• Post your funniest joke
    139 replies, posted
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."
There once was an ugly barnacle. He was sooo ugly, everyone died. The End!
-snipnotfunny-
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a kebab? [sp]I never fuck a kebab before I eat it.[/sp]
What do you get when you stab a dead baby? [sp]A boner.[/sp] What do you get when you take the knife out? [sp]A place to put it.[/sp]
A baby seal walks into a club.
Why did the walrus go to a tupperware party? to find a tight seal. teehee
how did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? [sp]they marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.[/sp]
How does Aquaman get high? [sp]sea weed[/sp]
^ lol
[QUOTE=SmashBrosFan11;21620106]how much[/QUOTE] who cares.. they screw everything :buddy:
How does a rapist dump his girlfriend? In a trash bag Only funny one I have that isn't racist
Did you guys hear about the McDonalds tribute to MJ? They're putting 50 year old meat in between 10 year old buns! :downsrim: So a mom has 3 kids, and the doctor says "In 11 years, they will each pee out a bullet." The mom is okay with that. 11 years later, the first kid comes up and says, "Mommy mommy guess what happened?" "What sweety?" "I was using the bathroom and I peed out a bullet." An hour later, the 2nd kid came up and said "Mommy mommy guess what happened?" "What sweety?" "I peed my pants and a bullet fell out!" "Good for you honey." So the third kid comes up and says "Mommy mommy guess what happened?" "You peed out a bullet?" "No, I was masturbating and shot the dog!!!" :rimshot: [editline]07:42PM[/editline] [QUOTE=minilandstan;21620581]Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."[/QUOTE] :cawg: [editline]07:43PM[/editline] [QUOTE=Neckbeard;21578651]So a man walks into a bar and the guys behind him duck.[/QUOTE] :what: [editline]07:50PM[/editline] Oh I get it now.
Right. How do you make your girlfriend cry during sex? Call her up and tell her about it -- Whats the same between mount Everest and Virginia Tech? Now they are BOTH minus 33 degrees ---- How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? It doesn't matter, they just beat the room for being black. ---- 2 whales are sitting around with nothing to do, when one of them spots a large boat and says "Hey! I bet if we both blow out of our blow-holes at the same time, we could tip that boat over!" So they try it, and the boat tips over. People start falling of the boat, and into the water. The same whale says to the other "Let mess with these guys, and and eat a few of them!" Th other whale replies "Listen... i'm up for the occasional blow-job, but you can't expect me to swallow the seamen. --- Whats the same between Micheal Jackson, and someone who comes in 2nd place during a race? They both came in a little behind
Why did Michael Jackson die? [sp]His heart couldn't beat it.[/sp] YEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
^ wat? :what:
The joke that everyone seems to like but I hate myself for inventing: What do you call a Mexican patriot? [sp]A Nachonalist![/sp]
What does DNA stand for? National dyslexic's association.
[QUOTE=Kirad;21620795]There once was an ugly barnacle. He was sooo ugly, everyone died. The End![/QUOTE] That didn't help at all
Say alpha kenny body.
Have you ever had Ethiopian food? [sp]Neither have they[/sp]
Alpha kenny body!!!
American Dad.
[QUOTE=Wonky;21579800]I'm sorry and I apologize have the same meaning. [sp]Except at a funeral[/sp][/QUOTE] lol Demetri Martin... also: How do you kill a dumb blonde? Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool :v: Edit: dangit, i don't read ONE page and the joke is already taken :P
Two muffins in an oven. One looks over and says "Boy, it's getting hot in here." The other looks over and yells [sp]"HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!![/sp] [editline]12:15AM[/editline] Two vampire bats are in a cave. The one says "I'm hungry, let's go find something to eat before the others get here" Then other one then says "No, it's to risky. Let's wait for the others." The first one takes off and says "Alright, you can wait here. I'm going to eat." A few minutes later the bat comes back, covered in blood. The bat the stayed looks at him and says "Whoa, where'd you find all that blood." The other bat points out the cave at a wall. "You see that wall over there?" The one bat nods. [sp]"I didn't" [/sp]
[QUOTE=devcon;21581239]What do you call a room full of blondes? A wind tunnel. How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch-n'-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool. And finally, So an eight year old walks up to his father and asks "Dad I think I'm old enough for beer now." His dad asks "Can your dick touch your ass?" "No" "Then you don't get any." The boy comes back at fifteen, and asks the same question, only to be turned down with the same answer. At eighteen he goes and sees his father once again, and asks "Dad, I think I'm old enough for that beer now." "Can your dick touch your ass?" "Uh, yes." "Then fuck yourself this is my beer."[/QUOTE] The version I know is where time doesn't go by, and the end the boy has some milk and cookies.
An old woman comes into the police station around 12 AM, her nose broken. She tells the constable that she was attacked by a man in her backyard. The constable tells this to the chief and he tells the constable to check it out. A few minutes pass and the constable returns, his nose is broken. The chief then goes while the constable stays behind. When the chief returns his nose is also broken. The constable looks at him and says "You get attacked by the same man too?" The chief simple replies [sp]"No, the same rake"[/sp] [editline]12:19AM[/editline] Broke my automerge.
all my funny jokes are racist.
And now for a cheesy joke What kind of fish doesn't donate to the poor? [sp] A shellfish [/sp]
[QUOTE=SmashBrosFan11;21761323]Alpha kenny body!!![/QUOTE] I said say alpha kenny body, not type it!
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