So a guy walks into a bar because he's a raging alcoholic and he wants to get away from his family and drown his sorrows.
So a dyslexic man walks into a bra...
A Swedish was attacked by two muggers. He resisted, but was eventually overpowered. The robbers looked through his pockets, but found only ten Swedish crowns.
- Why fight so violently for so little? asked one of the robbers.
- I thought you were looking for the 4,000 I have in my shoe, said the Swede.
x).. probably messed up in the translation.
Did you hear about that celebrity that got stabbed? it was Reese...um
reese...wither...Reese something...
anyone know who i mean, this is really bugging me...
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?" The Horse replies "I found out I have AIDS."
A black and white couple walk into a bar. People stare and go back to drinking.
Einstein Albert Dyslexic is
[URL="http://www.cubeupload.com"][IMG]http://www.cubeupload.com/files/30bc00hawking.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
Read in Dr. Hawkings "voice".
[B]
Your mother is so fat, her escape velocity is 4x10^5 Km/S.[/B]
Not so much of a joke as more of a prank.
If your friends ever start making fun of Jews in the Holocaust just get really angry and burst out, "STOP FUCKING MAKING FUN OF THE HOLOCAUST, MY FUCKING GRANDFATHER DIED IN A CONCENTRATION CAMP!" Once they start apologizing say, "I couldn't believe it... he fell off the guard tower during his night shift."
a dyslexic man walks into a bar
So a little girl called Mary was at sundayschool. She found it very boring and fell asleep when the teacher was telling about the bible.
The teacher came to Mary, not noticing she's asleep and asks 'Mary, who is the one and only creator of this world?'
A guy behind her pokes her neck with a pencil and the girl wakes up and shouts 'God Almighty!'.
The teacher is satisfied and goes on with his explanation and Mary falls asleep, again.
Then once again the teacher comes to Mary and asks 'Who's our savior, our lord and our messiah?'. The guy behind her pokes her again and she shouts 'Jesus Christ!'. Teacher satisfied, Mary falls asleep.
Then the teacher comes againn, now asking 'Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their first child?'
The guy pokes her again and she shouts 'I swear that if you put that thing in me one more time, I swear to God I'll break it'
oorrrr
John was in class, and the female teacher asked him 'John, if there were 5 birds on a tree and you took out a gun and shot one dead, how many would be left?'
John answers 'none, because all the birds would be scared of the gunshot and would fly away'. Teacher: 'Well, actually the answer would be four but I like the way you're thinking'.
Later on John goes to the teacher and asks 'Miss, if there were 3 women eating ice cream cones, and one was licking the cone, one was biting it and one was sucking it, which one is obviously married?'
Teacher becomes a bit nervous and says 'Well, ehh, the woman that is sucking the cone I suppose?'
John: 'No miss, it's actually the one who wears the wedding ring, but I like the way you're thinking!'
A kid is doing an internship at a sexual disorder rehabilitation center because he wants to become a psychiatrist. He walks into one room and sees a man masturbating. He asks the professor who is sponsoring his internship,
"What's the matter with this guy?
The professor responds,
"His testicles produce an abnormally large amount of semen, if he doesn't ejaculate so many times a day he gets massive, painful swelling and may even require surgery."
The student, slightly horrified, moves on. In the next room, he sees a nurse giving a patient a blowjob. The student quickly steps out, his face red from embarrassment.
"What's the matter with him?" he asks.
"Same problem, he has a better health plan."
_________
A Nine and a Three meet up one day.
Three says, "Hey, let's go sky diving!"
The Nine replies, "I don't know, you're too radical for me!"
The Three retorts, "Aw come on, don't be such a square."
So a duck walks into a convenience store and says "I need chapstick, put it on my bill!" The manager, scared, and confused, questions why one of his 7,324 gods would play such a cruel trick on him and becomes hysterical. The duck walks out of the store, wondering why he would need chapstick, seeing that he has no lips.
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What's sad about 3 black guys in a car flying off a cliff?
They were my friends...
:downsrim:
What do you call a black priest?
[sp]Holy shit[/sp] (The contents in the spoiler tag contains racism, discretion advised)
Boy comes home and tells his mothing "Mom, I had sex with my teacher". Mom tells him to go into his bedroom and wait until his dad gets home for his punishment. Dad gets home, boy says "Dad, I had sex with my teacher". Dad says "Alright!" and they go to the bicycle store and the boy gets to pick his favorite bicycle. They get home later and the dad asks the boy "Hey, wanna try out your new bike?", the boy replies "Not right now, it hurts when I sit down."
A kid enters public schools for the first time, the other kids hear that he was home schooled by his mother and finally got kicked out. He seemed like a good kid so the teacher asked why he got kicked out. The kid said "well, I had sex with one of the teachers."
:downsrim:
Twilight: The story of a girl's choice between bestiality and necrophilia
The word of the day is legs, so lets go to my house and spread the word.
"Dyslexics are teople poo."
&
Q "How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?"
A "Depends how hard you throw them."
Best thing about 23 year olds?
20 of them..
ur mom is so fat that
[sp]she is fat! :lol:[/sp]
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