[QUOTE=gingerninja500;29147972]in english swimming pools there are chemical that turn urine purple[/QUOTE]
In English swimming pools they don't talk like that.
[QUOTE=Maximo13;29149083]In English swimming pools they don't talk like that.[/QUOTE]
how do they talk then?
I was watching "Law Abiding Citizen" film and when it ended I mentioned how the female judge got headshotted by a sniper.
needless to say i was blazed out of my skull, and in case you haven't seen the film, the female judge answers to a cellphone that explodes right into her ear, killing her.
When I name a file "sertyuiokfdcv.doc" because I can't be bothered to write the name.
[editline]13th April 2011[/editline]
Then realize I have ~30 other documents named like that.
*Wake up in morning.*
"Ughhhh....."
*Picks up glasses, doesn't put on*
*Sets them on another table and gets dressed*
*Pick them back up, still not putting them on.*
*Drag myself to the kitchen for breakfast*
*After breakfast fully alert*
"YAAAWWWWNNN... Wait, where's my glasses?" (Note I still had them in my hand)
"WHERE'S MY GLASSES?!"
*Search franticly, with no prevail.*
"Ugghhhh." *Facepalm and hit self in head with glasses*
*Feel stupid for rest of day*
I freaked out because I was on the street and I couldn't find my phone in my pocket and I was telling my friend on the phone about how I lost my phone
Half-way through a sentence the words just come out all gibberishy... happens occasionally.
E.g. associate = asho-shee-ape
FUCK
Realizing I've done about [b]everything[/b] in this thread.
[QUOTE=Chrispy_645;29162978]Half-way through a sentence the words just come out all gibberishy... happens occasionally.
E.g. associate = asho-shee-ape
FUCK[/QUOTE]
complex migraine?
[editline]14th April 2011[/editline]
When I was playing football (soccer) at school, someone kicked the ball over me. There was no immediate attacking threat anywhere near me at the time and I turned around to run and get it, somehow in the act of turning around my feet twisted together. The shock of this caused me to leap into the air. I rose gracefully for what seemed like eternity and came crashing back down to the ground. Everyone who saw said it was the best fall they'd ever seen. I imagine it looked like a dolphin jumping out of the water backwards and the water being replaced with land while it was in the air.
A couple weeks ago I forgot how old I was when asked in an interview.
Whenever relatives ask me my age I'm all like "Ummmmmmmmmmm. . ." and then they tease me for forgetting and the subject changes. They never find out my age. :ninja:
[QUOTE=jaykray;29163043]complex migraine?[/QUOTE]
I think I just talk too fast :P
I fell asleep while playing Patapon 2 at full volume.
How the fuck...
Meal needs salt.
Grab drink
upend it on meal.
[editline]16th April 2011[/editline]
Subway. At counter.
Order subway
'What kind of cheese would you like'
This barely ever gets asked so I am like 'Italian herb and cheese'
'Cheese, what kind of cheese'
My brain is reeling from this hardcore interrogation so I throw up my hands and reply 'yellow'
Good times.
[editline]16th April 2011[/editline]
'Hey motherfucker'
'good'
awkward silence
This happened last week,
I woke up after a night of absolutely no sleep to go and have a shower, and as soon as I put the light on and opened the bathroom door, there was this fucking huge ass moth on the floor, and I have a phobia of moths, or anything that flies. So as I see this thing on the floor, I take my towel and try to move it away from the entrance of the door with a sweeping movement, not realising that the towel wasn't making contact with the floor, I bend lower to the floor to the point where I'm almost falling over like a drunk man, so then I fall over and coincidentally my crotch was where the moth was, and I was wearing those boxers with the hole in the front, so this moth went INTO THE FUCKING HOLE. So as soon as I felt this feeling of something fluttering on my balls, I tore my boxers off (yes, tore them OFF) and ran back into my room, only to discover that the moth was still on my (now, loincloth), so I threw it out of my window.
My uncle went into a market to get a bottle of water. He went to the counter, put the bottle down, paid for it, and then left without it.
I also just posted this in the Programming WAYWO.
Every year for New Years Eve, our family makes our own home-made whipped cream to put on a bowl of ice cream and strawberries. Two years ago, I was charged with the heavy task of making this year's batch-o-WC. I had all the usual ingredients together: sugar, vanilla, cream, ect. Few minutes later, I finished making the whipped cream, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself at this point. My dad walks in and asks me how I did, and I respond "good." So he sticks his finger in the bowl, and takes the first lick of the whipped cream. As soon as that whipped cream touched his tongue, his face cringed, and his eyes got really big. He pulled his finger out from his mouth and yelled.
"Oh my god!"
"What?" I respond.
"That isn't sugar, thats salt, you idiot!"
Once I tried to enter my house, but my mind went blank and I forgot how, so I decided to enter the open window next to the door. the door was wide open.
I was running up the stairs with my dressing gown on and nothing underneath when I realised that I looked a lot like batman running with his cape behind him. To add to the effect I undid my dressing gown and pulled the two sides apart, making them billow as I ran, a side effect of this was nakedness. Unfortunately when I got to the top of the stairs my dad was waiting to come down. We don't talk about it.
[QUOTE=pod;29215975]Every year for New Years Eve, our family makes our own home-made whipped cream to put on a bowl of ice cream and strawberries. Two years ago, I was charged with the heavy task of making this year's batch-o-WC. I had all the usual ingredients together: sugar, vanilla, cream, ect. Few minutes later, I finished making the whipped cream, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself at this point. My dad walks in and asks me how I did, and I respond "good." So he sticks his finger in the bowl, and takes the first lick of the whipped cream. As soon as that whipped cream touched his tongue, his face cringed, and his eyes got really big. He pulled his finger out from his mouth and yelled.
"Oh my god!"
"What?" I respond.
"That isn't sugar, thats salt, you idiot!"[/QUOTE]
For some reason I thought your username was "bob" spelled backwards.
[editline]16th April 2011[/editline]
Offtopic: Has anyone noticed that this is the only place you get rated funny instead of dumb for dumb things. I wish the rest of facepunch was as forgiving.
This is not me, but a friend of my little sister (girl)
Gonna use LSF for Little Sister's Friend
*Eating waffles
LSF: I LOVE salt on waffles
Mom:You sure you don't mean sugar?
LSF:No, I mean salt, I love salt
*LSF Gets salt after a small discussion (I think we told her that sugar was sweet)
*LSF Takes a bite
LSF:I didn't like it
*LSF pushes her waffle aside
I check the fridge like 10+ times daily without any reason at all
was in the hall at my school and i pulled my pants down, thinking i was getting changed for gym. true story.
Went to catch a fly ball in baseball completely missed it, It hit me in the head and my teammates said put my hand next to my head and fainted. I remember nothing.
Fell asleep last night playing hearts of iron 3.
Wake up 30 minutes later YOUR PORTSMOUTH NARVIK CONVOY HAS BEEN DESTROYED ASDSADSSDA complete with the sound effects of a ship exploding then sinking. Kick foot up, knock the computers electricity out then spend 15 minutes trying to mangle through cords to fix everything thats knocked out.
My biggest derp moment probably was when I was home alone along time ago, when I was about 12 or 13.
I wanted a chicken patty. I got the chicken patty but didn't know how long it needed to be put on in the microwave. I read the back of the package and without paying attention to the section I was reading, I immediately put it on TEN MINUTES. Obviously, that was for the oven.
I walked away to let it cook. About nine minutes in, I smell smoke. I walk into the kitchen and look around wondering what the hell was smoking, then I realized. I HAD JUST PUT A DAMN CHICKEN PATTY ON FOR TEN MINUTES IN THE MICROWAVE.
I immediately opened the microwave and mounds of smoke poured out. I looked at the plate and it was singed and cracked around the chicken patty. The patty itself was completely black and hollowed out. I now had a piece of charcoal to eat.
I threw it in the GARBAGE.
I was making one of those Gingerbread houses, and I was putting on the icing. Little did I realise that the icing was coming out THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ICING TUBE and all over my hand.
shit
Sometimes, when I'm drinking out of a cup, I forget I'm not using a straw and try to go for one that isn't there.
I went to one of my school's functions and every door was locked, I walked around every door as the guy who was selling tickets inside watched me and laughed. Then I looked around and saw a door that had a giant sign "ENTER HERE"
I farted loudly in my class while everyone was silently reading some literature during one of the lessons...
Everyone bursted out laughing.
:suicide:
I had a major derp moment when I lit my pants on fire in cooking class on Friday :v:
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