• Jokes thread. You gonna laugh for sure!
    64 replies, posted
So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar...
So a rapist, a pedophile and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
What doesn't the cannibal eat on vegetables? [sp]The wheelchair[/sp] [sp]Note - Vegetable may mean an disabled/handicapped person in some languages[/sp]
So a horse walks into a bar. The bartender says: "why the long face" The horse replies: "I have cancer"
Why do black people always have tiny steering wheels? [sp]It's easier to use them with cuffs on[/sp]
[QUOTE=MisterSjeiks;33893005]Why do black people always have tiny steering wheels? [sp]It's easier to use them with cuffs on[/sp][/QUOTE] [IMG]http://cache.blippitt.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Angry-Black-Man-Prank-Call.gif[/IMG] [B]I HEARD THAT![/B]
-Hello, are you there? -Yes, Who are you? -I'm Watt -What's your name? -Watt's my name -Yes, what's your name? -My name is Jonh Watt -Jonh What? -Yes, that's my name. And you are Jones? -No, I'm Knott -Will you tell me your name then? -Will Knott -Why not? -My name is Knott -Not What? -Not Watt,Knott -What?
How do Swedish people count? [sp]With an Abba-cus[/sp]
-Knock knock -Who's there -Daisy -Daisy who [sp]Daisy me rollin' they hating[/sp]
Hey! lets start with Jokerbugers, talk about a happy meal.
[QUOTE=TheFilmSlacker;33893107]Cancer jokes, dude?[/QUOTE] The horse is sad because he has cancer
What do you call girls that can run faster than me? virgins!:quagmire:
Why can Ganon use the Internet? Too many Links
So two guys are fucking in the bathroom, and the doorbell rings. One of them says, "I'll go answer that, don't finish with out me," to which the other responds "okay." so the first guy puts on a robe and answers the door. When he comes back, he derobes, enters the shower and sees cum all over the wall. "I told you not to finish without me" he scorned. His partner looks at him and says "I didn't, I just farted"
Why did the chicken cross the road? [sp]Because it felt like it.[/sp]
thread failed faster than I tought
Man goes to the doctor. Doctor asks: Wh-wh-what i-is y-y-you-your p-p-pr-problem, s-s-sir? You see, Doctor, I pee the way you talk.
[QUOTE=Mister Sandman;33884951]Ain't quoting it all.[/QUOTE] Ah this story. "So there's this man crawling through the desert," *Scroll scroll scroll* How I relate to the story.
Okay, so there's these two people sitting in an airplane. One is smoking a cigar, and the other has a dog on her lap. A couple minutes into the flight, her dog starts coughing, and so she says to him, "Can you please put that out? No tobacco is allowed on the flight, after all." He retorts, "You're not allowed to have pets with you either." After some argument, the smoker finally suggests that he throw his cigar out the window as long as she does so with the dog. Then, as the smoker disbelievingly looks on, she smashes open the window, grabs his cigar and her dog, and tosses them both out. The smoker, understandably shocked by this, is still comforted by the fact that he had won. He had another cigar, after all. Then the dog owner reaches out and grabs her dog by the leash, and pulls the dog back in. She had won! Something was wrong with the dog, however. Somehow, it had gotten bludgeoned repeatedly by something in its two seconds outside the plane, and it had ended up getting caught in its mouth. You'll never guess what it was... [sp]A brick.[/sp]
[QUOTE=Don Knotts;33889583]I like how fucktards isn't censored but later in the sentence "sh*t".[/QUOTE] I had to censor it for a forum that had a swear filter. I didn't feel like typing in out again, so I just copied and pasted from there.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb [sp]to get to the other side[/sp]
She wanted something that would go from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds. So I got her a scale.
So a Russian, a Hindu, and an American man are at the gates of heaven. The rule is that you have to take three strikes from the guardians whip without crying out in pain, or you drop straight to hell. You can choose whatever you wish to shield yourself with. The angel asks: "What will you protect yourself with, American?" The Yankee puts himself in a concrete bunker, inside a steel crate, inside an APC while wearing a Kevlar vest. [I]SNAP[/I] the bunker is gone [I]SNAP[/I] the box and APC are gone. [I]SNAP![/I] The man cries out in pain and drops straight to hell. Next up is the Hindu. "What will you shield yourself with?" The angel asks. "Ive spent years practicing the art of meditation, thats all i need." he says. [I]SNAP SNAP SNAP![/I] not a word comes from his mouth. "Alright, you may pass." Says the Angel. "Hold on, i want to see how the Russian gets past this one." The angel turns to the Russian and asks: "What will you shield yourself with?" To which the Russian replies: "With the Hindu, of course."
this is not funny There was once three tourist men. They were in a marketplace, in India, looking at items. They looked in a tent, and found many women. The men started getting intimate with them until the owner came in with two people with guns. The owner shouted at them, "What are you doing in here?" and the three men said, "We wandered in here by accident, we're sorry!" and then the owner thought and said, "For your punishment, for where ever you work at, we will do it to your cock!" The owner asked the first man, and the man worked as a firefighter. So, they burned his cock. The second man worked as a police man. So, they shot his cock. Then, the owner asked the last man, "Now where do you work?" and the third man answered "I'm a lollipop tester." Guess what happened.
An American, an African, and a Mexican stumble upon a genie in bottle. The Genie grants the group three wishes. Being kind gentlemen, they decide to split the wishes evenly among themselves. The Mexican was up first: "I wish that all of my fellow Mexicans came back from America." And it was done. Next was the African: "I wish all of the blacks in America were back in their homeland, Africa." And it was done. Last was the American: "You mean to tell me that all the blacks and Mexicans are out of the USA?" "Yes", the genie replied. "Alright, I'll take a coke." [sp]shamelessly copied from the Boondock Saints[/sp]
So, this Irishman walks out of a pub.
A Black guy, an Arabian guy, and an Indian walk into a bar. And the bartender says, "Get the fuck out."
[QUOTE=Krinkels;33919083]Okay, so there's these two people sitting in an airplane. One is smoking a cigar, and the other has a dog on her lap. A couple minutes into the flight, her dog starts coughing, and so she says to him, "Can you please put that out? No tobacco is allowed on the flight, after all." He retorts, "You're not allowed to have pets with you either." After some argument, the smoker finally suggests that he throw his cigar out the window as long as she does so with the dog. Then, as the smoker disbelievingly looks on, she smashes open the window, grabs his cigar and her dog, and tosses them both out. The smoker, understandably shocked by this, is still comforted by the fact that he had won. He had another cigar, after all. Then the dog owner reaches out and grabs her dog by the leash, and pulls the dog back in. She had won! Something was wrong with the dog, however. Somehow, it had gotten bludgeoned repeatedly by something in its two seconds outside the plane, and it had ended up getting caught in its mouth. You'll never guess what it was... [sp]A brick.[/sp][/QUOTE] you are supposed to post the first part Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to build a house. But, being a little eccentric, he wanted to build the house using only 99 bricks. So he went to the hardware store and said, "Hello, I'd like to buy 99 bricks." The owner of the store told him, "I'm sorry, we only sell bricks in quantities of 100." "Can't you cut me a deal or something?" the man asked. "Nope, sorry," replied the owner. So the guy bought 100 bricks. He took the bricks back to his lot, and he built a house using 99 bricks. Now, if you do the math, 100 minus 99 is 1, so he had one brick left. And he took that brick, and he just chucked it, way up in the air!
snip
So I have this great cat joke... [sp]Nah, I'm just kitten, I won't tell you right meow.[/sp]
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