[QUOTE=Fuckitbucket;36246771]A family member shouldn't do that, a mother should love her child unconditionally and the fact that some people have to lie to avoid conflict and at the same time live a double life is terrible and i'm so glad my mother is not like that. when i came out to her she was fine with it, she still loves me unconditionally.[/QUOTE]
My mom doesn't give a fuck, she was the one who actually asked me anyway.
Dad on the other hand, I get a feeling he just doesn't think about it.
[QUOTE=Higginz511;36247031]this
My mother is a hairdresser, She's around gay guys all the time. I told her I was gay and she had a borderline breakdown.[/QUOTE]
This is pretty accurate, when I came out I recall being told 'One of my best friends was gay but we don't want one in the household'.
I've thought about it and I've decided not to come out to my parents, it's not worth it in my case. But at least my sister knows and she's there for support. c:
[QUOTE=Schlinky;36247101]I've thought about it and I've decided not to come out to my parents, it's not worth it in my case. But at least my sister knows and she's there for support. c:[/QUOTE]
I've always gone with the attitude that no one needs to know unless they ask.
Then when they are disgusted by it, it's their own fault for asking. :v:
[QUOTE=eddy-tt-;36247118]I've always gone with the attitude that no one needs to know unless they ask.
Then when they are disgusted by it, it's their own fault for asking. :v:[/QUOTE]
That's sort of how I came out to my friends, they kept asking if I was gay and I just said yeah :v:
[QUOTE=Schlinky;36247101]I've thought about it and I've decided not to come out to my parents, it's not worth it in my case. But at least my sister knows and she's there for support. c:[/QUOTE]
I told myself that for years, it just started to eat away at me after the 5 year mark. I also have bouts of insomnia because of bottling it up because I always overthink things. I always reconsider possibly coming out finally because I know I won't get peace of mind until I do, then I realize I'll most likely get thrown out if I do. Then I start to think about just secretly getting my own place ready to move into and just leave in the middle of the night, I don't have so many things that I would need more space than my car already has, then I realize that's not fair for my family having to worry. Thus, the cycle repeats...
I hope that doesn't happen to you, but it seems once I have my mind set on doing something I feel must be done, even if it takes many years, I will do it. I think in 3 weeks I'll try coming out to my mom and explain to her tons of my odd behavior, especially during my high school years. I'd often pretend to be sick because I got caught kissing another guy and I was ridiculed massively for it, and even got into fights in self defense. My school administration never gave a crap about me either. In the end, I had to drop out and get a GED because the bullying got so bad, the administration didn't care, and you can only defend yourself against a very small amount of people and she never knew about any of this. I mostly just want to explain myself to her about all that odd behavior and how all the mistreatment stemmed from me being gay I get from everyone is why I tend to just stay a loner and not want to interact with anyone.
My sister asked me about it first, then one day my parents confronted me and asked.
My sister and mother are both alright with it but my dad... ehhh I'm not too sure. :c
my parents dont know i like boys
i don't think they would mind but I don't want to tell them unless I feel I really need to.
also lol out of curiosity looked this song up after hearing the lyrics a million times its super good
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic[/media]
and the boy is mmm the carwash bit best
[QUOTE=mikeyt493;36247190]my parents dont know i like boys
i don't think they would mind but I don't want to tell them unless I feel I really need to.
also lol out of curiosity looked this song up after hearing the lyrics a million times its super good
and the boy is mmm the carwash bit best[/QUOTE]
I like the end.
[QUOTE=MasterFen007;36247165]My sister asked me about it first, then one day my parents confronted me and asked.
My sister and mother are both alright with it but my dad... ehhh I'm not too sure. :c[/QUOTE]
:( x
[QUOTE=Yotrig;36247160]I told myself that for years, it just started to eat away at me after the 5 year mark. I also have bouts of insomnia because of bottling it up because I always overthink things. I always reconsider possibly coming out finally because I know I won't get peace of mind until I do, then I realize I'll most likely get thrown out if I do. Then I start to think about just secretly getting my own place ready to move into and just leave in the middle of the night, I don't have so many things that I would need more space than my car already has, then I realize that's not fair for my family having to worry. Thus, the cycle repeats...
I hope that doesn't happen to you, but it seems once I have my mind set on doing something I feel must be done, even if it takes many years, I will do it. I think in 3 weeks I'll try coming out to my mom and explain to her tons of my odd behavior, especially during my high school years. I'd often pretend to be sick because I got caught kissing another guy and I was ridiculed massively for it, and even got into fights in self defense. My school administration never gave a crap about me either. In the end, I had to drop out and get a GED because the bullying got so bad, the administration didn't care, and you can only defend yourself against a very small amount of people and she never knew about any of this. I mostly just want to explain myself to her about all that odd behavior and how all the mistreatment stemmed from me being gay I get from everyone is why I tend to just stay a loner and not want to interact with anyone.[/QUOTE]
it's okay man, this thread is here for you for support and to ask questions and get answers
personally I've given the thought of coming out to my parents several weeks worth of thought, and I've just decided not to. my dad would go nuts and essentially put me under so much stress I'd severely break down. my life right now is steady enough, and with exams currently going on I don't want any more stress. I just want to concentrate on my exams and get the good grades I want for life.
also facepunch advanced edit is broken as fuck
[QUOTE=mikeyt493;36247190]my parents dont know i like boys
i don't think they would mind but I don't want to tell them unless I feel I really need to.
also lol out of curiosity looked this song up after hearing the lyrics a million times its super good
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic[/media]
and the boy is mmm the carwash bit best[/QUOTE]
Carly Rae Jepsen is my new fetish
[QUOTE=Squeaken;36246531]Does anyone else feel like they have no connection whatsoever with the gay community?[/QUOTE]
Yep. Just like I feel like I have no connection to the people who at uni crowd around the basement alcove next to a busy hallway and literally just sit there all day playing magic/YuGiOh and WoW/C&C on their alienware laptops, despite being into those things (well, not Alienware laptops or WoW specifically, but just generally geekery stuff).
There's a point where something you are into is just totally out of place or tacky for the enviornment. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that they are there for the majority of the time they are at school instead of actually being in class, studying, doing various activities, etc. I don't want to judge them or anything, but they must realize just how tacky they seem to other geeky people who don't like the idea of devoting their entire day at school to the largly-public and obsessed display of desperate geekery day in and day out. College is such a great way to get exposed and "cultured" (ugh that word) on a variety of different things, different ideas, different knowledge, etc. Why waste it just excluding yourself to one discipline, group or activity exclusively the entire time you are there?
So imagine that, except for the gay community at large, and thats how I feel about that as well :)
It could still be cool to go gay-related events even if I'd feel out of place with the majority of the members there. I just personally like to be apart of smaller niche communities between trusted friends and such, like a brotherhood or something. Getting to know other people who I can relate to, etc. Not stuff like exposing myself to some larger community or larger fad of standards or something (I probably sound like a massive hipster at this point).
[editline]8th June 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Yotrig;36247160]I told myself that for years, it just started to eat away at me after the 5 year mark. I also have bouts of insomnia because of bottling it up because I always overthink things. I always reconsider possibly coming out finally because I know I won't get peace of mind until I do, then I realize I'll most likely get thrown out if I do. Then I start to think about just secretly getting my own place ready to move into and just leave in the middle of the night, I don't have so many things that I would need more space than my car already has, then I realize that's not fair for my family having to worry. Thus, the cycle repeats...
I hope that doesn't happen to you, but it seems once I have my mind set on doing something I feel must be done, even if it takes many years, I will do it. I think in 3 weeks I'll try coming out to my mom and explain to her tons of my odd behavior, especially during my high school years. I'd often pretend to be sick because I got caught kissing another guy and I was ridiculed massively for it, and even got into fights in self defense. My school administration never gave a crap about me either. In the end, I had to drop out and get a GED because the bullying got so bad, the administration didn't care, and you can only defend yourself against a very small amount of people and she never knew about any of this. I mostly just want to explain myself to her about all that odd behavior and how all the mistreatment stemmed from me being gay I get from everyone is why I tend to just stay a loner and not want to interact with anyone.[/QUOTE]
How old are you? I know it can be hard to just "keep it to yourself" when you're aching for support and have experience plenty of abuse already because of it.
But if you aren't old enough and/or established enough to take care of yourself, or if you don't have any place to go (like a supportive friend) to find an outlet then really, swallow your pride and don't come out. Especially if you aren't sure of the outcome it will have to your family.
Living your personal/sexual life in hiding while with your family is much better than having that same life stigmatize you, and be the entiredy of your image that you project to your family and others. Because right now, your mom doesn't define you by your sexual/relationship interests, and neither does your family. By coming out, you essentually make that more of an important part of you that they will now define you by on a larger level, and if they don't support that, it will make things very hellish for you. Living with them will be unbearable if they don't outright kick you out. If you have an outlet you can go to, or have the means to support yourself, then this can be an acceptable risk. As long as you depend on them though, it is a very BAD idea to play with that risk.
I knew someone who came out to unsupportive parents, and it almost broke him to the point of being near suicuide. Is that the position you'd find better than the one you are in now? Can you accept and be able to live with yourself knowing that you have to depend on people who don't support you, and who will now define you not by who you are but what your sexual preference is?
If you can be reasonably sure they won't act in this manner, then by all means don't be afraid to come out. But I really reccomend against doing it if you can be reasonably sure that they won't take it well. It's not about being afraid of coming out to them, its not about losing your pride if you dont - it's about making a well thought out and strategic plan to not drop information like that unless it's very relvant for whatever situation you are in with them, or when you can do it at a time where you are both financially and mentally independant. Mentally, as in, you can honestly live with the idea of moving on with your life and breaking ties with your family should it come to that.
[QUOTE=KorJax;36247297]How old are you? I know it can be hard to just "keep it to yourself" when you're aching for support and have experience plenty of abuse already because of it.
But if you aren't old enough and/or established enough to take care of yourself, or if you don't have any place to go (like a supportive friend) to find an outlet then really, swallow your pride and don't come out. Especially if you aren't sure of the outcome it will have to your family.
Living your personal/sexual life in hiding while with your family is much better than having that same life stigmatize you, and be the entiredy of your image that you project to your family and others. Because right now, your mom doesn't define you by your sexual/relationship interests, and neither does your family. By coming out, you essentually make that more of an important part of you that they will now define you by on a larger level, and if they don't support that, it will make things very hellish for you. Living with them will be unbearable if they don't outright kick you out. If you have an outlet you can go to, or have the means to support yourself, then this can be an acceptable risk. As long as you depend on them though, it is a very BAD idea to play with that risk.
I knew someone who came out to unsupportive parents, and it almost broke him to the point of being near suicuide. Is that the position you'd find better than the one you are in now? Can you accept and be able to live with yourself knowing that you have to depend on people who don't support you, and who will now define you not by who you are but what your sexual preference is?
If you can be reasonably sure they won't act in this manner, then by all means don't be afraid to come out. But I really reccomend against doing it if you can be reasonably sure that they won't take it well. It's not about being afraid of coming out to them, its not about losing your pride if you dont - it's about making a well thought out and strategic plan to not drop information like that unless it's very relvant for whatever situation you are in with them, or when you can do it at a time where you are both financially and mentally independant. Mentally, as in, you can honestly live with the idea of moving on with your life and breaking ties with your family should it come to that.[/QUOTE]
That's a great response, I've thought about all that too.
I'm 21 as of a few months ago and I worked two really good jobs last summer so I have a good amount of cash saved up to get out there, I'm just not so saved up that I can assure stability 100% which is why I'm not out just yet, and I've been having trouble finding jobs where I live because there are almost no openings anywhere and all the places I apply never get back to me, but that's another story. Back on topic, if I absolutely had to I could manage it long enough and I do have some backup friends who would help me in a worst case scenario. I only plan on telling my mother as well, she can keep a secret and she would know not to tell anyone else just because of how everyone else is about the subject. Every holiday family gathering, my homophobic family loves to gay bash for at least 5 minutes every single time, and my mother's the only one who sticks up for gays and tells em all to cut it out and stop being immature, so I feel confident she'd be okay with it. As shown in the above posts though, the only real way to find out someone's reaction to it is to try your luck.
You're absolutely right about all the risks and I have weighed them back and forth in my head for a very long time, but I feel now is the appropriate time to try my luck. I'd be okay with just one person in my family knowing to be honest. It saddens me to hear about the person you know who got severe backlash for it and I hope he's doing okay now.
Thanks for the advice, you pretty much hit the nail on the head with all the concerns. Wish me luck in three weeks :v: I'll post about it when I end up doing it. I'd do it sooner, but my oldest brother's wedding is coming up in two weeks so I don't feel the time would be appropriate.
[QUOTE=Schlinky;36247206]it's okay man, this thread is here for you for support and to ask questions and get answers
personally I've given the thought of coming out to my parents several weeks worth of thought, and I've just decided not to. my dad would go nuts and essentially put me under so much stress I'd severely break down. my life right now is steady enough, and with exams currently going on I don't want any more stress. I just want to concentrate on my exams and get the good grades I want for life.[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the reassurance. I understand your decision, right now it would be best for you to clamp down and focus on those exams, that should keep your mind off things somewhat in general too. Sorry to hear about your dad, mine is the same way sadly.
i feel a bit silly in a suit :x
[editline]8th June 2012[/editline]
but man i look slick as fuck in it not gonna lie
[QUOTE=ragin cajun;36245684]yeah my mom freaked out about me being bi when I first told her now she doesn't really care if I am bi[/QUOTE]
Is this really true?
If so I'm really happy for you, hope you're getting along well.
Speaking of desks (I'm late, sue me - was moving in)
[t]http://i.imgur.com/aju51.jpg[/t]
[t]http://i.imgur.com/q3Xhd.jpg[/t]
Finally got my room/desk set up after moving. All I have to do is find my skyrim map, get my bookshelf back, and buy some mounts to hang up my mirrors.
I always wanted to get those behind-monitor LED's... they'd work great with my setup.
ARe those the color changing ones from IKEA by chance? ;3
[QUOTE=Spencer Sharkey;36245349]you can
1. lie and forget about it.
2. not lie and be bashed.
pretty simple
[editline]8th June 2012[/editline]
and "I didn't know if they liked gay people or not" is stupid. if you don't know your family's take on gay, then you're dumb.[/QUOTE]
You're out of touch with reality.
[QUOTE=mikeyt493;36247190]my parents dont know i like boys
i don't think they would mind but I don't want to tell them unless I feel I really need to.
also lol out of curiosity looked this song up after hearing the lyrics a million times its super good
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic[/media]
and the boy is mmm the carwash bit best[/QUOTE]
[video=youtube;5GRTrZZr5jg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GRTrZZr5jg[/video]
I actually like this a lot, it's quite tolerable to me
[QUOTE=Spencer Sharkey;36249336]I always wanted to get those behind-monitor LED's... they'd work great with my setup.
ARe those the color changing ones from IKEA by chance? ;3[/QUOTE]
Nahhh just white, found em on sale at OfficeMax and thought they were too cool to not get :v:
[QUOTE=Mr._N;36249372]You're out of touch with reality.[/QUOTE]
[video=youtube;z-U6VZkDTAY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-U6VZkDTAY[/video]
[editline]8th June 2012[/editline]
You're outta touch, I'm outta toouuch~
My parents listen to soft rock radio stations all the time.
[QUOTE=Pnukup;36249044]Is this really true?
If so I'm really happy for you, hope you're getting along well.[/QUOTE]
Yeah my life is completely flipped around after that one event. I'm doing great and actually getting shit done. Feels good.
Good news gay people of the world.I will probably fail school this year as well!
Oh well, this will be a shitty summer all over again.
Alcohol Ahoy!
[QUOTE=Rents;36249573][video=youtube;z-U6VZkDTAY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-U6VZkDTAY[/video]
[editline]8th June 2012[/editline]
You're outta touch, I'm outta toouuch~[/QUOTE]
It's I'm outta time, motherfucker.
[QUOTE=Broguts;36249976]It's I'm outta time, motherfucker.[/QUOTE]
[video=youtube;ZXN6tgE4g_4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXN6tgE4g_4[/video]
Does this make up for it?
God I'm ugly :( My skin looks like uncooked chicken. Anybody else here have chicken skin?
[img]http://img21.imageshack.us/img21/2348/meoutsideughgh.jpg[/img]
Mikas' new song is fucking amazing
[media]http://vimeo.com/43593102[/media]
I love it what do
Shit I fucked up sorry
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