Atmosphere is a good example of what I look for in hip-hop. It's poetry, not an ego stroke. Tell a story through your words, don't talk about how much pussy you get or how many cars you've got.
Some of the lyrics i've wrote:
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=768813[/url]
and...
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=768813[/url]
[QUOTE=Enishi;16237594]Atmosphere is a good example of what I look for in hip-hop. It's poetry, not an ego stroke. Tell a story through your words, don't talk about how much pussy you get or how many cars you've got.[/QUOTE]
you just say that cause you don't get pussy and use a bike
[QUOTE=Phannycakez;16239823]you just say that cause you don't get pussy and use a bike[/QUOTE]
bikes are where it's at
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b34U3-CutuU[/media]
[QUOTE=enjoi10;16240729]bikes are where it's at
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b34U3-CutuU[/media][/QUOTE]
true dat.
[QUOTE=enjoi10;16240729]bikes are where it's at
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b34U3-CutuU[/media][/QUOTE]
The Cool Kids are the shit.
[QUOTE=Enishi;16247862]The Cool Kids are the shit.[/QUOTE]
This has been known for years now.
[editline]06:15PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Phannycakez;16241876][img]http://googleads.g.doubleclick.net/pagead/imgad?id=CNi2y_nGwoya0AEQ2AUYTzIIzD1DNFPK4rU[/img][/QUOTE]
Rye rye is amazing,
im seeing her at lollapalooza!
well it's her or Bon Iver.
[QUOTE=Enishi;16237594]Atmosphere is a good example of what I look for in hip-hop. It's poetry, not an ego stroke. Tell a story through your words, don't talk about how much pussy you get or how many cars you've got.[/QUOTE]
Yeah, it's about how much pussy he doesn't get
How is that better
Atmosphere really is depressing to listen to. I still like it though
[QUOTE=SilverHammer;16251698]Atmosphere really is depressing to listen to. I still like it though[/QUOTE]
Dope song to ride to on a nice summer day.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvY38j7JdCk[/media]
The state of hip hop right now is shit, but there are still people out there dropping good music.
Case in point:
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAEgzs4Iwoo[/media]
I've heard that song so many fucking times jesus I want to die now thank you
My personal favorite is 66th Street. :P
[QUOTE=SilverHammer;16257024]I've heard that song so many fucking times jesus I want to die now thank you[/QUOTE]
Np np.
I have a few friends that do some sick rhymes, straight fire, in my opinion.
sample
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kImTWrX1C_o[/media]
if you want more:
[url]www.myspace.com/prophesy312[/url]
[url]www.myspace.com/therebalarmy[/url]
[QUOTE=LOLturtle;16260861]I have a few friends that do some sick rhymes, straight fire, in my opinion.
sample
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kImTWrX1C_o[/media]
if you want more:
[url]www.myspace.com/prophesy312[/url]
[url]www.myspace.com/therebalarmy[/url][/QUOTE]
He's alright with wordplay, but he's talking a lot and not saying much. Just a lot of I ____, you ____.
I lold at the terrorist line
[QUOTE=TH89;16277316]I lold at the terrorist line[/QUOTE]
That really is pretty good.
But, the lyrics didn't have much more than crazy amounts of disses and bragging.
Not that I dislike people who do that, but come on.
Over here in Glasgow, we have a very underground hip hop scene, I for one write bars but I've never gone as far as to record shit, I just make beats.
It's very based around dialects and personally I think you need to be Glaswegian to understand it.
I'll link you to my beats and the people I know.
[url]www.myspace.com/beatabuse[/url]
[url]www.myspace.com/neektongueakrobats[/url]
[url]www.myspace.com/gaspism[/url]
[url]www.myspace.com/misterloki[/url]
[url]www.myspace.com/thebeingcrew[/url]
[url]www.myspace.com/djinntruf[/url]
I could DJ, but the art of MCing would be soon long lost if the newstream jack-shit keeps flooding the billboard 100 (and our brains)... I'm a pretty good freestyler, I could spit lead with my tongue, if you want some newschool rappers dead, I could get the job done.
(also if you have not watch DJ Q-Bert's Wave Twisters I recommend you should)
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v53_LJ8jFDw[/media]
The Centaur - Buck 65
[QUOTE=13ThirtySeveN;16329101]I could DJ, but the art of MCing would be soon long lost if the newstream jack-shit keeps flooding the billboard 100 (and our brains)... I'm a pretty good freestyler, I could spit lead with my tongue, if you want some newschool rappers dead, I could get the job done.[/QUOTE]
that's quite a claim there mister
as a newschool rapper I am quite interested to see what you can bring to the table
rap battle
[QUOTE=TH89;16331975]that's quite a claim there mister
as a newschool rapper I am quite interested to see what you can bring to the table[/QUOTE]
i smell a showdown!
I bet he sucks.
[QUOTE=TH89;16332240]I bet he sucks.[/QUOTE]
hah, well if he's good. At least we'll know theres 2 good MC's on facepunch.
I want you to critique my lyrics dude, you seem pro.
I could try! Hit me with a verse or something
I can be kind of mean, though
[QUOTE=TH89;16334138]I could try! Hit me with a verse or something
I can be kind of mean, though[/QUOTE]
Ha, i don't mind. Any critique is going to be critique for improvement hopefully.
[QUOTE=Metroid!]
on the pursuit of happyness, i'm looking for the finish
right now, i am discontent, all positives have diminished
so damn discontent, all satisfaction has receeded
now i'm searching for a feeling, to make my status completed
instead of this poor, unfinished, undetermined and twisted
status that i have right now implying that, i'm all that's been listed
hopefully, emotion will visit, decide a permanent return
and this feeling that have will be defeated and will burn
it's a concern, but eh, see i'll move on with life
smiling happily so others can move on with life
but inside i fight, a spiritual battle of myself
writing all sorts of lyrics, hoping that this stuff will help
i can see you asking, does it? it has in and outs
sometimes i write deep at archaelogical amounts
but i'm gonna pronounce, a retraction
the feeling that had before was merely dissatisfaction
but looking at the limits that i've broken
i could see i must joking
because the lyrics that i usher merely must be a token
of the boredom i succumb to, merely a set or sign
that my boredom's a disease slowly spreading to my mind
so if my mind is tarnished or sincerely in defeat
then the smooth mood that i move, will ressurect my heartbeat
[/quote]
Obviously I can't critique flow or delivery, but here's the lyrics taken line by line:
[quote]on the pursuit of happyness, i'm looking for the finish[/quote]
You're "in pursuit" not "on the pursuit."
[quote]right now, i am discontent, all positives have diminished
so damn discontent, all satisfaction has receeded[/quote]
So you were happy before? That doesn't seem to jibe with the previous line which implied you've never been happy.
[quote]now i'm searching for a feeling, to make my status completed[/quote]
"Make my status completed" doesn't really mean anything grammatically or otherwise. It's kind of a filler line.
[quote]instead of this poor, unfinished, undetermined and twisted
status that i have right now[/quote]
This is a really awkward way to use "status." It kind of runs counter to the poetic vibe you're going for here.
[quote]implying that, i'm all that's been listed[/quote]
What? Listed where? Who's listing you and why?
[quote]hopefully, emotion will visit, decide a permanent return
and this feeling that have will be defeated and will burn[/quote]
That's kinda corny.
[quote]it's a concern, but eh, see i'll move on with life
smiling happily so others can move on with life[/quote]
You said "move on with life" twice. lol.
[quote]but inside i fight, a spiritual battle of myself[/quote]
You mean "with myself?" I didn't realize this was a religious thing, I thought it was just you being bummed out.
[quote]writing all sorts of lyrics, hoping that this stuff will help[/quote]
You should change "stuff" to "shit" it'll sound grimier
[quote]i can see you asking, does it? it has in and outs[/quote]
Try to avoid cliches.
[quote]sometimes i write deep at archaelogical amounts[/quote]
I get the similie you're going for, and it's not bad, but grammatically this is a disaster.
[quote]but i'm gonna pronounce, a retraction[/quote]
Okay.
[quote]the feeling that had before was merely dissatisfaction[/quote]
So you're happy now? I'm not sure what you're saying.
[quote]but looking at the limits that i've broken[/quote]
What limits have you broken?
[quote]i could see i must joking[/quote]
I don't get it.
[quote]because the lyrics that i usher merely must be a token
of the boredom i succumb to, merely a set or sign[/quote]
You don't usher lyrics, to usher means to show someone to their seat. It would work as a metaphor but you'd have to build on it more for it to make sense.
[quote]that my boredom's a disease slowly spreading to my mind[/quote]
Gosh. Where'd it spread from? Your neck?
[quote]so if my mind is tarnished or sincerely in defeat[/quote]
Okay.
[quote]then the smooth mood that i move, will ressurect my heartbeat[/quote]
I have no idea what this means.
You're taking an ambitious approach with the subject matter, but it's not really insightful so much as mundane observations dressed up in flowery language. And a lot of the flowery language contorts the english language in pretty horrible ways in order to make it rhyme. Part of that's just practice--rhymes come easier the more you write--but I would also suggest you make a conscious effort to be more conversational in your writing style. Try to rap like you talk.
Thanks for the critique, i haven't taken any of it sourly (if you care) and in reply to some of your comments:
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
This is a really awkward way to use "status." It kind of runs counter to the poetic vibe you're going for here.
[/quote]
it's where i take a breath when saying out loud.
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
What? Listed where? Who's listing you and why?
[/quote]
i'm all that's been listed, as in all of those things i said before, being: poor, unfinished, undetermined and twisted
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
You said "move on with life" twice. lol.
[/quote]
i thought it would make people think about those lines, ha.
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
I didn't realize this was a religious thing, I thought it was just you being bummed out.
[/quote]
it's not, just realling me being bored and writing crap.
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
You should change "stuff" to "shit" it'll sound grimier
[/quote]
i don't like swearing
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
I get the similie you're going for, and it's not bad, but grammatically this is a disaster.
[/quote]
i thought it was witty :D
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
I don't get it.
[/quote]
i was joking about all the depression crap? not too sure, i've forgot.
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
You don't usher lyrics, to usher means to show someone to their seat. It would work as a metaphor but you'd have to build on it more for it to make sense.
[/quote]
My mistake
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
Gosh. Where'd it spread from? Your neck?
[/quote]
who knows! it's spreading from the atmosphere.
[QUOTE=TH89;16361314]
I have no idea what this means.
[/quote]
then my damn cool mood and personality will find a way to make me satisfied and not so bored.
Really, i can say the thing quite easily and i don't find it too difficult to perform. And the story of it is:
Me being bored -> Writing this to attempt to make myself unbored -> It working in the end, and realising that i have no reason for boredom.
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