3 years ago I drove a 13 year old girl to the brink of suicide and never told anyone
466 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Azurionas;26555009]
Plain and simple: don't lie, folks. It bites you in the ass.[/QUOTE]
Oh god, this is so the truth.
Damn dude. Just....Damn.
Dude what the fuck
No what the fuck
I'm partially annoyed at some facepunchers for their responses, still in a little bit of shock at OP, and rethinking some stupid things I've done when I was younger.
Good job OP, that was one hell of a stupid act, but I guess you made up for it.
C U Next Tuesday.
[QUOTE=Dragon Master;26556889]C U Next Tuesday.[/QUOTE]
If U Seek Amy.
[QUOTE=Doomish;26554894]I know I should have apologized far earlier. Better late than never, though, right? :frown:[/QUOTE]
It's a good thing you apologized.
Time heals all wounds, but you definitely deserve the pain they cause you in the meantime.
This is the sort of thing one does [i]not[/i] pull on young girls.
That made my eyes water. I'm glad everything turned out OK. For both of you.
[QUOTE=JohnRockefeller;26522318][media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLKnCeeAW48[/media][/QUOTE]
So what does this have to do with the topic?
You did the right thing.
But you in my eyes are sick bastard.
Doomish I love you, and I'm glad you did the right thing in the end. :h:
[editline]8th December 2010[/editline]
And ignore everone saying negative things.
I have no idea what to think. Why would you do that?
that story was pretty fucked and you're a bit of a sociopath
but i'm glad you got rid of that huge weight off your shoulders. must have been pretty satisfying
That was an amazing and life changing read OP. :golfclap:
I hope everything is better now for you.
[QUOTE=Dan*;26563458]Doomish I love you, and I'm glad you did the right thing in the end. :h:
[editline]8th December 2010[/editline]
And ignore everone saying negative things.[/QUOTE]
You don't know how much of an effect this can have to someone, this girl tried to kill herself because of him. I can understand the negative words towards him.
Did you have sex with her yet?
this is the fucking pussiest shit i have ever read on these forums full of pussy shit. you are a fucking baby. a real life baby.
[QUOTE=Dougbert;26566086]this is the fucking pussiest shit i have ever read on these forums full of pussy shit. you are a fucking baby. a real life baby.[/QUOTE]
:frog:
And now i hope you guys meet and become lovers.
Happy ending :H:
Just... What the fuck.
[QUOTE=plack213;26562888]So what does this have to do with the topic?[/QUOTE]
you don't [i]get[/i] humour
Well that's... a shock.
[QUOTE=Doomish;26522207]Please note that this is going to be a long story. It is all one hundred percent true and no emotion I will ever have will compare to what I have felt after this event took place. This is more for me than anyone else, it's just that this doesn't quite fit in a Facebook message box. I think I'm telling Facepunch this not just to get it off my chest but to ask for advice on what to do. It hurts to think about, but here goes.
When I was 13, I loved Ty the Tasmanian Tiger. In case you don't know what it is, [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ty_The_Tasmanian_Tiger]It's a 3D video game series made by Krome, the guys who made Force Unleashed, and published by EA.[/url] If you haven't played it, I suggest you do, it's a good series. I can't play it nowadays because I get a hurting sensation in my chest and it just makes me want to stop, but I guess that's what I get for what I'm about to describe to you, Facepunch. I've been emotionally troubled for years about it and I've never told a single soul, not even my own parents.
[url]www.fanart-central.net[/url]
The above is a fan art website. I scoured the web for a place to post my Ty The Tasmanian Tiger fanart, but its community was unfortunately small and still is today due to the end of the series. I loved that game so much that I searched and searched until I found a suitable site for posting the art, not for popularity, but because I wanted to show people. See, I had an account there, and it still exists today. I'll link to it later on in my story, but for now, I'll just tell you this: People liked my works. As a 13 year old, I knew that I wanted to be an artist when I got older, and I still do, as some of you might know by my [url=http://www.facepunch.com/threads/904657-I-m-making-a-crappily-drawn-Bioshock-comic]150+ page Bioshock comic on this very forum[/url]. There was once a time when I cared nothing of my future, and I just drew because ideas came naturally to me.
So I did.
[url=http://www.fanart-central.net/profile-Neon_The_Battlehog.php]Here is my account on Fanart Central[/url]. Don't bother looking into my gallery yet, I'll explain later on down why it's full of seemingly random drawings. Let me remind you that at the start of all this I was 13, a young, innocent kid, I knew nothing of violence outside of what I'd experienced in the latest Grand Theft Auto game.That kid is long gone now that I've done the one thing I never thought I would do in my entire life and hope I never do again. I hurt someone so bad, so horribly unbearably bad in their heart, that they were going to kill themselves unless I acted quickly.
I met a girl there, who lived in Colorado and I assume she still does. I haven't talked to her in months, and it's better that way.[url=http://www.fanart-central.net/profile-Slygirl12.php]Her name is Lizzy, and this is her FAC account.[/url] We got to talking for a little while and we became good friends. We logged on and talked every day. She's since deleted most of her comments from when we first met, as she told me she would after the whole mishap, and I'm almost glad she did, because I can't remember our conversations and don't really wish to. I think mine are still on my page if you care to look, but in case you don't, I'll just tell you this: I fell in love.
I did, I really honestly truly did. The first person I ever loved was over the internet and I still regret it so much that it hurts me physically to type it out. I never told her I loved her and if I told her now she'd probably reject me, and with good reason. I thought about her day in and day out, I imagined what she looked like and how she spoke and what it would be like to talk with her for even a minute. As someone nearing 14, this concept amazed me. I'd never seen anybody love anyone outside of my parents, and now I knew what it was like, and it was perfect. It was goddamn perfect.
One day, I did something bad. The first thing I regret, out of the many. In October of 2008, I began pretending I had an alternate personality, by the name of Josh.
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I never brought him up before and he was never important again, but on that day, I realized that no matter what I said, no matter how far I went, she believed me. She fucking believed me. I was manipulating this poor girl to my own will and I wanted to go further. I wanted to bring out the "Josh" hidden inside me, just to see how far I could go before she stopped me.
But I wouldn't let that happen yet. I continued talking to her like nothing was wrong, like there was no Josh, and as quickly as she learned about him, she forgot about him. You can go ahead and think it. Think about how naive, how terrible and stupid it was of me. I know. But this isn't the worst part and I urge you to read on. [i]Please.[/i]
Her brother died. Not even six weeks after the whole "Josh" creation, her real life goddamn brother was put on suicide watch and then killed himself a week later. Her boyfriend left her. Her whole life fell apart at the seams, and she still came on every day to talk to me. She still told me how her day was and what was happening with her and how bad she missed them both.
I say them both, because her boyfriend passed away as well. A couple years ago, actually. When I found out she had a boyfriend, I was almost devastated, but I got over it shortly and decided to keep my love for her a secret, and a secret I kept it. Anyway, he had some sort of birth defect, asthma, or a heart problem or something, I can't remember. He left her and then life just decided to give up on him. I didn't know him, we never spoke.
Moving on, I was 14 by this time. I'm barely 17 at the time of this writing. I started wrecking my life. At every opportunity, in every conversation with her, I made my own life a little worse, pretending that it was reality, until finally, in November of 2008, I performed the ultimate sacrifice to my own dignity.
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I pretended to get shot in the head and fucking live. I was sure this would be it, it was completely subconscious at this point, I didn't give any thought to the endless stream of lies practically gushing from my fingertips.
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And she believed it.
I wasn't in awe, I wasn't surprised. I didn't feel anything. I expected her to call me out, I expected her to ask what was real and what wasn't, though I didn't have anything planned to say nor did I have any excuse for my lies. But she believed it and I had to live with it.
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And so began my decline. My adrenaline rush was dying. My social experiment was falling apart at the seams. I had to do something. I knew that I wanted to stay friends with her, my attraction towards her had not died out and I doubt it ever will. I could have stopped. I could have told her, I wish, I pray, I hope to god this was all a dream and I'm going to wake up on that day and I'll be 14 again and tell her that I'm okay. I could have told her I wasn't hurt.
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I started going further and further, I was practically screaming through the computer at her that I was lying, but my fingers kept typing and to this day I don't have a single fucking idea why. I'm practically crying as I type this and I have a damn good reason for it. I just want to reiterate that I have never told a single soul about this. I'm coming clean. The skeletons in my closet are being thrust into the light.
I never thought it would come to this. I didn't ever think it would. I could never possibly imagine the thing I was about to do as I logged on and typed the words on my screen in my room on my own goddamn computer. I had to get out of the lies somehow.
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So I finally did it. I killed myself off. This is the only remaining comment. In a rush of tears I deleted the rest on my last visit, possibly to hide my shame. I pretended to be my mother, making her rounds and telling all my friends goodbye for me, because I couldn't. Died of complications from my head injury, fever of 105. And, my hands are shaking, my eyes are blurry and red, and it's the first time I've ever typed this in my entire life, but:
Lizzy believed that I had truly died.
And it hurt her. It hurt her so bad that I felt sick, I felt downright ill. I was rotting on the inside because of what I had done to her. But I had to do it. I had to free myself from the endless lies. Remembering what I'd said was becoming a chore, one I didn't want to keep doing.
So I let her go.
...Is what I desperately want to say. I couldn't. I watched her life unfold before my very eyes and I sat back and did nothing. I couldn't bring myself to do anything except carry on with my life. I think I was 15 by this point. I felt horrible, and for practically months I just wanted to die because of how bad I felt for what I did.
I kept checking up on her, ashamed of myself. Too terrified to log in, because my last logged in date would update and she would see. One day, I did it by accident, and she noticed, and left a message on my profile. That day. That fucking day.
I fucking came back to life. I'm not joking, I wish I were joking. God, I wish I were joking. But I did. I claimed to have woken up in a strange place with unbelievable endurance and strength. I pretended I was in heaven. If you don't believe me, well...
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I feel despicable. Thinking about all of this makes me want to die all over again. But she accepted it, and it was okay, and we were friends again. I didn't have any lies to hold myself to except that I was dead and that I didn't know what this place I lived in was. Everything was going amazingly, she took it all in, and she never questioned it.
And then Victor, her boyfriend, died. She was down for so long, it hurt me to see her so sad. I can't fathom why I did what I did next, but it drove our friendship into the fucking ground. I have long since deleted the comment, but there's some context behind it anyway that I should probably explain.
I invented a girl by the name of Ashley, named Ashe. Lizzy never liked her when I mentioned her name, and Ashley of course did not exist so I couldn't respond for her. I always avoided the subject. Mind you, I'm 15 and allegedly DEAD, so how this girl found her way into my world, I never explained, and don't care to expand upon.
That out of the way, I implied that she was jealous of me and Ashley being together because she no longer had a boyfriend to be with. I said the worst thing I have ever said in my entire life, and it hurt her so badly that she sliced open her neck with a kitchen knife. She changed her profile picture to an image of her bleeding injury, and for the first time since I'd ever known her, I was hit by a wall of emotion. This girl, this innocent girl, just slit her own throat with the intention of taking her own life, and it was completely my fault. I wanted to die. I tried to calm her down, I really did. She left for the night and I assumed I'd never see her again.
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The next day she apologized to me. SHE fucking apologized to ME. I'm the lowlife, the despicable teenager, the terrible, terrible person and she was the one telling me she was sorry. This was it. This was all I could stand. The straw that broke the camel's back had finally fallen onto the pile. She recovered from her wound, was taken off of suicide watch by her mother, and all was well. In pictures of her today you can almost sort of see the scar.
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Yes, we still occasionally talk on Facebook. No, I won't link it to you, but I'm sure you could find her if you searched really hard.
Back to 2 years ago.
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I told her I loved her. I always had. Somewhere up in this big mess of text, I said I never told her, but looking back at it all I guess I did try once, and she gave me a quick no, and I decided that was it. Shortly after, she left Fanart Central, and, having no reason to be there, so did I.
We talked on e-mail for a while, but I never apologized to her, and one day, in my shame, I stopped responding to her altogether. I could feel my insides twisting as I closed the last email I ever got from her. I knew I had to make it right, because I was dying on the inside. I was breaking out with acne in my stress, I was unable to enjoy my winter break because of how upset I was.
I told nobody what I'd done and what I'd seen. I hate myself for what I've done, I hate what I've become so much. I tried to forget, I tried to heal, and I did. Now I sit on the computer and play video games to fill my time, I'm fairly well known around the Minecraft megathread. This is the one site I frequent most nowadays. I've never forgotten Lizzy, and when that friend request came on Facebook, I realized that she knew I was not dead and she had known on the inside all along. She told me that in her heart she never believed it, and I was sort of relieved, and we became friends again, but I still have never apologized. And tomorrow, tomorrow I'm going to. Tomorrow I'm going to show her this thread and I'm going to let her know that it still bothers me that I didn't tell her or anyone, and that I want to make amends, and that I want to move on with my goddamn life already. I've tried forgetting as I said above, and not once was I able to forgive myself for what I've done.
I've said my piece, Facepunch. I just have to get this off of my goddamn chest. Please help me forget this. It's agonizing to think about.
[b]EDIT[/b]
December 6, I have asked for her forgiveness.
I hope she responds.
[b]EDIT[/b][/QUOTE]
Wait....Ty The Tasmanian Tiger was discontinued!?!? =0
[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Don't quote enormous OPs" - Benji))[/highlight]
[QUOTE=Knorre;26561337]Time heals all wounds, but you definitely deserve the pain they cause you in the meantime.[/QUOTE]
Time does not heal all wounds.
Sorry.
Well that was quite an extraordinary read. Amazing all of this actually happened. Glad things turned out somewhat okay eventually.
o_O
Glad you're better now! Alot life puts you through, eh? But it's another chapter to be closed in your life, for the better too!
I remember Ty.
Fuck that game it was hard as balls for me.
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