[QUOTE=Noob_Reaper;16240018]oh ok you knew about you getting degolded before I did that makes you cool then I guess LOL LOL I bet after you insulted me u SHOOP DA WHOOPED lol ROFL lmao[/QUOTE]
what
and yeah it is p.funny i got degolded, i'm not denying that
[QUOTE=Noob_Reaper;16240018]you got degolded for acting like a nine year old in the gmf ahahahhaa what a loser[/QUOTE]
aww don't change your post now
[QUOTE=Not_Yet;16240025]what
and yeah it is p.funny i got degolded, i'm not denying that[/QUOTE]
let's not leave out that you got degolded for being extremely immature that's important too
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Stop derailing my thread you jackass" - Hezzy))[/highlight]
[QUOTE=Noob_Reaper;16240037]let's not leave out that you got degolded for being extremely immature that's important too[/QUOTE]
when did i say i got degolded for nothing?
i got degolded for perfectly good reasons, i was dumb, immature and acting like a noob 9 year old.
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Stop derailing my thread you jackass" - Hezzy))[/highlight]
[QUOTE=Not_Yet;16240048]when did i say i got degolded for nothing?
i got degolded for perfectly good reasons, i was dumb, immature and acting like a noob 9 year old.[/QUOTE]
which is why noone likes you now either
[QUOTE=Noob_Reaper;16240057]which is why noon likes you now either[/QUOTE]
noon? who?
why are you agreeing with yourself :colbert:
[QUOTE=Not_Yet;16240064]noon? who?
why are you agreeing with yourself :colbert:[/QUOTE]
oh hey I don't have anything to respond with I'll insult his grammar
[QUOTE=Noob_Reaper;16240069]oh hey I don't have anything to respond with I'll insult his grammar[/QUOTE]
well i didn't get it
[QUOTE=Noob_Reaper;16240069]oh hey I don't have anything to respond with I'll insult his grammar[/QUOTE]
Grammar =/= spelling.
[QUOTE=Not_Yet;16239946]i'm far from gay but i just had to look
now i feel gay[/QUOTE]
typical closeted gay. let it out man.
-snip-
Jesus christ shut up you fucking girls
These are funny :)
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16240127]Jesus christ shut up you fucking girls[/QUOTE]
sorry mum :colbert:
Mini Coopers dildo up the ass isn't even that gay.
He even ate his crap
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=471379[/url]
i have the images adblocked so I have no idea if they still work.
[QUOTE=backfoggen;16240183]Mini Coopers dildo up the ass isn't even that gay.
He even ate his crap
[url]http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=471379[/url]
i have the images adblocked so I have no idea if they still work.[/QUOTE]
fuck i'm not clicking that
Jesus. This thread moves quickly.
[QUOTE=Hezzy;16240127]Jesus christ shut up you fucking girls[/QUOTE]
How long till we see the next load of confessions?
I'm sure more will come soon, I have a feeling the next batch is going to be a goldmine.
[QUOTE=B-hazard;16240497]I'm sure more will come soon, I have a feeling the next batch is going to be a goldmine.[/QUOTE]
Here come the Wincest stories.
[url=http://facepunch.wikia.com/wiki/Facepunch_Anonymous_Confessional]Wiki'd[/url]
Now I have to write the Facepunch Anonymous Nudes article :smith:
[quote=Anonymous Confession]First off,I am a girl.
When I masturbate I often think about family members even my mom, once my grandma,at the time it gets me really horny. Then when I think back on it I feel really grossed out because I have no sexual attraction towards my family. I guess I just like the idea of it. Also sometimes when I masturbate after I come I lick one of my fingers too see what it tastes like,it's not that bad.
My boyfriend makes me really horny,but he can't get me off at all,I can't even get off thinking about him. I don't know what went wrong there.He is really attractive,and we have great sex(besides the fact that I don't EVER get an orgasm)
The only porn I like is lesbian porn,I really like watching other girls eat out other girls. Although I would feel totally grossed out by actually going down on another girl. I have messed around with a couple girls though,it wasn't any better than being with a guy.
I have thought about going into chat rooms and getting naked on cam for guys,I really like my body and think it is great,and I like the thought of all these other guys thinking it is great too,and getting off to me. I don't have a web came though,and I would probably feel morally wrong after doing it,so I don't think I ever would.
If I didn't have any value for myself I would probably want to be a porn star.
I pick my nose a lot,very secretly.I also feel my boobs a lot,they are fun :) Sometimes I get pimples on my butt,I feel REALLY self conscious about it and have never told anyone.
I think that is about it.[/quote]
Well
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Hezzy I barely know you, hell I don't know you. You could be the most chill coolest guy on Earth to hang around with. But whenever I see a picture of you, that face oh that face. If I saw you walking in the street I wouldn't know if I should say hello or punch you in the mouth.[/quote]
I'd take you out bro :c00lbert:
Also for reference, I checked this guy's email against facebook and got this picture of him;
[IMG]http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q198/Hezzy88/n1462572402_8943.jpg[/IMG]
[quote=Anonymous Confession]I make fun of my friend for sucking his own dick but after i found out I tried it, natural i got close and forced myself onto myself. But once it got in my mouth i threw up everywhere. My mom hears me and comes in and then She throws up. So We cleaned up and now she makes fun of me so I told her that my dad had aids. I guess the divorce was my fault. By the way have and tips for staying up all night?[/quote]
What the fuck. Coffee.
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Alright, this isn't really a confession, just a little chapter from my life I've never really told anyone on the internet about and want to hear what other people have to say about it. (Since I'll be able to lurk the confession thread and noone'll know who I am, it's the perfect strategy!)
I live in a small rural area and on a small farm type thing. A few months ago me, my family, and a few friends were having a campfire type thing where we roast hotdogs and such. (I was 16 at the time) Well, one of my friends were dicking around with flammable stuff around the fire and in a feat of stupidity somehow ignited my clothing.
Shit went crazy fast. I did stop drop and roll instinctively but I was still severely burned. I do not remember this very well but I do remember seeing my skin severly burned to the point some of it was hanging.
Since I'm not in town, calling an ambulance would not be practical for getting me to the nearest hospital as fast as possible, so I hobbled over to my father's truck and he drove me to the hospital, possible breaking a few traffic laws. I'd imagine my friend was feeling pretty shitty for causing all this at this point.
Well, we arrived at the small hospital and me and my father walked through the front doors of the hospital, the secretary at the front desk was in awe (in addition to my burns, there was blood on my face since I hit my head on a piece of wood pretty hard when I did the stop drop roll thing) and she directed us over to the emergency room. I do not remember much here as this is when they started doping me up with painkillers (fentanyl) (and when I was undressed by paramadics, I won't go into detail how hard it was to do that)
Anyways, the small town hospital didn't have the resources to be able to treat me, so I was moved to an ambulance and moved to the hospital in my province's capitol. From there nurses and the like dressed me up in proper bandages and I was moved to the burn unit while I await my big skin grafting surgery. So blah blah I am immobilised in a bed and am watching TV and in need of assistance from nurses to use the facilities, life was just swell.
Well, I managed to get a staph infection and I was rushed to the intensive care unit where I was pumped to hell with antibiotics. It lasted about a week. I was unconcious most of the time but I do remember waking up to puke, and to ask the nurse in the corner to stop playing solitaire so loudly, whatever that meant.
During that week had the staph infection, the doctors needed to get the burned skin off of me but could not do the skin grafting as my body would not be able to be handle having even more skin torn off. So I had cadaver skin grafed to my body to act as kind of a bandage. I recall making my doctors roll their eyes after I lifted one of my bandages to take a peak at the skin and saying "I see dead people" (that was after I got over my staph infection and was back in my burn unit room, but I'm not to that point in my story yet.) While I was still under the weather from the staph infection, my strength was so poor that I wasn't able to breath on my own and one of my lungs collapsed so I was on life support. So I was in the ICU for about a week until I was moved back into my burn unit room.
Fun times. So I was finally back to being able to stay awake. I was still doped up to hell by morphine and was unable to focus very well on anything. Two days later I was ready to have my cadaver grafts removed and my real skin grafts done. I won't go too much into detail about this so if you want to learn more about them read Wikipedia or somethin'
Wow. So now after the surgery I woke up and found myself wrapped up in the thickest set of bandages I have ever seen. They were to keep the skin grafts in place. The unfortunate part about this is that I woke up from my anaesthetic a little earlier than the doctors expected so I didn't have painkillers going into me yet, so I briefly experienced a pain 5x greater than the burn itself, seeing as the doctors just finished tearing off a shitload of my skin...
Anyways, now I'm back in my hosptial bed all cozy and once again watching Star Trek reruns on the telivision.
Nothing happened much during those two weeks, I had visits from family and friends (including the dude who inadvertently burned me, the poor dude seemed more emotionally ridden by this than I was)
Anyways, time was up and it was time for the doctors to remove this fuckload of bandages, so once again I was put under anaesthetic and the nurses proceeded to remove the bandages and the staples that were in place to keep the skin in place (hundreds of 'em!!)
So now I was on another bandage regime, I had a way smaller set of bandages that were now changed daily by nurses. A day or two later and I was ready to start basic physiotherapy since laying in beed for weeks made me a small weak bastard, plus the skin grafts were ridiculously tight and restricted my movement so I needed to stretch them.
I then slowly gained the ability to walk and such. Well, more hobble with a walker but I got along fine.
Then some interesting things happened. There was a room containing a gaming console and the like for kids from the ages of 12-16 so I was just barely able to fit the criteria of "kid" even though I thought it should've been 15, but anyways...
In that room I got to chill out on a nice couch, much better than the hospital bed I was confined to. I also met a girl in there about my age who was hospitalised because her father raged about some stupid shit and knocked over a deepfrier full of fucking hot oil (since they were cooking or something at the time) and it got all over her right leg. That shit was whack. Anyways, we quickly became good friends seeing as we shared a similar experience. Granted, getting burned by boiling oil was a lot worse than my situation.
She was a persistent thing, she was burned a few months prior to me meeting her but for assorted reasons was confined to the hospital for a long time. Despite the fact it hurt like fuck, she somehow got around with crutches, though she'd sometimes use a wheelchair.
Sometimes she'd track down my burn unit room at night and wake me up while I was having a drug enhanced nap and drag me down to the hospital water fountain where we talked about unimportant shit. We also were disturbed by the fact we saw a badly burned toddler move into the burn unit recently.
Well, yadda yadda I finally got healed enough where I could leave the hospital. Me and the girl said our goodbyes prior to me leaving. I am a dumbfuck and did not ask her what her last name was though, so I couldn't search her on facebook or something, so I ain't seeing her again.
Anyways, after the hospital nothing much exciting happened after that, I was forced to wear a tight awkward suit to help stretch my skin and keep the scarring down.
I've omitted a ton of shit from this story for facepunch consumption but this is basically what happened to me. This should be better than most of the shit that gets sent to you, hezzy.[/quote]
Holy shit, I hope you're ok man. Maybe you could phone the hospital up and ask them to pass your details onto the girl?
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Here goes,
I've liked this girl since the start of 2008 (to clarify, i'm nearly 15 at the moment); I like her for who she is, she doesn't drink, smoke or do anything bad and she's a nice person to talk to.
I taked to her a bit and kept getting closer to her. But at the end of that year, someone asked her out and she said yes. I felt really bad, I should have made my move earlier.
They broke up and I gave it a rest, before talking to her a bit more. But if you thought i learn't my lesson from not making my move, some other guy (he gets whatever girl he wants) asked her out and she said yes. Damn, that made me feel pretty sad then. But i knew that he will just ditch her soon enough, just like every other girl he went out with. They broke up after 4 weeks (about 2 months ago); and this time, she was really really sad, and all her friends (for some reason) hated her and she was left with 2 girls to hang out at lunch.
I talked to her at lunch and it semt that she was feeling pretty down because of her friends going elsewhere. I got really close to her, we sat next to each other in about every class. We talked all lesson and at lunch, I was certain that she'd say yes if i asked her out.
So on the bus on the way to sport, i remember she said to me "save me a seat" before we got on. She sat next to me, we talked as usual. Then when it was nearly my stop, i whispered into her ear "hey, do you want to go out with me?" and she asked back "are you serious?" and i nodded, she thought for a bit and then said "i'll tell you later".
I got off the bus, and the rest of that afternoon i was curious of her answer.
The next day at school, we didn't talk at all, at lunch, she came up to me and said we needed to talk. She took me somewhere, she said to me "i think it would be better if we just stayed friends". I said i was okay with that, yea, i like to talk to her, that's fine. The rest of the day i didn't talk to anyone, i felt really bad; i couldn't talk to her because it was just too awkard.
Her friends told me that she said she felt really bad for turning me down, and she likes us to be friends.
The rest of the week, we didn't talk I talked to her once or twice, but it just got too awkward.
Now I'm back to the start with her. Back to where i started off.
Turns out, one of her friends likes me. She's a nice girl, but i couldn't really picture her being with me. That girl asked me out 2 weeks ago, i said yes (stupid of me) and planned to just say we shouldn't when she tries to plan the date. Later that week, she tries to get a date, and i tell her "i don't really think we should go out, people would be going on about it" she said "nah, it's fine, just ignore them" so i tried to go with the stupid method of making her not like me, i told her "and i don't have any money, i spent it all on weed". She was like oh. That was sort of a heart crushing method, but it's better than saying "i don't like you".
Thanks for reading, Hezzy.[/quote]
Classic example of the friend zone
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Hi Hezzy
My confession is a little different, I guess I'm just getting things off my chest. I have recently split up with my girlfriend of 3 and a half years. I told her that it was because I haven't got time for her anymore (as harsh as that sounds it's kinda true). The truth is that I've been shagging everything with a vagina behind her back for a long time and I hadn't shagged her for about 6 months. She has taken it bad, she was devoted to me but I did not feel the same, nor will I ever. She texts me every day trying to get me to come back to her and it's hard saying no. We used to have some great times together, just the silly things like playfighting with her nearly sets me off crying because it reminds me of the good times. I can't even bring myself to throw away the picture I have of her in my bedroom.
I hate hurting people, and it kills me to ignore her. Today I even thought to stop her being upset I should kill her, that thought soon left my head though.
I don't know why I'm telling you this. Or what I expect from this....meh.[/quote]
You're a horrible human being
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Ohai Hezzy.
Well, here goes. It's not going to be that intresting, but it'll be nice to get it off my chest.
-I stole a pair of £68 headphones from school. It felt good.
-I fapped to hentai for a short period of time. It felt good then, but looking back it feels wrong.
-I still like my ex.
-I used to fancy my best mate's sister.
-I think I am quite spoilt, and all my mates keep saying stuff about me being rich. I don't like it, so I'm determined to get a job now.
-I get massively turned on by girls with emo fringes and short skirts.
Well that's all. Obai Facepunch.[/quote]
If you're spoilt you should totally send some cashmoney my way
[quote=Anonymous Confession]Okay, so here we go.
For maybe 1 year ago, I forgot about my girlfriend's birthday, late that day she came over to my house and was all pissed and stuff. She asked why I didn't buy her a present, I told her I did. While she was sitting down in the kitchen I said my present was upstairs, as I didn't find any presents I grabbed on of my mom's dresses. I walked downstairs with it in a box and told my girlfriend I didn't have any time to wrap it into any nice paper. And, she really believed it. The problem is that a few days later my mom couldn't find that dress, she asked my father if he knew where it was and as I am the only child in this family they looked at me. I said "Me? What would I do with a dress?" And now they all believe I am a transvestite.
Fuck. [/quote]
Hahahahah great! Karma!
[quote=Anonymous Confession]I'll launch right into it.
I have a piece of shit Volvo, It is gigantic and the engine is new, I love it so much, One particular aspect of it which this story focuses apon is the fact it has a rubber bumpers which makes it quit easy to ram into things without damaging my car at all. I've used them to great effect for a number of things, Generally wanton destruction of property.
Which brings me to my story. There's a particular scum bucket roach person who lives on my street, For the purposes of this story we will call him "Cockhead" Anyway, Cockhead is a cockhead. He enjoys a care free life style and lives with his parents (I assume they are his parents, I don't really get involved in cockheads lives)
Anyway, This guy murdered my cats, Not by hitting them with his car or anything, He abducted them and killed them with a bat while they were in a bag. I found this out from several people who were at a party with him.
His parents bought him a car, A brand new hyundai excel. After a night of drinking with some friends in a sociable environment I returned home. I was rather drunk and it was about 3:00 in the morning on a sunday.
I decided to exact revenge in the form of wanton anonymous destruction.
I drove my volvo round and found he had parked his car infront of his joint, I carefully manuvered behind it, I floored it and easily overwhelmed his pathetic breaks. I slowley pushed his car out from the front of his house, around the corner, and down a rather large hill into a small wooded area. The area he lives in is an undeveloped part of my local, There's only a few houses so it was easy to get it away from prying eyes or pesky late night phone calls.
Anyway, The car by this time must have burnt out its break pads since it rolled down the hill like a giant toy
SMASH, it ricocheted off a tree (in a manner that would have completely totaled his engine then and there.) an ended up stopping
I got my gloves and gasoline (both of which I had never payed for since I got them from work) and walked down to the defeated excel. Sitting patheticly against the tree, And torched it with a lighter I found in the wreck, (I had my own but this way they would trace it back to that lighter, which didn't have my prints)
After setting the fire I left, Assured that the car would be completely irrepairable.
The aftermath? I started a small fire in the wooded area, It burnt about a couple of trees, No houses were damaged.
I personally didn't get in trouble, Though I don't feel avenged completely since I didn't go back ever.
I belive I was justified, But this is the first time I've spoken of it, since word travels (isn't that right cockhead!)[/quote]
Why did he kill your cats? How did he react to you doing this to his car? Did he know it was you?
[quote=Anonymous Confession]i went to a bbq last friday and it was of a close friends. her names hannah and im close with all her friends. one of her best friends (called sarah) is my girlfriend and we only started going out the monday prior to the bbq. me and sarah have had things going before and weve liked each other for years.
i got really pissed out of my fucking head and got off/kissed hannah a stupid amount of times. it just happened and i couldnt stop crying a few days after, and after i kissed her because i really like sarah. hannah is one of my best friends. now i know its nothing compared to other confessions but i just wanna let it out and stuff
i told sarah while she was on holiday because she wasnt at the bbq. and i think it ruined the first few days of her holiday, but she got back in touch with me and i just poured my heart out down the phone to her. and she poured hers back. i asked her if she thought any less of me, and if she hated me, and if she still liked me/loved me whatever, and she didnt. she forgave me, and i was so happy.
she text me again the other day saying she was missing me, and i was shocked because she didnt text back to the enourmous amounts of texts id been sending her while shed been in denmark. she had no credit and she was camping in denmark somewhere, so she didnt take her phone. the text said that she missed me, she didnt hate me and that she cant wait til she sees me. ive gotta wait another 2 weeks til she gets back.
i just wanted to let that out because i really like sarah. i just feel as if i treat her like shit, because before she literally waited for me to get through (an absolutely terrible and shitty) relationship with another dog of a girl. and then me and sarah went out, and then i go and do that to her.
whatever i feel like a nob. will things be alright when she gets back? she says she wants to see me the sunday she gets back, but what do you think hezzyyy
ok that feels better
[/quote]
I think you should apologise profusely and then absolutely spoil her like crazy to make up for it. You've made a massive fuckup and you need to fix it.
[quote=Anonymous Confession]After I broke up with my previous boyfriend, it's been a while since I've even had a crush. [B]I never have wet dreams[/B], and I'm starting to worry that I'm missing something or my brain isn't producing the correct hormones. I know that it's probably normal (probably) but I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Really, I do want to go out with people.. I feel like I'm missing essential human experiences since I'm not conforming. There's really only a few boys at my school that I'd even consider going out with (stuck up just a bit, I know) and I feel like my past relationship is holding all the boys from approaching me. My ex is pretty much, in no short terms, a dick. He'd rather play runescape than speak to his girlfriend in runescape and I decided, "well, fuck that." I'm starting to worry if "the right boy" will ever come along. Well... okay, since this is anonymous and all. I have a major problem with flatulence (insert the FUUUUUUU-) but, yeah. I don't know if it's because I'm becoming increasingly nervous around people or because of my diet, but any tips would be more than welcome. And, yeah. I'm hoping that in college I'll have more chances to meet boys that won't be obsessed with saying 'the pool's closed' and other memes constantly.
P.S. There was a huge fucking bug on my wall, though I think it went away when I was typing this. Just thought you all should know. It was gigantic and kinda makes me wonder just what the hell else is living in my room.[/quote]
Uhhh yeah...girls generally don't have wet dreams.
They may get wet from dreams, but that's not quite the same :buddy:
Hahahahaha
[editline]04:48PM[/editline]
[quote]The massive burns post[/quote]
Jesus christ. If that one had had the word "Trolled." at the end I would be pissed.
There's a lot of secret lurking girls on the FP suprisingly.
I don't lurk. :3
Of course, there's a lot of threads I'd rather not post in. Lol.
Can we promote Hezzy to a higher level of power?
[QUOTE=ZestyLemons;16241268]There's a lot of secret lurking girls on the FP suprisingly.[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't be surprised of a lot of them were posing as guys. You never know. I couldn't blame them personally, I just tend to be pretty honest about myself, even online, so I don't hide my gender.
God I love the confessions, I'm glad they're back as they give me great entertainment!
[QUOTE=xXDictatorXx;16241369]I wouldn't be surprised of a lot of them were posing as guys. You never know. I couldn't blame them personally, I just tend to be pretty honest about myself, even online, so I don't hide my gender.
God I love the confessions, I'm glad they're back as they give me great entertainment![/QUOTE]
That's a rather interesting idea
Breaking news: 90% of fp users are secretly girls
[QUOTE=smurfy;16241480]Breaking news: 90% of fp users are secretly girls[/QUOTE]
i'm both.
I feel bad for the burn victim. He went through a lot and the least he could get back was a friend.
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