• Sex, Girlfriends and Shit II
    3,229 replies, posted
I think that lack of orgasm is what results the myth that only guys get sleepy
That would make sense. Western sexuality is often very focused on the guy having an orgasm, and that being the goal or endpoint of sexual activity - especially as the vast majority of women can't achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. So if you get guys constantly having orgasms after penetrative sex and consequently falling asleep, whilst their female partners are unsatisfied (so to speak), then that would account for it.
Im getting pissed of with my girlfriend, she needs to fucking grow up and stop thinking its all about her.
Well then, how about you grow some balls and tell it to her face? Relationship wont work out if you don't be honest with each other.
Dont worry I have.
[QUOTE=woOt_5000;33731150]Today is my 22 month(1 year and 10 months) anniversary with my girlfriend. We started dating February 15th 2010. I have noticed that we get on each others nerves a lot more than we used to, but at the same time I am still so madly in love with her. It's hard to explain. It's like I can't stand her sometimes, but at the same time I love her to death. I can't imagine my life without her, but I'm a pessimist so I always think about my future and I can see me living alone with no one. I always try to do the best I can to make her happy, but I think I'm depressed, I always feel down all the time. I feel like it is making her hate me more and more. Sometimes I feel like she just comes over for the sex and what not, because we always do that then she passes out or something. We don't go on as many dates as we used to. I'm so afraid of losing her it's killing me inside. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I want to die at an old age next to someone I love. Not alone. I dunno, maybe I am worrying to much, like I always do. But like I said it seems as though I can't make her happy like I used to be able to, she swears she loves me and that I make her happy, and I don't see her having any interest in other men. It really just confuses me and makes me upset, anyone have any advice they could share that could possibly make me feel better? I would appreciate it greatly.[/QUOTE] hey, even if you're in a relationship with a partner up until old age, one of you is always going to die alone unless you a) have had kids b) both like, get hit by a bus or something think positive
[QUOTE=Turnips5;33733126]hey, even if you're in a relationship with a partner up until old age, one of you is always going to die alone unless you a) have had kids b) both like, get hit by a bus or something think positive[/QUOTE] plenty of couples die within weeks of each other
heh, my new ex had this issue with telling me what I need to know to do my job as her boyfriend. When I ask "How are you, How are things, Having a good time" or things like that (which I ask, a lot), I kinda need to hear... the answer to those questions. Additionally, stonewalling me for 5 days by refusing to use the only method of communication you use (refuses to text anyone, and never answers her phone), and then getting mad at me because I'm wondering where you are on day 3 of no communication, and then 2 days later dumping me OVER FACEBOOK because you say "You flip out when i'm not online all the time" and then, whilst dumping me on facebook, calls ME the immature one and proceeds to explain everything I did wrong. Best part? All of it could have been avoided had she not lied through her teeth every time I asked if things were okay. She acts standoffish one day, I ask why, "I dunno, i'm just off today". Then that turns into "I wanted space and you refused to respect that!" Did you have a good time tonight? "Yeah, I had a great time!" turns into "You ruined everything and I wish you hadn't come at all that night!" Its not just confusing, its bullshit. Absolute bullshit. She's nearly 21, but DAMN she is such a child. So FINE. FUCK YOU. /rant Communication is KEY, fellow punchers of face. It don't matter how much you two get along, how awesome they are, or how many different things you can relate to with that person, if they refuse to tell you how they feel and instead want to bottle it up and lie about it, then there is no communication and therefore no cooperation between you two, and you two will fall apart.
[quote]I kinda need to hear... the answer to those questions. [/quote] And therein lies the rub.
[QUOTE=S31-Syntax;33733703]heh, my new ex had this issue with telling me what I need to know to do my job as her boyfriend. When I ask "How are you, How are things, Having a good time" or things like that (which I ask, a lot), I kinda need to hear... the answer to those questions. Additionally, stonewalling me for 5 days by refusing to use the only method of communication you use (refuses to text anyone, and never answers her phone), and then getting mad at me because I'm wondering where you are on day 3 of no communication, and then 2 days later dumping me OVER FACEBOOK because you say "You flip out when i'm not online all the time" and then, whilst dumping me on facebook, calls ME the immature one and proceeds to explain everything I did wrong. Best part? All of it could have been avoided had she not lied through her teeth every time I asked if things were okay. She acts standoffish one day, I ask why, "I dunno, i'm just off today". Then that turns into "I wanted space and you refused to respect that!" Did you have a good time tonight? "Yeah, I had a great time!" turns into "You ruined everything and I wish you hadn't come at all that night!" Its not just confusing, its bullshit. Absolute bullshit. She's nearly 21, but DAMN she is such a child. So FINE. FUCK YOU. /rant Communication is KEY, fellow punchers of face. It don't matter how much you two get along, how awesome they are, or how many different things you can relate to with that person, if they refuse to tell you how they feel and instead want to bottle it up and lie about it, then there is no communication and therefore no cooperation between you two, and you two will fall apart.[/QUOTE] I'm sorry to disappoint you, but in the way I see things you were the one putting pressure on communication. And you know what, she's kinda right and I can easily relate to how she felt. I'm not calling you names or saying it was your fault, I'm just saying that you should cool off for a while and take some time to think about what did you do to make her stone wall you. I once had a girl too and I had that exact same issue. I got the idea in my mind that we should keep in touch religiously. That was the dumbest thing I did. I used to ask her all the time if everything was alright because I knew it wasn't and she would still tell me "yes". And do you know why? Because I was frustrated and wanted things too bad that my way of viewing communication in a relationship was smothering her. So she used to drop of that "yes, it's ok" in our conversations and then leave me unanswered because she didn't want to go through an argument again by saying no, because she knew I was going to flip out. And yes, she did breakup with me through msn and when I wanted to go talk to her about things she didn't show up. It was rude, yes, but it was also my fault for imposing "how things are supose to be in a relationship". It really depressed me and I was down for months thinking of how could she do that to me, and of how she was a complete bitch, you know. Through time I got to see how stubborn I was and that my attitude contributed to the breakup. And I'm sorry to tell you this, because we can't always hear what we'd like to hear, but I think your frustration got the better of you in this relationship. You can't put rules nor cards on the table. You can't go near your girl and tell her "Communication is the key now" and massacre her with that rule, punishing her by not "obeying" it. That is really awful and takes out control from the other person in a relationship. See where I'm getting at? Your problem was your stubbornness, and wanting things too much in short term. You should have been patient. and don't be sad, cause It was an experience that you can learn with, and by doing so it won't happen again. I'm saying this because I can relate to that. I've been there and I only got to see how foolish I was when I started moving on and dating other girls that ironically, some of them acted the same way I did with that ex of mine and made me open my eyes a bit. As long as you don't jump to the easiest conclusion and be all pragmatic about relationships failed relationships can teach you lots of things and they will surely make you learn a lot from them if you're willing to put your pride asside and look at what went wrong in you. I can't give you a more truthful advice than this and I'm sorry if it's hard to swallow because I see you're still a little mad about the breakup. In time if you learn to let your grudges go, things will become clearer.
he wasn't even really frustrated, it sounded like he was just sending her texts and calling her occasionally and she absolutely refused to communicate. 100% of the time, the person who refuses to communicate how they feel is the one at fault. just saying "yeah I'm fine" doesn't get you anywhere. if you said "no I'm not okay, I need some space/I have this problem" and the person reacted unreasonably, then that's a different case, but she didn't even give him a chance to try to work things out, so it was doomed to fail. she needed to communicate better. [editline]15th December 2011[/editline] asking for communication isn't controlling, communicating is a mature way to deal with problems in a relationship, and if you can't do that, you don't belong in one
[QUOTE=lil_n00blett;33737336]he wasn't even really frustrated, it sounded like he was just sending her texts and calling her occasionally and she absolutely refused to communicate. 100% of the time, the person who refuses to communicate how they feel is the one at fault. just saying "yeah I'm fine" doesn't get you anywhere. if you said "no I'm not okay, I need some space/I have this problem" and the person reacted unreasonably, then that's a different case, but she didn't even give him a chance to try to work things out, so it was doomed to fail. she needed to communicate better. [editline]15th December 2011[/editline] asking for communication isn't controlling, communicating is a mature way to deal with problems in a relationship, and if you can't do that, you don't belong in one[/QUOTE] She did tell him she needed space. And going silent for 5 days means she had enough. The problem is that he kept trying to reach out to her even if she didn't want to talk, by the silence. It's normal for people not to talk to you sometimes when their upset and you don't need to go ask them to know for sure. Being patient and leave it be is for the best. She would obviously talk to him pass some time even if it's to tell him goodbye. If not then fuck her, really. When a person breaks up with you through text messaging it doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't give a fuck about your feelings directly. People also do that when they are fed up and fear another frustrating argument will erupt. and yes, sometimes the lack of communication leaves us in the dark for a while but it's not a solution to keep acting all helpless trying to reach out for the other person. I think a more proper solution tho a problem like this is to tell the other person: " I like you, but I can't keep up with things like this" and end it. You can't make someone love you or suddenly see your point and change their mind just by giving you a chance to talk. People don't change like that. They need time and if you're willing to be patient, if the other person is really worth it, the time for talking about what went wrong will come up. Nobody can think about where they went wrong immediately with someone desperate to fix things trying to get the other person to listen at that moment. People need to cope with silence in a relationship too. It represents trust. And communication has it's limits too.
she didn't tell him she needed space before cutting him off for 5 days, read his post. and it's normal for people to just stop talking for nearly a week just because they're upset? once again, you need communication in a relationship. it's really immature to leave them hanging like that. how is it "acting all helpless" to try to reach out to the other person? you're making an attempt to see what's wrong and solve the problem, which you can't do unless the other person shares what's on their mind. the point isn't to suddenly change their mind and get them to love you again, they were already in the relationship when her side of the communication just declined and went completely to shit. saying you're okay when you're not, refusing to speak your mind, etc. are all big issues because they'll ruin any relationship you ever have, and it isn't the other person's fault for trying to get you to say what's affecting you. "silence in a relationship," ie ignoring the other person completely, does not represent trust. being able to confide in them your thoughts and problems without worrying about being attacked is trust.
She blanked him for a week in an attempt for him to dump her. She didn't want to make him the dumpee. The first and only girl I've ever made this mistake with, explained a year later that was why. I guess she knew his intentions were good, but were getting on her utter tits; so didn't want to simply dump him. Or she knew he would try clinging on if she did. No way to tell which it would be.
[QUOTE=Mlisen14;33731287] If nothing else, you're doing a pretty awesome job at sex if she passes out after.[/QUOTE] Or doing it very, very wrong.
Then i must have misread the text then. Well, I'll give a fitting advice then. One way or another, forget about her, man. Not worth your time.
I wasn't smothering her with too much communication. When we talk and there is a drop in the conversation, I ask her how her day has been. When we go out, afterwards I ask if she had a good time. When its obvious something isn't okay, I ask if somethings up. She said she was just... off, so I did what I did best, I made her laugh, smile, i did my usual thing. Apparently she didn't actually want that, despite leading me to believe that I was doing everything right by laughing, being happy, and having a good time it turns out I ruined everything. She said "Sorry the show we went to wasn't as cool as your stupid video games, but you ruined everything and I wish you hadn't even gone that night." The things she was angry about were caused because she refused to let me do my job, or even attempt to do my job. We had JUST been talking the night before she stonewalled me. We ended with the usual "Goodnight, i love you, talk to you tomorrow" and then... nothing. She was gone. So I waited a day, nothing. at the end of day 2, 48 hours after she was going to talk to me tomorrow, I called her house. I was amazed to even get an answer. But she said she was watching a movie and said "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" and quickly rushed me off the phone before any conversation could even happen. She tore into me for my aspirations, saying "All you want to do is invent something and get rich, and thats bullshit. Might as well say you're going to win the lottery" When, thats not what I said I wanted to do at all. Yes, i want to invent something, but I want to see it widely used and be a part of its development. I like making things that help people in the long run, and we talked about that, and she claimed to understand. She said I hate my job, when I said I don't, but I certainly don't want it to be a career. All her reasons were inaccurate and she used a hit and run tactic to drop this load of shit on my inbox and then bail before I can do much more than a "WHAT??" in return. So yeah, she isn't worth my time. I gathered that much. If she's going to lie to me and force things into one sided shit-fests like that, then I want nothing to do with her. She wasn't ready for a relationship, and I was stupid to think she was. I'm not even really mad anymore, I just want it to be over. My life the past 3 days has been utter hell, and not just because of this shit with her. That event was the first in a long line of events that has pushed me to the point that I'm not even really feeling anything anymore. I just want it to be over so I can move on and be happy again.
Yeah, she isn't worth your time. And it honestly sounds like she was just inventing reasons for there to be problems between you because she wanted to sound like she wasn't totally in the wrong when she finally broke it off. Oh well, you know you did what you could, and you shouldn't worry about it. Some other girl will be happy to have you. And those are great aspirations, she's stupid for not seeing the value in someone like you.
[QUOTE=S31-Syntax;33744169]I wasn't smothering her with too much communication. When we talk and there is a drop in the conversation, I ask her how her day has been. When we go out, afterwards I ask if she had a good time. When its obvious something isn't okay, I ask if somethings up. She said she was just... off, so I did what I did best, I made her laugh, smile, i did my usual thing. Apparently she didn't actually want that, despite leading me to believe that I was doing everything right by laughing, being happy, and having a good time it turns out I ruined everything. She said "Sorry the show we went to wasn't as cool as your stupid video games, but you ruined everything and I wish you hadn't even gone that night." The things she was angry about were caused because she refused to let me do my job, or even attempt to do my job. We had JUST been talking the night before she stonewalled me. We ended with the usual "Goodnight, i love you, talk to you tomorrow" and then... nothing. She was gone. So I waited a day, nothing. at the end of day 2, 48 hours after she was going to talk to me tomorrow, I called her house. I was amazed to even get an answer. But she said she was watching a movie and said "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" and quickly rushed me off the phone before any conversation could even happen. She tore into me for my aspirations, saying "All you want to do is invent something and get rich, and thats bullshit. Might as well say you're going to win the lottery" When, thats not what I said I wanted to do at all. Yes, i want to invent something, but I want to see it widely used and be a part of its development. I like making things that help people in the long run, and we talked about that, and she claimed to understand. She said I hate my job, when I said I don't, but I certainly don't want it to be a career. All her reasons were inaccurate and she used a hit and run tactic to drop this load of shit on my inbox and then bail before I can do much more than a "WHAT??" in return. So yeah, she isn't worth my time. I gathered that much. If she's going to lie to me and force things into one sided shit-fests like that, then I want nothing to do with her. She wasn't ready for a relationship, and I was stupid to think she was. I'm not even really mad anymore, I just want it to be over. My life the past 3 days has been utter hell, and not just because of this shit with her. That event was the first in a long line of events that has pushed me to the point that I'm not even really feeling anything anymore. I just want it to be over so I can move on and be happy again.[/QUOTE] If that's the case. Well you should have ended it yourself earlyer. At least you would make the decision and you would have control over the situation. But yeah, she's not worth it...
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;33749421]If that's the case. Well you should have ended it yourself earlyer. At least you would make the decision and you would have control over the situation. But yeah, she's not worth it...[/QUOTE] If I had known anything about this prior to this happening, I probably would have. it just seemed... not like her. It was completely sudden and I wasn't prepared for it at all.
[QUOTE=S31-Syntax;33744169]I wasn't smothering her with too much communication. When we talk and there is a drop in the conversation, I ask her how her day has been. When we go out, afterwards I ask if she had a good time. When its obvious something isn't okay, I ask if somethings up. She said she was just... off, so I did what I did best, I made her laugh, smile, i did my usual thing. Apparently she didn't actually want that, despite leading me to believe that I was doing everything right by laughing, being happy, and having a good time it turns out I ruined everything. She said "Sorry the show we went to wasn't as cool as your stupid video games, but you ruined everything and I wish you hadn't even gone that night." The things she was angry about were caused because she refused to let me do my job, or even attempt to do my job. We had JUST been talking the night before she stonewalled me. We ended with the usual "Goodnight, i love you, talk to you tomorrow" and then... nothing. She was gone. So I waited a day, nothing. at the end of day 2, 48 hours after she was going to talk to me tomorrow, I called her house. I was amazed to even get an answer. But she said she was watching a movie and said "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" and quickly rushed me off the phone before any conversation could even happen. She tore into me for my aspirations, saying "All you want to do is invent something and get rich, and thats bullshit. Might as well say you're going to win the lottery" When, thats not what I said I wanted to do at all. Yes, i want to invent something, but I want to see it widely used and be a part of its development. I like making things that help people in the long run, and we talked about that, and she claimed to understand. She said I hate my job, when I said I don't, but I certainly don't want it to be a career. All her reasons were inaccurate and she used a hit and run tactic to drop this load of shit on my inbox and then bail before I can do much more than a "WHAT??" in return. So yeah, she isn't worth my time. I gathered that much. If she's going to lie to me and force things into one sided shit-fests like that, then I want nothing to do with her. She wasn't ready for a relationship, and I was stupid to think she was. I'm not even really mad anymore, I just want it to be over. My life the past 3 days has been utter hell, and not just because of this shit with her. That event was the first in a long line of events that has pushed me to the point that I'm not even really feeling anything anymore. I just want it to be over so I can move on and be happy again.[/QUOTE] Before everyone says it's a good thing that you dumped her etc. Just remember sometimes people need some time to themselves. Oh no, she didn't talk to you for 5 days or whatever. Get over it. And she might have been wrong with how she did things. But remember, she's a female, different to you males. She sees things differently.
By "not like her" I mean I was under the impression that we were doing great. Shit, automerge. [editline]16th December 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=Hana-San;33750230]Before everyone says it's a good thing that you dumped her etc. Just remember sometimes people need some time to themselves. Oh no, she didn't talk to you for 5 days or whatever. Get over it. And she might have been wrong with how she did things. But remember, she's a female, different to you males. She sees things differently.[/QUOTE] Except I didn't dump her, she stonewalled me for days, refusing to talk to me, then invented a bunch of issues and dumped me before I could say "Hey love! How are ya?" I refuse to believe that the standard procedure for females is anything close to that kind of bullshit. And her lack of communicating things was usual for her. Something would bug her and she'd refuse to talk about it for a couple weeks, and then all of the sudden yell at me for it. I get left stunned because I had no idea whatever she was angry about was even a problem because she [I]refused to tell me.[/I] It happened about twice before this happened.
[QUOTE=Hana-San;33750230]Before everyone says it's a good thing that you dumped her etc. Just remember sometimes people need some time to themselves. Oh no, she didn't talk to you for 5 days or whatever. Get over it. And she might have been wrong with how she did things. But remember, she's a female, different to you males. She sees things differently.[/QUOTE] If someone stops talking to you for 5 days there is something wrong. There is no 'getting over it.' There is something clearly wrong in the relationship and cutting off all communication for 5 days, especially in a serious relationship is [B]bad[/B] and it won't get you anywhere. She should have at least said to him "Hey I need some time off to myself, I'm going to take the week off and get my head on right." But even then I would suspect the relationship is coming to a close very fast. My girlfriend and I of 8 months have talked every single day for the past 12-13 months, sometimes its just letting the other person know what we're doing for the day, sometimes we have lengthy discussions. But I can tell you that if she randomly stopped talking to me for 5 days I would be in a state of panic. S31, hope you find someone better for you, I'm sorry this had to happen especially so close around the holidays.
[QUOTE=Hana-San;33750230] And she might have been wrong with how she did things. But remember, she's a female, different to you males. She sees things differently.[/QUOTE] I don't think you need to resort to sexism to make your point. You could have easily said "we don't know her, and we don't know what was going through her mind. Everyone sees things in a different way" without the pervasive men V women overtones
[QUOTE=Contag;33750851]I don't think you need to resort to sexism to make your point. You could have easily said "we don't know her, and we don't know what was going through her mind. Everyone sees things in a different way" without the pervasive men V women overtones[/QUOTE] Sorry Contag.
[QUOTE=Contag;33750851]I don't think you need to resort to sexism to make your point.[/QUOTE] Sexism actually doesn't mean what it used to. My Ethnic Studies and Psychology of Diversity professors in college corrected me so many times when I used to say you can use sexism as a derogatory term towards men. The exact definition of sexism is "Set of beliefs and practices that privilege men in an attempt to subordinate women or hold back women from the same set of privileges."
Well your professors are a bunch of liars: [URL]http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/sexism?q=sexism[/URL] prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex: sexism in language is an offensive reminder of the way the culture sees women. It's not necessarily attempting to privilege anyone really. It's all prejudice and stereotypes against any sex, ie. "women see everything different from men". Your definition is especially wrong because this is not solely against women, it can be men to, or hermaphrodites i guess.
[QUOTE=Evilan;33752865]Sexism actually doesn't mean what it used to. My Ethnic Studies and Psychology of Diversity professors in college corrected me so many times when I used to say you can use sexism as a derogatory term towards men. The exact definition of sexism is "Set of beliefs and practices that privilege men in an attempt to subordinate women or hold back women from the same set of privileges."[/QUOTE] That's not correct whatsoever, and it's entirely applicable to call misandry or gendercide sexist. Societal mechanisms of subjugation doesn't only discriminate against women with sexism, it discriminates against men as well. For example, hegemonic masculinity may result in higher rates of suicide among men. That's a result of sexist discourses in common currency. Intersex and trans* people and anyone else who doesn't fit into the binary just gets kicked around (even by your 'correct' definition!) all the time. Now that's not to say men are not privileged - there's a clear power differential between men and women of the same race and class and so forth. It's possible in a particular text that the author used it in that fashion, but to be honest that merely makes the author a bit silly.
[QUOTE=BassB;33753408]Well your professors are a bunch of liars:[/quote] Probably. [QUOTE=BassB;33753408][URL]http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/sexism?q=sexism[/URL] prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex: sexism in language is an offensive reminder of the way the culture sees women. It's not necessarily attempting to privilege anyone really. It's all prejudice and stereotypes against any sex, ie. "women see everything different from men". Your definition is especially wrong because this is not solely against women, it can be men to, or hermaphrodites i guess.[/QUOTE] I probably asked for that response. My professors talked about sexism along the lines of patriarchy within Western Culture. The dictionary definition of the word sexism is "prejudice, stereotyping or discrimination," but in countries with similar Western values to the United States it's damn near impossible to discriminate against men. You can say "all men are [insert insult here], but on the broad spectrum it doesn't affect men as a whole. No one is going to discriminate against men on the basis of that insult because of how much influence men have at the institutional and social-cultural levels. Whereas if you say "all women are [insert insult here] you are making a sexist remark since women are less privileged than men in most areas of life. You're using your patriarchal status as a platform for sexism whether you realize it or not. [url]http://nymbp.org/reference/WhitePrivilege.pdf[/url]
[QUOTE=Evilan;33753610] My professors talked about sexism along the lines of patriarchy within Western Culture. The dictionary definition of the word sexism is "prejudice, stereotyping or discrimination," but in countries with similar Western values to the United States it's damn near impossible to discriminate against men. [/QUOTE] that's not a particularly nuanced approach There are quite a few intersecting categories of discrimination that throw patriarchy out the window and expand the view to kyriarchy, which I'm a bit surprised that subject didn't cover For instance, in a few scenarios highly-educated and wealthy White women are far more privileged than, say, a poorly educated African-American man in poverty. You see a few similar traits to ideal kyriarchal male, like the asymmetric sexual objectification of 'exotic' bodies and sexual predation of younger men (e.g. "cougars"). Women in general are discriminated against more, in more overt ways, than men across all sectors of society, but it's far too complex to say "it's one sided patriarchy" [editline]17th December 2011[/editline] the example I mentioned before of hegemonic masculinity is also quite apt
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