• Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v4
    1,436 replies, posted
[quote]You asked for more female answers, and this is anonymous, so this is why I am responding. I have never told anyone this, and for good reason. So please don't make fun of me! Anyway, here is my story: When I was around 10, I started masturbating on and off. After some time, I tried to find new ways to make it feel even better. I figured something rough and with texture would do the trick, so I started looking around. That is when I found a brick outside. I would regularly use it for stimulation on the surface, as penetration would be out of the question (obviously!). And it felt good, so I kept on doing every other day. After some time, the "juice" left some noticeable residue on the brick. Also, my grandma started to wonder what I was doing in my room alone for so long. And this is where this story gets even more embaressing. I was hesitant to type this out, but I have already gave enough information, so I figure the last few details won't hurt. Well, this story gets weird as my dog found my brick in my bedroom one day. She started to lick it, so I had to find another place to hide it. Plus, it added another type of texture to the brick. Anyway, after a while the brick was found and put on my patio. Now that it was noticed, I was afraid to move it again. However, I should have. You see, about a year ago we held a family reunion. At my house. In my backyard. On the patio. All the kids that came played on the patio, playing with balls, sticks, and yes, the brick. Also, my dog is pretty friendly, so she started licking everyone in sight. That is how I somehow managed to get my juice all over everyone in my extended family and dog.[/quote] This is hilarious.
[QUOTE=Poltergeist Three;16328197]This is hilarious.[/QUOTE] After this I tried rubbing my dick against a brick. It hurt.
[QUOTE=blahblah123;16328470]After this I tried rubbing my dick against a brick. It hurt.[/QUOTE] I imagine the whole grinding of flesh was erotic at the time, no?
[QUOTE=blahblah123;16328470]After this I tried rubbing my dick against a brick. It hurt.[/QUOTE] Try two bricks. One on top. One on the bottom. Rub them in opposite circular motions.
[QUOTE=Alxnotorious;16328612]Try two bricks. One on top. One on the bottom. Rub them in opposite circular motions.[/QUOTE] That's how I got lots of super glue off my finger.
[QUOTE=Uber fag;16328826]That's how I got lots of super glue off my finger.[/QUOTE] That was jizz
[QUOTE]My fapping sessions are quite interesting. I love stimulating my prostate while I fap by applying pressure to my gooch, and I eat all of my cum - I've only used tissues once or twice. I also enjoy pulling out my pubic hair and eating it while I fap.[/QUOTE] Oh My. I wonder If he coughs up hairballs?
Sent :q:
doh, mine has yet to appear.
[QUOTE=Foda;16330873]doh, mine has yet to appear.[/QUOTE] same here, i seriously hope mine gets posted soon :/
[QUOTE=Uber fag;16328826]That's how I got lots of super glue off my finger.[/QUOTE] Hot water, paint thinner and soap usually works and you don't need to wear your finger down.
I find it a little strange how all of these /b/ and FP people have such lavish and interesting sexual lifestyles.
[QUOTE=The Question;16332576]I find it a little strange how all of these /b/ and FP people have such lavish and interesting sexual lifestyles.[/QUOTE] Welcome to the internet, may I take your coat?
[QUOTE=ghuh;16332604]Welcome to the internet, may I take your coat?[/QUOTE] Yes please but be gentle with it, my pet hamster resides in the left pocket.
[QUOTE=TurtlePower;16333347]Yes please but be gentle with it, my pet hamster resides in the left pocket.[/QUOTE] Don't worry Chris0132 will take care of that for you sir.
When I read these I feel both happy and sad at the same time, but the laughs are worth it!
[QUOTE=Callius;16333935]Don't worry Chris0132 will take care of that for you sir.[/QUOTE] Hahahah
[QUOTE=The Question;16332576]I find it a little strange how all of these /b/ and FP people have such lavish and interesting sexual lifestyles.[/QUOTE] QFT, how the hell do you guys get in these situations? When I was a kid I was playing with my Lego's, reading, and running around outside. Not having gay sex with my best friend.
Mine is really interesting, I hope it's in the next set.
[quote=Anonymous Confession]1. I'm often seen as using the internet too much, by that I mean browsing forums and looking on my facebook. I just do this when I'm bored, like after I quit a game, I'll quickly check FP or my Facebook. 2. I sometimes watch Hentai. Mostly ones that are about rape, by rape I mean rape turning into casual sex as the woman ends up enjoying it. 3. I have some self-confidence issues and tend not to speak to girls who I am not particularly familiar with and prefer to let them start the conversation. Even then, I sometimes fuck up by making a racist or sexist joke. Problem is, as I'm a very sarcastic and satirical person, it sounds like an insult rather than a joke. :/ 4. I'm 16 and I think I'm lagging behind with my hormones or something, I suspect it may be due to genital damage. :( 5. When I'm drunk, I worry a lot about things but I tend to let myself loose and then blame it on the next morning about being drunk. By worrying I mean if a girl comes onto me, I'll shrug her off and walk away and tell someone to take care of her. I also tend to end up sitting and staring into something like a bit of a creep, or being a 'psychiatrist' to people who are angry drunks. It's pretty funny the morning after though. 6. I try to get out as much as I can, but I still find my social life lacking. I'm trying to get into skateboarding, but I keep forgetting to go by a deck. 7. I resort to weed to try and be more sociable, I'm not particularly anti-drug use, but I won't go any harder than weed and I enjoy weed as it allows me to relax with mates and just chill out.[/quote] I like how you casually mention that you enjoy rape hentai like there's nothing weird about it [quote=Anonymous Confession]Im confused about my sexuality. Im a guy, and I know i like girls... but i also wanna get fucked in the ass. I like watching tranny porn and girls with strapons fucking guys. The thing im confused about is that i would suck a shemale's cock, but not a guy's cock, and i don't find guys attractive or would want to go out with one. Do you think i should just try to find a girlfriend that would enjoy using a strapon on me?[/quote] Yes [quote=Anonymous Confession]Hey Hezzy, This email isn't exactly anonymous considering my name is my email and all, but eh I don't care. Not trying to kiss ass or anything, but you just seem like the kinda person I would want to chill with and talk about life and the internet and shit. I also want to move to the UK, I really enjoyed my trip there I took this week. Anyways with the fun shit I masturbate to girls myspace pictures, and some of them I only have as friends because they are hot I've always wondered what it would be like to be fucked in the ass I recently talked a girl into fucking around with me after her boyfriend broke up with her and as she had my dick in her hands I pretended I got a text said I had to leave and have been ignoring her for 3 months My sister has huge tits, I will sometimes think about them for a split second flip out and hate myself and try not to ever think about them again I tried sucking my own dick but could only lick the head of my dick and really want to know what a blow job feels like My cousin and I used to go up to my aunts bathroom and mix all kinds of perfumes together into some giant mess that would cause a massive headache from all the scents and then we undressed, I can't really remember what happened if anything at all but it happened twice ( I might have kissed her) I used to sniff my sisters thongs, I did this for about 2 days then I realized it was probably the creepiest fucking thing ever I've masturbated on almost every vacation I've taken, and at some friends houses while they were taking a shit or I pretended to take a shit. I also want a close friend I can just talk to about what ever but I fear ever having a relationship with anyone that close becuase I think they will either turn on my and tell everyone what I told them or make fun of me. I think that sums up most of the weird bullshit in my life, any of the weird habits I've pretty much stopped besides the myspace one I think.[/quote] I hate the smell of too much perfume. Walking to Debenhams or other shops that sell perfume makes me want to vomit [quote=Anonymous Confession]Dear Hezzy. -Vaginas disgust me. I am straight and have had sex with more girls than most of my friends have but whenever a girl asks me to go down on her, I can't. I don't know if it's just me, but it looks like a putrid wound! -I got a girl pregnant one time because she told me she was on the pill, then I found out she was actually desperate to have a kid. Don't trust a bitch. -I'm from quite a poor council estate and all my friends from round here aren't well off at all. I am decently well off compared to the rest but still pretend I have it hard. I don't, I just like to complain. -I put a guy in a coma for repeatedly punching my friends sister. I personally think he deserved it; not the coma but being hit way harder than he hit her, but I still feel really guilty about nearly killing him. -I'm in love with a girl who lives in an island hundreds of miles away from me. We met in town when she was over here for about a month, in a starbucks. We started talking to eachother through mutual dislike of the attitude of the employees and it was basically love at first sight. This is the first time I've been in love. -My ex girlfriend is trying out for porn, and I don't know whether to gloat about it or get upset. -I get a weird feeling when I put on some clothes, like a brief feeling of depression, anxiety and failure. I don't know why. -I used to self harm with a girl I cared about so much, but self harm was the only thing that brought us close and I wanted to stop her doing it but I couldn't because I was so attracted to her and it was the only thing we would get together for. She's fine now though, but weirdly I miss the times. There was a strange connection between us. -I look down on everyone. It's annoying. I shouldn't, because I am no better than anyone else. -When something becomes cliche, I instantly stop doing it. Weird. -I get checked for stds every time I have sex. I am extremely worried about getting HIV and herpes. -I think my step dad is sexually attracted to my dog and I can't look at him the same way. -My dad is in the local news often for getting in fights and it's kinda embarrasing but kinda cool too. -I used to get a lot of attention from girls, but not anymore. :( Well, I'm finished. Blehh, byeee.[/quote] You're from a Council Estate but you look down on everyone? Ummmm [quote=Anonymous Confession]Hey Hezzy. Gotta get this off my chest. I want to fuck my mom. I saw her nude when she was changing and I got a boner. I walked out of the room awkwardly and went straight to the bathroom to jerk it. Then I tried to slap her ass. I missed and grabbed her pussy. Was way better. She looked at me sexually. Should I fuck her? She's 40 and hot.[/quote] wtf [quote=Anonymous Confession]I can't believe I'm doing this. - I say that I'm waiting until marriage before having sex, but the truth is I've never even had the opportunity to have sex. - I didn't kiss a girl until I was 17. - I've only kissed one other girl since then. - It has been exactly 1.5 years since that kiss, and I was too drunk to even remember it. - I've never had a girlfriend. - The thought of asking a girl out, let alone going on a date with her, absolutely terrifies me. - Whenever girls show interest in me I either become bitter towards them or simply ignore them all together (unless I'm drunk). - It isn't until they stop showing interest that I realize the kind of opportunity I may have missed out on and regret having acted so immaturely. - Having realized this, I've stopped relying on alcohol as a social lubricant which unfortunately does have a negative impact on my social life. - Because I've never had a girlfriend, my parents suspect that I'm gay even though I've told them I'm not. - When I first discovered masturbation, I would sit on the couch and simply put a blanket over my lap; even if parents, grandparents, etc. were in the room. - I've dreamed about having sex with my own mother. Upon waking up, I felt ashamed and even depressed as I find the idea repulsive. - I'm an only child, but the idea of having sex with ones sister turns me on. - I'm very self-conscious of my body; I meticulously count every calorie that I consume and workout 6 days out of the week. Another possible reason for my parents suspicions. - When I was about 8 years old I saw porn for the first time at my friends house and started to cry. - When I was 10 I held a knife to my wrist but didn't have the balls to go through with it. That's enough for now. I'm sure that there is some Freudian, psychological reason for all of this. [/quote] Maybe you're gay [quote=Anonymous Confession]I'll keep this one short for the impatient sadists reading these. I enjoy self-bondage, especially outside in the woods because I'm exposed the elements such as weather that I have no control over. For a timer/failsafe, I keep the keys in a frozen water bottle. Well one time, the bottle fell over and slightly out of reach. When I finally did manage to get it, a rock had gotten inside and rotated in such a way that it blocked the keys from getting out without shaking the bottle. Because of my limited range of motion, I was fucked. 5 hours, after dark, and with about a million mosquito bites on my crotch later, I managed to get the key out. I still do this every now and then, and secretly hope the same situation will happen again.[/quote] Hahahaha [quote=Anonymous Confession]hello hezzy. me again its really simple just cut a little hole into a shoe roughly between your big toe and 2nd toe and glue the camera lens and what not in place. run the wiring up your pant peg into your pocket with the switch and the memory card.[/quote] interesting [quote=Anonymous Confession]ey Hezzy, I'm 15 and on Saturday night I lost my virginity. I was going to sleep round an ex-girlfriend's who I'm good friends with, but who I hadn't seen in nearly 2 years, with her boyfriend and her friend. It was about 11 at night, we were in the tent and they were all quite drunk apart from me (had a hangover from the night before) and they started playing strip poker. It got to the point where all 3 of them were naked and I was sitting there in my boxers because I really wasn't confortable with that shit. Then I saw that my ex was jacking off her boyfriend, right in front us me and her friend. Not wanting to left out I went over and hugged her friend before slipping my hand down below. After 20 mins or so I was getting head for the first time, infront of 2 people. It was weird but shit was cash, anyway one thing led to another and I lost my virginity to drunk girl I'd never met before at 3 in the morning in a tent. Shit was cash bro. [/quote] great [quote=Anonymous Confession]Hi Hezzy my man. Well I have a confession to make, even though it was in like 2nd grade. At that time I didn't realize how to masturbate, and really only got off by thinking of naked 2nd grade girls I had crushes on. Yeah pretty weird, considering they were flat chested and had no figure. But I did touch my self in class once. We had those individual desks, and they covered your crotch area nicely. So one day I unzipped my pants, stuck my hands in there, and pulled my dick out. I just fondeled it for a bit, even while the teacher came around passing papers out. I also enjoyed the smell of my hands afterwards. It was a good experience because it was thrilling touching my penor while other girls and the semi sexy teacher were in the room. Sometimes I fantasize about fucking girls in the bathroom now, partly because of it. Oh yeah and I have another. Sexual of course. And it involves my dad's friend's daughter, of one year older than me. They live in another state, so we don't see them much, but when they visit our state, they stay overnight at our house. I had feelings for one girl, lets call her Amanda, and I looked forward to her coming over. So the last time they came over, I had a plan. I would get to talking with Amanda, and hopefully get to know her. I was kind of selfish, and mainly wanted to get laid or at least make out. So we were in my room talking, mostly about school and whatever small talk teens usually do, when she started leaning closer. I took it as a sign and put my hand around her head, and kissed her. Yeah it was pretty good. We started out making out, but soon we did some dry humping. She was kind of scared I think to do anything right away, so she just got on my lap, and started humping the shit out of me. I was kind of not sure what to think, I was getting a hard on and she was rubbing all over it. I knew she wanted it, but I didn't know if I should go all the way with her. I soon found out when she pulled her clothes off, and then I did the same. We fucked hard. Unfortuantely I didn't have a condom, so we did the pull out method. I later found out she was on birth control anyways, so that was a nice relief. [/quote] cool story bro [b]GUYS STOP WRITING ESSAYS[/b]
wow :aaa:
Yay, more confessions!
i like the really long confessions. just saying.
The self-bondage one is hilarious.
[QUOTE=Hell Strike;16338096]i like the really long confessions. just saying.[/QUOTE] He said nothing about long confessions, he just doesn't want us to send him essays. A 40-page dissertation on the plight of Guatemalan refugees has no place here.
Yeah, although bondage has always interested me, it does seem kinda dangerous.
Awww man mine wasn't in there. Mine was no longer than some of the others. :(
[QUOTE=Zeke129;16338180]He said nothing about long confessions, he just doesn't want us to send him essays. A 40-page dissertation on the plight of Guatemalan refugees has no place here.[/QUOTE] What if it was 2-3 pages? .-.
[QUOTE=Hell Strike;16338199]What if it was 2-3 pages? .-.[/QUOTE] With citation?
[QUOTE=Hell Strike;16338199]What if it was 2-3 pages? .-.[/QUOTE] If you're a Guatemalan refugee with a plight, it might be interesting.
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