Meh, today I was just full of failure. All disappointments, no glories :(
:q:
I hate when I shit, it pinches off the end, and leaves a bunch of trapped shit. Such a fucking mess to wipe.
I take monsturds!!
[QUOTE=TAU!;18293686]I take [b]shits[/b], not poops.[/QUOTE]
Poop's a better word.
[QUOTE=BaconNightmare;18294222]Actually I found this thread funny in a morbid sort of way, although farting dogs' other posts were....well...irrelevant to my interests.
[B]Recently I had made one of the BIGGEST monsters every created.[/B]
Ahem...
Math Class.....25 minutes until the class is out.
The teacher is speaking of strange and foreign equations which sound like Japanese to me. Not like it matters, its been about 2 hours since ive needed to go potty. Earlier the day I ate so much food I was still in the process of digesting it.
Anyways, im starting to get cramps at the 20 minute mark. The poop is making strange noises and it desperately wants to escape the jail cell which is my body. At this point the sheer amount clogged up in my intestine is making my bladder smaller, and now im having to go pee as well.
Im able to shake off these violent urges. I cant leave class, as I ran out of bathroom passes. For a few minutes, im able to relax and not think about you-know-what. But then just as I get too relaxed a quick wind of air comes through my butt and I make one squeaky fart. Luckily no one heard it, as someone was talking over the intercom. The farts provided some comfort for me, but I was still hurting.
At the 15 minute mark, I am having serious issues now. The poop routinely makes its attempts to leave the chamber. Im squeezing my cheeks together like steel, but with every attempt the steel butt-cheeks weaken. At this point I am sweating, trying to hold it in. Im getting cold shivers and im getting light headed from all the strain.
10 Minutes:
The desk is moist from my sweaty palms, im squirming like a worm and now I feel as if I need to throw up. The poop is once again making its attempts at going out but I desperately hold these tidal waves back. The urge to pee is overwhelming, I even considering peeing in a bottle when no one looks. Then...I fart again. It was a warm fart this time, and I knew IT WAS TIME TO GO. But, there were 8 mintues left..
"Ms. Cos?"
"Yes"
"I gotta go, BAD"
"Youre out of bathroom passes"
"MS COS, PLEASE, I HAVE TO GO"
"No, you know the rules, class is ending in about 10 minutes, you can hold it"
(NOO I CANT D:)
I sit down, defeated, but again the voilent waves of bile, poop and pee are only getting harder to resist.
I stand up again, almost hunching from the pain, and walk up to her again.
"WHAT?!"
"I gotta throw up Ms. Cos, please, I need to go"
"Ok then go gogogogoo"
(Thank god for lying)
I RUN to the restroom, I dont even care about the fact that the toilets are about as clean as a hippie at a Woodstock concert. I assume the squatting position at the largest stall, open the toilet bowl, and begin the sacred excretions.
I hardly have to push. Before I know it, a large hotdog shoots out into the water, creating a tsunami in the toilet water. I continue releasing large monstrous choco-patties faster than the speed of light. More and more keep coming out, I get scared and check that im not pooping out my vital organs..
Then, it ceases. A moment of silence....then the pee comes at the pressure of a fire hose. I have to brace myself as I cant control the massive pressure. I sit there for a minute of constant peeing, and when it stops, I feel another nugget coming out. I poop a few more patties out, and then, begin the sacred wiping. It isnt pretty. I basically released 10 pounds from my skinny body. 9-10 long wipes after, I finally finish. I flush, and the sacred toilet takes the caggadis all down. I start walking out proud, albeit in a limp from the quick change of weight.
Fin.[/QUOTE]
I'm laughing so hard that I am farting.
[QUOTE=UberDave;18289028]Boom.
[URL=http://img195.imageshack.us/i/poopm.jpg/][IMG]http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/3573/poopm.th.jpg[/IMG][/URL][/QUOTE]
Holy fuck man, that's big
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