• Post your funniest joke
    139 replies, posted
There was a man who couldn't speak english very well, he went to a store and ask "May I buy this bum and fucket?" the man behind the counter corrected him "You mean gum and bucket?" the man bought the two items and left the store. He went into a pet shop and asked the person behind the desk "Do you have any cocken spankits?" the lady gave him a strange look and corrected him, "You mean cocker spaniels?" the man bought this cocker spaniel and left the shop. With the gum and bucket in one hand and the cocker spaniel in the other, he had trouble exiting the shop. He accidently dropped the dog's leash. He ran up to the nearest bystander in a rush, "Can you hold my bum and fucket, while I grab my cocken spankit?" the bystander ran for his life.
Why did he want Gum, a bucket and a cocker spaniel?
Were not going to Guam, are we?
Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He sees the sun and says: "Good morning, dear Sun!" The sun replies: "Good morning, dear Erich!" Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: "Good day, dear Sun!" The sun replies: "Good day, dear Erich!" In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: "Good evening, dear Sun!" The sun is silent. Honecker says again: "Good evening, dear Sun! What's the matter?" The sun replies: "Kiss my arse. I'm in the West now."
:wtc:
What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me I'm going in.
wtf^^^
[QUOTE=SmashBrosFan11;21781060]wtf^^^[/QUOTE] You obviously don't get it.
so the chicken sat up in bed, turned to the egg and said 'well, we answered that question!'
Get off me grandma, I'm done.
there are 2 mexicans and a black guy in a car who is driving? [sp]the cop[/sp]
There is a ship in the Atlantic Ocean, when suddenly the crew spot a pirate ship on the horizon. "Captain, Captain!" yells the first mate. "There's pirates headed our way!" "We shall fight. Go and get me my red shirt." replies the Captain. Without questioning his superior, the first mate does as he is commanded. They fought until evening, when the pirates lost. The next day, the crew of the same ship see two pirate ships on the horizon. "Captain, Captain!" yells the first mate. "There's two pirate ships this time!" "Go and grab my red shirt for me," replies the Captain, and the mate does as he is commanded. They fought until evening, the pirates losing yet again. "That was a bit tougher!" exclaims the Captain, and the sun sets. The next day, the crew inquired as to why the Captain always got his red shirt when going into battle. "It's so that if I get wounded, you guys won't notice, and you will just keep on fighting." Later that same day, the crew spots twenty pirate ships on the horizon. The Captain tells his first mate, "Go get me my red shirt." The first mate starts walking away, when the Captain turns to him again and says, "...and while you're at it, bring me my brown trousers."
Girls are like stones; skip the flat ones.
I have legs, but I don't walk. I have feathers, but I don't fly. Who am I? [sp]A dead horse with a feather duster up his ass[/sp] :v:
What's the difference between a fag and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull meat out.
[QUOTE=rebellious;21781317]so the chicken sat up in bed, turned to the egg and said 'well, we answered that question!'[/QUOTE] I love it.
Why don't woman need watches? [sp]They can always look at the microwaves.[/sp]
Knock knock.. Who's there? [sp]Not Madeleine Mccann[/sp]
[QUOTE=tommofandan;21781088]You obviously don't get it.[/QUOTE] i do
wats a calculators favorite dessert? Pi!! lol... jk.... ha..... haa.... ha,,,
Barack Obama <------- Funniest Joke Yet
yes it is sir
[QUOTE=Mrdark;21624294]How does Aquaman get high? [sp]sea weed[/sp][/QUOTE] by God, that's GOLD!
[QUOTE=kamikaze470;21783416]Why don't woman need watches? [sp]They can always look at the microwaves.[/sp][/QUOTE] Hahaha!
St. Anger.
what do blondes and tornado's have in common? first theres a lot of suckin an blowin then you lose you're house
When Gabe jumps, earth shakes like hell. [sp] Nah just kidding.[/sp] [sp] He can't jump [/sp]
3 men are working at a construction site and it is lunch time. So there is an American, a Mexican, and an Asian. The American opens his lunch and says "Oh Hamburger again? If I get this same lunch tomorrow, I am going to jump off of this building. The Mexican opens his lunch and says "Tacos again? If I get this again tomorrow, I will jump off with you." The Asian opens his lunch and says "Rice again? If I get this again tomorrow, I will jump off too." The next day comes along and: The American opens his lunch and says "HAMBURGER?!" He jumps off of the building. The Mexican opens his lunch and says, "TACOS?!" and jumps off too. The Asian opens his lunch and says, "RICE?!" and also jumps off. The next day at the funeral The American and Asian wives are crying. The Mexican wife isn't. So finally, she says "Hey don't look at me. He packs his own lunches." I also have a short one. How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of your pool.
-snip-
When is the best time to spit on a turkish woman? When their mustache is on fire! I heard that one from a very optimistic and nice person.
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