• The "not" jokes thread
    52 replies, posted
Not jokes are stupid Not! :smug:
I'm wearing a mankini .......... ......... ........ ....... ..... .... ... .. . I am :ohdear: NOT
This thread is incredibly epicly smart and intelligent to the maximum border... ...... ..... .... ... .. . NOT
[QUOTE=grayronftw;19587233]the op's awesome not hes actually a huge faggot[/QUOTE] I'm not attracted to you anymore ... ... ... NOT!
[QUOTE=grayronftw;19587233]the op's awesome not hes actually a huge faggot[/QUOTE] I think that you are a liar. ... ... ... ... ... ... NOT!
This thread is awesome pause not
God is watching us. Not.
This thread sucks YES
This tiger is purple.
Hezzy has three cats. Cat the first turned out to be a penguin on its seventieth birthday. The second was actually a cat that got turned into a duck billed platypus when it caught bird flu in Alaska. The last one was tabby, female, green eyes and had a very affectionate personality. Its name was Gertrude and loved rabbit flavoured cat food. For the first three years of her life, Gertrude lived with her mother, by the name of prrrrrrrrrmfh, after that her mother died and her mother's owner couldn't cope with looking after seventeen kittens all by himself. In proper student fashion, he abandoned the cats by moving to other accommodations nearer to the university. Three of the cats died, while thirteen of them escaped through a window. Gertrude stayed. Eventually new owners moved in and found the poor cat under a bed chewing on a sock. They gave her to a cattery where Hezzy's father adopted her. She was named Gertrude because there was an advert on TV that night for malteasers ice cream. Nobody knows what happened to the other thirteen. Some say they got to Kansas and evolved into flying monkeys, some say they were adopted by a crazy cat lady. The truth is that they exploded on November 22nd 2051. Did I mention that Gertrude was a robot? Hezzy once got into a fight at school with a boy called Geoff who was 6 feet tall exactly. In said fight there was a lot of blood spill and bruises. Geoff almost won, but lost because he was distracted by the sound of a firework. Why was a firework being set off during school hours? It all started when a three year old called Amy snuck into her father's garage and tipped over a few bikes. These bikes being quite old were starting to rust. A lot of paint came off as well. Her parents thought that it would be a good idea to buy new bikes for the whole family. 'We don't live in Holland!' was Amy's response. That didn't matter, for the next week, they all had new bikes. They test drove them as a family, through the local park. Just as they were turning to go home, Amy's brother Ben fell off and hit his head against a rock. He went to hospital and he had to stay there for three weeks. With him out of the house there was nobody to feed the cat that he'd secretly been keeping in his wardrobe. He found this cat one day when he was walking past an empty house, and then all of a sudden thirteen of them came running out. He wanted to keep them all, but that'd be hard to keep a secret. With this cat without food or drink for three weeks, you can imagine what happened. It dug its way out and eventually joined up with his friends in the year 2051. Anyway, when Ben got home he couldn't find the cat, instead he saw a huge hole in the back of his wardrobe. He thought he was imagining it because he'd recently been reading 'The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe'. He climbed through and lit a match. Why was a ten year old boy allowed to play with matches? Well, when he was seven he was on holiday in Hong Kong, when all of a sudden a BEAR comes up. He got some matches, and his parents took them away from him straight away. Why were they worried about a fire on the middle of a rocky mountain, when a bear was there? Well, when both parents were young they had a big knock on the head after falling down the stairs at exactly the same time in two different countries. Soon after, the bear had killed many tourists on this mountain. Bob snatches the matches and throws one at the bear. The bear runs away in fear, even though it wasn't lit. Why was Ben suddenly called Bob? He wanted to be called that for a while. mmkay? Anyway, where was I? He was in his wardrobe and climbed into he hole in the back. He fell down a very deep hole and found a hidden cache of illegal fireworks. The match he lit set them all off. He survived somehow but after that he never had the courage to walk past abandoned houses again. And that was the story of how Hezzy won a fight against Geoff. Hezzy was eating a bowl of Rice Crispies when all of a sudden a fly landed on the box covering Crackle's head. It was an abnormally large fly and, being paranoid, Hezzy mistook the fly to be a bee. After tipping over the box in a desperate attempt to get away from the box and out of their chair, Hezzy escaped. The fly had other plans. With Rice Crispies all over the floor, the fly decided to eat one of them, or at least some of one. He tasted one and it tasted delicious. Little did Hezzy know that although pouring sugar on Rice Crispies was cheaper than Ricicles, it was also much sweeter. Not that any human tongue could detect such a minor difference, but flies could, and this was the sweetest tasting thing any fly had ever tasted ever. "I must tell the queen about this!" the fly thought. Why do flies think in English? Since when do flies have Queens? You'd best be joking. Anyway, the fly flew back to its home and told everyone the wonders of that kitchen table that he'd found. He died soon after, not having a very long lifetime and all. This message to the hive was enough. Hundreds of flies flew into Hezzy's kitchen and started eating the puffed rice. There was enough for all of them; there was about three grains to every fly, and each fly only eating about a quarter of one before getting full, well that's a lot of food. Soon after, a rival gang of bluebottles heard of this newly discovered wonderland. They knew that they couldn't go there straight away without a fight, so they geared up and went looking for their good friend, the wasps. They told the wasps of their problem and the wasps agreed to invade the flies' nest later that day, and in return they were allowed to have half of the loot. After the whole population of flies had been wiped out from that household, the bluebottles and wasps got busy eating the rest of the food. Nobody was at home to witness this massive invasion, as Hezzy was in school and the rest of the family was at work. Soon, word spread of how the bluebottles got the wasps to wipe out the flies to the neighbouring gardens. All fifty six fly colonies were outraged to hear of this. They knew that they stood no chance against the wasps, but they were friends with the bees, which would put up a good fight. They also knew of the sugar coated cereal, but no matter how fast they started a counter-attack, there wouldn't be any left at the end. This wasn't about food, it was about survival. At noon that day, the flies launched an attack on the bluebottles. Although they were outnumbered fifty six to fifty seven, they were sure they could win because they had a greater motivation. The bees attacked the wasps at the same time. Neither side was allowed to use their stings, as this is prohibited by the Geneva Convention. Thousands of flying thing all in one garden is bound to make a noise, humans thought that Hezzy was a bee keeper, but the animals knew what was going on and they alerted many more colonies. Very, very soon after flies, bees, wasps and bluebottles all across the country were fighting each other. Birds knew to keep away from such a fight, so they all flew across the ocean in flocks to get away. They told other countries of the war, and soon they joined in as well. In a matter of days the flies had gained complete control of North America (*insert epic scene of New York getting destroyed here*) the bees had taken South America, while the bluebottles had Europe and the Wasps Asia. Africa had been set up to take refugees, the birds flew to Oceania and everyone knew to keep away from Antarctica. Although Humans remain blissfully unaware of this war to this very day, they have noticed that the bees are disappearing. That was the story of hoe Hezzy started World War Three. One day Hezzy went shopping, when all of a sudden a woman with a baby walks past them. What was so special about this woman and baby? Well, the baby was born one month earlier that expected, and was tiny. In the future, just after thirteen cats got blown up, the child was told that it was born a month early, but mishearing this as a year early. In school the child, who was named Charlie, was chosen to go on a trip. Only four people were allowed to go on this trip. It was slightly educational, but the main thing was that if they won the competition that they entered while on the trip then the school would win loads of money. Anyway, this competition was a mega blox competition. Mega blox is so popular at this time in the future that they made LEGO go out of business. Their task was to build 'the school of the future'. While on this trip the four students, Garry, Charlie, Billy and Tom, were having a lunch break with the teacher that took hem on the trip, Miss Evans. They were talking a lot and having a lot of fun. Mostly about cars because Garry was really interested in that kind of thing. Miss Evans asked if they could talk about something aside from cars, because she had awful memories of the time global warming happened. There was an awkward silence for a while, until Tom started a conversation about each of their birthdays, which eventually turned into a discussion about whether or not they were born early. "I was born two weeks early." Stated Billy. "Yeah well, I was born a year early!" Said Charlie. Charlie had no idea that he sounded so stupid, he didn't know that pregnancies only lasted nine months. "So, you were born before any business happened eh?" Exclaimed Billy. "That's enough of that!" Shouted Miss Evans. Later that day, the four were called back into the building area to continue their project. For the rest of the day, Billy and Garry were laughing about Charlie's stupidity. They were laughing so much that they made a lot of mistakes in the fire alarm system. How can you make a fire alarm system with nothing but plastic blocks? With imagination, that's how! They won the competition and the school got the money. Soon after the government saw their design for the school of the future and decided to make all schools in real life be just like this one. Sadly, they didn't notice any of the two boys' mistakes while looking over it. A few years afterwards the other governments of the world saw how much better schooling was with these plans, and built their schools like this as well. One day, however, a fire broke out in one of the schools, and someone pulled the alarm. However, this was one of the fire alarms that actually lead to a nuke/time machine that Garry inadvertently put into the schools. The rocket fired and so did the thousands of others across the globe. One went back in time and blew up thirteen cats, another killed the dinosaurs. Only one other time travelled. The rest blew up in the atmosphere and killed everyone on Earth. This one other one that time travelled went back in time, but it didn't explode, instead it landed on top of a shop. The sound of the impact wasn't very loud, but it was enough to make a baby poop itself. The mother of this baby smelt this and started heading to the nearest baby changing facility. On the way there, the two passed he Hezzy, who also smelt it, and punched the baby. Why did Hezzy punch the baby? Because it was stinky, yes, but also because Hezzy was having anger problems at the time because all the bees, wasps, bluebottles and flies in their garden were going insane and fighting each other. More than a few stung Hezzy. This annoyed Hezzy for three reasons. 1) It was in violation of the Geneva Convention. 2) The stings were loaded with chemicals that increase anger in humans. 3) It hurt. Anyway, when Hezzy punched the baby, it hit the baby in the ear. From that moment on the baby was deaf in that ear. This disability caused the baby Charlie to mishear the word 'month' as 'year' in later life. That is the story of how Hezzy destroyed the world and caused a time paradox. NOT!
[QUOTE=7DeadlySyns;19546659]I don't like this thread ................ ............ ......... Really.[/QUOTE] I like this thread ................ ............ ......... NOT.
Fast Threads has been improving its content since 2009 ... ... ... You know the drill
Page stretching is cool... NOT!!!!... seriously
This suit is black.pause.not!
I'll get a funny rating!. . . . NOT!
[QUOTE=Rasrap Smurf;19589267]Hezzy has three cats. Cat the first turned out to be a penguin on its seventieth birthday. The second was actually a cat that got turned into a duck billed platypus when it caught bird flu in Alaska. The last one was tabby, female, green eyes and had a very affectionate personality. Its name was Gertrude and loved rabbit flavoured cat food. For the first three years of her life, Gertrude lived with her mother, by the name of prrrrrrrrrmfh, after that her mother died and her mother's owner couldn't cope with looking after seventeen kittens all by himself. In proper student fashion, he abandoned the cats by moving to other accommodations nearer to the university. Three of the cats died, while thirteen of them escaped through a window. Gertrude stayed. Eventually new owners moved in and found the poor cat under a bed chewing on a sock. They gave her to a cattery where Hezzy's father adopted her. She was named Gertrude because there was an advert on TV that night for malteasers ice cream. Nobody knows what happened to the other thirteen. Some say they got to Kansas and evolved into flying monkeys, some say they were adopted by a crazy cat lady. The truth is that they exploded on November 22nd 2051. Did I mention that Gertrude was a robot? Hezzy once got into a fight at school with a boy called Geoff who was 6 feet tall exactly. In said fight there was a lot of blood spill and bruises. Geoff almost won, but lost because he was distracted by the sound of a firework. Why was a firework being set off during school hours? It all started when a three year old called Amy snuck into her father's garage and tipped over a few bikes. These bikes being quite old were starting to rust. A lot of paint came off as well. Her parents thought that it would be a good idea to buy new bikes for the whole family. 'We don't live in Holland!' was Amy's response. That didn't matter, for the next week, they all had new bikes. They test drove them as a family, through the local park. Just as they were turning to go home, Amy's brother Ben fell off and hit his head against a rock. He went to hospital and he had to stay there for three weeks. With him out of the house there was nobody to feed the cat that he'd secretly been keeping in his wardrobe. He found this cat one day when he was walking past an empty house, and then all of a sudden thirteen of them came running out. He wanted to keep them all, but that'd be hard to keep a secret. With this cat without food or drink for three weeks, you can imagine what happened. It dug its way out and eventually joined up with his friends in the year 2051. Anyway, when Ben got home he couldn't find the cat, instead he saw a huge hole in the back of his wardrobe. He thought he was imagining it because he'd recently been reading 'The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe'. He climbed through and lit a match. Why was a ten year old boy allowed to play with matches? Well, when he was seven he was on holiday in Hong Kong, when all of a sudden a BEAR comes up. He got some matches, and his parents took them away from him straight away. Why were they worried about a fire on the middle of a rocky mountain, when a bear was there? Well, when both parents were young they had a big knock on the head after falling down the stairs at exactly the same time in two different countries. Soon after, the bear had killed many tourists on this mountain. Bob snatches the matches and throws one at the bear. The bear runs away in fear, even though it wasn't lit. Why was Ben suddenly called Bob? He wanted to be called that for a while. mmkay? Anyway, where was I? He was in his wardrobe and climbed into he hole in the back. He fell down a very deep hole and found a hidden cache of illegal fireworks. The match he lit set them all off. He survived somehow but after that he never had the courage to walk past abandoned houses again. And that was the story of how Hezzy won a fight against Geoff. Hezzy was eating a bowl of Rice Crispies when all of a sudden a fly landed on the box covering Crackle's head. It was an abnormally large fly and, being paranoid, Hezzy mistook the fly to be a bee. After tipping over the box in a desperate attempt to get away from the box and out of their chair, Hezzy escaped. The fly had other plans. With Rice Crispies all over the floor, the fly decided to eat one of them, or at least some of one. He tasted one and it tasted delicious. Little did Hezzy know that although pouring sugar on Rice Crispies was cheaper than Ricicles, it was also much sweeter. Not that any human tongue could detect such a minor difference, but flies could, and this was the sweetest tasting thing any fly had ever tasted ever. "I must tell the queen about this!" the fly thought. Why do flies think in English? Since when do flies have Queens? You'd best be joking. Anyway, the fly flew back to its home and told everyone the wonders of that kitchen table that he'd found. He died soon after, not having a very long lifetime and all. This message to the hive was enough. Hundreds of flies flew into Hezzy's kitchen and started eating the puffed rice. There was enough for all of them; there was about three grains to every fly, and each fly only eating about a quarter of one before getting full, well that's a lot of food. Soon after, a rival gang of bluebottles heard of this newly discovered wonderland. They knew that they couldn't go there straight away without a fight, so they geared up and went looking for their good friend, the wasps. They told the wasps of their problem and the wasps agreed to invade the flies' nest later that day, and in return they were allowed to have half of the loot. After the whole population of flies had been wiped out from that household, the bluebottles and wasps got busy eating the rest of the food. Nobody was at home to witness this massive invasion, as Hezzy was in school and the rest of the family was at work. Soon, word spread of how the bluebottles got the wasps to wipe out the flies to the neighbouring gardens. All fifty six fly colonies were outraged to hear of this. They knew that they stood no chance against the wasps, but they were friends with the bees, which would put up a good fight. They also knew of the sugar coated cereal, but no matter how fast they started a counter-attack, there wouldn't be any left at the end. This wasn't about food, it was about survival. At noon that day, the flies launched an attack on the bluebottles. Although they were outnumbered fifty six to fifty seven, they were sure they could win because they had a greater motivation. The bees attacked the wasps at the same time. Neither side was allowed to use their stings, as this is prohibited by the Geneva Convention. Thousands of flying thing all in one garden is bound to make a noise, humans thought that Hezzy was a bee keeper, but the animals knew what was going on and they alerted many more colonies. Very, very soon after flies, bees, wasps and bluebottles all across the country were fighting each other. Birds knew to keep away from such a fight, so they all flew across the ocean in flocks to get away. They told other countries of the war, and soon they joined in as well. In a matter of days the flies had gained complete control of North America (*insert epic scene of New York getting destroyed here*) the bees had taken South America, while the bluebottles had Europe and the Wasps Asia. Africa had been set up to take refugees, the birds flew to Oceania and everyone knew to keep away from Antarctica. Although Humans remain blissfully unaware of this war to this very day, they have noticed that the bees are disappearing. That was the story of hoe Hezzy started World War Three. One day Hezzy went shopping, when all of a sudden a woman with a baby walks past them. What was so special about this woman and baby? Well, the baby was born one month earlier that expected, and was tiny. In the future, just after thirteen cats got blown up, the child was told that it was born a month early, but mishearing this as a year early. In school the child, who was named Charlie, was chosen to go on a trip. Only four people were allowed to go on this trip. It was slightly educational, but the main thing was that if they won the competition that they entered while on the trip then the school would win loads of money. Anyway, this competition was a mega blox competition. Mega blox is so popular at this time in the future that they made LEGO go out of business. Their task was to build 'the school of the future'. While on this trip the four students, Garry, Charlie, Billy and Tom, were having a lunch break with the teacher that took hem on the trip, Miss Evans. They were talking a lot and having a lot of fun. Mostly about cars because Garry was really interested in that kind of thing. Miss Evans asked if they could talk about something aside from cars, because she had awful memories of the time global warming happened. There was an awkward silence for a while, until Tom started a conversation about each of their birthdays, which eventually turned into a discussion about whether or not they were born early. "I was born two weeks early." Stated Billy. "Yeah well, I was born a year early!" Said Charlie. Charlie had no idea that he sounded so stupid, he didn't know that pregnancies only lasted nine months. "So, you were born before any business happened eh?" Exclaimed Billy. "That's enough of that!" Shouted Miss Evans. Later that day, the four were called back into the building area to continue their project. For the rest of the day, Billy and Garry were laughing about Charlie's stupidity. They were laughing so much that they made a lot of mistakes in the fire alarm system. How can you make a fire alarm system with nothing but plastic blocks? With imagination, that's how! They won the competition and the school got the money. Soon after the government saw their design for the school of the future and decided to make all schools in real life be just like this one. Sadly, they didn't notice any of the two boys' mistakes while looking over it. A few years afterwards the other governments of the world saw how much better schooling was with these plans, and built their schools like this as well. One day, however, a fire broke out in one of the schools, and someone pulled the alarm. However, this was one of the fire alarms that actually lead to a nuke/time machine that Garry inadvertently put into the schools. The rocket fired and so did the thousands of others across the globe. One went back in time and blew up thirteen cats, another killed the dinosaurs. Only one other time travelled. The rest blew up in the atmosphere and killed everyone on Earth. This one other one that time travelled went back in time, but it didn't explode, instead it landed on top of a shop. The sound of the impact wasn't very loud, but it was enough to make a baby poop itself. The mother of this baby smelt this and started heading to the nearest baby changing facility. On the way there, the two passed he Hezzy, who also smelt it, and punched the baby. Why did Hezzy punch the baby? Because it was stinky, yes, but also because Hezzy was having anger problems at the time because all the bees, wasps, bluebottles and flies in their garden were going insane and fighting each other. More than a few stung Hezzy. This annoyed Hezzy for three reasons. 1) It was in violation of the Geneva Convention. 2) The stings were loaded with chemicals that increase anger in humans. 3) It hurt. Anyway, when Hezzy punched the baby, it hit the baby in the ear. From that moment on the baby was deaf in that ear. This disability caused the baby Charlie to mishear the word 'month' as 'year' in later life. That is the story of how Hezzy destroyed the world and caused a time paradox. NOT![/QUOTE] I read al of this and though "wow", just to be disappointed by the end, you are now my personal most hated person in the world.
[QUOTE=hoot14uk;19591433]I read al of this and though "wow", just to be disappointed by the end, you are now my personal most hated person in the world.[/QUOTE] You didn't forgot the "not" not
you did too but you didn't not
The person below never fapped in his life ... ... ... ... [b]NOT![/b]
I like to scratch my ball sack with my razor blade sometimes. [img]http://storage.people.com/jpgs/19920504/19920504-750-141.jpg[/img]
ralph pls go [img]http://filesmelt.com/dl/ralphexploit.png[/img] ok NOT!!!1
Not [sp]Continue of above post by me[/sp]
I can manipulate a strand of rope to create a bond between two objects that relies on friction to stay together. *knot*
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