person to produce your offspring
[QUOTE=Milkie;32893543]Weird or not, but I see no point in relationships. If you want to cuddle, tickle and have sex, just find a friend with benefits.[/QUOTE] Maybe it's just me, but I myself can't get around of Friends with Benefits or intimacy outside of a relationship. Which is weird, considering that it would fit my ideas very well, rather than my current view that can be called, at most, idealistic. Or maybe because I was obsessed with a single girl for years. Additionally, is there any ways to think of someone as just a friend, if you were close with them, beforehand?
[QUOTE=gufu;32896396]Additionally, is there any ways to think of someone as just a friend, if you were close with them, beforehand?[/QUOTE] Of course. I still keep in touch with two of my exes. I wouldn't do it though if you have lingering feelings. Move on to someone else first before you get tangled up in second botched relationship.
[QUOTE=Evilan;32896880]Of course. I still keep in touch with two of my exes. I wouldn't do it though if you have lingering feelings. Move on to someone else first before you get tangled up in second botched relationship.[/QUOTE] Pretty sure I understand that it's best for both of us to not have a serious relationship. I still don't want her to be left socially alone, though.
[QUOTE=gufu;32897199]Pretty sure I understand that it's best for both of us to not have a serious relationship. I still don't want her to be left socially alone, though.[/QUOTE] So you're saying she has no friends besides yourself?
[QUOTE=Evilan;32897858]So you're saying she has no friends besides yourself?[/QUOTE] Well, pretty much. Not to say that I am the most social guy there is (although I am taking steps to mroe or less mend that situation), but well, pretty much that. I don't want her to be stuck in this situation, and hopefully with me around, she'll be less afraid to get more social.
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;32892279]it wasnt implied at all, they were saying to go on a couple dates to get back out there and see if he could start to get past Clara and find someone else he might like, not to go have sex.[/QUOTE] Alright, well, as I said: [QUOTE=devotchkade;32891970] That's not the point, anyhow - he's still clearly emotionally invested, and trying to date another person when he's not ready may not help him.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=devotchkade;32903304]Alright, well, as I said:[/QUOTE] The best way to move on from your attachment to one girl is to find another.
[QUOTE=Man Without Hat;32903914]The best way to move on from your attachment to one girl is to find another.[/QUOTE] I don't know man, It's not working real well. I mean she is really into me, and I'm trying and we hang, but I just can't get past it.
[QUOTE=Lertez;32909822]I don't know man, It's not working real well. I mean she is really into me, and I'm trying and we hang, but I just can't get past it.[/QUOTE] I know that feel bro, going through the same exact thing.
[QUOTE=Lertez;32884813]Well, my girl friend of 3 years has been dead for a year. I love her still, and I know this girl likes me we've been talking more. I told her today that I can't date her because it wouldn't be right, because I was with you because she was gone. I mean, I like her and all, but I still miss Clara more then anything. I need help.[/QUOTE] You were with her for three years... The hole isn't going to close up, I'm sorry to say. It'll just scar over, especially if everything was going well with her. Like losing a parent. (Just joined the thread after a long absence, not sure if there's more to this story.) Think on it for a while, and try to realize that you deserve more than going through life alone. Always think on her with affection, but don't let the people who are no longer of this plane interfere with your life here. I'm afraid I can't completely sympathize with you, but I can give something at least that you may be able to jump off from: There's this girl who I'm good friends with, but every time we get into a relationship with different people, we always lost our friendship for some reason. We'd all but stop talking, and avoid any speaking that was too friendly. We both knew it, too, and it was the weirdest thing. One of those in-between times, we actually got into a relationship of our own, which she backed out of after about two weeks for reasons even she wasn't sure of. Now we're both in very successful relationships that have lasted 8 and 9 months so far and we both are very, very much in love with those people. (My current girlfriend is indescribably wonderful.) This ex and I try to talk every so often, but we don't ever hang out. She eventually came to the conclusion that she loves me as a person, and I realized that's exactly it. We both know (and experienced the fact that) a relationship between us isn't right. We're not for each other, but there's still a lot of friendly affection, even though it's not in a romantic sense. Like family. So I guess my advice here is to love her as a person and love her for what she meant to you, but you need to really know and realize that a romantic relationship just isn't possible now. Again, there's no way I could possibly know exactly what it's like, but I hope I've helped you in some way. And it's okay to not be ready yet for another relationship. You need to make peace with this before it's possible, and that's the only way it would be fair to future girlfriends.
[QUOTE=Jonii;32935337]You were with her for three years... The hole isn't going to close up, I'm sorry to say. It'll just scar over, especially if everything was going well with her. Like losing a parent. (Just joined the thread after a long absence, not sure if there's more to this story.) Think on it for a while, and try to realize that you deserve more than going through life alone. Always think on her with affection, but don't let the people who are no longer of this plane interfere with your life here. I'm afraid I can't completely sympathize with you, but I can give something at least that you may be able to jump off from: There's this girl who I'm good friends with, but every time we get into a relationship with different people, we always lost our friendship for some reason. We'd all but stop talking, and avoid any speaking that was too friendly. We both knew it, too, and it was the weirdest thing. One of those in-between times, we actually got into a relationship of our own, which she backed out of after about two weeks for reasons even she wasn't sure of. Now we're both in very successful relationships that have lasted 8 and 9 months so far and we both are very, very much in love with those people. (My current girlfriend is indescribably wonderful.) This ex and I try to talk every so often, but we don't ever hang out. She eventually came to the conclusion that she loves me as a person, and I realized that's exactly it. We both know (and experienced the fact that) a relationship between us isn't right. We're not for each other, but there's still a lot of friendly affection, even though it's not in a romantic sense. Like family. So I guess my advice here is to love her as a person and love her for what she meant to you, but you need to really know and realize that a romantic relationship just isn't possible now. Again, there's no way I could possibly know exactly what it's like, but I hope I've helped you in some way. And it's okay to not be ready yet for another relationship. You need to make peace with this before it's possible, and that's the only way it would be fair to future girlfriends.[/QUOTE] I understand, I just can't get over the fact that you know if I do ever get with this girl (she to is pretty incredible so to speak) that I was with her just because Clara. The way I thought to put it is that I'm getting what I want, but not what I need, if you can understand that at all. I mean, me and Katie have shared some times together but I start to remember times when Clara and I would do things as well, and it just kills me.
I think my girlfriend is scared of sex. We've been together for about a year and a half and we've not had sex. I'm not bothered by this as I really don't beleive sex is a requirement and more of a want not need basis but I'm really starting to get convinced that she is almost worried about sex as it has never been brought up like ever. We've obviously shared intimate times with each other but it's at a low volume. I'm really happy with the relationship and so is she but I need some tips on how to somehow make her open up a little more about the subject of sex without being head on to her. :V
just get heated and get a little further with her each time. you can do it on your own; as long as you arent shredding her clothes off and forcing yourself upon her all at once, you shouldn't need to really talk about it unless she says something.
On a related note, do you think you should wait for the girl to make the suggestion to have sex? Me and my girlfriend are always joking about it, but we haven't discussed it seriously. Although it is pretty early days, been together about a month so I don't want to push it. Might want to note that I'm a virgin and she isn't, and she often encourages me to get more physical on the (rare) moments we get alone together.
you're not supposed to discuss it seriously, just do it already and get it over with
"get it over with"? you make it sound like some chore that needs done
[QUOTE=Turnips5;32946331]"get it over with"? you make it sound like some chore that needs done[/QUOTE] the first time is a chore. "i'm sorry i was nervous". are you telling me not everyone is like woody allen and I? i don't believe that! [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dh4LikiGBrQ[/media]
its not a chore but it doesn't have to be some long drawn out process that needs discussion
I am pretty sure that if you can't get to it naturally, then you are most likely to have a problem of some kind between you.
I wasn't on about sitting down and discussing it, rather one of us suggests seriously, rather than just flirting and joking about it.... And I was going to start pushing the boundaries today in terms of how "far" we go.... But some shit happened last night and we are both pretty annoyed. I could tell something was up while we were texting, and when she told me what was up I wish I hadn't asked... One of the people she swims with, one of her friends, decided to confess that he had always liked her and fallen in love with her. He has done this before, almost a year ago, when she was with her previous boyfriend and she turned him down then. He is being a selfish prick, he knows she is with me, and he knew she was single for about 3 months. Whats more, he is going to be joining the RAF in a couple of months, and then be away for large amounts of time, making it very unfair on her, asking her to start a relationship and then pissing off. Well she declined obviously, but its still in then back of my head.... He is a big, muscled, popular guy two years older than us, a typical jock, where as I am just some skinny little kid.... what makes it worse is that she said " he was there for me when I needed it, and he made me feel good about myself, we flirted a bit and stuff, but I didn't really have any feelings for him". And I don't 100 believe that last bit.... She said all the stuff to make me feel better, like "you really are someone special" and all that stuff, but she really didn't seem to agree with me that he was in the wrong and kept apologizing. Now my head is whirling, I might just be being paranoid here but I can't help it..... Even if it is nothing to worry about, the lovely day we had planned today is Not going to go anywhere near as well.....
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