[QUOTE=ryandaniels;16501522]No better?[/QUOTE]
Well, Sir
[quote=hezzy;16493564]do you quarrel sir?!?!?
F
f[/quote]
I Bite My Thumb sir.
[QUOTE=Novistador;16502574]I Bite My Thumb sir.[/QUOTE]
Well played.
[QUOTE=Novistador;16502574]I Bite My Thumb sir.[/QUOTE]
Do you bite your thumb at hezzy, sir?
No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I
bite my thumb, sir.
Enough Shakespeare, please.
[QUOTE=arienh4;16502897]Enough Shakespeare, please.[/QUOTE]
Does thou seek to be lobotomized.
THOU LIEST!!!!!!
/caps
[QUOTE=cornndog;16502951]Does though seek to be lobotomized.[/QUOTE]
Though? It's thou, thou clouted scurvy-valiant scullian!
[QUOTE=arienh4;16503536]Though? It's thou, thou clouted scurvy-valiant scullian![/QUOTE]
Off with his head!
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?p=16465483#post16465483[/url]
Stuffed Lovebunny FTW! OMG did that make me laugh!
Fetch me my longsword
[QUOTE=tanthreecle;16504253]Fetch me my longsword[/QUOTE]
No Sir! This is the really wierd modern remake version sir! The one where we speak Shakespear but use guns and cars.
[quote=Anonymous Confession]I have a girlfriend. She's a nerd, so am I. We've been dating for about 2 years now. I went to a concert last night, and somewhere along the line decided it was a good idea to act like I was dating this girl who I'd not spoken with or even made eye contact with. I was all over her, and she was all over me. We got contact information afterwards and now we talk. She lives 50 minutes away from me ((Which, is a hassle)). Problem being, I'm a nerd and she's pretty much normal, would never go for a guy like me. I'm still in love with my girlfriend, but I feel her being replaced by the girl I just met. Shit hit the fan.
[/quote]
You're an idiot
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Hello Hezzy. Hi, Facepunch. Sorry, but I don't this one's a funny one.
Anyway, I'm in quite of a predicament. I have a friend. He's a nice
guy, funny, smart, etcetera, etcetera. I want to come out to him that
I'm a furry. However, I'm having doubts. I don't know how he feels
about being such close friends with a furry, but if it's like most of
FP, he'll probably tell me to go to hell and/or post an image of the
pyro. I don't want to lose a very good friend to some internet drama
bullshit.[/quote]
Protip: admitting you masturbate to pictures of anphromorphic animals having sex would drive anyone away, internet drama or not
[quote=Anonymous Confession]A quick one from me. When I go to bed, I listen to music, which usually means I end up wanking whil listening to music. Singing puts me off, so I listen to instrumental stuff.
Anyway, I had my iPod on shuffle, and Muse came on. My orgasm happened at exactly the same time as one of Matt Belamy's screeches, and it felt better then any other orgasm before. It felt so good, but now I feel a bit gay.
Should I do it again?[/quote]
hahahaha yes
[quote=Anonymous Confession]here goes nothing.
i masturbate by humping the bed with my penis pointing down. i do this by waiting until my erection softens a bit, then i press my penis against the mattress and go away at it. the cum does not come out most of the time. sometimes i slip up and end up with a big sticky mess in my flannel pants.. i go to sleep and worry about it the next morning.
when i am alone in the house, i shout HOLY SHIT in various voices and accents. it is infinitely entertaining.
i pick my nose and thoroughly examine the quarry.
a vagina by itself is not so arousing for me.
in the game super smash brothers: brawl, there are two characters: zero suit samus, and zelda. samus is equipped with a stun pistol. i find zelda's "stunned" animation to be extremely arousing. i often imagine other girls going through this animation. it is often an instant boner, especially if the girl is wearing tight yoga pants/tight fleece pants from abercrombie/aeropostale/those other stores.
i have a wart on the inner tip of my thumb. i sometimes subconciously nibble at it, perhaps in an attempt to kill it. it always grows back. i have had it for upwards of six years now.
alot of my friends talk about "like, like liking" a specific girl. this concept is alien to me. if a girl walks by wearing the afore mentioned pants, i'll "like, like like" her for that day then move on.
there is one girl who i would consider pursueing. however, every friend of mine who has dated her has broken up with her nastily and then moved on to different friends. i am afraid that will happen to me.
i was scared ABSOLUTELY shitless by the b-movie "pet cemetary".
that's about it.[/quote]
what
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Hiya again, not sure if you saw another confession of mine where I admitted to lusting after my Dads ex/current girlfriend. I forgot another nice detail. Whenever they fuck my room is right next to theirs so I press my ear up against the wall and listen to her moan which sounds very sexy and gets me going every time. Dad doesn't make any noise, just her.[/quote]
dude do you not think that's even just a tiny bit creepy?
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Dear Hezzy,
As I type this I am fapping in an attempt to get hard. It is not going well.[/quote]
commiserations
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Yo Hezzeh
I am absolutely revolted by porn unless I'm in the mood to fap. One time I was browsing the internet and got a porn pop up and threw up everywhere. It was all over my monitor and keyboard and desk. My mom asked me why I threw up and I just told her "Must have been something I ate." lol. On the other hand, if I get a boner I load up a porn vid and proceed to whack off. Then cum gets all over my keyboard and monitor and desk.
By the way, why is your username Hezzy? This has been bugging me for quite a while.[/quote]
your keyboard must be caked in all kinds of wacky fluids
and it is derived from my last name
[quote=Anonymous Confession]1. I've got a fetish for gaping open assholes. Only on women, though.
2. I enjoy watching horses fuck women. Weird, I know, but I get off crazily to it.
3. I cum crazily to porn videos where the woman is in pain or seems to be.
4. I've came in my friend's mom's washcloth before.
5. I've masturbated on the top bunk of my friend's bunkbed, while he was awake in the lower bunk.
6. I've masturbated multiple times at his house.
7. I've fingered my cat's asshole before.
8. I've tried how my jizz tastes. It tastes really fucking salty :|
9. I enjoy anal play, but I'm not gay in any way. I don't have an attraction to males, but I find anal to feel great.
10. I used to suck off my grandma's dogs. I also had them lick my asshole while I was masturbating. Felt amazing.
11. I've masturbated to an episode of MythBusters.
12. I've jizzed on my cat's faces.[/quote]
are you a furry
[quote=Anonymous Confession]I'm still fucking my ex boyfriend because I really want us to try again. It was his first time, and my first time consenting. He always made me feel so good about myself. I don't know what to do without him. But this, this 'arrangement' we have, has lasted longer than our actual relationship. Is he just using me for sex? I guess so. He's an amazing guy though. He asked me to be his date his brothers wedding, and we're going to a gig together in December. We're so close, we're really good friends.
I was raped by an ex boyfriend last year. I was too young to be having sex, and I asked him to stop. He didn't. The only reason I even considered sleeping with him was because he'd cheated on me. I had to physically force him off me. But he was incredibly manipulative, and I stayed with him another month. He threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone. He'd hit me too. I think he's in prison now.
I really enjoy smoking after sex. Lying in my ex's arms, ashtray on my stomach. The smell of sex and smoke always gets me ready for round two. I always wander about in his clothes after. He says it makes him feel good, and he actually lays out a shirt for me after. It's always the same one. I also wore his bike jacket to tease him. The look on his face was fantastic.
I'm really sexist to women, even though I am one. Most women are pathetic whiny bitches and it pisses me off.
A slightly weird one. When I was 8 years old, I was friends with a girl we'll call Shell. We would play out odd fantasies together. Like, we were a guy and a girl that had met in a club and we'd eventually end up getting off. Shell would always be the girl. I think that's why I'm bisexual. I have never had a girlfriend, but I've had crushes. There was a girl, we'll call Hannah, she was beautiful She got really drunk one night I ended up putting my hand down her shirt. She was properly wasted, but she told me she remembered it the next day. She told me she enjoyed it. Ohh yeaaah.
And Hezzy, you're pretty damn cool.[/quote]
smoking is disgusting
Keep it up Hezzy
Bravo!
~last girl was a slut. Nice advice hezzy.
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16504984]smoking is disgusting[/QUOTE]
legend
[QUOTE=lum1naire;16505139]Bravo!
~last girl was a slut. Nice advice hezzy.[/QUOTE]
I just re-read it and realised she said that the only reason she had EVEN CONSIDERED sleeping with him is because he cheated on her.
Wait, isn't that a bit backwards?
yup
[QUOTE=lum1naire;16505139]Bravo!
~last girl was a slut. Nice advice hezzy.[/QUOTE]
I think she just doesn't want to be alone hence the not breaking up with him.
Rape isn't her fault.
Putting her hands down a girls top? Well I spoke to a heavy christian anti gay girl who has gotten off with girls. Like kissing, at sleepovers she says everybody sleeps in the same bed. It's just shit girls do.
But yes. Smoking is bad and she should stop. What a turn off
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16505246]I just re-read it and realised she said that the only reason she had EVEN CONSIDERED sleeping with him is because he cheated on her.
Wait, isn't that a bit backwards?[/QUOTE]
Yeah it is. That's why I considered calling her a slut Dan. She may not be one, but for all I care she could be a dino, she still smokes. What a turn off indeed.
[QUOTE=Dan2593;16504568]No Sir! This is the really wierd modern remake version sir! The one where we speak Shakespear but use guns and cars.[/QUOTE]
Oh god, there was actually a remake like that which my english teacher, god knows why, made us watch. It was horrendous.
[QUOTE=evlbzltyr;16506314]Oh god, there was actually a remake like that which my english teacher, god knows why, made us watch. It was horrendous.[/QUOTE]
We watched it too. It was hilarious. The aquarium scene was priceless.
[QUOTE=evlbzltyr;16506314]Oh god, there was actually a remake like that which my english teacher, god knows why, made us watch. It was horrendous.[/QUOTE]
Everybody in my class wanted to watch it as an excuse for watching something modern
[quote=Anoymous]when i am alone in the house, i shout HOLY SHIT in various voices and accents. it is infinitely entertaining.[/quote]
Whoever this is, you are not alone.
Yeah hezzy won't post mine. Oh well, can't blame him, it really wasn't anything good.
[QUOTE=Dan2593;16506813]Everybody in my class wanted to watch it as an excuse for watching something modern[/QUOTE]
We told our old english teacher multiple times we hadn't seen the ending, just so we didn't have to listen to her for an hour. Which she generally turned a blind eye to because she was lazy.
Agh they keep getting more revolting sexually.
[QUOTE=arienh4;16506453]We watched it too. It was hilarious. The aquarium scene was priceless.[/QUOTE]
"Draw your swords!"
They all pull out pistols with "sword" written on them. The whole class groaned. I stopped watching soon after.
[QUOTE=Imperials ^^;16507239]Yeah hezzy won't post mine. Oh well, can't blame him, it really wasn't anything good.[/QUOTE]
We know you are a furry
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