Facepunch cooking recipes thread

[Bredirish123]

Man where's the originality? I expected more in this thread. where's the bacon sandwich thing another user posted before?

[justin gurel]

[img]http://www.grinn.net/blog/dev/uploaded_images/instructables-Poop-Prop-763922.jpg[/img]

pull pants down and squat, take a dump.

wallah, ready to serve

[Hivemind]

Nutmeg is a hallucinogen in large enough quantities, and paprika tastes nice on chips.

[Montroze]

Montroze's Savory Anarchy Delight
Ingrediants:
Powdered Aluminum
Iron Oxide (rust particles)
What to do:
Just mix two parts by volume powdered aluminum with three parts iron oxide. Proceed to light the mixture with a very hot source.

Note: Thermite burns at 2200 Degrees Farenheit, and is completely legal

Montroze's Jesus Juice
Ingrediants together by volume:
50% sodium chlorate
35% rubber cement
10% epoxy resin hardener
5% sulphur

You may wish to add more sodium chlorate depending on the purity you are
using.

Note: Rocket Fuel immolates with large quantities of force

[Zeke129]

[QUOTE=Montroze;17094486]Montroze's Savory Anarchy Delight
Ingrediants:
Powdered Aluminum
Iron Oxide (rust particles)
What to do:
Just mix two parts by volume powdered aluminum with three parts iron oxide. Proceed to light the mixture with a very hot source.
[/QUOTE]

The hardest part about making thermite is finding something to light it with.

[DuraFlex]

My mom makes the best cakes, but didn't give recipay

[VassikinX3]

[B]Vassikin's Egg Sammich[/B]

Ingredients (one serving):
*One sliced, un-toasted, bagel
*Two eggs
*(optional) 1-2 Sliced\grated cheese of your choice
*(optional) Bacon
*Butter

Directions:
*If you chose to have bacon, follow whatever recipe you normally do, and break it up into bacon bits.
*If you chose to have cheese, break the slice(s) of cheese into the smallest chunks you can
*Crack two eggs into a bowl, mix until it no egg whites remain.
*If you chose to have cheese\bacon, mix into bowl with eggs.
*Heat up pan DO NOT ADD BUTTER
*Soak one half of bagel in the eggs as the pan heats up.
*Add a small amount of butter to the pan. If it turns a golden brown in a matter of seconds, the pan is hot enough, if not, just wait.
*Add a small chunk of butter to the pan, and put the soaked half of the bagel on the pan cut side down. Add the second half of the bagel after you do this.
*Continually press the bagel against the pan, and flip until the egg mixture is fully cooked
*Remove the half from the pan, and place on a plate.
*Add the second half that was soaking onto the pan, and do the same you did to the first half.
*Put extra egg into the pan, cook to your liking.
*Add salt\pepper to your liking.

First time I've shared this with anybody, note that the egg on the sides of the bagel WILL be slightly runny.

[B]Vassikin's Lemon Curd[/B]
Ingredients:
*3 large eggs
*1/3 cup fresh lemon juice (2-3 lemons) Note: the bottled shit won't work nearly as well. It's well worth it to just juice a few lemons.
*1 tablespoon finely shredded lemon zest
*3/4 cupgranulated white sugar
*4 tablespoons unsalted butter
*About 1/2 teaspoon vanilla (optional)

Directions:
*Break the eggs into bowl, mix in sugar, and lemon juice
*Put butter and lemon zest into seperate bowl.
*Put egg mixture into preheated pot
*CONSTANTLY mix until sugar is dissolved. DO NOT allow the eggs to curd.
*Put butter and lemon zest in, mix until the butter is completely melted
*Pour into another bowl (not the one the raw eggs were in)
*Mix vanilla into mixture.
*Put bowl into fridge to chill for about 5 hours, or until it gets a pudding like texture

This one will take a few tries to get just right, but when you do, it makes a pretty damn awesome dessert. Can be eaten alone, or served on top of another dessert.

[FuzzyEchidna]

[QUOTE=VassikinX3;17098918][B]Vassikin's Egg Sammich[/B]

Ingredients (one serving):
*One sliced, un-toasted, bagel
*Two eggs
*(optional) 1-2 Sliced\grated cheese of your choice
*(optional) Bacon
*Butter

Directions:
*If you chose to have bacon, follow whatever recipe you normally do, and break it up into bacon bits.
*If you chose to have cheese, break the slice(s) of cheese into the smallest chunks you can
*Crack two eggs into a bowl, mix until it no egg whites remain.
*If you chose to have cheese\bacon, mix into bowl with eggs.
*Heat up pan DO NOT ADD BUTTER
*Soak one half of bagel in the eggs as the pan heats up.
*Add a small amount of butter to the pan. If it turns a golden brown in a matter of seconds, the pan is hot enough, if not, just wait.
*Add a small chunk of butter to the pan, and put the soaked half of the bagel on the pan cut side down. Add the second half of the bagel after you do this.
*Continually press the bagel against the pan, and flip until the egg mixture is fully cooked
*Remove the half from the pan, and place on a plate.
*Add the second half that was soaking onto the pan, and do the same you did to the first half.
*Put extra egg into the pan, cook to your liking.
*Add salt\pepper to your liking.

First time I've shared this with anybody, note that the egg on the sides of the bagel WILL be slightly runny.

[B]Vassikin's Lemon Curd[/B]
Ingredients:
*3 large eggs
*1/3 cup fresh lemon juice (2-3 lemons) Note: the bottled shit won't work nearly as well. It's well worth it to just juice a few lemons.
*1 tablespoon finely shredded lemon zest
*3/4 cupgranulated white sugar
*4 tablespoons unsalted butter
*About 1/2 teaspoon vanilla (optional)

Directions:
*Break the eggs into bowl, mix in sugar, and lemon juice
*Put butter and lemon zest into seperate bowl.
*Put egg mixture into preheated pot
*CONSTANTLY mix until sugar is dissolved. DO NOT allow the eggs to curd.
*Put butter and lemon zest in, mix until the butter is completely melted
*Pour into another bowl (not the one the raw eggs were in)
*Mix vanilla into mixture.
*Put bowl into fridge to chill for about 5 hours, or until it gets a pudding like texture

This one will take a few tries to get just right, but when you do, it makes a pretty damn awesome dessert. Can be eaten alone, or served on top of another dessert.[/QUOTE]

This would be great with miracle fruit

[Segui25]

[QUOTE=NixNax123;17077127]COOKIE RECIPE

1. Sit on couch.
2. Yell, "MAKE ME SOME COOKEHS MOM"
3. Wait.
4. Eat, then say, "These taste bad, make some more differently."
5. You get different variations cookies each time![/QUOTE]

I think that he spelled cookies wrong.

[x7076011732x]

[QUOTE=ARR DARMA;17077021]Eggmcawesome Fuckwit Sandwich

Take two motherfucking eggs, two, put 'em in a bowl and mix the FUCK out of them, add some fucking tabasco sauce you stupid fuck, whip it around some more so that it's just even yolk and white god damn. Grab some delicious fuckhead ham and rip that shit up in there, GO START SOME FUCKING TOAST YOU DUMBASS, now cook that fuck on the frying pan with some god damned browned butter, when that fuck is fully cooked, THROW SOME FUCKING SHREDDED CHEDDAR ON THAT BITCH AND LET THAT MELT IN THE PAN, the eggs are now very fried with GOD DAMNED FUCKING CHEESE, now fold that assfuckshit in half, put it on the god damned toast and cut into triangles because FUCKING TRIANGLE SANDWICHES ARE THE GOD DAMN BOMB

note: your heart may stop[/QUOTE]

for some reason that reminded me of this

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vm03Dgu_yXA[/media] :cawg:

[Segui25]

[QUOTE=x7076011732x;17237848]for some reason that reminded me of this

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vm03Dgu_yXA[/media] :cawg:[/QUOTE]

That video was amazing :lol:.

[wizlord]

Sometimes when I'm out of milk I use semen instead.

[SHoGuNN3R]

[QUOTE=AxisofIdiocy;17077017]werent you gold?[/QUOTE]

That's a different guy.

OP is Lumenshroom or whatever, aka, the annoying Southern Kid who joined some FP CSS games, wouldn't stfu because his computer couldn't handle anything, got muted alot, got butthurt, yelled, raged, attempted to be funny, and got perma'd.

I don't like him.

Also, I forgot my fucking Veal Scallopini recipe. My mom (professional chef) showed me how to make really good ones. :argh:

[**zer0**]

Get any type of fish (Salmon or something) , put it in blender(not the whole fish,durr..) , pour in something you like (some lemonjuice is good) , let it blend really well,make balls of it and add onion and shit you like, Fry it, enjoy.

[21657319]

You guys are all doing it wrong except ARR DARMA
Real-time cooking, great easy recipe (NOTE: best with energy drinks)

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf8cM7f6P2I[/media]

[KorJax]

[QUOTE=KarlHeinrichMarx;17091773][url]http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212[/url]

best. cookbook. ever.[/QUOTE]

I have that book!

[IMG]http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb134/KorJax/Misc%20Crap/P1000402.jpg[/IMG]

[KarlHeinrichMar]

[QUOTE=KorJax;17298087]I have that book!

[IMG]http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb134/KorJax/Misc%20Crap/P1000402.jpg[/IMG][/QUOTE]

LOL

was not expecting that.

So.. have you.. cooked any of the food in it..? :confused:

[Hendo]

[quote=dr pepper;17297275]you guys are all doing it wrong except arr darma
real-time cooking, great easy recipe (note: Best with energy drinks)

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf8cm7f6p2i[/media][/quote]

lol

[Punjon]

I was going to post my cannabutter recipe but I couldn't remember what it was.

[SBII Gunz]

Potato chips often taste wonderful with most types of barbecue sauce.

[KorJax]

[QUOTE=KarlHeinrichMarx;17298125]LOL

was not expecting that.

So.. have you.. cooked any of the food in it..? :confused:[/QUOTE]

Well there's this one that seems interesting:

[IMG]http://i208.photobucket.com/albums/bb134/KorJax/Misc%20Crap/P1000404.jpg[/IMG]

[KarlHeinrichMar]

[QUOTE=KorJax;17301477]Well there's this one that seems interesting:

*img*[/QUOTE]

It's almost like they did it on purpose.

[mike]

[QUOTE=**zer0**;17242519]Get any type of fish (Salmon or something) , put it in blender(not the whole fish,durr..) , pour in something you like (some lemonjuice is good) , let it blend really well,make balls of it and add onion and shit you like, Fry it, enjoy.[/QUOTE]

mann that sounds like a good way to brutalise salmon. if you're want to blend salmon, don't overdo it, leave it a little chunky, bung into the blender with it a little creme fraiche, a squirt of lemon juice and some black pepper and a tiny hint of salt and serve it as a kinda pate.

personally i like to kinda roast salmon. lay it on a sheet of tin foil with a little bit of olive oil spread on it to grease it (doubled over sheet is a better way of doing it imo), pop in a little more olive oil, a healthy squeeze of fresh lemon juice and a bit of black pepper and maybe some whole cloves of garlic on either side, wrap it loosely in the tin foil but well sealed so steam can't escape. in the oven at 180 for about 20 mins.

obviously check it's cooked before you serve it. it keeps it nice and moist and tender.

[TheGronk]

Bump for a cause.

How do I make medium rare steak? My mother is a fine cook but she has no idea how to make medium rare and I love medium rare, I asked her to try it but she fails each time.

[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Bad bump - We have a subforum now" - Craptasket))[/highlight]

[Echidna666]

[QUOTE=TheGronk;31663963]Bump for a cause.

How do I make medium rare steak? My mother is a fine cook but she has no idea how to make medium rare and I love medium rare, I asked her to try it but she fails each time.[/QUOTE]

There's a whole subforum for Cooking related threads now

[url]http://www.facepunch.com/forums/388-Cooking[/url]