Facepunch Mod Election: 2016 Edition - VOTE OR BAN - General

holy moley

[QUOTE=J!NX;51540238]I hope Sgt. Doom G Steinburg, Jr. gives this letter five minutes of his precious cappuccino-sipping, cancer-stick-puffing time. Allow me now to offer you an exemplum of how fractious Doom can be: Intransigent jokers like Doom are not born—they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, while Doom is out doing the entire country a grave disservice, the general public is shouldering the bill. Sadly, this is a bill of shattered minds, broken hearts and homes, depression and all its attendant miseries, and a despondency about Doom's attempts to silence any criticism of the brainwashing and double standards that he has increasingly been practicing. He is doing everything in his power to make me develop an eating disorder. The only reason I haven't yet is that I believe in the four P's: patience, prayer, positive thinking, and perseverance. To change the topic slightly, Doom uses deception to trick people into voting against things that they in fact support. For proof of this fact I must point out that you should never be impressed by positions or titles but only by honorable deeds. At the risk of sounding a tad redundant, let me add that Doom once tried to provide financial support to backwards banana republics and their immature dictators. If you consider this an exception to the rule then you undoubtedly don't understand how Doom operates. I hope, however, that you at least understand that he is talking out of his posterior. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper because it's the news that just doesn't fit. Doom's behavior towards minorities has degenerated into tokenism and meaningless gestures—sincerely an instructive warning for the future. Doom is always prating about how unfounded attacks on character, loads of hyperbole, and fallacious information are the best way to make a point. (He used to say that he is as innocent as a newborn lamb, but the evidence is too contrary so he's given up on that score.) For the record, this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. Doom uses divisive rhetoric to feed us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations. So please permit me to appropriate and paraphrase something I once heard: “He is a man of questionable moral character.” I once told his operatives that his capricious, crotchety musings are enantiomorphic of all that is innocent and pure. As a result, I witnessed in them a paranoia that reached astonishing new levels of hysteria, which made me realize that Doom's attitudes are just another signpost marking our long, steep cultural descent. I submit that everyone should stop and mull that assertion. Then, people will understand why it's often hard to decipher Doom's foul-mouthed comments. Obviously, he flees clarity whenever it involves unpleasant shouldering of responsibility, but I allege that in this case, Doom's roorbacks are as troubling as his insistence that he is a voice of probity. It's also true that Doom is intellectually dishonest in everything he says and does, but that'll have to be a subject for another letter. Doom's vicegerents are quick to point out that because Doom is hated, persecuted, and repeatedly laughed at, he is the real victim here. The truth is that, if anything, Doom is a victim of his own success—a success that enables Doom to strap us down with a network of rules and regulations. I am not in any way placing the blame on him for lackadaisical schnooks who pander to our worst fears. That notwithstanding, he is still culpable for plotting to cast dissent as treason and criticism as espionage. Treasonous, infernal storytellers can't even agree among themselves as to how loud he is. I wish I could put it more delicately, but that would miss the point. Again, I can guarantee the readers of this letter that Doom commemorates Lysenkoism Awareness Week, as if that were a legitimate holiday. Please note that when I finish writing this letter you might not hear from me again for a while. I simply don't have enough strength left to deal with him appropriately. Nevertheless, my love for people necessitates that I provide light, information, and knowledge about Doom's doolally, jejune false-flag operations. Yes, I face opposition from Doom. However, this is not a reason to quit but to strive harder. Doom may have access to weapons of mass destruction. Then again, I consider him to be a weapon of mass destruction himself. His yeomen have been seen tricking us into trading freedom for serfdom. Doom claimed he would take responsibility for this ungracious behavior, but in fact he did nothing to fix matters or punish the culprits. This proves that there are lots of weepy, wimpy flower children out there who are always whining that I'm being too harsh in my criticisms of Doom. I wish such people would wake up and realize that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. I always catch hell whenever I say something like that so let me assure you that I am not embarrassed to admit that I have neither the training, the experience, the license, nor the clinical setting necessary to properly suggest the kind of politics and policies that are needed to restore good sense to this important debate. Nevertheless, I do have the will to expose every stingy practice of every stingy yobbo. That's why I unmistakably maintain that he says that antiheroism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves. If that's the limit of Doom's perception, acumen, and intelligence, then God help him. Anyway, I hope I've made my point, which is that Sgt. Doom G Steinburg, Jr. likes to put on a honest face to dissimulate his plans to parlay personal and political conspiracy theories into a multimillion-dollar financial empire. Tell me now, is this the Facepunch you want?[/QUOTE] Maybe I'm naturally oversensitive, or maybe someone just slipped me decaf coffee this morning, but Reagy is so incredibly balmy that he really ought to change his name to “Balmy McBalmy, the Balmy King of the Balmy”. I can think of no better place to start than by noting that Reagy spouts the same bile in everything he writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue he's excited about this week is vandalism, which says to me that Reagy claims that the Scriptures are responsible for his dodgy thoughts and fancies. This eisegetical fantasy is not only disorderly, but it fails to consider that Reagy hates people who supply the missing ingredient that could stop the worldwide slide into etatism. He wants such people nabbed, grabbed, and thrown out of the country. I used to maintain that Reagy was a brutish, bleeding-heart scalawag. However, after seeing how he wants to woo over scummy hatemongers by using tactics such as scapegoating, reductionist and simplistic solutions, demagoguery, and a conspiracy theory of history, I now have an even lower opinion of him. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that Reagy wants to declare martial law, suspend elections, and round up dissidents (i.e., anyone who does not buy his lie that our unalienable rights are merely privileges that he can dole out or retract). What's wrong with that? What's wrong is Reagy's gossamer grasp of reality. In the simplest of terms, it takes more than a mass of aberrant administrators to present a noble vision of who we were, who we are, and who we can potentially be. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them. Teetotalism has served as the justification for the butchering, torture, and enslavement of more people than any other “ism”. That's why it's Reagy's favorite; it makes it easy for him to pooh-pooh the concerns of others. One could imagine that some good might come from letting Reagy put some morally repugnant vandal up on a pedestal. But the only one whose imagination is vivid enough is Reagy. In no sense do I advocate evading or defying the law in order to show some backbone. That would lead to anarchy. Instead, I advocate rising to the challenge of thwarting Reagy's wretched plans, as doing so leads people towards an understanding of how many of the things that Reagy's partisans write make absolutely no sense. For example, what do they mean by, “The government (and perhaps Reagy himself) should have sweeping powers to arrest and hold people indefinitely on flimsy grounds?” Maybe reading that sentence backwards reveals a hidden message, or maybe it's simply the case that Reagy does not content himself with enshrining irrational fears and fancies as truth. Rather, Reagy seeks to inflict more death and destruction than Genghis Khan's hordes. If he does, that will be the end of the general public knowing that he, like all nefarious rattlebrains, is blinkered. I do have to apologize for that; not all of them are blinkered. Just kidding; yes they are. All such humor aside, among the many challenges in reversing the devolutionary course that Reagy has set for us is a bottom-line unawareness of how Reagy is known for selectively editing quotes to make it sound like he's the best thing to come along since the invention of sliced bread. There are several logical contradictions in Reagy's position on this matter. For example, some people think it's a bit extreme of me to take acts of bias seriously and limit them with education or discipline wherever they are detected—a bit over the top, perhaps. Well, what I ought to remind such people is that over the years, I've enjoyed a number of genuinely pleasurable (and pleasurably genuine) conversations with a variety of people who understand that we live in dour times. In one such conversation, someone pointed out to me that Reagy insisted he'd never shower obnoxious bohemians with undeserved encomia. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before he did exactly that. He promised he'd never concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life, but then he did just that—and worse. At least Reagy is consistent, but his deeds were never about tolerance and equality. That was just window dressing for the “innocents”. Rather, Reagy is 180 degrees out of phase with reality. Reagy may mean well, but the first response to this from his satraps is perhaps that Maoism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves. Wrong. Just glance at the facts: I have hated every stingy bucket of volage-brained swill ever written by this temulent demagogue. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I phrased that last statement, but I assure you that I am not exaggerating the situation. I don't normally want to expose anyone to rigorous sarcasm, satire and disdain, but Reagy truly deserves it. He refuses to come to terms with reality. Reagy prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. He wants us to believe that any day now it will be considered cool to permit untoward zobs to rise to positions of leadership and authority. Yes, things will be that way if we choose to believe that. I choose not to believe that. I choose to believe that I overheard one of Reagy's zealots, who are legion, say, “Reagy can ignore rules, laws, and protocol without repercussion.” This quotation demonstrates the power of language as it epitomizes the “us/them” dichotomy within hegemonic discourse. As for me, I prefer to use language to institute change. I don't have time to go into this in as much detail as I should, but Reagy is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to his tracts. When all is said and done, he occasionally shows what appears to be warmth, joy, love, or compassion. You should realize, however, that these positive expressions are more feigned than experienced and invariably serve an ulterior motive, such as to make incorrect leaps of logic. But there I go again, claiming that I could go on for pages listing innumerable examples of Reagy's disgusting zingers and noxious quips. I have already written enough, surely, to convince you that Reagy would have us believe that his vituperations are the carriers of civilization and that without them history is silent, literature is dumb, science is crippled, and thought and speculation are at a standstill. The reality, in contrast, is that Reagy argues that he is entitled to violate strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains. This is an entertaining statement, perhaps, except that when taken at face value it presages a likely attempt by Reagy to divert us from proclaiming what in our innermost conviction is absolutely necessary. I frequently talk about how Reagy thinks there should be a law prohibiting people from saying any harsh or unkind things against him. I would drop the subject except that he may crush national and spiritual values out of existence and substitute the stuck-up and hubristic machinery of propagandism right after he reads this letter. Let him. Quicker than you can double-check the spelling of “hyperconscientiousness”, I will act as a positive role model for younger people. His argument that profits come before people is hopelessly flawed and completely circuitous. So, Reagy, maybe the problem is not with the most irresponsible dips you'll ever see, but with you. Having already explained that his shell games resonate with spiteful, doctrinaire dumbbells because of their emphasis on suborning pudibund defalcators to attack the critical realism and impassive objectivity that are the central epistemological foundations of the scientific worldview, let me now state that a theme that appears repeatedly in his circulars concerns his desire to increase alienation and delinquency among our young people. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that many of the silly, spineless gangsters I've encountered are convinced that it's illegal to navigate a safe path between the Scylla of Reagy's corrupt, surly suggestions and the Charybdis of nosism—or, if it isn't illegal, then it ought to be. This view is soporific by any stretch of the imagination and reflects how a large number of people are immensely outraged at Reagy. Reagy should ask himself what he has done to incur such wrath. One possibility is that Reagy has a natural talent for complaining. He can find any aspect of life and whine about it for hours upon hours. Reagy's subordinates actually believe the bunkum they're always mouthing. That's because these sorts of truculent weirdos are idealistic, have no sense of history or human nature, and they think that what they're doing will somehow improve the world one day. In reality, of course, Reagy once said that the best way to serve one's country is to create a world without history, without philosophy, without science, without reason—a world without beauty of any kind, without art, without literature, without culture. His menials tried hard to blame that narrow-minded quote on me. However, that quote represents nothing that I have ever written, said, or believed. I profess, therefore, that most people pretty quickly figured out that the baneful nature of Reagy's projects is not just a rumor. It is a fact to which I can testify. We wouldn't have a problem with prætorianism if it weren't for Reagy. Although he created the problem, aggravated the problem, and escalated the problem, Reagy insists that he can solve the problem if we just grant him more power. How naïve does he think we are? Truly, I wish I knew when Reagy was planning on unleashing his next volley of destructive off-the-cuff comments. Alas, I'm no Nostradamus. Nevertheless, some of my predictions have come true in spades. For instance, I predicted ages ago that Reagy would win support by encapsulating frustrations and directing them toward unpopular scapegoats, and look what happened. Even scarier, I predicted that Reagy would sell quack pharmaceutical supplies (and you should be suspicious whenever you hear such telltale words and phrases as “breakthrough”, “miracle”, “secret remedy”, “exclusive”, and “clinical studies prove that…”). Although most people doubted that prediction when I made it, they neglected to consider that Reagy is astonishingly evil. However, as the Buddha remarked, there has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it. I'm sure that if the Buddha lived in modern times, though, he'd also comment on how Reagy's apothegms are not modeled on democracy as envisaged by philosophers of the Enlightenment but on the anti-democratic principles of Marxism. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how he is God's representative on Earth. That's just not true. No one can claim to know the specific source of Reagy's op-ed pieces, but Reagy likes to imply that he can convince criminals to fill out an application form before committing a crime. This is what his positions amount to, although, of course, they're daubed over with the viscid slobber of beggarly drivel devised by his cultists and mindlessly multiplied by discourteous astrologers. There are situations where certain announcements are appropriate and there are situations where they are not. I personally suggest we search for solutions that are more creative and constructive than the typically tasteless ones championed by fatuous controversialists. This idea isn't as outré as it sounds, especially when you consider that Reagy wants to slow scientific progress. Why he wants that, I don't know, but that's what he wants. It has been said that it would sure be nice if Reagy could present his case without resorting to yellow journalism. I believe that to be true. I also believe that ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Reagy would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being rotten. As a dying tree drops its leaves and is attacked by fungus and worms of decay, so too is a nation set upon by Reagy. The following is a preliminary attempt to establish some criteria for discussion of these complex issues. To begin with, his merciless philippics will cause our country to lose credibility with many nations, great and small, who have hiterto taken it for granted that we must know our enemies. It's that simple. Reagy's lectures will, as science tells us, inevitably spread uncongenial views. Let me explain. Reagy should think about how his refrains lead maleficent Bolsheviks to use cheap, intemperate propaganda to arouse the passions of mutinous menaces. If Reagy doesn't want to think that hard, perhaps he should just keep quiet. He is squarely in favor of despotism and its propensity to perpetrate acts of the most lubricious character. This is so typical of Reagy: he condemns bigotry and injustice except when it benefits him personally. He will create an atmosphere of mistrust in which speculations and rumors gain the appearance of viability and compete openly with more carefully considered theories long before he can convert me into one of his servitors. Because Reagy is so caught up in trying to invent a new moral system that legitimizes his desire to manipulate public understanding of alcoholism, I'd like to conclude this letter by quoting to him the last line of R. M. Rilke's poem, “Archaic Torso of Apollo”: “You must change your life.”

i was actually really worried for jinx's health [URL="http://www.pakin.org/"]but i looked it up[/URL]

omg the effort I just spent scrolling past all that on my phone You're all dead when I get home

copy paste + find and replace general 2016

[QUOTE=Broguts;51534453]French isn't a real language. DISQUALIFIED![/QUOTE] [media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gO_1dEOkb_U[/media]

the entirety of romeo and juliet but every character is replaced with mod candidates and other notable members

Why did I read all of that.

[QUOTE=Reagy;51540343]Why did I read all of that.[/QUOTE] it shows dedication

It's all lies from Satan in disguise. WICKED & CUNNING

yeah i think thats the only thing this thread was missing a couple of fucking novel posts

[QUOTE=Sobotnik;51538074]Exactly. Reagy resorted to personal insults, which is not only uncalled for and unbecoming, but something I'd only expect from an known anime lover.[/QUOTE] It was specifically called for, actually.

[QUOTE=Fox Powers;51540369]it shows dedication[/QUOTE] A quality needed for a moderator Reagy 2016

[IMG]http://goatse.info/hello.jpg[/IMG] [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("Gimmick" - Novangel))[/highlight]

[QUOTE=Noi;51539911]lmao gay [img]http://i.imgur.com/sPy5FxF.png[/img][/QUOTE] Thanks for proving my argument. You just posted an example of the sort of user that Reagy will not only permit, but [i]encourage[/i] if elected moderator. [editline]17th December 2016[/editline] Do we really want our community to reflect such values?

Does a man not have the right to change? Shame on Noi, Sobotnik is a new man now, a new man who realises comrade Doom is the hope of the future.

A man who supports the path to the righteous shall enjoy a path of trickery. Do not let the anime be the number one over your memory.

[img]http://i.imgur.com/S0oA88b.png[/img]

Has anybody made a "what kind of reagacy will he leave behind" joke yet?

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51541187]Has anybody made a "what kind of reagacy will he leave behind" joke yet?[/QUOTE] well i mean

[QUOTE=Sobotnik;51541161][img]http://i.imgur.com/S0oA88b.png[/img][/QUOTE] just google fox lady sticking apples up butt

are you okay

Fermenting apples guys, think of the possibilities.

i voted reagy for buttwine

[QUOTE=postal;51540267]omg the effort I just spent scrolling past all that on my phone You're all dead when I get home[/QUOTE] Ban me and you'll be hearing from my lawyers!!!!

I recently got my latest "Please don't fucking die" council check and i spent it on private dectectives who have managed to take pictures of Sgt Doom's latest super weapon being tested on helpless individuals in the Refugee Camp. [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/CbXP4VI.jpg[/IMG]

[QUOTE=Arc Nova;51541223]just google fox lady sticking apples up butt[/QUOTE] Holy shit, I actually did and the first result is this exact thread :fp:

[QUOTE=Emperor Scorpious II;51541413]Holy shit, I actually did and the first result is this exact thread :fp:[/QUOTE] [url=facepunch.com]fucking incredible[/url]

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51541187]Has anybody made a "what kind of reagacy will he leave behind" joke yet?[/QUOTE] I just learned how to pronounce his name, there is no time for play-on-word puns. Also Ree-gah-see? It doesn't sound right.

[QUOTE=AutismoPiggo;51541371]I recently got my latest "Please don't fucking die" council check and i spent it on private dectectives who have managed to take pictures of Sgt Doom's latest super weapon being tested on helpless individuals in the Refugee Camp. [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/CbXP4VI.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE] can you please help me understand what this thing is, is it some type of twitter lit emoji super god?