• Embarrassing Situations v2 "I shat myself in public"
    270 replies, posted
This is by far my worst. Last year i hadn't shit in like 4 days, and i ate a lot, so naturally i had a buildup. I took a huge ass shit, one that literally had me sitting there in pain as it came out, and then i noticed it. [I]blood[/I] But not a few drops, it was dripping down my leg into the toilet, so i started to freak out. (The shit btw was the size of a nerf football almost) Well, i freaked the fuck out, got nervous and pale, so i sat down in the bath tub and turned it on, trying to relax. Well, the water started turning red after a little bit, and there were streaks of blood on the bottom of the porcelin, where my asshole was. I then, called my mom, and told her what the fuck was happening, and she thought i just meant a few drops of blood, assured me it was normal. I told her fuck no, my asshole is bleeding. I then laid down on my bed, belly down, and stuffed toilet paper in my asscrack to stem the onrush of blood, i did this the rest of that day, and the night. I woke up and there was still blood coming out of my ass, the bed was wet, where my asshole was. I then decided it may be a good idea to go to a doctor. Well, if you think it couldnt get any worse, it does. I went into the doctors office, and apparently ruptured a hemroid, so she had to get tweezers, and pluck out the clots in my asshole, so it would bleed MORE, and then heal up. Now, i havent mentioned this. All the while my asshole is bleeding, it was mixing with the smell of shit and fecal matter commonly found in your asshole. This produced a slight browning of the blood, and gave it a horrible fucking smell. Well, she tells me to drop them, and starts digging around in my asshole with tweezers, after like 7 tugs, countless pubes, my asshole is finally cleansed, and cleaned up. Moral of the story eat a shit ton of apple sauce all the god damn time and dont take humongous shits
must've been a right bloody shit time, mate.
[QUOTE=urundeadmom;39910262]Reminds me when I was throwing darts at a board with friends and my mom walked in with food and I hit her in the thigh. WHY DO WE ABUSE THE WOMEN, THAT WILL LOVE US FOREVER NOMATTER WHAT, UNINTENTIONALLY.[/QUOTE] I know I accidentaly slammed our vans sliding door into my mothers face a month ago. I hate that feeling of oh holy crap I just hurt the one person that loves me no matter what.
[QUOTE=Pernoccuous;39928100]must've been a right bloody shit time, mate.[/QUOTE] I think the size of my shit deserves a better pun than that, cmon man..
Did it feel like you were shitting a cactus? I remember taking a few shits like that when I was a kid (I probably drank too much milk or something, but hey, I'm 6'5", it worked out).
[QUOTE=Appellation;39932768]Did it feel like you were shitting a cactus? I remember taking a few shits like that when I was a kid (I probably drank too much milk or something, but hey, I'm 6'5", it worked out).[/QUOTE] Not gonna lie it really felt like a porcupine was crawling out of my asshole backwards
I hope i never experience something like that
[QUOTE=Septimas;39932736]I think the size of my shit deserves a better pun than that, cmon man..[/QUOTE] what, british puns not good enough for you?
When I was 11 I fell over a rock and had to get surgery to fix my arm, left a scar on my arm, now whenever people ask me how I got it I have to tell them that 'I fell over a rock' [sp]What makes it worse is that I fell at the carousel[/sp]
The first time that my girlfriend's mother met my father. She greeted my dad and said "Nice to meet the father of the guy who fucks my daugher". That was quite awkward :v:
[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;39936564]When I was 11 I fell over a rock and had to get surgery to fix my arm, left a scar on my arm, now whenever people ask me how I got it I have to tell them that 'I fell over a rock' [sp]What makes it worse is that I fell at the carousel[/sp][/QUOTE] I once sawed through a branch with a handsaw and the branch turned out to be rotted to mush. And of course I used full power when thrusting the saw and the saw just flew through the branch right into my wrist (I'm not sure how this happened) causing a bad cut. I had to explain quite a few times that I didn't slit my wrist for attention / out of depression or anything. Luckily it healed pretty much perfectly. :v:
[QUOTE=junker|154;39937304]The first time that my girlfriend's mother met my father. She greeted my dad and said "Nice to meet the father of the guy who fucks my daugher". That was quite awkward :v:[/QUOTE] Why would anyone ever greet someone like that.
drugs?
[QUOTE=The Rifleman;39937440]Why would anyone ever greet someone like that.[/QUOTE] My girlfriend's mother has a very "unique" style of humor.
My friend was watching something on his computer, and when my dad walks in his earbuds pop out, unfortunately, he was watching porn... The exchange of looks my dad gave my friend then me... Pretty damn awkward.
[QUOTE=Tyber Xan;39937622]My friend was watching something on his computer, and when my dad walks in his earbuds pop out, unfortunately, he was watching porn... The exchange of looks my dad gave my friend then me... Pretty damn awkward.[/QUOTE] So, your friend watches porn in the same room as you, when your father is in the house?
[QUOTE=Septimas;39926313]This is by far my worst. Last year i hadn't shit in like 4 days, and i ate a lot, so naturally i had a buildup. I took a huge ass shit, one that literally had me sitting there in pain as it came out, and then i noticed it. [I]blood[/I] But not a few drops, it was dripping down my leg into the toilet, so i started to freak out. (The shit btw was the size of a nerf football almost) Well, i freaked the fuck out, got nervous and pale, so i sat down in the bath tub and turned it on, trying to relax. Well, the water started turning red after a little bit, and there were streaks of blood on the bottom of the porcelin, where my asshole was. I then, called my mom, and told her what the fuck was happening, and she thought i just meant a few drops of blood, assured me it was normal. I told her fuck no, my asshole is bleeding. I then laid down on my bed, belly down, and stuffed toilet paper in my asscrack to stem the onrush of blood, i did this the rest of that day, and the night. I woke up and there was still blood coming out of my ass, the bed was wet, where my asshole was. I then decided it may be a good idea to go to a doctor. Well, if you think it couldnt get any worse, it does. I went into the doctors office, and apparently ruptured a hemroid, so she had to get tweezers, and pluck out the clots in my asshole, so it would bleed MORE, and then heal up. Now, i havent mentioned this. All the while my asshole is bleeding, it was mixing with the smell of shit and fecal matter commonly found in your asshole. This produced a slight browning of the blood, and gave it a horrible fucking smell. Well, she tells me to drop them, and starts digging around in my asshole with tweezers, after like 7 tugs, countless pubes, my asshole is finally cleansed, and cleaned up. Moral of the story eat a shit ton of apple sauce all the god damn time and dont take humongous shits[/QUOTE] [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyvrCjWRSYU[/media]
[QUOTE=Septimas;39926313]This is by far my worst. Last year i hadn't shit in like 4 days, and i ate a lot, so naturally i had a buildup. I took a huge ass shit, one that literally had me sitting there in pain as it came out, and then i noticed it. [I]blood[/I] But not a few drops, it was dripping down my leg into the toilet, so i started to freak out. (The shit btw was the size of a nerf football almost) Well, i freaked the fuck out, got nervous and pale, so i sat down in the bath tub and turned it on, trying to relax. Well, the water started turning red after a little bit, and there were streaks of blood on the bottom of the porcelin, where my asshole was. I then, called my mom, and told her what the fuck was happening, and she thought i just meant a few drops of blood, assured me it was normal. I told her fuck no, my asshole is bleeding. I then laid down on my bed, belly down, and stuffed toilet paper in my asscrack to stem the onrush of blood, i did this the rest of that day, and the night. I woke up and there was still blood coming out of my ass, the bed was wet, where my asshole was. I then decided it may be a good idea to go to a doctor. Well, if you think it couldnt get any worse, it does. I went into the doctors office, and apparently ruptured a hemroid, so she had to get tweezers, and pluck out the clots in my asshole, so it would bleed MORE, and then heal up. Now, i havent mentioned this. All the while my asshole is bleeding, it was mixing with the smell of shit and fecal matter commonly found in your asshole. This produced a slight browning of the blood, and gave it a horrible fucking smell. Well, she tells me to drop them, and starts digging around in my asshole with tweezers, after like 7 tugs, countless pubes, my asshole is finally cleansed, and cleaned up. Moral of the story eat a shit ton of apple sauce all the god damn time and dont take humongous shits[/QUOTE] [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M17aG_Po2Y"]I have a video you might be interested in[/URL]
Eight years ago, when I was in the 7th grade. My math teacher was really chill, and time to time I would run into the room and jump over the first row of desk and sit down in my chair, and he kept warning me I was going to bust my skull open, and one day I came in, he looked at me and said. "Don't do it." And being myself, I said I had it and did it anyway. Jumped over the first desk, sat down and said. "See? I got it. Nothing is going to happen." and then right after I said that. The bar that connected the chair and the desk broke and my entire desk collapsed in. :v: And, another time in high school, I was sleeping in my math class, and my teacher woke me up and had written "4 (blank) 5 = 9" on the board, and asked me what the question was missing. Still being half asleep, I said. "You have to subtract it." and then she corrected me, so I put my head down and imminently went back to sleep, in which, a minute later, I was woken up again and asked the same question and repeated my answer. This happened about three more times, before I finally woke up at the end of class and figured out what the fuck happened. I also had to go into the gym for some speech during P.E. in the same year, I ended up falling asleep in the stands, and when I woke up everyone was gone. I had to go to my next class and explain to my teacher what happened. [B]Edit:[/B] And in the same math class as I mentioned in the first story. We had a substitute teacher, like all kids, I was being a little shit and throwing pencils up in into the roof, and getting them to stick. Towards the end of class, she saw me do it, and asked me what I was doing. I feigned ignorance, and she pointed up at the ceiling, in which I looked up, and right as I did, the pencil fell down, stabbed me in the nose and managed to stick. The sub laughed her ass off before sending me to the nurse, and then the assistance principle laughed at me when he found out.
[QUOTE=d_cover;39917535]I have a few that my friend told me today. I think I'll share them. So the first one. He had, as he describes a funny feeling around his anal region. Being the guy that jumps to conclusions he thinks it is cancer. So he heads off to get it checked out by a doctor. So you guessed it he got told to drop his trousers and bend over and was told by his doctor a pinky finger would only get inserted. My friend described it as if he went elbow deep. He actually screamed out "You bastard" after all was said..... and done my friend apologized to the doctor for his foul mouth. The doctor replied and said no I'm sorry for the discomfort. To top it all off everything checked out he was in good health and he had slight anal leakage on the way back home. I've cracked jokes at him ever since.[/QUOTE] Eh I've got worse. I went to the doctor with a 'penis problem' and of the course the doctor wanted to see it. Now obviously there are no cameras in the doctor's office so both you or the doctor can request to have a third party in the room to make sure nothing funny happens. Normally they ask me and I say no, but this doctor didn't ask, she just went and brought someone in. The receptionist. I had to pull my trousers and pants down and lay on the bed while the doctor examines me, while also having the receptionist not knowing where to look. What's worse is that after the receptionist left, the doctor thought I should have a chlamydia test 'just in case', but I had to go to the reception for a urine bottle. I had to ask the same receptionist for a chlamydia test.
[QUOTE=matt.ant;39960373]Eh I've got worse. I went to the doctor with a 'penis problem' and of the course the doctor wanted to see it. Now obviously there are no cameras in the doctor's office so both you or the doctor can request to have a third party in the room to make sure nothing funny happens. Normally they ask me and I say no, but this doctor didn't ask, she just went and brought someone in. The receptionist. I had to pull my trousers and pants down and lay on the bed while the doctor examines me, while also having the receptionist not knowing where to look. What's worse is that after the receptionist left, the doctor thought I should have a chlamydia test 'just in case', but I had to go to the reception for a urine bottle. I had to ask the same receptionist for a chlamydia test.[/QUOTE] Did you give your chlamydia to the receptionist?
I was in the middle of having a wank and then my college rang up asking me about the course I left a month ago. Totally killed my boner.
[QUOTE=HeavyGuy;39961915]I was in the middle of having a wank and then my college rang up asking me about the course I left a month ago. Totally killed my boner.[/QUOTE] Reminds me of a few years back I'm home alone so I'm just in a pair of shorts bustin' a nut when these 2 dudes rock up to the front door to talk about Jesus. Absolutely slayed it.
[QUOTE=MuTAnT;39964121]Reminds me of a few years back I'm home alone so I'm just in a pair of shorts bustin' a nut when these 2 dudes rock up to the front door to talk about Jesus. Absolutely slayed it.[/QUOTE] Should have checked to make sure it was just them, and then yelled "HEY, FUCK OFF! I'M TRYING TO WANK HERE!"
Somewhat embarrassing to both me and my friend. Was bench-pressing today at a small local gym. We were both a little tired and I had 230lbs (about 105kg for you Non-American folks) on the bar. He's spotting me and asks if I'm ready. I affirm and count down from 3 to lift the bar off the rack and over me to perform the reps (we were doing 5 sets of 5 reps). I said to watch me, he misinterpreted that as "let go when I'm not ready and watch the bar fall like a rock onto my chest"...which is exactly what happened. Knocks the breath out of me but I had no intention of letting it escape my grip and roll down onto my neck so I held on and finished up the set, working through the pain. Some people looked over, clearly concerned and a guy working there asked if I was alright. I said I was fine. My sternum's sore and it hurts slightly to breathe and do anything strenuous. I'm confident its not broken however.
[QUOTE=PollytheParrot;39964481]Somewhat embarrassing to both me and my friend. Was bench-pressing today at a small local gym. We were both a little tired and I had 230lbs (about 105kg for you Non-American folks) on the bar. He's spotting me and asks if I'm ready. I affirm and count down from 3 to lift the bar off the rack and over me to perform the reps (we were doing 5 sets of 5 reps). I said to watch me, he misinterpreted that as "let go when I'm not ready and watch the bar fall like a rock onto my chest"...which is exactly what happened. Knocks the breath out of me but I had no intention of letting it escape my grip and roll down onto my neck so I held on and finished up the set, working through the pain. Some people looked over, clearly concerned and a guy working there asked if I was alright. I said I was fine. My sternum's sore and it hurts slightly to breathe and do anything strenuous. I'm confident its not broken however.[/QUOTE] You should really go get it checked out anyway. A hundred kilos dropping on your chest isn't something you should just brush off...
[QUOTE=PollytheParrot;39964481]Somewhat embarrassing to both me and my friend. Was bench-pressing today at a small local gym. We were both a little tired and I had 230lbs (about 105kg for you Non-American folks) on the bar. He's spotting me and asks if I'm ready. I affirm and count down from 3 to lift the bar off the rack and over me to perform the reps (we were doing 5 sets of 5 reps). I said to watch me, he misinterpreted that as "let go when I'm not ready and watch the bar fall like a rock onto my chest"...which is exactly what happened. Knocks the breath out of me but I had no intention of letting it escape my grip and roll down onto my neck so I held on and finished up the set, working through the pain. Some people looked over, clearly concerned and a guy working there asked if I was alright. I said I was fine. My sternum's sore and it hurts slightly to breathe and do anything strenuous. I'm confident its not broken however.[/QUOTE] But you're a parrot, you're not suppose to lift weights! Okay stupid joke, seriously though, get that checked. A lot of people thought they were fine after something and then died of it anyway.
I was putting funny shit as name to make them appear on the Steam Main menu like they were options. I wrote "Your Dick" and I accidentally exceeded the limit of name changes. I can't get back to my old name :suicide:
Playing Half-Life in living room. Jumped when ventcrabs attacked.
[QUOTE=Sgt. Nikolai;39974406]I was putting funny shit as name to make them appear on the Steam Main menu like they were options. I wrote "Your Dick" and I accidentally exceeded the limit of name changes. I can't get back to my old name :suicide:[/QUOTE] At least you didn't do it to your Facebook account: [IMG]http://i.imgur.com/D2rqN.jpg[/IMG]
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