I was trying to stand up from a chair and my foot got stuck on one of the legs. I made a "whooaahh" noise and ran halfway across the room to regain my balance.
Another time I had a metal lampshade on my head and apparently I didn't get enough oxygen so I passed out.
Mispronounced "fallacious," said "fellatios" instead. I couldn't figure out why everyone was giving me weird looks.
One day i was eating some chicken and rice at my aunt's, and one of my cousins cracked a joke.
I laughed and gasped, felt something weird in my nose.
My nose bugs me the whole day, at night, i'm in the shower, i blow reeeeally hard out my nose, and a piece of snot with a grain of rice is stuck on the wall :v:
I usually end up slurring my words or wording my sentences in a odd way, which results in my friends getting confused and mocking me.
Also bought a hat today, put it on straight away and realized when I got home. I LEFT THE MASSIVE PRICE TAG ON.
Well last week the day before thanksgiving I got ready to goto college for my spanish class in the morning, but when i got the class, It was empty and I realized we had no school that day.
I slapped my face so hard because I got up early for no reason to goto class that wasn't even held that day.
Yelling out a wrong answer to a question.
One time in P.E i forgot to put on my shorts, so i just walked out in my underwear. Took around 5 minutes before someone pointed it out and everybody laughed at me..
One time I wanted to get a glass of soda in between my girlfriends message in chat so I sent my response and I started to head to the kitchen when i remembered I had to ask my sister something. I went to my sisters room, chatted her for 5 mins or so, and I went back to my room to respond to my gfs response. couple mins later I realized I had forgotten i didnt get my soda but when I got up again I went and talked to my sis. Repeat this 4 more times till i finally got a cup but when I picked it up the cup slipped from my hands spilling everywhere
One time I woke up because of some very frequent and loud dripping sound, and then I realized I was in the shower all squeaky clean, halfway through shampooing my hair. I guess that was because I have a routine that I do almost all days of the week and my body decided to execute it when I wasn't awake.
[QUOTE=Scar;26362373]My French teacher asked me something, I responded in English :downs:[/QUOTE]
Not as bad as me, I wrote half my german exam in irish... and then proceeded to mix English, irish and german in my irish exam... needless to say the results weren't exactly pleasing
[QUOTE=Revanold;26507036]Do you still drop your trousers and piss then?[/QUOTE]
Shut up, your mutated penis gave me nightmares.
[QUOTE=REMBER;26526940]Shut up, your mutated penis gave me nightmares.[/QUOTE]
[img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_z5Ru9kCZGF8/THphKohIb4I/AAAAAAAABzU/TmfkPgHiMpo/s1600/facepalm_statue.jpg[/img]
That was the [b]worst[/b] comeback I have ever heard.
[b]EVER[/b]
Since I switched to online schooling, and I don't see my friends as much, I also don't hear my name as much, as a consequence of this last night i damn near completely forgot my name.
Filling in Christmas or birthday cards, and writing it to myself.
Every damn time.
[QUOTE=Raptortheawesome;26511706]I just left a thread to find another one, just to come back to the same fucking thread.[/QUOTE]
that's fast threads for ya
I remember this one time, when I really felt like taking a shit. By the time i went into the bathroom, i forgot how to shit :(
This morning, I forgot how to walk -.-
I got up, put both my feet on the floor, and just stood there for about 10 minutes wondering what to do next. Then I remember how when I saw my brother across the hall.
Why are so many people forgetting to breathe.
Y'all are going full retard.
Threw my clothes in the toilet, and took a piss in the wash basket.
Ah yes, and many a time I have rolled over in my sleep and nutted myself on the wall.
Also, writing "have" as "ahve".
Attempted autofellatio and nearly broke my back doing an involuntary backflip off the side of my bed and under my table, slamming my dick on the side of the table and nearly snapping it off and then coming up and bumping my head on the underside.
When I was about 7-8 I went to school in boxer shorts because my mother thought they were regular shorts. I only got questioned about it once near the end of the day, and that person seemed to believe me when I told him my mother said they were regular shorts. I'm guessing the teachers didn't dare to ask and the other kids hadn't been introduced to boxer shorts yet.
[QUOTE=RayDark;26530936]Attempted autofellatio and nearly broke my back doing an involuntary backflip off the side of my bed and under my table, slamming my dick on the side of the table and nearly snapping it off and then coming up and bumping my head on the underside.[/QUOTE]
... may I ask what method you were using for that to happen?
or did you just slip off
I was going to jump my partner during practice, so i grab his neck and pinch real well with my hand, he startled, throwed his sword in the air in shock which proceeds to go through his thigh on the way down and we go take it off in the hospital.
Harmless prank was harmful.
Sometimes I put a random 'e' at the end of a word.
Sometimes I piss in two directions at the same time, with neither steam hitting the toilet.
One time I tripped on my own feet going up the stairs while carrying a plate of food. Carpet flavored fries don't taste good.
Occasionally, I'll wake up in the morning more tired than usual. This tends to lead to zany antics, such as:
-Doing my entire shower routine (shampoo, wash face, soap, shower gel) twice
-Poking my eyes until I realize that I hadn't even opened my contact lens case yet
-Brushing my teeth without toothpaste
-Putting on clothes and then immediately taking them off
-Pouring a glass of juice and then just leaving it on the counter (and it stays there until I get home in the afternoon)
-Trying to put my iPod Touch in my wallet (this happens more often than it should)
-Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom just staring at my reflection (did this for almost an hour once)
My toilet and dirty clothes basket were quite close when I was 8. I walked into the laundry, and proceeded to piss all over the clothes basket. Lucky it was full of dirty clothes. My mother was quite mad when she put the clothes in the wash, however. :)
[b]Long story, brace yourself.[/b]
One fine summers night up in the busy state of Massachusetts, me and my family decided we would all collectively go out and dine upon the delicious offerings at a local Chinese restaurant. As a big fan of General Gau/Jor's Chicken, I ordered a boatload and ate my way to being partially Asian. After enjoying this feast we settled for a bit and then headed back home. Right as we were leaving I felt the first pangs of stomach pain, but paid no attention as I figured I would get home in time.
[highlight]I should have paid attention to the warning. Bad idea,[/highlight]
We're less than a half-mile down the road from the restaurant when my belly is gurgling like a son of a bitch. I'm trying to fart to relieve some tension but I know if I try too hard I'll shit my pants and if that happens all bets are off. So I'm in feces limbo, playing groundhog with my lower intestine. By now, we are halfway home, and nobody but me knows about the predicament I'm in. We've hit a little traffic, and by now the gas buildup has been released. Now, there is a sharp pain in my stomach, whether it be from the Chinese food or the furious digestion of food.
I am now three quarters of the way to my house. The shit has now descended into my asshole and wants to come out. My brain is telling me to get my pants off and shit as fast as you can, but there is no sufficient place to do it. I am finally home. I haul ass out of the car and unlock the front door. I run to the stairs and start to head up the stairs to my personal bathroom.
[highlight]My brain has now lost all sense of logic and comprehension.[/highlight]
Halfway up the stairs, I decided it'd be best to [b]pull my pants down so that I'd be ready to go when I hit the bathroom at the top.[/b] This, as you can tell, was a STUPID FUCKING MOVE. I'm almost there when I trip over my pant leg and fall up the stairs, causing me to shit a little in the process. There is now poop on the stairs but I am determined to reach my destination. I fly into the bathroom and throw the toilet lid open.
[b]I decide to simply squat, as sitting down would take too much time. HOLY FUCKING SHIT WAS I WRONG.[/b]
I exploded. I shit everywhere. All over the wall, all over the toilet, all over the floor, and all over my pants. It was a disaster. Not only did I have stank on the stairs, but I had created a fecal masterpiece in the bathroom. To make things worse, I pissed on the bathmat because I couldn't hold my piss and my shit at the same time.
The End. The moral of this story is when you feel the first warning sign of shit, LISTEN TO IT. You may suffer the same fate I did.
Turn on TV. Lie down on couch. Turn off TV.
[QUOTE=raptorkid;26527547]Filling in Christmas or birthday cards, and writing it to myself.
Every damn time.[/QUOTE]Atleast you don't send valentine cards to your self!
...
:smith:
Once while I was playing soccer I did a throw In, then I just stood there at the sideline for like 5 minutes before I realized I was supposed to be playing.
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