One day this homosexual decides he’d like to have a new pet and goes to the local pet store. Looking around he sees a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn’t have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud:
“Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?”
“I was born this way,” says the parrot. “I’m a defective parrot.”
“Ha, ha,” the guy laughs. “It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me.”
“I understand every word,” says the parrot. “I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird.”
“Yeah?” the guy asks. “Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?”
“Well,” the parrot says, “this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can’t see it because of my feathers.”
“Wow,” says the guy, “you really can understand and answer; can’t you?”
“Of course I can. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion.”
The guy looks at the $400.00 price tag. He says. “I can’t afford that.”
“Pssst,” the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. “Nobody wants me because I don’t have any feet. You can get me for $30.00; just make an offer.”
The guy offers thirty bucks and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He’s funny; he’s interesting; he’s a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, “Pssst,” and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. “I don’t know if I should tell you this or not,” says the parrot, “but it’s about your lover and the mailman.”
“What?” asks the guy.
“Well,” the parrot says, “when the mailman came to the door today, your gay lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth.”
“What happened then?” asks the guy.
“Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your gay lovers crotch and began petting him all over,” reports the parrot.
“Oh My Goodness!” the guy says. “Then what happened?”
“Then he pulled down his briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down.” The parrot pauses for a long time…
“What happened? What happened?” says the frantic homosexual.
“That’s what pisses me off. I don’t know.” said the parrott. “I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch.”
[QUOTE=JETFIGHTER5;18072252]Wall of text[/QUOTE]
I can't believe I just read that...
What do you call a white lady with a yeast infection?
[sp]Cracka wit cheeze[/sp]
Why did the chicken cross the road?
[sp]Because he fucking felt like it.[/sp]
What do you call a cow that has sex with cows of the same gender?
[sp]Ho-moo-sexual.[/sp]
What's better than a 10 dead babies in a trash can for Christmas?
[sp]One dead baby in 10 trash cans.[/sp]
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?"
And the horse says "my son has cancer."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
[sp] . [/sp]
[sp]Women's rights.[/sp]
Why is a XBOX 360 has 360 in its name?
[sp]Because when u turn 360 degrees u look the other way.[/sp]
[sp]LOL u will be still looking at it!!![/sp]
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Yah.
[sp]Yahwho? (or Yahoo) [/sp]
[QUOTE=TimmyLOL;18130525]Why is a XBOX 360 has 360 in its name?
Because when u turn 360 degress u look the other way.
LOL u will be still looking at it!!!
(and this isn't a joke btw) How to make the writing not get showed unless u highlight it?[/QUOTE]
[sp]
[/sp.]
[editline]10:03AM[/editline]
Without the period.
Why did the doctor drop the baby, [sp]It was covered in vagina juice[/sp]
I'm bad at jokes so pretty much all of them.
[editline]04:07PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Nightrazr;18128420]What do you call a cow that has sex with cows of the same gender?
[sp]Ho-moo-sexual.[/sp][/QUOTE]
If it's a cow wouldn't it be a lesbian?
[QUOTE=Boobookittyfuck;18130548][sp]
[/sp.]
[editline]10:03AM[/editline]
Without the period.[/QUOTE]
More detail please i still don't really understand.
Nvm i know how to do it now
[QUOTE=rightpillock;18130601]I'm bad at jokes so pretty much all of them.
[editline]04:07PM[/editline]
If it's a cow wouldn't it be a lesbian?[/QUOTE]
Homosexuality works for both genders.
One night, a man and a parrot were watching TV when the phone rings. It turns out it was a man from a credit card company asking him about his account, and needed the man's credit card number and his social security number. The man tells him his information and the man hangs up. The man, tired, decided to watch QVC. On QVC was a high-tech, top-of-the-line computer. The man walks over to the phone and dials the number. However, as soon as he is done dialing the number, he sees the gigantic sale price on the screen. He could not afford the computer. So, he places the phone next to the parrot's bird cage and goes to sleep.
Two weeks later, the man and his parrot go to the local courthouse and the man tells the judge, "Your honor, John Doe (the man always talked in the third-person) would like to file a lawsuit against this parrot." Puzzled, the judge asks, "Why?" The man tells her, "Identity theft. This bird called several businesses buying everything in stock using John Doe's name, John Doe's credit." The bird repeated the last few words of his sentence, and the man cried, "See? There he goes again! He must've heard a conversation between John Doe and a guy from my credit card company and repeated John Doe's personal information!" The judge, although appalled that the man is suing his own pet, had to allow him to sue the parrot. The parrot lost in court and, along with losing everything he owned (his bird cage), he had to be put down.
The punchline here is:
[sp]It wasn't the parrot; the man from the credit card agency stole his identity. Did you really think the poor parrot would be able to dial the numbers for the businesses when the phone was OUTSIDE his cage in the first place? That man is a complete idiot.[/sp]
What do you call a dog in a police suit?
[sp] a police dog[/sp]
[QUOTE=Boobookittyfuck;18128585]What's better than a 10 dead babies in a trash can for Christmas?
[sp]One dead baby in 10 trash cans.[/sp][/QUOTE]
Wich one is worse, 1 dead baby or 10 -.-
[sp]morons...[/sp]
Why did the chicken cross the road?
[sp]BECAUSE HIS HOUSE IS BEING BOMBED BY THE RUSSIANS LEAVE HIM ALONE HE'S ONLY A CHICKEN!![/sp]
[sp]Sorry I meant Czechen[/sp]
How do you get an indian to take a bath?
[sp]Throw a penny in it.[/sp]
What do black chicks get after every abortion
[sp]A letter of appreciation from the welfare board, a 200 dollar check and a "I stopped a criminal!" t-shirt[/sp]
What do you call a well-fed Ethiopian?
[sp]Bull-fuckin'-shit[/sp]
[QUOTE=OzzyOsbourne;18131084]What do you call a dog in a police suit?
[sp] a police dog[/sp][/QUOTE]
What do you call a cop in a dog suit?
[sp]A furry[/sp]
What is the difference between a truck-full of marbles and a truck-full of babies?
You can't unload marbles with a pitchfork :v:
(This one is better if you say it out loud)
Knock knock
Who's there?
I eat mop
I eat mop who?
HAHA, you eat your poo!
What room can't you go in? A mushroom.
Har
Q: What do you do if you see a black man flopping around on the ground?
A: Stop laughing and reload.
Brothers, relax. Alow me to shit on my own race here now.
Q: What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
A: Snow.
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says,
“7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch prick, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown.”
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy asks,
“What’s wrong with you?”
In a weak voice the little guy says,
“What EXACTLY did you say to me?”
The big dude says,
“I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch prick, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown.”
The small guy says,
“Turner Brown!…Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, “Turn Around!”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
[sp]The Game[/sp]
Now the real one:
Why dd the chicken cross the road?
[sp]to get away from the punchline of this joke[/sp]
knock knock.
whos there.
No one you're scitzophrenic.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
[sp]I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.[/sp]
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
