Could you help me with my novel? - General

Think how can you make it REALLY different then all the future stories.

-before every sentence doesn't mean people are talking. use ""

[QUOTE=Euphytose;18964649]Well, if I write a book, it will be in my native tongue, I'm really unable to write a book in English. Which is really sad because I'd like to become a translator in video games. I think it won't be possible :/[/QUOTE] Well my problem is actually the opposite, I want to write something in my native language but I'm unable, I can only write in English. My language is one of the hardest ones in Europe. :eng101:

[QUOTE=BloodStream;18968800]Sorry, but a novel IS a book (Usually). They're pretty much the same thing. You're probably getting "novel" and "story" mixed up. That probably sounds a bit pedantic, but I thought I'd point it out in case you were specifically told to write a novel and you'd misunderstood your instructions. And I don't understand why you're using the same names of characters from games, then. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, but wouldn't you rather create the characters yourself? I always found that character development was the most interesting part of story-writing.[/QUOTE] By book I meant something like 1984, something " huge ". I use characters from games because, I have to admit, I'm too lazy to create ones. However I only use the name, I won't use their personality, if I did, Gordon would have just shut his mouth during the whole story. [QUOTE=Canuhearme?;18968868]Please use more interesting names then ones from Half Life 2.[/QUOTE] I think they're just like the game: Perfect. [QUOTE=BrQ;18968883]I kind of liked it, except the end. He pulled the trigger, I think. You should replace that with something else, maybe something like 'and many other futuristic inventions'[/QUOTE] Completely true, thanks. [QUOTE=BackOnCrack;18968924]-before every sentence doesn't mean people are talking. use ""[/QUOTE] Like that? "Hello" "Hey you, how are you?" "Blah" "Blah" Sorry but the way dialogs are written isn't the same as my native tongue, and I don't really write dialogs that often :/ But are you really sure it's that way? I mean in dialogs it can be - and it's "" when you put a sentence said by a character in a " normal " sentence like: He reached the door and said "It's me, open that door". Also, to everyone else, I'd like you to help me correcting my typos/grammar faults rather than the " story " by itself ( even if your help is welcome ).

[QUOTE=Euphytose;18969044]By book I meant something like 1984, something " huge ". I use characters from games because, I have to admit, I'm too lazy to create ones. However I only use the name, I won't use their personality, if I did, Gordon would have just shut his mouth during the whole story. I think they're just like the game: Perfect. Completely true, thanks. Like that? "Hello" "Hey you, how are you?" "Blah" "Blah" Sorry but the way dialogs are written isn't the same as my native tongue, and I don't really write dialogs that often :/ But are you really sure it's that way? I mean in dialogs it can be - and it's "" when you put a sentence said by a character in a " normal " sentence like: He reached the door and said "It's me, open that door". Also, to everyone else, I'd like you to help me correcting my typos/grammar faults rather than the " story " by itself ( even if your help is welcome ).[/QUOTE] yea, just like that, I'll give you an example, but you seem to already know some of it: and then Garry said "I love black people" and went on with his day.

[QUOTE=BackOnCrack;18973757]yea, just like that, I'll give you an example, but you seem to already know some of it: and then Garry said "I love black people" and went on with his day.[/QUOTE] Yeah but what I meant is that I only do that if quotes are built in a sentence told at the 3rd person. If it's a dialog am I not supposed to write it the way I did? - blah - blah

Example of first person: I punched him in the face. Example of third person: Fred punched that guy in the face. A first person viewpoint is one where the character is telling the story. Therefore, pronouns such as I or me will be used in non-dialog sentences. "I drew my sword. "Have at you!" I cried, pointing the blade at my foe. He drew his own blade, mimicking my gesture." A third person viewpoint is told by an omniscient character that is never defined, like a narrator. Pronouns such as he, she, they are used in non-dialog sentences. Example: Dave looked over at his neighbor's test. "Damn," he muttered under his breath, "I always get those problems wrong." It doesn't matter what viewpoint you choose, as both use the "Words words words," closing. format. Also, book is just a general term for written material. All novels can be books, but not all books are novels. A novel generally has a word count of 50,000-100,000 words. Your work would fall mostly under the category of short story.

And then the man came in the woman's face. But in all seriousness, get rid of the hyphens before each speaker, just use quotes, and remember that with each new speaker you start a new paragraph

Replace Gordon and Barney with other names, otherwise, it's (techincally) Plagarism. Oh, nevermind, it's just for a class probably. If you plan on publishing it, don't use Gordon or Barney.

You're not seriously thinking I'm planning to publish it. I'm not a good writer, in English at least, but I'm not a suicidal man. Just to tell you again, it's just a kind of homework, no more, no less.

[QUOTE=Euphytose;18974073]Yeah but what I meant is that I only do that if quotes are built in a sentence told at the 3rd person. If it's a dialog am I not supposed to write it the way I did? - blah - blah[/QUOTE] no never use -, if it's in third person it's just typed up normally, but if it's one person speaking to another use ""

what a coincidence i was listening to paperback writer when i saw this thread

[QUOTE=Euphytose;18964649]Well, if I write a book, it will be in my native tongue, I'm really unable to write a book in English. Which is really sad because I'd like to become a translator in video games. I think it won't be possible :/[/QUOTE] A little off topic, but you'd make a fine translator. You already have a much better grasp of the English language than some of my classmates, and I'm in highschool for heaven's sake. Even if you do make mistakes here and there, i'm pretty sure even moderately translating companies have proof readers for things like that. It's not even like you won't get better either, by the time you have all the nescesary education for that particular job you'll probably be rather good in English, assuming you regularly use it during that time.

i dont like how you explain things through questions.

[QUOTE=Euphytose;18974073]Yeah but what I meant is that I only do that if quotes are built in a sentence told at the 3rd person. If it's a dialog am I not supposed to write it the way I did? - blah - blah[/QUOTE] Yeah, that's wrong. Dialogue should look like this (new paragraph every time the other character starts talking, or if one of them does something significant): "Hey Jerold," said Skublet, looking up from his furry porn drawing. "How was class?" Jerold shrugged and averted his gaze. "Fine," he said, scratching his groin distractedly. "Okay, whatever," Skublet rejoined, and resumed his detailing of a particularly troublesome dog dick. "Let me know if you want to talk about it." "I will."

this is correct^^^ New line for a new person speaking, you can use quotation marks on the same line if it's still the same person talking.

If I was a friend of yours I'd do this a lot [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWsGvWwUctk[/media]

Danny's was staring intently at his computer, typing like a mad man as fast as he could manage with his sticky keyboard. He could already taste the moist saliva on his lips. After much intense & concentrated efforts, Dan alleviated his need to drool. At last, Dan had found a new website in which he could yiff the night away with gorgeous cam-whores. Earl rushed into his closet, pouring through his many fox suits & bunny outfits. Until, he found it: 45 minutes later.. Earl's most prized possession, his limited edition, impossible to find: PINK BUNNY SUIT. "At LAST!" Earl exclaimed. "WAIT NO MORE, CAM-WHORES!" Earl yelled, looking to the sky. "All those beautiful cam-whores will adore me now! YIFF" And then Earl spent all night, yiffing away with totally female furry's. "Earl was about ejaculate over his keyboard after an intense 30 second yiffing spree. Until the cam-whore's said: "Ohh EARL, we WANT YOU! Come closer, Earl, [i]closer[/i], [i]closer[/i]... The cam-whores began to stroke Earl's mighty cock, until he could contain it no longer.. His knees began to buckle, and in one fluid motion he began to.. *KNOCK* *KNOCK* "EARL, wake up it's time for breakfast! Were you having those dreams again, sweetie?" Yelled Earl's mother. "Uh, n-n-oo mother!" Earl looked down at his tiny penis, it was only a dream.. [i]"Maybe one day, I'll stop living in my mom's basement and get a life.[/i] THE END I think it's a bit botched, tbh.

[QUOTE=hey5000;19009255]a very nice story[/QUOTE] I liked the moral, but you changed the name from Daniel to Earl part-way through.

the premise is there, and i can tell you have a great imagination, but your style is very dry. your conversations fail to engage. try thinking about how you speak. it's much more casual than what your writing shows. oh english isn't your native language. guess i kind of dropped the ball on that one.

[QUOTE=DainBramageStudios;19014647]I liked the moral, but you changed the name from Daniel to Earl part-way through.[/QUOTE] Haha, I thought Earl sounded nerdier. Guess I missed a couple Daniel's.

trying including more violence and someone getting shot... and include harry potter, getting shot, by the stig thats a number 1 novel right there :)