• Mental Illness and Disorders Megathread
    211 replies, posted
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;41344038]Its kind of his job.... like literally, hes a Psych Tech. A lot of what he is saying is true/ i agree with by going off of the time ive spent at a local rehab center for psych patients, and working in the ER Not being a "tit" to be suck by the patient is a good point. Ive seen the method that he was using, be used, its really effective from what ive seen.[/QUOTE] He certainly doesn't seem to hold the attitude I'd expect from someone in that line of work.
I'm finding it hard to adjust to the real world after spending two years in my room, i didnt physically leave my room/house for two years, or just under it and i have found it impossible to slip back into society.
I hAve Autism I NEED HELP But Tyler Wearing Make Me Watch MLP WTF??? AhAhAhAhAhAh He Trolled Me [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/hIqJEcq.png[/IMG] Pic Related (It mE AhAhAHAhAhAhA) [highlight](User was permabanned for this post ("gimmick" - postal))[/highlight]
I visited the therapist about a year ago, and they say that I'm diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD. Is it true that people diagnosed with Asperger's are easy to misunderstand something?
I feel i'm gonna do something crazy again soon, and i'm scaring myself. I dont know where to go or what to do i'm so fucking scared.
Went to therapy today. Got a prescription for Lithium, just what I wanted! I read a lot of great reviews on it and it should work marvelously.
[QUOTE=MxOAgentJohnson;41349319]I know this doesnt seem great to post, but a friend sent me an image recently that was really powerful to me, in its worryingly true state. This is honestly how i felt whilst i was trying to get help. [IMG]http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/a6wd3V8_460s_v1.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE] It's how I feel right now. I'm muttering the most cliche depressive stuff right now, knowing that I have no option for mental health care. Just having a therapist to talk to would alleviate most of my pain.
I'm just going to spit shit onto the page and see where I go. I used to be a model student. Freshman year I wasn't super social. I was awkward. But I got straight A's. I was dedicated and smart and I cared. I procrastinated until late at night, but it was freshman year, that's easy. I got in shape due to rigorous PE, and my self-esteem started to skyrocket. Sophomore year? Moved to public school from the catholic private school I'd been attending. I'm technically a year young for my grade, and I was taking AP US History my sophomore year. I really wanted to become social. I hated being the outcast. I started working on it. Second semester, I was going to parties and getting high and I was getting pretty social. I went from "creepily awkward" to just "quiet." I chased a few girls, but nothing worked out. I started doing theatre, which my high school is well-known for, and I was a natural. Theatre made me confident. I was starting to grow as a person. I still procrastinated, but I always managed to get my stuff done, and only had one B by the end of the year. Junior year. Fuck me. I joined up all IB classes - 5 of my 7 classes were IB, one was an acting class, and one was AP Calculus. It was great fun at first. I was in heaven. The classes were invigorating, interesting, and I was able to discuss and debate and it was perfect for me. I was into it. I loved it. Then I started getting tired. There was a lot of work. I kept procrastinating. I started noticing that I procrastinate. I dedicated myself to become the best possible person I could be. I'm a perfectionist. That shit doesn't work out. I'd go on runs and never be able to build up any good exercise, meditation, diet, or lifestyle habits. I started drinking lots of coffee. Once stuff piled up, I stopped sleeping. I took a lead role in a play and barely memorized my lines in time. Everyone said I did great, but I know I didn't. I needed to boost my grades. They were B's now. I had a C. What was I doing? I was better than this. I tried to work but all I could do was wallow in anxiety and bawl my eyes out at what the future would hold for me if I failed. I burnt out a quarter of the way through my second semester. I stopped going to school. I slept 16 hours a day and lied in bed for the rest of the day. I couldn't muster the energy to do anything at all. If I tried to go to school I'd get hellish anxiety attacks. I transferred to an online school, K12, and tried to start again. Started out great, I was recovering. Then my motivation went down the drain again. I didn't want to try. I didn't care. It all seemed so pointlessly asinine and I couldn't muster up the tiniest iota of energy to even do it. I'd sit around playing games and watching youtube and browsing facepunch and reddit constantly. That's all I could do. I watched documentaries, I educated myself about topics I liked, I became super well-versed in hip-hop, and my grades slipped into the 30s. I kept getting shit in before due dates, but temporary zeros were a majority of my gradebook. I just waited. I have two weeks left. The only way I can get shit done is if I take adderall, because it makes me not care that I don't care about the schoolwork. I can just do it. I can't otherwise. It's fucking infuriating. I've contemplated suicide for months straight. I had a prozac prescription but I stopped taking it because it took the edge off the anxiety just enough for me to recognize that I don't give half a fuck about school. The anxiety of an approaching due date is the only thing that can motivate me to get stuff done. Meaning I'll start two hours before its due, and turn in a half-assed shitty assignment. I'm fucking tired of this. I've gone in for ADHD stuff, and I get a followup test this Monday. But if I don't get an adderall prescription, I'm fucked. I don't know what to do. I'm genuinely fucked beyond belief. I'm terrified. I'll have to retake junior year. I've lost more than half my friends because they all think I'm a pussy for dropping out of IB because they knew I was smart enough. I hate hanging out with any of my friends, except when I go smoke pot because then I can forget about my problems. It's too fucking much. The only way I can motivate myself is with fucking amphetamines. I just don't care about school anymore. I try to learn other stuff but I can't be assed. I'm perfectly happy just sitting there, day after day, watching Spike and Barley Play and Vinesauce and putting all my points on SteamGifts. I try to convince myself that I'll be fine, but I can't handle it. I just want to die. I don't even want to kill myself, I just wish I'd get in a car crash and undergo a coma. Or get diagnosed with cancer. Or fucking anything to make people care.
[QUOTE=.Isak.;41436140]-snip, just realized how long this post was-[/QUOTE] Ouch, have you talked to a regular therapist other then your psychiatrist? Could be a chemical imbalance or just straight up depression, what has your psychiatrist told you?
I don't know if tinnitus counts, but it's 5AM right now and it's driving me up the fucking wall because I can't get any sleep. I'm pretty sure I've had tinnitus all my life due to constant ear infections as a baby, but only recently it's cranked up to nearly unbearable levels. Although technically I suppose now it actually is unbearable, considering. I'm more or less certain the increase has to do with a bunch of emotional problems I've been having (mostly feeling like shit), but I'm wondering what sort of treatments I could be looking for in case it's more chemical. And yes, I have been cleaning my ears out. Anyone else have experience with this? I'm currently taking zinc, which is supposed to help, but I'm taking that for different reasons.
[QUOTE=Kyle902;41437860]Ouch, have you talked to a regular therapist other then your psychiatrist? Could be a chemical imbalance or just straight up depression, what has your psychiatrist told you?[/QUOTE] I was taking Prozac because I was an inpatient for a bit after a fit of rage and some regrettable words. It took the anxiety edge off, but I stopped taking it out of my own volition because I started having (genuine) suicidal thoughts and I didn't have anxiety to motivate me to do schoolwork at all. My therapist thinks I have ADHD, which would make sense, and I've started noticing a lot of the symptoms once I was told that. I tend to tap my legs or move them around a lot when I'm at my PC for more than 10-15 minutes, and I have trouble focusing on anything I don't really find interesting. When I find it interesting, I can stay up all night looking stuff up about it. But I wasn't finding school interesting. I've been bootlegging adderall and I just got some today, so I'm getting school done and I'm finding it interesting and my general anxiety has disappeared and my legs aren't doing the automatic twitchy movement anymore. It works well for me. I read The Hunger Games in one sitting and when I finished after some ridiculous amount of time I was dehydrated and had a serious headache and I hadn't eaten all day and I was in so much pain. I can "superfocus" per se, as in I can easily stay up all night doing one thing I find interesting. I wrote a 9-page argument on why rap is music and sent it to my dad at 6am after spending hours and hours working on it. If it's interesting, I can do it. School just hasn't been interesting. Adderall fixes most of my shit. I stop being anxious and apathetic, I start working and I get myself interested. I have to write a literary analysis on The Catcher in the Rye by 11pm tonight. I like the book but I didn't want to write it. I took an adderall at 2, and I'm fucking storming through this in utter fascination of Salinger's characterization abilities. Tomorrow I go see my therapist again and do a follow-up test for ADHD. I'll most likely have it and then I'll get a prescription of adderall and I'll take it when I need to and I'll be fine. I stopped caring that I need amphetamines to function like a normal human. Basically, I have anxiety issues. Taking them away didn't help, I tried that. I didn't care. I wasn't interested. I had no motivation to do stuff, even though I wasn't anxious. Anxiety was my motivator. I was depressed because I couldn't get anything done because I had anxiety and ADHD and I couldn't focus. Adderall lets me focus and get interested in topics, which calms my anxiety because I don't feel stressed anymore, and replaces my anxiety-based motivation spurts with genuine interest-based motivation. I get shit done and I feel happy about it. Once I get a prescription tomorrow my issues will die out. I'm taking medical cocaine to function like a human, but I don't care, I function.
Trying to look at youtube videos to help me decide whether to start taking my Bipolar medication again and god damn they all speak too slow! The wait inbetween each and every word is hell and seems to last a lifetime that it just makes me angry and quit the video.
[QUOTE=Cypher_09;41467957]Trying to look at youtube videos to help me decide whether to start taking my Bipolar medication again and god damn they all speak too slow! The wait inbetween each and every word is hell and seems to last a lifetime that it just makes me angry and quit the video.[/QUOTE] Take it from someone whos just gone back on Lithium, it fucking helps. It really does, dont let it eat you away. I hate taking drugs for anything, but i can make an acception.
[QUOTE]Illness[/QUOTE] Will people ever learn?
[QUOTE=Jimmymi;41503883]Will people ever learn?[/QUOTE] Its an illness. Would you rather people treat the mentally sick like its a personal problem that they need to man up about, or something that they need help with and treated similarly to how a disease is handled?
I'm depressed, have severe social anxiety and suspect that I have insomnia. It really sounds like a case of insomnia due to me not being able to fall asleep. I've struggled with falling asleep since pretty much forever, however it have become much more serious the last year. I'm at the point where I lie in bed for 4-5 hours before falling asleep or simply not falling asleep at all. I feel tired through out the day, and when no one wakes me up I can easily sleep for 12-16 hours and still feel tired. This is becoming a huge problem for me. Last school year I had about 70 days and 78 hours away due to this problem. I'm lucky that I'm still in school. The year before that I had around 30 days and 40~ hours. I've been taking circadin pills (sleeping pills with the natural hormone melatonin for those who doesn't know what it is) without much luck. Even taken as much as 3 pills at once without being affected. This issue alone makes me not want to live anymore. Is there anything I can do to fix this? I'm starting to lose hope. My family is incredibly frustrated about my issue and my father, who doesn't live with me, is saying that my mother most likely will break down soon and send me over to him. I'm extremely unhappy with myself as well. Things which I have always gone through worries me and I'm afraid I'm doing it not doing it "normally". Am I doing my hair properly? Am I eating correctly or weird? Am I walking properly? Do these clothes fit me? What does everyone think of me? My answer to all this is negative. I can't see anything positive with myself. I know for sure that I can fix one of the issues by buying clothes I actually feel comfortable in but the problem is that I'm anxious to buy clothes. Will people comment or think that I'm weird for buying that and that? Will it actually fit me? Is it too big or too tight? Two months ago me and my ex broke up. She was the one who broke up and I still miss her everyday, although not as intense as before. Before our relationship I never had any suicidal thoughts compared to now. I was still really unhappy and insecure about myself though. Therefore I see this relationship as a "negative" thing. My old friends have such a different mindset than me. They behave like children. I've matured a lot during the relationship and I just don't fit in with my old friends anymore. So right now I'm really lonely, which is just great for my social anxiety and depression. I feel no point in living anymore. I don't see the reason behind living. As I was listening to a song while playing through my playlist, the words "bottle and a gun" came out of nowhere. So I imagined myself sitting in a chair, with a bottle and a gun. Taking my own life. I felt this comfortable shiver flow through me as I pulled the trigger in my imagination. As if I was "free". I've been thinking a lot of suicide before, even attempting it earlier (never thought of trying again), but now the thoughts of actually doing it is starting to appear. I'm afraid but at the same time not. I feel that it's better than living through what I currently have. Figured it'd be nice to add this. During elementary school I was bullied for 2-3 years everyday. This was both physical harm and verbal abuse. They were about 4-5 guys I believe? Those against me. They would walk with me home from school, hitting me, throwing stuff at me, pushing me out in the road and calling me shit. Wasn't any better in school either. Classmates would also comment me and verbally attack me. A girl I barely knew usually sent messages like "ugly", "freak" and "idiot" to me for no reason. I have no idea if my thoughts are actually true, but during middle school I felt that everyone knew me as the "fat loner" (I was overweight during elementary school). So I felt insecure about myself pretty much everyday. Felt that people judged me all the time. So I resorted to the internet (back in elementary school). I became addicted and lost a lot of friends. tl;dr, everything about me is wrong and I want to end it because I'm such a miserable loner.
Um, not really sure if this is the right place to ask, but, um... anyone had any experience with anti-depression medication? My doctor's prescribed some for me to take, and we've been through the side effects, but I'm' still pretty nervous/anxious about them. Doesn't help that the city I'm in is going through a recession, with youth unemployment up, or the fact that it's the most miserable winter here in quite a while.
The lithium is doing it's job. I'm worried about college. I have a busy schedule. :/
Woo clinical depression and high functioning autism combination. I want to die.
- Severe DP/DR - Crippling Intrusive Thoughts - GAD - Purely-Obsessional OCD (Harm-O) - Depression I don't want to hurt anybody, but my OCD, combined with my other symptoms, leads me in to thinking that I'm going to spiral into psychosis and kill somebody without any control over my actions. The psychiatrist I've been going to says I'm not a threat to others, and most of my research points to the same conclusion, but my life is a living hell thanks to things I have no control over. For all intents and purposes, I am sane. But my OCD makes me feel like I'm constantly hanging on the edge. (Even though I am [I]probably[/I] fine and just experiencing anxiety symptoms.) [editline]22nd July 2013[/editline] Any time I'm under the influence of psychoactive drugs, my symptoms increase tenfold. I was once afraid of playing TF2 because I feared I would enjoy the killing too much and would want to kill someone for real. (I don't, but my particular brand of OCD gives me irrational fears as such.) Synthetic cannabis brought out these issues. Marijuana just made them worse. Alcohol brings me in to a state of panic, as if I will lose control of the movement of my body, forced to watch myself commit acts of horror like a movie, helplessly staring at the screen that comes from the darkest depths of my mind and soul. These days, I just smoke cigarettes. I started during a point in my life when I didn't care about dying, so the negative effects had little to no concern to me. I want to be normal, but I fear I never will be. So my current goal is accepting myself for who I am, understanding that I'm not a monster, and living my life like a good person. Sorry.
I still have this incredibly strong feeling of unreality. Been on Citalopram about 18 days but don't feel any different yet. These feelings are so unnatural they feel like they are greater than my mortal form, and will continue after I die. I think this fear of my DPDR continuing on into infinity are keeping me from killing myself. I read a little about this thing called the Linden Method, but the website gives me so little information about it in too many words, and expects me to spent $150, it feels like a quack scam. Has anyone ever seen this, and does it work?
[QUOTE=Funsize;41563300]I still have this incredibly strong feeling of unreality. Been on Citalopram about 18 days but don't feel any different yet. These feelings are so unnatural they feel like they are greater than my mortal form, and will continue after I die. I think this fear of my DPDR continuing on into infinity are keeping me from killing myself. I read a little about this thing called the Linden Method, but the website gives me so little information about it in too many words, and expects me to spent $150, it feels like a quack scam. Has anyone ever seen this, and does it work?[/QUOTE] from reading the letter on the site it does sound very shady as it's essentially discrediting modern psychology in favor of a trend in psych that was popular in the 1960s and is no longer considered accurate. however the point that anxiety/phobias are based on how we reacted to the event at the time isn't far off, but (without knowing anything about how the program actually works) you can get the same effect of the program by just exposing yourself to the stimuli that cause your stress. like if you have a phobia the best way to get over that phobia is to familiarize yourself with the thing you're afraid of to the point where you're able to overcome your initial reaction to it. i personally have a very bad phobia of getting shots/blood drawn. i still will immediately panic just at the thought of those things but i'm able to deal with actually experiencing them now just because i've exposed myself to them more than i would ever want to (the latter much less than the former, though). similarly, someone who has social anxiety or a fear of rejection can only get over those things by being more social and by getting used to being rejected until their emotional reaction to it changes. as for feelings of unreality, i have anxiety as well and experience something called [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization]derealization[/url]. it's a fairly common symptom of anxiety and usually will occur after a huge life change. i haven't really found a way to deal with it yet aside from trying to get out more often and maintain a regular sleep schedule.
Hey everyone, I felt I should post this here instead of making a new thread since it seems to fit, but I'm not sure what's wrong. So I guess I should start with my fear of talking to people, I'm extremely shy and I have trouble talking with people and I'm not ever sure what to say. I haven't had many friends recently and the closest one I got was put with a different group of students (our school was really small) so I think I got worse...I don't know but that's not really what I wanted to talk about. My family also has a history with mental problems: My grandma is bipolar, and I think my mom is the same and she also has some General Anxiety Disorder or something, I forget. My little sister has ADHD and recently my mom also got diagnosed with ADD. And well, on the outside I guess I seem like a normal kid, just really quiet, but I get pretty depressed thinking about my life sometimes even though I have hardly lived for that long (the birthday on my profile isn't right, I don't know why I put that year, it should be 1996 but whatever). I also have issues thinking people judge me all the time every single second, and it adds to my shyness. Well another thing is I have a wild imagination and I like to imagine lots of things. Since I was really shy and didn't talk to anyone I started talking to myself in my head and eventually made a bunch of different people with different personalities. I entertained myself this way, and yeah I knew it was all in my head so I didn't think I was crazy. Doing that has made me think of a ton of story ideas (I like to write though I never do...). I also feel I'm really paranoid about the "wrong things", like for example sometimes I get afraid in our own house when I'm alone, or in the dark I imagine things and it kinda scares me a little but I push it away (I will talk about this later). Now that I'm not in school, I haven't talked to myself like that anymore, just normal talking-to-yourself stuff like everyone does. Then came the 21st of this month. I think I might remember this day for a long time, and this is what I really really want to talk about. It was pretty much a night like any other, turn off the PC, turn off the light, get in bed...but for some reason it turned out different. So there's a mirror in my room. This is the only night there's been a mirror in my room; I had it in there cause I told my mom I felt that maybe talking to myself in the mirror would help with my anxiety with talking to people, and she said okay here's this tall mirror. Anyways, it was in my room this night, and the light switch is by the door, my bed is in the corner and my PC is near the bed. I turned off the computer, then got up to turn off the light. I turned it off and stood there a while, cause I started imagining things that were in the dark. Now this happens to me pretty much all the time, I usually ignore it, but this night I felt worry and panic for some reason. And I don't know why but I was thinking "That mirror is probably evil what if it does something". Again I usually have weird thoughts like this but this time it felt real, and as I walked by the mirror to lay down, all those panicky thoughts just escalated and I "saw" a really scary thing, I'm not sure how to explain it, and I got under the blankets in fear. I don't know how to really explain this next part but I'll try to be clear. I grabbed the 2 pillows I don't use (I have 4 pillows so I can roll on either pile but I usually sleep on the corner ones) and hugged them while under the blankets completely, like my head and all, and I imagined this girl from my stories, she was telling me that it was okay, to calm down and I wasn't calming down but s. And I remember another girl I had made up before this was the origin of that scary thing I saw, I don't know where this info came from but it felt true, and I imagined she was going to hurt me or cause me harm while the other girl was trying to calm me down. I also remembered there was "me" like the real me right now, saying in my head "what are you doing, this isn't real, why are you panicking" but it was like...far away? Like I felt disconnected from...myself. Eventually I fell asleep and woke up like normal, nothing changed but that night was horrible. I'm sorry, that last part is really hard to explain cause I'm still unsure what the fuck happened, like it's in weird pieces and honestly I don't know how long I was freaking out before I went to bed. So yes, this happened on the 21st, 6 days ago from this post. I felt maybe I was just tired and kind of sleeping while awake but having a nightmare. But now these feelings of panic have gotten stronger and I'm a bit worried. The main reason I'm posting here now is because I'm at my aunts and (this is going to sound stupid or funny but please I'm serious) there is like a smudge or fingerprint on the sliding door okay? It's really dark outside so I basically can't see out, and from this certain angle it looked like a cat's eye sort of. So here come these imaginative thoughts, and I know that it's not real but I can't stop panicking. I could see it was some large shadowy creature with that one eye, and it felt like it was really there, right there at the door. At the same time somewhere else in my head it felt like I was trying to say "come on this is stupid, you know its not real" but I couldn't get it through my head that it's impossible for that to be there, it's just a mark on the door. I got on Steam and messaged one of my friends who was online just to have someone to talk to and told them what happened. So basically, these feelings of panic have gotten stronger since that night. Whenever I get these feelings, if I don't calm them down, then whatever I imagine seems to be real and I freak out until I get some music going (music is very calming for me, depending on the song it could make it worse as I learned tonight) and wait it out telling myself to calm down. Some examples I can think of were like in my house alone with the doors open and the lights off, I imagined things in there and got chills, I had to close the doors because it really felt like...well you know. Like they were there. Or just now, other than that eye, there's a hallway that is dark and I was imagining things coming from it so that made me think something was really going to come out from there. Reading over what I wrote, it seems I have a strange fear of the dark, but where my mind takes over and I have trouble realizing that it is all in my head. I just wanted to share and maybe ask what I should do because I'm afraid I'm going to have a heart attack or something with how bad the panic feelings get sometimes. This is only when I'm alone too, let's say my mom comes home and walks in while I'm panicking, then it's like I snap back to reality and everything is all good. Like for example just now, my uncle walked out to get water and I really calmed down a lot, reading this over it sounds really ridiculous but it keeps happening and I'm honestly afraid of what is going on in my head. I'm afraid to tell anyone in my family, not that I don't trust them it's just I feel uncomfortable saying things like that...does anyone want to comment on what is wrong maybe, or what I should do? Sorry for the wall of text, and thank you if you read through it even if you don't respond, at least someone is listening.
I share so many similarities with you, kariko. Including the characters thing, for me it's like really advanced daydreaming, I will spend most of time I'm not specifically doing something doing it. It may be: [url]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maladaptive_daydreaming[/url] Because of the attachment to characters and in-depth nature, of which I can relate to. But I won't know for certain. As for the fear of the dark, I have that level too, it's fear of possible dangers, and with an imaginative brain like you do ( and I similarly ) it just fills in the gaps when you begin considering it. It only happens when you think about it, probably why music seems to help you. You won't feel panicked if someone else is there, because safety in numbers and focusing on them rather than yourself, you are 'vulnerable' alone. I typically find that with darkness worries, you will see something, blink and it is gone. Like a horror film. It was never there, and usually not where you're specifically looking, but at the edges of eyesight or out of focus, it's just your imagination tripping with you. And then of course you freeze and keep looking around, fucking terrified and unable to move away for fear that something is still there. I can't really suggest much more than don't think of it in the first place, distract yourself, because the moment you start considering the dark, you'll freak out. And of course, not much is going to persuade you once you notice something, so I don't know about coping methods ONCE you are scared. With the mirror, you likely saw your shadow move in the reflection, that can be freaky. One of the scariest moments I've had with it is an unstable book dropping and actually moving as a silhouette, that scared the living shit out of me.
Pretty crazy how accurate that Maladaptive Daydreaming is to what I do. Thanks for the response, I might go see a doctor about my social anxiety issues and maybe I'll mention these fears I have. Yes, it's really scary when I let my imagination get the best of me, but I'll try to remember that it's all in my head and that there isn't anything to worry about. I hated that night though, that was a really horrible feeling. It felt like I was in pieces and my thoughts were acting on their own. Thanks again!
I'm really nervous to post on threads like this because I have an overwhelming fear people wont accept me when I talk about my problems (especially on FP), but I guess here goes. I have very severe chronic depression. I live in a lower class family and we cant afford doctors or medication so I'm currently unmedicated, which makes it really hard, but were trying to get me back on fluoxetine. It doesn't help a ton, but it takes the edge off. Thankfully its really cheap, I just don't have a prescription. I've had extreme depression problems since I was about 11 or 12, and having been living with it since (I am currently 18). I contemplate suicide on a very frequent basis, and have attempted a few times, but I'm still here, so I guess thats something. Very very few people know I have such problems since I never tell anyone, and tend to hide it from almost everyone I know, which I think is a good thing, since no one wants to be around a sad person all the time, which is why its taking me so much to post here because its going against everything I try to do but I feel I need to do something. Its really flared badly in the past few months, and I try to cope with it to the best of my abilities and do what I can to stay happy, but its a chemical imbalance, so theres only so much I can do. but yeah anyways hello
I hear voices that force me to do things, honestly. What is this disorder?
I feel less and less everyday. I lost taste for food i loved for years, i lose interest in movies, music, books, people. And before anyone says, i am sexualy active person, getting laid is not a problem in Moscow. I try to find any interesting events to fill in my time. I try to organize things, get people together but in the end i just don't care much about surroudings. I am good at play, hell, i can imitate being drunk, sad, angry or anything, but inside i always know it's a mere illusion. It's harder and harder for me to care about my family members. Sometimes i think i don't even care about future. Sometimes i just want to talk with someone intelligent but most of my surrouding unable to provide efficient discussion. Soo i just pretend being interested. And it goes on and on. I work out time to time, physical stresses give some relief, hell, i fell of my bike and i must say - self medication of open wound was more exciting then a receiving a blowjob. Is there any way to restore the joy? I can't get tired pretty much soo i spent alot of free time roaming streets of Moscow, by feet or on bike. Just moving. But that might get over soon. I am just like some sick machine without orders. Always on stand by. Please help, by advices, oh and i apologize for grammar mistakes in my sentances.
Recently I think I've been handling my mental wackiness pretty well. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, though I think it's just chronic depression since it gets really bad more than once or twice a year. I got myself in a logical vice so I don't have to worry about killing myself, though that doesn't prevent me from going into "I'm just going to go to bed and not get up for a few days" kind of mood every once in a while. I also have Dysgraphia, but I guess practicing with poetry has helped this quite a bit since it's not required to be a certain structure or length. I recently took a GED test and wrote [I]five whole paragraphs[/I] about some bullshit I didn't care about. That's the most I've ever written in a single sitting. And I may have a touch of Social Anxiety Disorder too, but I might be mistaking that for a high concern for physical appearance (I look nearly emaciated and wear horrible clothes I want to get rid of). It feels like I'm mentally coercing myself to start a conversation with someone more times than not. The discussions are never awkward fortunately. Also meditation is really nice, it helps with everything and is a good way to internally vent those nasty icky gross emotions that I bottle up. Doesn't make me any less robotic, but it's progress. I guess you could say I'm kinda "curing" myself very slowly of all my neuroses. [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/TqOWwhl.jpg[/IMG]
hello i have autistism pls give me money :zoid:
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