Post jokes here(racist,disgusting,stupid,smart,logical etc) V2
209 replies, posted
What do you say when you see your TV floating in your living room at night?
[sp]Drop it nigger[/sp]
A blonde walks in a hair styling shop wearing headphones.
The assistant says "Miss you must take off your headphones before we can start."
To which the blonde replies "No, I need to have them on."
The assistant states "You can put them back on once we're done."
The blonde agrees and the assistant starts styling her hair.
The blonde was dead in 3 minutes, what was playing in the headphones?
[sp]Breath in. breath out[/sp]
Your plane has crashed in the heart of the jungle. As you make your way towards a nearby village, you find yourself at the banks of a river. It is shallow enough to cross without a boat or raft; however, it is the home to a ravenous family of man-eating crocodiles. How do you make it through?
[sp]Just wade through. The crocodiles are at the meeting of the animals[/sp]
How many jews can you fit in a volkswagon?
Two in the front, two in the back, and forty-seven in the ash tray.
So an Asari walks into a bar, and the bartender asks her "Why so blue?"
"I call my smokes the Qur'an, because when I burn it, I'm gonna get stoned"
This guy is in the desert riding around on a camel and has
been lost for weeks on end. With plenty of water and food,
the only thing that he is lacking is sex and he's as horny
as hell. After a couple more days, he is unable to bear it
any longer and tries to have a go at the camel, but every
time he tries to mount at the rear, the camel walks forward.
He tries 3 times with no success and gets pissed off and
climbs back on the camel's back and rides off.
After a week he tries again, but to no avail. Two days later
he sees a mirage - a gorgeous woman lying naked tied to stakes
in the ground. He can't believe his luck when he realizes
that it's not a mirage. He jumps off the camel whips out his
knife and runs to the woman.
"Oh mister, please untie me and I will do anything for you.
ANYTHING!!" Before you could say "Mount a camel" he has the
woman untied.
"What can I do for you?" she asked.
"Oh, please...." he says as he walks to the back of the camel,
"Hold this fucking camel steady for me".
Religion
Remember the black kid from the jetsons?
no?
futures looking peaty good isint it
What do you call 10 white guys chasing after a black guy?
[sp]The PGA tour[/sp]
"I said a glass of juice not gas the jews!"
-Hitler
[QUOTE=Confuzzed Otto;34496835]"I said a glass of juice not gas the jews!"
-Hitler[/QUOTE]
Lol'd.
What do you call a black person or the Moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 black people on the moon?
A bigger problem.
What do you call all the black people on the moon?
Problem solved.
[QUOTE=BeanerBanditv2;34497251]What do you call a black person or the Moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 black people on the moon?
A bigger problem.
What do you call all the black people on the moon?
Problem solved.[/QUOTE]
I knew another, better version, that had them being in the sky instead of the moon, but I only remember the last part, which was:
What do you call 10,000 Black people in the sky?
[sp]the attack of the flying monkeys[/sp]
Copper wire is said to have been invented by two Jews fighting over a penny.
Why do black people have flat noses?
[sp]That's where god put his foot when he ripped off their tails.[/sp]
Two condoms are walking down the street, and see a gay bar. The one turns to the other and says "Hey man, wanna get shit faced?"
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
[sp]None. Women can't change anything.[/sp]
What did the Native American say when she lost her virginity?
[sp] "Get off me dad, you're crushin' my smokes." [/sp]
Uoy era a yag eceip fo parc!
[QUOTE=!TROLLMAIL!;34498144]Uoy era a yag eceip fo parc![/QUOTE]
A+ joke would read again.
What do you call a group of white men running down the road?
A race.
What do you call a group of black men running down the road?
A prison break.
Rof emos nosaer i kaeps detrevni!
[QUOTE=SnakeEater91;34497098]Lol'd.[/QUOTE]
Rate it, don't say it.
I strain, my
Muscles are in pain
I heave, I
Cant even breath
I push, my
Muscles like mush
Finally, a plop
I created something new.
Something unique.
Something that was
And never will be again.
I walk out of the bathroom.
So two priests are flying with a planeload of Sunday school kids to the Vatican to meet the Pope. Halfway across the Atlantic the pilot tells them that the plane is going to crash and that there are only two parachutes. One priest turns to the other and says, “grab the chutes and we’ll jump!”
“What about the children?” Replies the other priest.
“Fuck the children!” Yells the older priest.
The younger one says, “do you think we have time?”
What's the difference between a black man and a bench
[sp]The bench can support a family of 4[/sp]
[QUOTE=Comcastic;34499340]What's the difference between a black man and a bench
[sp]The bench can support a family of 4[/sp][/QUOTE]
What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza
[sp]A pizza can feed a family of 4[/sp]
Two nuns from east London are driving through Transylvania one night. On a long stretch of creepy moonlit road, a vampire jumps out in front of their car.
One nun turns to the other and says "Quick, show 'im yer cross"
[sp] so the other wheels down the window and shouts "Git the fuck owt they road yer toothy bastard"[/sp]
Have you heard about the man whose left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
I'm reading this book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down.
When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
MASTER OF PICKUP LINES HERE 2K12
Do you love moustaches? Because I love yours, baby.
I think you might be a terrorist, 'cause you da bomb.
Are you not tired? 'cause you been runnin' round ma mind aaaaall day!
Am I dead? 'cause you an angel!
Yo daddy must of been a baker, 'cause you got some sexy buns gurrrl.
Can I borrow your phone? I wanna ring ma parents I met the girl of ma dreams.
[quote][img]http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/terminal01/2011/2/2/13/enhanced-buzz-14954-1296670473-11.jpg[/img][/quote]
there are 10 types of people, those who can count in binary, those who can't and those who get this joke.
[QUOTE=Overactor;34500202]there are 10 types of people, those who can count in binary, those who can't and those who get this joke.[/QUOTE]
That's 11, not 10
[QUOTE=Corndog Ninja;34501016]That's 11, not 10[/QUOTE]
because there are only 2 numeral systems
[QUOTE=Fuckitbucket;34453124]How do the Chinese name their kids?
They flush pieces of metal down a toilet.[/QUOTE]
Alternatively they throw a spoon down the stairs.
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.