• Facepunch Anonymous Confessional v4
    1,436 replies, posted
Oh, i love these. Thanks for setting it up again, Hezzy.
the girls confession finally confirmed to me that at least some facepunchers think about what they do... thank you
[QUOTE=Anonymous Confession]Well i guess i can say whatever i want right? okay lets start off - I Suck talking to girls in Person - I'm like a pro talking to them over the internet - Ive never had a Girlfriend - i lie about my age alot - I Steal ALOT of shit - my left testicle hangs lower than my other one - Im closet furry - Trick my dumbass friend into going to lemonparty and thatsnotsexy.com - can suck my own dick - bisexual - Dream about doing my mom - fucked my dog[/QUOTE] lolWAT?? :byodood:
This thread is brilliant. Thank you Hezzy.
[QUOTE=O Cheerios O;16237012]lolWAT?? :byodood:[/QUOTE] last one was, whut
[quote=Anonymous Confession]One day I didn't have any toilet paper. I had to go into the closet. Guess what I found. Pipe Cleaners. I stuck them up my butt to clean them. I liked it. A lot. I kept putting more and more up my asshole untill I ran out (50 pack, only had 15-17 inside the pack). I got so excited that I put the end of a toilet plunger in my ass. Felt like heaven. Then I felt my stomach rubling. I was hungery for more stuff in my ass. I took the end of an umberella, a fork, a vibrator and put it in my ass. Then that feeling made me shit. I shat all over the floor and the vibrator. I pick some up with my hand and put it back in my butt. Then I smelled my hand and went on with my day.[/quote] This is definitely something I wanted to read having just woken up. [quote=Anonymous Confession]Sometimes I wake up panic stricken because I realize I just had a sexual dream about my dad. It's like during the dream, I realize I'm having sex with my dad but it just feels so good, I keep going 'til I wake up, boner aching from being so hard. One time it upset me so badly I started to cry and cry, especially since in real life I don't even have the guts to hug him. Now I can't even look at him the same anymore; I can act fine around him, but this just added to an already awkward situation between me and him. In person, I never feel sexual like that towards him. He's fat, he smokes, he's kind of disgusting by my standards. But... I can't deny that there's something about him, something masculine I wish I had. Maybe it's simply because I wish I was straight, and he's as gay hating, manly, straight as an arrow as it comes. He's always said he wasn't a good father to me, that he wished he could have been closer to his son ect, but he's never made an effort that I accepted. In fact, most of the time I always threw it in his face. He's a drunk; every time we've actually had a father-son moment, he was so slap drunk, he could hardly talk right. When I think about it, it felt like I was the father and he was the kid. In these dreams, however, he's so protective and gentle. He just cuddles me and strokes me off and... I actually feel safe. All I ever wanted was to feel safe around him, to know that he really loved me and to feel protected. But why, why do these dreams have to be sexual? I hate myself for dreaming these things--it makes me never want to see him again, just because I’m so embarrassed by it. It's not like I told him about it, I might actually quit talking to him all together if he found out. Still, it's bad enough I am a faggot and I desire cuddles anyway, why the fuck do I have a fetish for my own father?! I think I will talk with a shrink one day, maybe a professional could explain it all to me. Just typing this has made me upset; I don't even know why I did it. I know people will laugh at me, I just wish they would understand I didn't want to be like this. I'd trade my own balls if I could know it would stop the dreams. And yes I've actually considered this.[/quote] That's pretty weird man [quote=Anonymous Confession]After I broke up with my previous boyfriend, it's been a while since I've even had a crush. I never have wet dreams, and I'm starting to worry that I'm missing something or my brain isn't producing the correct hormones. I know that it's probably normal (probably) but I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Really, I do want to go out with people.. I feel like I'm missing essential human experiences since I'm not conforming. There's really only a few boys at my school that I'd even consider going out with (stuck up just a bit, I know) and I feel like my past relationship is holding all the boys from approaching me. My ex is pretty much, in no short terms, a dick. He'd rather play runescape than speak to his girlfriend in runescape and I decided, "well, fuck that." I'm starting to worry if "the right boy" will ever come along. Well... okay, since this is anonymous and all. I have a major problem with flatulence (insert the FUUUUUUU-) but, yeah. I don't know if it's because I'm becoming increasingly nervous around people or because of my diet, but any tips would be more than welcome. And, yeah. I'm hoping that in college I'll have more chances to meet boys that won't be obsessed with saying 'the pool's closed' and other memes constantly. P.S. There was a huge fucking bug on my wall, though I think it went away when I was typing this. Just thought you all should know. It was gigantic and kinda makes me wonder just what the hell else is living in my room. [/quote] The right person will come along. It's not your fault that you don't find many people in your school attractive, that's just how you are. It's doubtful that guys are avoiding you because of your ex. The only thing that'll stop people is if they're friends with the ex - you don't go out with your friend's ex girlfriends. As for your flatuence, I would recommend getting on google and making changes to your diet. Here's me thinking that girls didn't fart. [quote=Anonymous Confession]I had a threesome when I was 14. It was a house party during the summer, all the cool kids from the major high schools were there, real huge party. I was hanging out with a bunch of guys from another school, I didn't know them that well but they were all friends with my girlfriend who went to their school (actually most of them had gotten with her prior to me dating her). We were getting drunk and being stupid of course. One of the guys (lets call him Max) was pretty short but good looking and really funny. Before we know it these two girls, blondes, come up to us and start chatting. Me and Max were tipsy at this point and the girls knew it, after some quick laughs they asked us to come upstairs. It was a big house, with 3 bedrooms on the upper floor. They brought us into a room and started undressing. One of the girls was much prettier than the other, had a bustier chest too. I started making out with her while Max made out with the other. After a bit of making out, I pulled my pants down and stuck my penis inside her. She loved it, and we started fucking. Max tried to pull the same stunt on his girl, but she wasn't so easy, she stormed out of the room. So Max was left with no girl while I was fucking this beautiful blond right beside him. Before I could stop him though, he took his pants off and climbed on my girl, sticking his penis into her face. He looked like an idiot in that position, and my face was in his ass, but we went on like that for a bit. When things really heated up, She stood up, Max got behind her and I got in front, we lifted her up, and fucked her at the same time, Max in the ass and me in the vag. When we were ready to cum, we threw her on the bed and came on her tits at the same time. It feels good to type that out, I've never done that before. Not many people know that story except my close friends. Luckily me girl friend was out of town then or it would never have happened. Funny thing is, me and 'Max' are really good friends now.[/quote] Did you high five afterwards? Please tell me you high fived. [quote=Anonymous Confession]I masturbate to my friends (girls). Is this wrong? It does't feel right on the inside.[/quote] Depends on your gender! [quote=Anonymous Confession]Heyhey Facepunch or Hezzy, here we go. >Cannot stop obsessing over being a virgin, I would glady have sex with nearly any girl that offered it, provided she isnt completly ugly. >I hate everybody. Seriously, I despise every individual on this Earth, because as far as I'm concerned everybody is a terrible piece of shit. >I have a HUGE domination fetish >I often wish I could simply walk down a hall of my school and just kill everyone, see >2 for my reason. >I sometimes think that the world doesn't really exist, or it only does because I think it does, so if I die, wouldn't the world end? >I have 1 good friend that I wouldn't trade for someone better, but I barely hang out anymore with him. >I can't figure out wheter I'm bisexual, or just have given up all hope of contact with women. >I think everyone of Facepunch deserves a punch in the face.[/quote] Angry nerd alert [quote=Anonymous Confession]I have to get this off my chest, literally. At a young age, I inhaled a small amount of propane gas- not as much to kill you, but I think it did damage. Ever since that time, I gained a buzz from small amounts of propane. Every time we grilled, I was the one who sat pretty close to the grill before it lit up, getting every whiff of the sweet-smelling substance. That was years ago. Nothing has changed. Now, I'm into scat, BDSM, torture, the good stuff. I have experienced the pleasure of getting your penis cut (FYI, it does not feel good). My girlfriends call me a freak, but that never stopped them from connecting with me. One of them was a white supremacist, carved a swastika and Schutzstaffel (SS) into my back. Another was into fire. Lately, I've been experimenting with myself- mainly with feces and it turns out that if you eat steak and potatoes then binge on something sweet, it tastes AMAZING- and it really didn't come out well. My propane fantasy kicked back in, and I thought it would be good to have a small amount of propane in the air while reading a book. It let me focus extremely well on the book, allowing me to even see what is happening in front of my very own eyes. Bad part is, that room had no ventilation. The propane lingered in the room for hours, fermenting itself upon the ceiling. My old computer laid in the corner, a clunker that refused to turn on half the time. I sat down to read the news, check the weather, go look at some asian suck-their-feces-through-straws porn, the usual, but when I turned it on, a spark set some lingering propane nearby on fire. A mini explosion rocked the room, and set fire to about $500 worth of items, and giving me a second degree burn on my ear and third degree burn on the right side of my head. What I'm trying to say is that I inhaled a very noxious gas, one that can and will kill you, and got addicted to it. Oh, and I wasn't reading twilight before anybody would ask[/quote] "Substance abuse made me like scat!" [quote=Anonymous Confession]I often look up to moderators on facepunch, no matter how dumb they've acted in the past. No matter how smart or dumb they act I always look up to them and like them. I can't bring myself to talk shit about mods, the closest I've ever gotten is saying that silverhammer gets angry a bit too easily. I also sometimes rate my own posts so it could look like someone thought I was funny/someone agreed with me.[/quote] You're probably a rare breed of person. Everyone seems to talk shit about at least one mod nowadays [quote=Anonymous Confession]I once imagined cutting a hole in Hezzy's cheek and then fucking it. Is that wrong?[/quote] What the fuck man [quote=Anonymous Confession]My confession(s) is relatively short, but here goes. One time, after reading up on self-sucking and the various techniques on how to do it, I thought I'd try it, just to see if I could reach. So, I laid down in front of a wall, kicked my legs up, and to my own shock and surprise, my dick went in my mouth. I never thought I'd be able to do it, but now that I could, I exploited the full experience and pleasured myself. I liked the sensation of a round, hard, hot object in my mouth, and I also liked the sensation of a warm wetness around of my cock. In no time, I came all over the inside of my mouth, and I was revolted. At that point, I regretted the experience, and I immediately ran to the bathroom to rinse my mouth out. Though, looking back, I can't say that I didn't enjoy it. And my cum? It wasn't bad.[/quote] The best part of this confessions is this; "to my own shock and surprise, my dick went in my mouth" Makes me think he went O_O glaugh
^ ahaha at the second to last confession
Well this is a interesting thread. [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("" - Hezzy))[/highlight]
get out fratelli
Hahahaha, the last one was hilarious
[quote]One day I didn't have any toilet paper. I had to go into the closet. Guess what I found. Pipe Cleaners. I stuck them up my butt to clean them. I liked it. A lot. I kept putting more and more up my asshole untill I ran out (50 pack, only had 15-17 inside the pack). I got so excited that I put the end of a toilet plunger in my ass. Felt like heaven. Then I felt my stomach rubling. I was hungery for more stuff in my ass. I took the end of an umberella, a fork, a vibrator and put it in my ass. Then that feeling made me shit. I shat all over the floor and the vibrator. I pick some up with my hand and put it back in my butt. Then I smelled my hand and went on with my day.[/quote] It's so fake but so funny.
[QUOTE=smurfy;16239588]It's so fake but so funny.[/QUOTE] I don't know. Something about Facepunch makes me think it is true. Look at Minicooper in the OIFY - people dared him to post pictures of himself using an anal dildo and he did.
Oh god
Ack. Don't fucking remind us. Fuck.
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16239608]I don't know. Something about Facepunch makes me think it is true. Look at Minicooper in the OIFY - people dared him to post pictures of himself using an anal dildo and he did.[/QUOTE] Here is the thread in question for those wanting to see this [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=359148]Mini Cooper DELIVERS[/url]
[QUOTE=smurfy;16239588]It's so fake but so funny.[/QUOTE] I honestly wouldn't put it past a Facepuncher... :geno:
It reminds me of that thread about how to wash your dick where he was like "I get into the shower and wash my dick thoroughly. I put soap on it then wash that off, then I soak it and put more soap on until it is covered and then I wash it off and make sure it is all gone. Then I step out of the shower and dry myself off. Then I get back in the shower and rub soap all over my dick and wash it 5 times and then put two whole bars of soap and wash that off for 20-30 minutes..." It was awesome. [editline]03:20PM[/editline] [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=754396]Here it is.[/url]
[QUOTE=smurfy;16239774]It reminds me of that thread about how to wash your dick where he was like "I get into the shower and wash my dick thoroughly. I put soap on it then wash that off, then I soak it and put more soap on until it is covered and then I wash it off and make sure it is all gone. Then I step out of the shower and dry myself off. Then I get back in the shower and rub soap all over my dick and wash it 5 times and then put two whole bars of soap and wash that off for 20-30 minutes..." It was awesome. [editline]03:20PM[/editline] [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=754396]Here it is.[/url][/QUOTE] I remember that. Always makes me laugh.
mhmhmh Awesome
More confessions!
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16239752]Here is the thread in question for those wanting to see this [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=359148]Mini Cooper DELIVERS[/url][/QUOTE] Fuck you Hezzy I had finally forgotten about that shit. /sigh
I really do love these threads. Though some of the stuff is complete fabrication.
:munch:
Fucking awesome
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16239752]Here is the thread in question for those wanting to see this [url=http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=359148]Mini Cooper DELIVERS[/url][/QUOTE] i'm far from gay but i just had to look now i feel gay
[QUOTE=Not_Yet;16239946]i'm far from gay but i just had to look now i feel gay[/QUOTE] you got banned from the GMF for being annoying ahahahaa
[QUOTE=Noob_Reaper;16239957]you got banned from the GMF for being annoying ahahahaa[/QUOTE] lets see, 1) you're late 2) i didn't get banned, i got degolded 3) you have a stupid i survived avatar
[QUOTE=Not_Yet;16239988]3) you have a stupid i survived avatar[/QUOTE] The Agree rating is for this, I don't know what the rest of the post is talking about.
[QUOTE=Not_Yet;16239988]lets see, 1) you're late 2) i didn't get banned, i got degolded 3) you have a stupid i survived avatar[/QUOTE] you got degolded for acting like a nine year old in the gmf ahahahhaa what a loser
[QUOTE=Not_Yet;16239988]lets see, 1) you're late 2) i didn't get banned, i got degolded 3) you have a stupid i survived avatar[/QUOTE] yeah its still pretty funny you got degolded for being annoying
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