• Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v4
    1,436 replies, posted
I'm going to start banning ungrateful pricks
Granted this idea is a great one... truly spilling your secrets out on the internet is good for your conscience... but why do you need to do it anonymously?
[QUOTE=suppertime;16665575]Granted this idea is a great one... truly spilling your secrets out on the internet is good for your conscience... but why do you need to do it anonymously?[/QUOTE] Because they'll get tagged as "That one guy who made his sister pregnant" (Just saying that randomly since there's alot of incest)
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16665521]I'm going to start banning ungrateful pricks[/QUOTE] Sounds like a plan.
So what if they get pegged at "that one guy" In 100 years we'll all be dead, just enjoy the ride, shame is a silly thing to think about
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16665521]I'm going to start banning ungrateful pricks[/QUOTE] For how long?
I only have like 12 confessions so I'm going to put them all in, just so you can see what kind of stuff I get [quote=Anonymous Confession]I like furry porn. I mean, I really, REALLY like furry porn. Yet I dont like furrys. I like human sex, but not human porn, must be furfag shit :S Fucking strange. I troll them, yet I fap to them.[/quote] Pretty boring confession [quote=Anonymous Confession]'Sup I have a story to tell, I'm quite embarrassed about it though. Anyway here goes Thanksgiving dinner. Polish family. Sisters, parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents. Uncle was in the army at one point. Grandparents were all in Poland during WWII. My mom walks in the dining room as we are all seated and ready to eat, with a massive turkey. Uncle makes a light-hearted joke, "Where did you find an oven big enough for that turkey?" Unfortunately, this was the last day of my month of chan. I was a heavy lurker and commenter for a whole month. I didn't even think about it. All my brain processed was "Oven. Big. Question." What came out of my mouth instantly wasn't so awesome. "Auschwitz"[/quote] Anonymous confession is cool. eh makes holocaust jokes and doesn't afraid of anyone did i do it right guys am i cool now [quote=Anonymous Confession]I was on summer camp with explorers (scouting for 14-18 year olds) last week and my friend started flirting with this girl, trying to go out with her (being obvious). This friend was 14 and the girl he was flirting with was 18 he knew this. after camp one of her Friends told he that she was engaged with a 20 year old who does boxing. well. Also I fancy a girl the same age as me (met on summer camp), should I organise a meet up and ask her out? [/quote] sure why not [quote=Anonymous Confession]Not much of a real confesstion but im going to univercity in 4 weeks and guess what :P its Univercity Of Central Lancashire (UCLAN) does that ring a bell? ;D[/quote] yes it does good for you bro, which halls are you in [quote=Anonymous Confession]hmm well here are some of problems/confessions Hezzy 1. ok i have recently converted my garage into a workshop, the only problem is my dogs kennel is in there and takes up 1/4 of the space, my dog is tiny but the kennel is huge anyway i really would like to just remove the kennel but i cant unless my dog is out of the equation. i really hate my dog he never obeys me and only obeys the other familly members in the house. so because of this i really have an urge to *kill* my dog but i cant :( 2. my granda who is 95 has been staying in bed constantly for about 6 months so that means that we have a spare room which is the front room. Now i have been sleeping with my mom in her room for the past year which is soo fucking anoying. i.. you just cant imagine the pain ughh. well i have discused with her actually argued with her to change that room into a bedroom, but she is such a stubern bitch you cant possibly imagine, everyone in the house agrees with me but she wont change it i just dont know what to do and i really would like some advice. oh and if your wondering what happened with my room my brother moved back in and took it. and just before my brother moved out my mom and dad got in a fight and she took my brothers room. so yeah here are my options kill myself. kill my mom, run away, get my brother to move back out, force my mom at gunpoint to change the frontroom into a bedroom. oh and because of this most degrading setup no teenager could imagine, i have no friends because i am soo depressed, i am fat because i have a eating disorder and have OCD so i am absolutely terrified to go out incase i get swine flu,and with a 95 grandfather in the house i am afraid i will get him sick and he might die and i will be blamed and everyone will hate me. ehh i am a bit upset now so i will finish the confession with another email at a later date. oh and Hezzy your cool.[/quote] that's pretty crazy [quote=Anonymous Confession]I once fwapped on a empty train carrage. i came hard.[/quote] how did you clean up [quote=Anonymous Confession]One time, i had sex with my sister. And i cummed, and she licked it up. and then i did it again with my gf[/quote] good for you [quote=Anonymous Confession]Okay, I thought "You know what, the thread seems to be running out. How about I make some up, some very entertaining ones." Then I thought and thinking a bit, found out, I have some weird stuff... Weird in the generic way anyway. -Masturbate to my step-sister, who is highly attractive (by my standards) and nice... Though a bit ditzy. Yeah, who cares, right? Well, yeah... yeah right. She's my half sister, not blood. -I've had a dream about having sex with my brother... Like, a ten year old, who I hate. Normally I don't imagine about men when masturbating, look at them on porn, or even think about em'... Like, to the point where I'd only watch girl vs. girl porn, because the other guys were obnoxious and I didn't want to see them... I was creeped out by him for a while, but mentally replaced the memory with a female when remembering it. This also felt bad for me since I try not to be a homophobe and people should just go with either way they feel... Then again, I guess I feel that way, so I did that. By that I meant heterosexual. Then again, I've also had a dream about me driving our family car, which had somehow morphed into a dune-buggy wheeled van. I drove everyone down the road for a while then said out loud "Why don't we go up?" After my exclamation I pulled back on the (jet toggle shaped) "steering wheel" and flew the car directly upwards into the air. When the family began pointing out the fact that we were leaving Earths atmosphere I began to get worried about the obvious design flaws in a space faring van, such as it not being air-tight. When someone said "I'm hungry" (most likely my three year old half sister, (different than the step-sister)) I then panicked, thinking We don't have enough food for space flight! Of course it was a dream and for some reason we continued for another couple years, without food or an air-tight vehicle... Not sure where we were going, but I woke up with anxiety. Then again-again, I also had a dream about walking down the road, then suddenly being attacked by a swarm of balloons out of a bush, which proceeded to tie themselves around my ankle and wrists. I then began to float upwards at a rapidly increasing velocity, until I was flying past clouds. I thougt it was fun, then I began to realize that I'd die if I continued at this rate , due to lack of oxygen. When I realized this I tried to slow and reverse my motion by dettaching balloons. I unwound several, and nothing happened, so I pulled off quite a few more. I sped up. I panicked, ripping all the balloons off. I didn't stop. I remember not being able to breathe then wacking up sweaty and worried feeling.[/quote] i often wack up sweaty and worried feeling [quote=Anonymous Confession]Hey Hezzy. In about 20 minutes I'm picking up my friends with benefits from her house and we're gonna go boink somewhere. I'm excited. I've been fingering her for the past few days here and we had a discussion today which lead to us agreeing to sneak out of our houses to enjoy some... alone time. Wish me luck![/quote] godspeed [quote=Anonymous Confession]I've been very sexually active since I was fifteen, I've just had long-term girlfriends up until I was twenty and we'd have sex at least three times a week, but it wouldn't be rare to fuck nearly every day. I went in various phases as far as my kinks and fetishes, but when I was 17 I started getting sex toys. It started out pretty bland, a cock ring and a small vibrator for the girlfriend. After a bit I got a few more things, one which was a large dildo. It was about 8" long and 2" across. Fairly large, but not like a horse cock or something. I guess I should mention I'm fairly well endowed, so it was interesting to have something in my hands that was bigger than I was. My then-girlfriend and I started getting into anal sex, and I was curious about doing it myself but I didn't know how to approach her about it. Any subtle hints either went unnoticed or she was disinterested. Either way, my curiosity grew more and more. After a while, I started experimenting with rubbing lube on my ass while masturbating, and touching/probing. It felt different, and I was cumming harder than ever. One night I was doing just that, and the large dildo I got for my girlfriend crossed my mind. I had a bottle of lube handy still, and I reached into my drawer to get the fake cock out. I was nervous, as it was my first attempt at something like this but I was aroused all the same. I knew I wouldn't be able to get it in laying down, so I stripped naked and held the dildo upright on my bed. I rubbed my ass back and forth over the head a few times, and the stimulation was like nothing I've ever felt. I started to press down a little bit harder, and the head started to stretch my hole to accommodate the large cock. It didn't hurt, I took it very slowly and after a bit of effort I had about three inches in, and it was almost at it's widest point. I started bouncing up and down on it, curious what being fucked felt like, and my cock turned rock hard. I pressed down harder, and took almost the entire eight inches into my ass, and laid down on my back and started furiously stroking my cock. I came so hard that it shot all over the wall behind my head. It was an amazing first experience. Since then I've changed to a much smaller size, but I still haven't tried getting with a guy at any point. I hope that sometime in the next few months I'll be involved in a threesome with a guy and a girl whom I'm comfortable with, and maybe I can take my curiosity to the next level.[/quote] i'm not sure what to write to this [quote=Anonymous Confession]well where to start im not sending another disgusting incest story but i think this may make it 1. I have what can only be discribed as a problem when doing any kind of drinking and partying....I piss uncontrollably....on everything...my targets have included a fireplace, HDTV, pool table pocket, one of my friends, and the worst of all a chick that I would have definatly been nailing within the hour. (pissed during a hand job...I didnt think it was possible either but nature makes fools of us all)I was blacked out for all of these so if that counts for anything. 2. I have what I would discribe as a hero complex to the point that I dream about dying in battle. 3. I think I may be nearly romantically retarded im instantly thrust into the friendzone the same moment I start talking to a girl. 4. The only thing I really want to do before I die is eat another human the current status of the human doesnt matter but I would prefer to know the person...sick I know but ive acctually wanted to do this from the time I was 10. 5. I also drea, about being a supernatural being the negative thing is it is often a vampire yes twilight gay as shit style, good or evil doesnt matter 6. I have prophetic dreams about the start of a nuclear war....2018 by the way....seriously Death acctually takes form and tells me clues about "fate" and maybe how i either trigger this war or prevent it, but im probably just out of my mind 7. I am terrified of getting anything shoved up my ass making me unique in this thread for some reason Thats all thanks for reading Hezzy[/quote] you're right, it makes you pretty unique
wow
I love the last one.
[quote] Anonymous Confession posted: I've been very sexually active since I was fifteen, I've just had long-term girlfriends up until I was twenty and we'd have sex at least three times a week, but it wouldn't be rare to fuck nearly every day. I went in various phases as far as my kinks and fetishes, but when I was 17 I started getting sex toys. It started out pretty bland, a cock ring and a small vibrator for the girlfriend. After a bit I got a few more things, one which was a large dildo. It was about 8" long and 2" across. Fairly large, but not like a horse cock or something. I guess I should mention I'm fairly well endowed, so it was interesting to have something in my hands that was bigger than I was. My then-girlfriend and I started getting into anal sex, and I was curious about doing it myself but I didn't know how to approach her about it. Any subtle hints either went unnoticed or she was disinterested. Either way, my curiosity grew more and more. After a while, I started experimenting with rubbing lube on my ass while masturbating, and touching/probing. It felt different, and I was cumming harder than ever. One night I was doing just that, and the large dildo I got for my girlfriend crossed my mind. I had a bottle of lube handy still, and I reached into my drawer to get the fake cock out. I was nervous, as it was my first attempt at something like this but I was aroused all the same. I knew I wouldn't be able to get it in laying down, so I stripped naked and held the dildo upright on my bed. I rubbed my ass back and forth over the head a few times, and the stimulation was like nothing I've ever felt. I started to press down a little bit harder, and the head started to stretch my hole to accommodate the large cock. It didn't hurt, I took it very slowly and after a bit of effort I had about three inches in, and it was almost at it's widest point. I started bouncing up and down on it, curious what being fucked felt like, and my cock turned rock hard. I pressed down harder, and took almost the entire eight inches into my ass, and laid down on my back and started furiously stroking my cock. I came so hard that it shot all over the wall behind my head. It was an amazing first experience. Since then I've changed to a much smaller size, but I still haven't tried getting with a guy at any point. I hope that sometime in the next few months I'll be involved in a threesome with a guy and a girl whom I'm comfortable with, and maybe I can take my curiosity to the next level. [/quote] I got hard [editline]01:25PM[/editline] I should tell you all this btw
Holy shit i can't believe this is still going on.
I lol'd hard at the thanksgiving one.
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16665521]I'm going to start banning ungrateful pricks[/QUOTE] Can I be first?
cool thread. i should come here more times
[quote]hmm well here are some of problems/confessions Hezzy 1. ok i have recently converted my garage into a workshop, the only problem is my dogs kennel is in there and takes up 1/4 of the space, my dog is tiny but the kennel is huge anyway i really would like to just remove the kennel but i cant unless my dog is out of the equation. i really hate my dog he never obeys me and only obeys the other familly members in the house. so because of this i really have an urge to *kill* my dog but i cant :( 2. my granda who is 95 has been staying in bed constantly for about 6 months so that means that we have a spare room which is the front room. Now i have been sleeping with my mom in her room for the past year which is soo fucking anoying. i.. you just cant imagine the pain ughh. well i have discused with her actually argued with her to change that room into a bedroom, but she is such a stubern bitch you cant possibly imagine, everyone in the house agrees with me but she wont change it i just dont know what to do and i really would like some advice. oh and if your wondering what happened with my room my brother moved back in and took it. and just before my brother moved out my mom and dad got in a fight and she took my brothers room. so yeah here are my options kill myself. kill my mom, run away, get my brother to move back out, force my mom at gunpoint to change the frontroom into a bedroom. oh and because of this most degrading setup no teenager could imagine, i have no friends because i am soo depressed, i am fat because i have a eating disorder and have OCD so i am absolutely terrified to go out incase i get swine flu,and with a 95 grandfather in the house i am afraid i will get him sick and he might die and i will be blamed and everyone will hate me. ehh i am a bit upset now so i will finish the confession with another email at a later date. oh and Hezzy your cool.[/quote] Ha sleeps with his mom lol
This. Thread. Cannot. Die.
[QUOTE=cottonwaxy;16675322]Ha sleeps with his mom lol[/QUOTE] it seems to me that his mom is into incest
[QUOTE=108payne;16686739]This. Thread. Cannot. Die.[/QUOTE] Must. Resist. Troll. Opportunity.
[QUOTE=108payne;16686739]This. Thread. Cannot. Die.[/QUOTE] it wont and if it does v5 here we come
[QUOTE=cottonwaxy;16692741]it wont and if it does v5 here we come[/QUOTE] from 3 to 4 it was 10 months.
[QUOTE=Saheil;16664747][url]http://www.facepunch.com/showpost.php?p=16598605&postcount=475[/url] A girl?[/QUOTE] I feel so fucking special that you actually looked that up. Everyone forgot about my deformed testicle thread :(
what the fuck seriously [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16706000&rating=12[/img] [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16706166&rating=1[/img]
[QUOTE=108payne;16686739]This. Thread. Cannot. Die.[/QUOTE] This. Thread. Is. Dieing.
Hezzy, make people send you more confections.
[QUOTE=Imperials ^^;16710562] Hezzy, make people send you more confections.[img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16231536&rating=12[/img][img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16231536&rating=12[/img][img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16231536&rating=12[/img] [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16231546&rating=12[/img][img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16231526&rating=12[/img][img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16231652&rating=12[/img] [/QUOTE] Yes, more confessions!
[QUOTE=Imperials ^^;16710562]Hezzy, make people send you more confections.[/QUOTE] Yes, more confectionery! [IMG]http://www.theconfectionery.com/images/Gumballs.jpg[/IMG]
Great stuff [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16666579&rating=12[/img]
Hezzy is genious. [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16713824&rating=7[/img]
[QUOTE=Molotov;16714033]Hezzy is genious. [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16713824&rating=7[/img][/QUOTE] and you aren't [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16715204&rating=12[/img]
[QUOTE=Jimbomcb;16715263]and you aren't [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp_ratings.php?postid=16715204&rating=12[/img][/QUOTE] :iceburn:
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