i just had the best liquor of my life last night, it was chocolate flavored! literally tasted like liquid candy!
omfg it was great.
Bailey?
Went camping a few months back. A friend brought two 24-packs of beer, drank one can. I never really liked beer. I was one of the youngest looking guys there, but was actually the second oldest (just turned 18) and the only one with an ID. So friends ask me to go to a bar in town to get booze. Seeing as the bartender might know my parents, I was a little worried. My friends told me to get some vodka and Southern Comfort. I went in and told the bartender what I want. Problem was, I couldn't pronounce "Southern Comfort" for some reason. Also, bartender didn't even ask for ID. I certainly don't look 18.
Anyways, back at the "camp", I take a Dr. Pepper bottle I bought earlier and give a "sip" of SoCo to a friend. I then take a sip of SoCO myself and drink some Pepper to cover the crap taste of SoCo. Finished almost the whole bottle (it was one of them small bottles). I was really drunk for a couple of hours. Because we had done a lot of running around earlier in the day, my legs hurt really bad, and I went to bed at like 4am. Woke up the next morning and wasn't feeling sick or very hungover, just kind of "fatigue".
Well where I live we always have party at this beach where you follow the train tracks into this place between two cliffs, then there is a beach. We always light a bonfire and get drunk. It's a stupid place to party because the police always surround us, and give MIP tickets to everyone with alcohol and Pot, And drive us home in the drunk mobile. The way they surround us is one cliff has some development and a bit of a parking lot, so they park there and some come from either side of the tracks and form a barrier. Well this time I was up on the cliff that bordered the water drunk and high as hell. Smoking a fat blunt with the stoner guys and girl, while my bro, Jordan was down there getting shittered with other friends. We both had backpacks and I had a bunch of plastic bags because I still had to hide the smell from my mom. At about 12:30 I walk down to the fire to do some pot for alcohol trading, I had bought an ounce and brought it all for that purpose and Jordan had a shit ton of alcohol in has backpack for trading for pot. So he was on his way up and I was on my way down and we met in the middle. we decided instead of dealing with all that haggling bullshit we just sat drank and smoked. About ten minutes later we were still halfway down the cliff and Jordan got a call saying cops were on the way, we didn't want to forfeit all our illegal substances so I had a brilliant Idea. I gave Jordan half my plastic bags he ran down the hill and I ran up the hill we both told the groups cops were on the way and convinced most people to give us their pot and alcohol and to trust us. Everyone did except this one kid I fucking hated I told him that he was going to get a ticket. He called me a fat fuck and told everyone at the top of the cliff I was just going to steal their shit. Just as that happened flashlights, flashlights everywhere. "DO not try to run, we have a k9 unit at the end of the tracks." Jordan runs to the top of the cliff and he has a fuckton of booze in his backpack and I have close to a quarter pound of weed and pipes in plastic baggies. Everyone up there goes down and forms the three lines with the other kids. I gave Jordan another hit from the blunt then I hit it, bracing for what was about to happen. A couple cops shined their lights on us and told us to come down. All eyes were on us. Jordan yelled "MAKE US YOU FUCKING PIGS" and jumped off the 40 ft cliff into the lake. I was too drunk to think of something clever so I jumped off too. From the water we could hear all the people yelling and cheering for us. We swam by the shore until we got into the clear and walked, soaking wet to the park. Where we met up with everyone from the beach and gave them back their shit. We were Kings for the rest of the year. Everyone made it through the check except Scott, the fuckhead that refused to let me help him. Because he was the only one that night the cops decided to make an example of him by taking him into the station and fining him for Minor in possession, public intoxication, open liquor in public, and conspiracy to sell to a minor.
[QUOTE=Tinovac;31516880]Well where I live we always have party at this beach where you follow the train tracks into this place between two cliffs, then there is a beach. We always light a bonfire and get drunk. It's a stupid place to party because the police always surround us, and give MIP tickets to everyone with alcohol and Pot, And drive us home in the drunk mobile. The way they surround us is one cliff has some development and a bit of a parking lot, so they park there and some come from either side of the tracks and form a barrier. Well this time I was up on the cliff that bordered the water drunk and high as hell. Smoking a fat blunt with the stoner guys and girl, while my bro, Jordan was down there getting shittered with other friends. We both had backpacks and I had a bunch of plastic bags because I still had to hide the smell from my mom. At about 12:30 I walk down to the fire to do some pot for alcohol trading, I had bought an ounce and brought it all for that purpose and Jordan had a shit ton of alcohol in has backpack for trading for pot. So he was on his way up and I was on my way down and we met in the middle. we decided instead of dealing with all that haggling bullshit we just sat drank and smoked. About ten minutes later we were still halfway down the cliff and Jordan got a call saying cops were on the way, we didn't want to forfeit all our illegal substances so I had a brilliant Idea. I gave Jordan half my plastic bags he ran down the hill and I ran up the hill we both told the groups cops were on the way and convinced most people to give us their pot and alcohol and to trust us. Everyone did except this one kid I fucking hated I told him that he was going to get a ticket. He called me a fat fuck and told everyone at the top of the cliff I was just going to steal their shit. Just as that happened flashlights, flashlights everywhere. "DO not try to run, we have a k9 unit at the end of the tracks." Jordan runs to the top of the cliff and he has a fuckton of booze in his backpack and I have close to a quarter pound of weed and pipes in plastic baggies. Everyone up there goes down and forms the three lines with the other kids. I gave Jordan another hit from the blunt then I hit it, bracing for what was about to happen. A couple cops shined their lights on us and told us to come down. All eyes were on us. Jordan yelled "MAKE US YOU FUCKING PIGS" and jumped off the 40 ft cliff into the lake. I was too drunk to think of something clever so I jumped off too. From the water we could hear all the people yelling and cheering for us. We swam by the shore until we got into the clear and walked, soaking wet to the park. Where we met up with everyone from the beach and gave them back their shit. We were Kings for the rest of the year. Everyone made it through the check except Scott, the fuckhead that refused to let me help him. Because he was the only one that night the cops decided to make an example of him by taking him into the station and fining him for Minor in possession, public intoxication, open liquor in public, and conspiracy to sell to a minor.[/QUOTE]
You win so hard.
[editline]3rd August 2011[/editline]
You win DD in its entirety.
[QUOTE=/B/rother;31512197]Bailey?[/QUOTE]
Chocolat Royal
[QUOTE=Gareth;31488154]
lol vexxing
[/QUOTE]
Being vexed is just slang for getting angry or lary.
[QUOTE=Landre899;31522840]Chocolat Royal[/QUOTE]
Where I live we have this imported dutch chocolate wine, which is fucking delicious. Not to get drunk off though, it's very rich and the hangover is death.
First time I was ever "drunk".
I was at a friends house, with some of his friends, we were basically chilling drinking beer, when he pulls out a bottle of whiskey with well over half in and says drink it. I think, fuck it, and I down the whole bottle (no bullshit). I felt pretty good for a short while, when I decided to head back to my house (next door). On the way I started feeling weird, I sat down and turned on my xbox, and the whiskey was really starting to hit me hard. I then started sipping on a small amount of whiskey left over on the floor from god-knows-when, and put on MW2. The next thing I can remember I joined every one of my friends parties on xbox and started talking shit, then I checked my scoreboard and I had 11 kills, and to this day I dont remember any of them. The next thing I remember im feeling really sick on the sofa, and then im just "there" crawling towards the toilet, I get to the toilet, throw up multiple times, and then im like suddenly back on the sofa and my xbox is off. Im not sure how long I was there, but my dad came downstairs and he's sees an empty bottle of whiskey next to be (the one that had some left in) and goes "Are you pissed?" I'm like "no I'm not" I tried to convice in for like 10 minutes I wasn't (he was finding it funny as shit) until the point where I apparently collapsed. I wake up the next morning in bed with my shirt covered in sick. Bad times.
[QUOTE=Jaeger;31484015]I assume you are american seeing this would only happen there... Seriously you alcohol law is retarded. Here it is not illegal for anyone to consume alcohol. It is just illegal to buy if you are under a certain age. This is obviously a law made to protect the younger people. Like... Obviously "kids" are gonna drink... Here it's normal to start drinking when you're 15-16. Some start earlier. You cant buy any alcohol until you are 18, but possesion of alcohol and drinking it is not illegal. Of course if you're 16 yrs old and walking around town drunk off your mind with a bottle of vodka in you hand, the cops will stop you, take ur vodka and drive you home, but you're not in any legal trouble.[/QUOTE]
It's pretty much exactly the same in Scotland.
fucked my ex who is now a mother
i also pulled a married woman (i didnt know she was married god damn and as soon as i found out i got the fuck out of there)
[QUOTE=Cypher_09;31571402]fucked my ex who is now a mother
i also pulled a married woman (i didnt know she was married god damn and as soon as i found out i got the fuck out of there)[/QUOTE]
You should've left an upper Decker and beat the shit out of the husband just to add insult to injury.
[QUOTE=Tinovac;31573645]You should've left an upper Decker and beat the shit out of the husband just to add insult to injury.[/QUOTE]
she invited me back to her place for sex and everything man
she said "but i'm not happy with him"
fuck that
[QUOTE=Cypher_09;31573737]she invited me back to her place for sex and everything man
she said "but i'm not happy with him"
fuck that[/QUOTE]
I'd hate to be the husband, I'd rather know my wife wasn't happy and just deal with it. Not have her running around fucking drunk teens. You ever think about telling the guy or is he big?
[QUOTE=Cypher_09;31573737]she said "but i'm not happy with him"[/QUOTE]
What a bitch.
I have many story's so il just type the main events of some of my "nights out" and "party's"
Night out in town (clubs and pubs) with a few mates:
One of my mates judo flipped a guy who was being a prick in a pizza shop, and managed to flip the guy so hard that in the process the guys foot hit another one of my mates in the face and caused a huge nosebleed (all over his white shirt) so he spent the rest of the night looking like he had been beaten up
friends Birthday Party:
One of my mates arrived incredibly drunk at around midnight, and continued to drink. he was eventually completely destroyed so everyone started drawing stuff on him with markers. he awoke "still drunk" thinking he had got allot of tattoo's and started crying infront of everyone.
The time I got Very VERY drunk...:
Basically I drank the equivalent of half a bottle of vodka in less than an hour, on an empty stomach.. BAD IDEA, The rest of the night I cannot remember, but according to my friends I fell over 3 times on the way into town, passed out in a pub then spewed everywhere, and got taken home, Also on that same night, another one of my friend's had a rather "interesting" journey home. He decided to take a "shortcut" across a field... but he was drunk, he ended up falling over a 9ft wall, walking through a field that was so foggy that he couldn't see anything, then tripped over a Shetland pony.
Now il leave you with a couple of images...
One of my Friends Passed out, And then this happened to him
[img]http://gyazo.com/4e9d861d0164d0b7e2c93623e43b317d.png[/img]
Me on the left, friend on the right.... Yeah
[img]http://gyazo.com/757c4d4866930bb08e4d6d5eb435b901.png[/img]
Polished off a 1/5 of Jose Quervo with a buddy and bought some Heineken and a case of eggs. Threw said eggs off a church roof at cars around midnight whilst drinking the Heinys. Got off the roof and felt the need to throw a wooden sign through a window on the building. Ran from the scene in flip-flops which conveniently came off my feet in a patch of blackberry bushes. This led to me dropping my phone and walking bare-foot in the thorns looking for it. Next day legs were cut to shit and my feet were raw. Hell of a night.
drank a micky and a 40 oz of vodka sat on the wrong railing fell 20 feet woke up felt like dying headed to the hospital and got so doped up on morphine i forgot i was ever hurt
Well I already told my drunks story so this is my high story, happened last night. Walking through the mc donald's drive-thru stoned as fuck12:45, my convo with the guy at the window.
*knock on drive thru window*
"can I help you"
"uhh yes uhhh I' would like to place an order"
"Okay what do you want?"
"uhhh Can I get a double bigmac combo with a large fries and a large coke and uhhh what do you want, Jordan?"
"souther mc chicken"
"and a southern mc chicken."
"is that all'
"uhhh... yeah"
"the total is ( can't remeember total it was like 15$)
"oh shit, I only have a toonie"
"really."
"yeah.'
"..."
"..."
"..."
" oh shit cancel that I have a free coupon for an entree or something french like that."
"?"
"..."
"well what would you like?"
"what was I going to get?"
" a double big mac."
"dope well one of those"
"your coupon say One free bigmac or an entree."
"yeah"
"well why would they put one free big mac but also let you get a bigger thing as the entree?"
"I don't know, I'm not the coupon Fuhrer."
"..."
"..."
"well I'm not sure what they mean by Entree so.."
"well they obviously mean meat burger or chicken burger or that shit, thee only other things you sell are fries which are sides and mc flurries and creamy cold shit for deserts."
"..."
"..."
" HEY JOSH COME OVER HERE!"
"..."
" Hey, this kid has a coupon and he wants a double bigmac instead of a single."
"yeah, what's you're problem?"
"No Josh I just don't think it's allowed."
"Fuck the police, I' making him a triple big mac and you can't do shit about it." Josh walks away to make the best god damned bigmac there is.
"Hey, is it still dollar drink days?"
"... yes."
"then can I get a large coke too?" hand him a toonie.
"You know I just remembered we can't legally serve pedestrians through the drive through."
Josh-"Shut the fuck up chase you're just being a cunt because I fucked your sister and your cousin and now I'm making this kid a burger so go jerk off and cry, yeah I haven't forgotten about that."
me" laughing so hard I could barely stand, Josh comes back with heavenly 6 pattie bigmac made to fucking perfection.
"NOW GO GET HIM HIS GOD DAMN COKE, AND I'M WATCHING YOU, YOU DO ANYTHING TO THAT COKE AND I'LL KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!"
Chase leaves to make my coke.
"Thanks, man what the fuck is up with that guy."
"we've known eachother since we were kids, I've been systematically fucking every one of his female family members, I have my sights set on his mom now."
I'm almost dead I'm laughing so hard.
" and what about the jerking off and crying."
I walked in on him jerking off in the change room at fulton and he was bawling his eyes out."
"really"
"fuck yeah he was."
"No shit."
Chase comes back with my drink. give him the toonie.
"keep thee change buddy. nice meeting you Josh"
"yeah you too, next time you come back ask if I'm working I'll fix you up something good."
"dope, sounds good."
"take care"
"you too."
Walk over to Jordan and justin who are lying on the ground staring at the stars,
"we're leaving" then we left and it was the best god damn bigmac anyone has ever made in the history of the universe
Not impressive but At the time It cracked me the fuck up. Btw same Jordan as previous story.
tl;dr I met Jesus, his name is Josh and he is a burger cook at McDonald's I also met Judas, his name is Chase and he cries when he jerks off.
<3 McDonalds.
I puked.
[QUOTE=Tinovac;31573805]I'd hate to be the husband, I'd rather know my wife wasn't happy and just deal with it. Not have her running around fucking drunk teens. You ever think about telling the guy or is he big?[/QUOTE]
Hey man I'm 20 soon :v:
But yeah, it was a really shitty situation. I didn't even find out for myself.
It was my friends who came up to me (Like they had the most hilarious news in the world) all like "Dude, she's married" "Fuck off how do you know that?" "She's got a ring on her finger! Not to mention her sister just told me"
I go over to her sister and she confirms this.
"What the fuck, you're married?!"
"Did she tell you?"
"Uh, yeah...but you're married?!?!"
"Yeah, but I'm not happy! :("
"I can't carry on with this then what the hell you're married and you expected me to stay over at your place?!"
"He won't be home it's ok!"
"<I laugh from disbelief>I'm sorry there's no way I can do that. No way."
Then we talked about why she wasn't happy, I kissed her on the cheek and went away to another club.
[editline]8th August 2011[/editline]
Oh yeah, turns out she was about 34. I shit you not.
one time I made a band with my friends and In his basement after a load of shots, we were so loud and we listened to the recordings in the morning and it sounded like somebody was putting their dick on a bandsaw
Down the pub the other night I accidentally stabbed myself in the face with a dart
[QUOTE=TaniaTiger;31608021]Down the pub the other night I accidentally stabbed myself in the face with a dart[/QUOTE]
What's the point?
[img]http://fi.somethingawful.com/images/smilies/emot-dukedog.png[/img]
[QUOTE=TaniaTiger;31608021]Down the pub the other night I accidentally stabbed myself in the face with a dart[/QUOTE]
So did you win the game?
Me and my friends got really shitfaced, and i started brawling with my friend for no reason, for fun. His dog jumped and bit my leg, and i started screaming "MOTHERRR FUCKINNNGGG ZUUEEESS" and for some reason i didnt realize his dad was upstairs. Later, we got my friend greened out (he hadnt smoked in7 months,) so we gave him 1.3 of some DANNNK shit, and he was stoned as fuck, and we kept making him keep drinking alchohol too, he got lost on the way home, went inside, looked at us, then passed out. He woke up, stood up, vomited, and went to sleep in his vomit, we dragged him up the stairs facedown, and laid him in the room, and finished 2 fifths of alchohol.
This was also the night that i got caught by my mom with weed, and i havent been fucked up since:(
alcohol is the poison
OKAY MEN, THIS WAS THE 2ND TIME I GOT DRUNK.
Me, my friend j, anthony, and ry, were at rys house. His dad was home, but his mom was out of town, so his dad was getting drunk, so we planned to steal all his dads liqueur, and blame it on his dads drunken stupor.
We got ready, had a movie playing, and pulled down 2 fifths of vodka, and some rum. we mixed half a fifth in with the huge gatorade bottles (half each) and did a few shots of rum each. We all weigh under 140 pounds, so we are lightweights with alchohol. We kept drinking, and we started watching kenny vs spenny, and that reminded me of an episode where they have a competition, to see who can blow the biggest fart.
In that competition, kenny stuck a bike pump up his asshole, and pumped it, and had a huge ass fart, that i cried laughing watching. I mentioned it to ant, Who will do ANYTHING, if you say he wont. Hes fucking hilarious, and for some reason hes super small, but has a weird large cock. It sound gay, but he did wrestling with me so i saw it often. But we told him to do it, so we found a bike pump, and he stuck it up his ass, and we pumped it, petrified by the stench in the air from it, and he farted for literally 10 seconds straight. at the end, a piece of shit flew out of his asshole like a bird through the propeller of a plane, and landed on the carpet floor. we all were crying laughing, and the whole room smelled like shit, so we got anthony to clean it up.
I woke up sleeping head to toe on the bed, with my friend j on the floor, and ant, was curled up naked inside of a dog bed.
ry's dad was still home, and hadnt noticed any of the shit that went down.
[editline]9th August 2011[/editline]
You cant judge me you fuckers, i was shitfaced.
[editline]9th August 2011[/editline]
thug life
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