How in the holy fuck do you fap next to someone when you're less than a foot away? He must mean that he rubbed his dick a bit but never came or anything. Or maybe the slightest touch makes him cum. Either way, how the fuck?
Some of those I really wish I knew if the sender was a guy or a girl. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes you can guess other times you just need to know.
Seriously? A sex tape of that Edward mother fucker?
This thread needs to be called agony aunt hezzy.
That twilight one is pretty damn good. Although it sounds made up.
[QUOTE=ryandaniels;16467375]That twilight one is pretty damn good. Although it sounds made up.[/QUOTE]That's the scary part. You can never tell with these Twilight fans.
I love all these confessions about having gay sex with some friend then them claiming not to be gay.
Thy twilight guy seriously ought to consider making a sex tape, it would make him rich beyond his wildest dreams, hideously rich I tell you!
[QUOTE=Sh33p;16467837]Thy twilight guy seriously ought to consider making a sex tape, it would make him rich beyond his wildest dreams, hideously rich I tell you![/QUOTE]
+1 agree to you!
[QUOTE=marcus;16467831]I love all these confessions about having gay sex with some friend then them claiming not to be gay.[/QUOTE]"I licked my cousins ass hole and sucked his cock and I sucked his cock while we fondled each other but I am NOT gay!"
Haha, yeah sure you keep telling yourself that Mr. Anonymous Confession.
ITT: closet gays deny being gay because they use the excuse of being bored
"It's called puberty" At 17? that's a bit late.
SL..?
[QUOTE=Voice;16468506]"It's called puberty" At 17? that's a bit late.[/QUOTE]
Puberty can extend to the age of 19 at the most I think.
[QUOTE=ssa gib A;16468534]Puberty can extend to the age of 19 at the most I think.[/QUOTE]
Yah, but the average is like 13-14 or something.
Hahahaha, this is awesome.
Oh wow! Keep up the good work guys! These are all so great. This thread's trend is probably "I had gay sex with my best friend but I'm NOT gay!"
Guys give me a hardon but I swear I SWEAR I am totally not gay it's just a phase trust me.
[QUOTE=Anonymous Confession]
I'm eighteen years old, and I'm enlisted in the US Army. I knew full well what I was doing when I enlisted, and would make the same decision today as I did in January if I had the choice to choose again. But. for as excited as I am to ship to basic training on August 25, I'm also scared shitless. It's not a matter of being afraid of fighting, dying or being hurt. I can tell you for damn sure that I'm going to do everything I can to ensure that I get to keep all my fingers and toes, but that's not what's bothering me. And as a pilot, my level of risk is somewhat smaller than other soldiers'. I don't know exactly what has me so damn scared. The change in lifestyle, maybe? Ever since I've signed I've been practically jumping with anticipation to get out and do what I love, but when I woke up this morning I had an email from my staff sergeant telling me that I only have twenty seven days left before I leave, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. By this time next month, I'll be facedown in the dirt at bootcamp and I won't see my friends, my family, or my love for a minimum of nine months! Jesus, it just snuck up on me so damn fast.
At the gym today I worked myself harder than I had in months to try and push this shit out of my head, but it's sticking with me. I love my country, and I love that I get to protect against whatever threats may rise against it. I love that I get to do something as cool as flying hunter killer drones for my daily bread. But I've still got this horrible feeling in my gut. What the hell's wrong with me?
[/QUOTE]
That's a natural feeling you get when you "fight" for bullshit.
Hezzy never posted mine. :eng99:
We have a confession to make.
[highlight]The Badage boys are back in town[/highlight]
[b]Akbar[/b]
Akbar, a powerful vampire, was burnt when the Mother and Father, Akasha and Enkil, were put into the sun. He resides in Antioch, in search of the Mother and Father, and leaves his victims on the steps of the Temple.
Akbar threatens to kill Pandora unless Marius allows him to see and drink from the ancient couple. He drains Pandora to near death before Marius allows him to see the Mother and Father, and is later destroyed by Akasha when he attempts to drink from her.
[img]http://www.gdargaud.net/Climbing/Madagascar/20081005_203613_HermitCrab_.jpg[/img]
[b]Azim[/b]
Azim was one of the older vampires. He ruled as a god for a thousand years in a secret temple in the Himalayas, where those who went to worship him never returned alive.
He conducted disturbing rituals and entices Pandora to participate in them in return for Marius' location (when Marius gets trapped in the ice after Akasha awakens).
Akasha spares him during her worldwide slaughter, but for a purpose. She sees him as the ultimate symbol of vampire evil and explodes his body in front of human witnesses.
[img]http://en.ce.cn/Life/entertainment/fashion&beauty/EFBft/200405/28/W020050407632629401664.jpg[/img]
[b]Benji[/b]
A spirited boy of twelve, Benji was bought from a nomadic Arab tribe by Sybelle's brother Fox to care for Sybelle, which Benji loved to do. Benji was the genius of the tribe, able to read English, Hebrew and Arabic, and was bought from the tribe under the terms of a long-term lease of bondage for which Fox paid Benji's father five thousand dollars.
Benji prayed for a demon to take his soul if only to save Sybelle from her violent brother, Fox. His prayers were answered (in a way) when Armand (after going into the sun) killed Fox. Benji, along with Sybelle, become Armand's mortal children, and he his later made a vampire by Marius.
[img]http://www.athol-maa.com/images/mwollmershauser.jpg[/img]
[b]Daniel Molloy[/b]
Daniel was the recorder of Louis' confession that later became the story Interview with the Vampire. Born in 1955, Daniel comes across Armand in 1975, after he had recorded Louis' story.
He becomes Armand's mortal companion, but conflicts drive them apart. Armand continually refuses Daniel's requests for immortality.
Daniel turns to alcohol and becomes a mortal recipient of the dream of the twins. In 1985, Armand gives Daniel (who is dying) immortal life. He survives Akasha's worldwide slaughter of vampires.
[img]http://s3.images.com/huge.50.250733.JPG[/img]
[b]Druid Vampire[/b] (God of the Grove)
The Druid Vampire, also known as the God of the Grove, was kept in an oak tree by the Druids to preside over their harvest and to ensure the fertility of their land. He was badly burnt when Akasha and Enkil were placed in the sun, and as a result of his weakened state, the Druids went in search for another god.
The Druids abduct Marius and return him to their god, who subsequently makes Marius a vampire. He is destroyed by the Druids when he tries to accompany Marius in search of reasons as to why so many vampires where burnt.
[img]http://blogs.phillyburbs.com/news/bcct/wp-content/blogs.dir/2/files/2009/June/Wednesday/CR_Camp_Invent_01_MS_0701_.jpg[/img]
[b]Synopsis[/b]
The brand-new bestselling series from the authors of the phenomenal multi-million-selling Left Behind books. Now in paperback!
Here is the first in the Biblically inspired series, The Jesus Chronicles, which brings to life the story of Jesus, told in the voices of those who knew and loved him best-the Gospel writers John, Mark, Matthew, and Luke.
In this volume, readers will discover John's story, a thrilling account of the life of the man who came to fulfill the prophecies of the Old Testament and to save all of humankind-and the disciple who was the last eyewitness to Jesus' glory. Readers will experience firsthand the creation of the Gospel of John as well as the Book of Revelation-Scripture that still has profound meaning for the world 2,000 years later.
Publishers Weekly.
[img]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2129/2221245056_63acdbf25c.jpg[/img]
[b]Elder[/b]
An ancient Egyptian vampire, the Elder was the guardian of Akasha and Enkil prior to Marius. He was the cause of vampires everywhere being burnt (himself included), when he placed the ancient couple in the sun.
He does this to test the legend that the preservation or destruction of Akasha and Enkil is the determinant in the survival of the vampire race.
When Marius comes to remove the ancient couple from the Elder's care, the Elder becomes enraged and is killed by Akasha.
[img]http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b120/cwillow894/goat.jpg[/img]
[b]Eric[/b]
Eric was made a vampire by Maharet around BC1000 at the mortal age of thirty. He survives Akasha's worldwide slaughter due to his immortal age of three thousand years and is one of the immortals that gather at Sonoma to stand against Akasha.
[img]http://farm1.static.flickr.com/44/129998451_923018aac8.jpg[/img]
[b]Flavius[/b]
Flavius is a one-legged Greek mortal slave who Pandora falls in love with in Antioch. He becomes Pandora's companion and protector even after she is made a vampire.
To the disgust of Marius, Pandora makes Flavius a vampire as he lay on his deathbed riddled with disease. He was forty years old.
When Marius discovers what Pandora has done, he sends Flavius away. Before he left, Flavius thanked Pandora for the immortality she gave him.
[img]http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/04_01/wilsonDM1604_228x256.jpg[/img]
[b]Laurent[/b]
Laurent is a vampire Baby Jenks meets during Akasha's worldwide slaughter of vampires. He is killed during this event. (He may or may not be the same Laurent from Armand's first Parisian coven — this is unclear.
[img]http://images.businessweek.com/mz/05/02/0502best/images/john_henry.jpg[/img]
[b]Madeleine[/b]
Madeleine was a Parisian doll maker who Claudia chose to be her mother and protector when Claudia feared Louis would leave her for Armand.
She was killed by Armand's coven, together with Claudia, the same year she was given immortal life. She had lost a child near Claudia's age when Louis made her a vampire, in 1862. Madeleine was the first vampire made by Louis.
[img]http://www.hembeck.com/Images/FredSez/TravisLouieCandleHead340.jpg[/img]
[b]Magnus[/b]
Magnus, the maker of Lestat, gave himself immortality during the 1400s when he trapped a vampire and stole blood from it. He chose to make Lestat a vampire because of his courage.
On the same night he made Lestat a vampire, during the year 1780, he destroyed himself in a fire, leaving Lestat alone to discover and learn about his immortality.
[img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XLsmYse0MCw/SbkeW6CM-lI/AAAAAAAAAi8/Q0IvbesVh5A/s400/Crying+man1.jpg[/img]
[b]The Woop-Town Supper[/b]
There was might in the whole world of the same face deers even when the metro man dances in the moon light and continues to splash fish in the water in an attempt to play some ball.
[img]http://37days.typepad.com/37days/images/candle_on_head.jpg[/img]
[b]The Dark saucepan[/b]
Also known as the spiked black man of the Ackentosh desert. He used to go out in the desert for thousands of years and would come back.Althought his head is made out of two different war melons. His uper body has more of an Italian style hear-doo
We have a confession to make.
[highlight]The Badage boys are back in town[/highlight]
[b]Akbar[/b]
Akbar, a powerful vampire, was burnt when the Mother and Father, Akasha and Enkil, were put into the sun. He resides in Antioch, in search of the Mother and Father, and leaves his victims on the steps of the Temple.
Akbar threatens to kill Pandora unless Marius allows him to see and drink from the ancient couple. He drains Pandora to near death before Marius allows him to see the Mother and Father, and is later destroyed by Akasha when he attempts to drink from her.
[img]http://www.gdargaud.net/Climbing/Madagascar/20081005_203613_HermitCrab_.jpg[/img]
[b]Azim[/b]
Azim was one of the older vampires. He ruled as a god for a thousand years in a secret temple in the Himalayas, where those who went to worship him never returned alive.
He conducted disturbing rituals and entices Pandora to participate in them in return for Marius' location (when Marius gets trapped in the ice after Akasha awakens).
Akasha spares him during her worldwide slaughter, but for a purpose. She sees him as the ultimate symbol of vampire evil and explodes his body in front of human witnesses.
[img]http://en.ce.cn/Life/entertainment/fashion&beauty/EFBft/200405/28/W020050407632629401664.jpg[/img]
[b]Benji[/b]
A spirited boy of twelve, Benji was bought from a nomadic Arab tribe by Sybelle's brother Fox to care for Sybelle, which Benji loved to do. Benji was the genius of the tribe, able to read English, Hebrew and Arabic, and was bought from the tribe under the terms of a long-term lease of bondage for which Fox paid Benji's father five thousand dollars.
Benji prayed for a demon to take his soul if only to save Sybelle from her violent brother, Fox. His prayers were answered (in a way) when Armand (after going into the sun) killed Fox. Benji, along with Sybelle, become Armand's mortal children, and he his later made a vampire by Marius.
[img]http://www.athol-maa.com/images/mwollmershauser.jpg[/img]
[b]Daniel Molloy[/b]
Daniel was the recorder of Louis' confession that later became the story Interview with the Vampire. Born in 1955, Daniel comes across Armand in 1975, after he had recorded Louis' story.
He becomes Armand's mortal companion, but conflicts drive them apart. Armand continually refuses Daniel's requests for immortality.
Daniel turns to alcohol and becomes a mortal recipient of the dream of the twins. In 1985, Armand gives Daniel (who is dying) immortal life. He survives Akasha's worldwide slaughter of vampires.
[img]http://s3.images.com/huge.50.250733.JPG[/img]
[b]Druid Vampire[/b] (God of the Grove)
The Druid Vampire, also known as the God of the Grove, was kept in an oak tree by the Druids to preside over their harvest and to ensure the fertility of their land. He was badly burnt when Akasha and Enkil were placed in the sun, and as a result of his weakened state, the Druids went in search for another god.
The Druids abduct Marius and return him to their god, who subsequently makes Marius a vampire. He is destroyed by the Druids when he tries to accompany Marius in search of reasons as to why so many vampires where burnt.
[img]http://blogs.phillyburbs.com/news/bcct/wp-content/blogs.dir/2/files/2009/June/Wednesday/CR_Camp_Invent_01_MS_0701_.jpg[/img]
[b]Synopsis[/b]
The brand-new bestselling series from the authors of the phenomenal multi-million-selling Left Behind books. Now in paperback!
Here is the first in the Biblically inspired series, The Jesus Chronicles, which brings to life the story of Jesus, told in the voices of those who knew and loved him best-the Gospel writers John, Mark, Matthew, and Luke.
In this volume, readers will discover John's story, a thrilling account of the life of the man who came to fulfill the prophecies of the Old Testament and to save all of humankind-and the disciple who was the last eyewitness to Jesus' glory. Readers will experience firsthand the creation of the Gospel of John as well as the Book of Revelation-Scripture that still has profound meaning for the world 2,000 years later.
Publishers Weekly.
[img]http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2129/2221245056_63acdbf25c.jpg[/img]
[b]Elder[/b]
An ancient Egyptian vampire, the Elder was the guardian of Akasha and Enkil prior to Marius. He was the cause of vampires everywhere being burnt (himself included), when he placed the ancient couple in the sun.
He does this to test the legend that the preservation or destruction of Akasha and Enkil is the determinant in the survival of the vampire race.
When Marius comes to remove the ancient couple from the Elder's care, the Elder becomes enraged and is killed by Akasha.
[img]http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b120/cwillow894/goat.jpg[/img]
[b]Eric[/b]
Eric was made a vampire by Maharet around BC1000 at the mortal age of thirty. He survives Akasha's worldwide slaughter due to his immortal age of three thousand years and is one of the immortals that gather at Sonoma to stand against Akasha.
[img]http://farm1.static.flickr.com/44/129998451_923018aac8.jpg[/img]
[b]Flavius[/b]
Flavius is a one-legged Greek mortal slave who Pandora falls in love with in Antioch. He becomes Pandora's companion and protector even after she is made a vampire.
To the disgust of Marius, Pandora makes Flavius a vampire as he lay on his deathbed riddled with disease. He was forty years old.
When Marius discovers what Pandora has done, he sends Flavius away. Before he left, Flavius thanked Pandora for the immortality she gave him.
[img]http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/04_01/wilsonDM1604_228x256.jpg[/img]
[b]Laurent[/b]
Laurent is a vampire Baby Jenks meets during Akasha's worldwide slaughter of vampires. He is killed during this event. (He may or may not be the same Laurent from Armand's first Parisian coven — this is unclear.
[img]http://images.businessweek.com/mz/05/02/0502best/images/john_henry.jpg[/img]
[b]Madeleine[/b]
Madeleine was a Parisian doll maker who Claudia chose to be her mother and protector when Claudia feared Louis would leave her for Armand.
She was killed by Armand's coven, together with Claudia, the same year she was given immortal life. She had lost a child near Claudia's age when Louis made her a vampire, in 1862. Madeleine was the first vampire made by Louis.
[img]http://www.hembeck.com/Images/FredSez/TravisLouieCandleHead340.jpg[/img]
[b]Magnus[/b]
Magnus, the maker of Lestat, gave himself immortality during the 1400s when he trapped a vampire and stole blood from it. He chose to make Lestat a vampire because of his courage.
On the same night he made Lestat a vampire, during the year 1780, he destroyed himself in a fire, leaving Lestat alone to discover and learn about his immortality.
[img]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XLsmYse0MCw/SbkeW6CM-lI/AAAAAAAAAi8/Q0IvbesVh5A/s400/Crying+man1.jpg[/img]
[b]The Woop-Town Supper[/b]
There was might in the whole world of the same face deers even when the metro man dances in the moon light and continues to splash fish in the water in an attempt to play some ball.
[img]http://37days.typepad.com/37days/images/candle_on_head.jpg[/img]
[b]The Dark saucepan[/b]
Also known as the spiked black man of the Ackentosh desert. He used to go out in the desert for thousands of years and would come back.Althought his head is made out of two different war melons. His uper body has more of an Italian style hear-doo
*snop*
[QUOTE=mikhga;16469404]That's a natural feeling you get when you "fight" for bullshit.[/QUOTE]
they're not fighting for bullshit, they're fighting for oil
get it right :eng101:
[B]YET ANOTHER STUPID EDIT:[/B] dammit I meant to spell it like that, you spelling nazis
The longest one was the best one.
By far.
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16465483]
tl;dr, stop sending me shit like this
[/QUOTE]
No Hezzy, that was the best one I've ever read. If you're have more like that but won't post them because they're long, do it anyway.
[QUOTE=Zeke129;16471044]No Hezzy, that was the best one I've ever read. If you're have more like that but won't post them because they're long, do it anyway.[/QUOTE]
Fuck that
Some of these confessions make me want to call the police [img]http://img6.imageshack.us/img6/3314/policedance.gif[/img]
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16471494]Fuck that[/QUOTE]
But Facepunch is renowned for its mature, entertaining, and plentiful content
I can't wait for the next installment, hopefully he posts mine. I even have a blatant title that should catch his attention.
God fucking damn it, the whole world is turning gay. :saddowns:
[QUOTE=Paravin;16473091]God fucking damn it, the whole world is turning gay. :saddowns:[/QUOTE]
NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT
[IMG]http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w261/Natebrade/seinfeld.jpg[/IMG]
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