The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v2

[JenkinsJ]

[QUOTE=Seith;34165137]I'm sorry, but this upcoming quote describes perfectly what I want to say without me being verbose;

"Every second you spend thinking about what you don't want in your life is a second denying focus and energy from getting what you do want. Every minute you worry about what's not working is a minute drawn away from creating what will work. And every hour spent reflecting on the disappointments of the past is an hour stolen from seeing the possibilities that your future holds."

You got 2 options, tell her what you want from her or leave it be. You got 3 actually, but meh..[/QUOTE]

You say it as if any one that is going to make me feel happier. Either way she's leaving. And it's not like I resent that, you wouldn't scupper plans like that. And I can't exactly tell her what I want from her. I mean that's phrased a bit weird as if I deserve something but the point is, the last thing someone wants who's about to leave the country for six months and has exams coming up is some dude going "Hey, let's have a big discussion about how we feel!", and I think it would make me look sort of pathetic, I don't want to be that pining guy. It's not like I want anything to officially happen, I don't want to be in a relationship with her - I know that wouldn't work since she's going away. I'd just like to think that she's going to me miss me as much as I'll miss her. It's the elephant in the room, we don't talk about it really. I think she's sort of decided to pretend there was nothing there so make it easier, that's what smarter me would be doing too.

But anyway like I said, none of those things would make me any happier. Thanks for the advice though. Sorry if the post is a bit incomprehensible it was very train-of-thought!

[Seith]

[QUOTE=JenkinsJ;34165369]You say it as if any one that is going to make me feel happier. Either way she's leaving. And it's not like I resent that, you wouldn't scupper plans like that. And I can't exactly tell her what I want from her. I mean that's phrased a bit weird as if I deserve something but the point is, the last thing someone wants who's about to leave the country for six months and has exams coming up is some dude going "Hey, let's have a big discussion about how we feel!", and I think it would make me look sort of pathetic, I don't want to be that pining guy. It's not like I want anything to officially happen, I don't want to be in a relationship with her - I know that wouldn't work since she's going away. I'd just like to think that she's going to me miss me as much as I'll miss her. It's the elephant in the room, we don't talk about it really. I think she's sort of decided to pretend there was nothing there so make it easier, that's what smarter me would be doing too.

But anyway like I said, none of those things would make me any happier. Thanks for the advice though. Sorry if the post is a bit incomprehensible it was very train-of-thought![/QUOTE]

Firstly, it's a good thing you're actually trying to think.

Secondly, I never give advice in a "cheery" fashion. I shoot the arrow where it's needed - where it hurts. So obviously, it wasn't making you feel any better.

Now, as for addressing the rest of the content;

Wanting to be happy is a choice. I gave you options that will eventually make you happy. You sound so afraid of the consequences that you just rant about might happen and how you feel about it rather than doing. Moving is living my friend. It's either you take control of your posts, or leave them open and to be conquered eventually.

Naturally, I understand that most people prefer that elephant to walk peacefully in a room full of china. Naturally, I also understand that people tend to choose their "safe zones" rather than actually stepping out and going face first against a concrete wall.

What I don't understand, is how come naturally people have all these feelings boiling up inside of them and choose not to exert them. You ASSUME a person who wants to leave the country for six months and has exams wouldn't like to listen to YOUR feelings. Look at this, all assuming. How about you assume this ? - she spent dinner unexpectedly, meaning, against your assumptions, at your place. How about you assume she actually likes you and would actually like to hear those feelings? Again, this sounds like fear rather than rational thinking.

"I know that wouldn't work". I have the same tendency myself - keep assuming things. I assume, people wouldn't want to do specific stuff. I assumed yesterday I wouldn't be able to get what I wanted but I tried even though my "reasoning" told me otherwise, and what do you know, I got what I WANTED. WANTING, is a very strong word. Use it. Utilize it's power.

That's what smarter you would prefer you do as a defensive mechanism against failure. Agree with me, this is not an educated guess, but more an educated fear of your own actions. You know you just can't talk about it because you're afraid of the actions, not because she isn't fond of you.

Don't hope for her to miss you like a sad puppy left on a lonely road. Achieve what you feel you should deserve.

VERY VERY VERBOSE, but I think it makes my point intensely sharp. No, wait. It's not verbose, it's awesome. READ IT

[dmillerw]

Been going out with my current girlfriend for about two and a half months now. Can honestly said I'm glad things went the way they did, but I've got a few questions.

Sometimes, when I actually stop and think about it all, this little voice will in my head, saying I love her. Now, I know I don't. I know two and a half months is too short a.time for that, so my only guess is it's at some stage of.infatuation.

Is this a bad thing exactly? As long as I know and recognize it for what it is, and don't do or say anything stupid? This is a girl I honestly like, and a relationship I'd honestly like to keep alive. That being said its not like I worship her, or some idiotic thing like that. I recognize her faults, and simply like her, and her company in my life.

[JenkinsJ]

[QUOTE=Seith;34165824]Firstly, it's a good thing you're actually trying to think.

Secondly, I never give advice in a "cheery" fashion. I shoot the arrow where it's needed - where it hurts. So obviously, it wasn't making you feel any better.

Now, as for addressing the rest of the content;

Wanting to be happy is a choice. I gave you options that will eventually make you happy. You sound so afraid of the consequences that you just rant about might happen and how you feel about it rather than doing. Moving is living my friend. It's either you take control of your posts, or leave them open and to be conquered eventually.

Naturally, I understand that most people prefer that elephant to walk peacefully in a room full of china. Naturally, I also understand that people tend to choose their "safe zones" rather than actually stepping out and going face first against a concrete wall.

What I don't understand, is how come naturally people have all these feelings boiling up inside of them and choose not to exert them. You ASSUME a person who wants to leave the country for six months and has exams wouldn't like to listen to YOUR feelings. Look at this, all assuming. How about you assume this ? - she spent dinner unexpectedly, meaning, against your assumptions, at your place. How about you assume she actually likes you and would actually like to hear those feelings? Again, this sounds like fear rather than rational thinking.

"I know that wouldn't work". I have the same tendency myself - keep assuming things. I assume, people wouldn't want to do specific stuff. I assumed yesterday I wouldn't be able to get what I wanted but I tried even though my "reasoning" told me otherwise, and what do you know, I got what I WANTED. WANTING, is a very strong word. Use it. Utilize it's power.

That's what smarter you would prefer you do as a defensive mechanism against failure. Agree with me, this is not an educated guess, but more an educated fear of your own actions. You know you just can't talk about it because you're afraid of the actions, not because she isn't fond of you.

Don't hope for her to miss you like a sad puppy left on a lonely road. Achieve what you feel you should deserve.

VERY VERY VERBOSE, but I think it makes my point intensely sharp. No, wait. It's not verbose, it's awesome. READ IT[/QUOTE]

I hate to say it but you're exactly right. I still feel like shit though, I don't want to say anything because I don't want the answer to be something I don't want to hear - I mean what if I'm wrong? I'm sad enough as it is. I mean like really. I just want to go to bed and want it all to go away. I think if I was honest with myself I'd say I don't have the courage to bring it up with her, I really just don't. It seems like a desperate measure and desperate measures tend to have bad consequences. Why should I put myself through that when (and I'm not being facetious) I could just get horrifically drunk, pass out in bed and tell myself in the morning that I don't care anyway.

[Seith]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;34165836]Been going out with my current girlfriend for about two and a half months now. Can honestly said I'm glad things went the way they did, but I've got a few questions.

Sometimes, when I actually stop and think about it all, this little voice will in my head, saying I love her. Now, I know I don't. I know two and a half months is too short a.time for that, so my only guess is it's at some stage of.infatuation.

Is this a bad thing exactly? As long as I know and recognize it for what it is, and don't do or say anything stupid? This is a girl I honestly like, and a relationship I'd honestly like to keep alive. That being said its not like I worship her, or some idiotic thing like that. I recognize her faults, and simply like her, and her company in my life.[/QUOTE]

Very familiar with what you're saying. You are also right about the "i love her" part.

I got two things to say here;

1. Corny as it is, people forget what it is life is all about. It's about what you want to have. Satisfying yourself and not others is something people neglect. If it's something you want, truly want, have it. No one should stop you. I'd say, breathe and keep it for yourself for now. It can scare a girl off, but if you really feel the need to get approval from her about you guys being "tight"... that's weird. You're in a relationship, why would you look for this? think about it.

2. Infatuation is what happens to people who are introduced to something new and exciting. You were introduced to a lovely relationship, you really want to keep the situation as it is. Breathe, again and think about why you love her? sorry, why do you feel the need to say it? is it her personality, or maybe is it her giving you sex which might be (correct me) something new in your life (old experience brought to life, or completely new) Maybe after realizing what is it you love about her, what makes you love her so quickly, you'll be able to answer any other question or feelings crawling inside of you.

[Mort and Charon]

I'm in a very similar frame of mind. Been 4 months now, and I honestly thought the whole infatuation/honeymoon thing would have died down even a little bit by now but it just hasn't.

I honestly think we're getting closer and closer all the time and the relationship is moving forward all the time. We both really want this to last and be serious, and we're currently planning to go away for a long weekend in the summer if parents and wallets allow it.

We kind of had this whole love conversation the other day as well... we both agreed that we're not sure yet and only time will tell, but if we're going to say it we will actually mean it.

It seems the longer we are together the more I like her, and yes I see her faults, but we don't have any major differences and I can't see any trait in her that would threaten our relationship; despite her faults she is a lovely genuine person.

[Seith]

[QUOTE=JenkinsJ;34165936]I hate to say it but you're exactly right. I still feel like shit though, I don't want to say anything because I don't want the answer to be something I don't want to hear - I mean what if I'm wrong? I'm sad enough as it is. I mean like really. I just want to go to bed and want it all to go away. I think if I was honest with myself I'd say I don't have the courage to bring it up with her, I really just don't. It seems like a desperate measure and desperate measures tend to have bad consequences. Why should I put myself through that when (and I'm not being facetious) I could just get horrifically drunk, pass out in bed and tell myself in the morning that I don't care anyway.[/QUOTE]

Even though this is the internet, you should have much respect for yourself right now as most people are unable to honestly answer as you just did.

That's advanced. Being able to be honest is being able to progress and make amend with your inner self. You can correct this.

I really like your honesty, so let me tell you a story about my old-self. Not so long ago, I was horrified. I was having sex with this chick after a long time I have felt the need to have it with her. I got her, using my own abilities and battles with my self. I got what I wanted and after that, naturally, I wanted to keep it at bay. Have it for as long as I've wanted, so I, got infatuated. I was eating myself, tell her? not tell her? I know, because I am pretty knowledgeable with the women (as you've probably heard) that if I tell her I am going to fuck up. I am going to make it down hill faster than I have wanted. I told her, in my own special way. Nevermind whose fault it is, the fact is, I lost her. I have felt loss a lot of times, but the real point here I followed what I felt right. Fuck her man, I got tons of women. You have them too, you just don't know it. Realize, a man of your stature will have eventually many more women in his life and you should only look at her as a mere experience - for better or worse - love or loss of love.

Now go ahead, tell her. Be dominant and blunt about it. You don't care whether she tells you to fuck off or not.

[dmillerw]

[QUOTE=Seith;34166001]Very familiar with what you're saying. You are also right about the "i love her" part.

I got two things to say here;

1. Corny as it is, people forget what it is life is all about. It's about what you want to have. Satisfying yourself and not others is something people neglect. If it's something you want, truly want, have it. No one should stop you. I'd say, breathe and keep it for yourself for now. It can scare a girl off, but if you really feel the need to get approval from her about you guys being "tight"... that's weird. You're in a relationship, why would you look for this? think about it.

2. Infatuation is what happens to people who are introduced to something new and exciting. You were introduced to a lovely relationship, you really want to keep the situation as it is. Breathe, again and think about why you love her? sorry, why do you feel the need to say it? is it her personality, or maybe is it her giving you sex which might be (correct me) something new in your life (old experience brought to life, or completely new) Maybe after realizing what is it you love about her, what makes you love her so quickly, you'll be able to answer any other question or feelings crawling inside of you.[/QUOTE]

I honestly don't know why it keeps popping in my head. I find it strange that while I know that it actually being that is extremely doubtful, I can't seems to stop thinking of it as an option. Granted, this is only my second relationship, so I suppose part of me could still be all confused.

One thing I can day for certain is WHY I like her. She just brings entertainment to my otherwise boring life, and we share plenty of interests. Which is rare for me. We haven't gotten to sex part yet. Nowhere close.

For now, I'm tempted to just ignore whatever this is. I'd rather not mess.something up, and on the off chance that I do legitimately love her by now, that's not going to change just by not voicing it.

[JenkinsJ]

[QUOTE=Seith;34166121]Even though this is the internet, you should have much respect for yourself right now as most people are unable to honestly answer as you just did.

That's advanced. Being able to be honest is being able to progress and make amend with your inner self. You can correct this.

I really like your honesty, so let me tell you a story about my old-self. Not so long ago, I was horrified. I was having sex with this chick after a long time I have felt the need to have it with her. I got her, using my own abilities and battles with my self. I got what I wanted and after that, naturally, I wanted to keep it at bay. Have it for as long as I've wanted, so I, got infatuated. I was eating myself, tell her? not tell her? I know, because I am pretty knowledgeable with the women (as you've probably heard) that if I tell her I am going to fuck up. I am going to make it down hill faster than I have wanted. I told her, in my own special way. Nevermind whose fault it is, the fact is, I lost her. I have felt loss a lot of times, but the real point here I followed what I felt right. Fuck her man, I got tons of women. You have them too, you just don't know it. Realize, a man of your stature will have eventually many more women in his life and you should only look at her as a mere experience - for better or worse - love or loss of love.

Now go ahead, tell her. Be dominant and blunt about it. You don't care whether she tells you to fuck off or not.[/QUOTE]

But I do care, that's the problem, I know I can get other girls. I don't want her to be a mere experience, I just want her. I know that won't happen because she's going to Australia, but I just want to know she'll miss me too. Which I know sounds sobby and wah wah, but if I'm not going to be honest about it then I'm not going to get the correct advice am I.

I sort of want to bring it up, but how? She doesn't know what I'm thinking, so it'll be really out of context, and she'll feel weird cos of that. I mean do I just say 'I'm really gonna miss you when you go, yknow", I can just imagine her saying "lol tom, I'm gonna miss you too" and that would be it, there'd be no conversation because lately we've been just having small talk. We were supposed to meet tomorrow to go this jazz club, and this mutual friend of ours who was driving us (it's quite far away, and we're at uni - no cars) pulled out so we couldn't go, I was assuming that would be the last time I'd see her but it might turn out to have been when she came over for dinner, which [i]annoys[/i] me because. Ah fuck it. I can't be bothered thinking about it enough to type it.

I mean, when she came over for dinner she was saying like 'Oh you'll have to come over and let me cook for you before I go to oz' and saying that we should send each other letters to stay in contact. I think we had enough wine in each of us to talk about it, we just don't anymore, we just make small talk.

Bah. Rant over. I definitely can't start talking to her about it now I'm a wee bit sad and drunk.

[Seith]

[QUOTE=dmillerw;34166326]I honestly don't know why it keeps popping in my head. I find it strange that while I know that it actually being that is extremely doubtful, I can't seems to stop thinking of it as an option. Granted, this is only my second relationship, so I suppose part of me could still be all confused.

One thing I can day for certain is WHY I like her. She just brings entertainment to my otherwise boring life, and we share plenty of interests. Which is rare for me. We haven't gotten to sex part yet. Nowhere close.

For now, I'm tempted to just ignore whatever this is. I'd rather not mess.something up, and on the off chance that I do legitimately love her by now, that's not going to change just by not voicing it.[/QUOTE]

Ignore it, but don't deny those feelings. As I've said, think about it. Why is it you feel that urge? think about her, about you, about the two of you together. I think you have the answers in your head.

Utilize the reasons behind those superficial "mushy mushy" feelings to understand your actions and by thus creating better control and even a better relationship. Sorry, not even, A BETTER RELATIONSHIP PERIOD.

[editline]11th January 2012[/editline]

[QUOTE=JenkinsJ;34166375]But I do care, that's the problem, I know I can get other girls. I don't want her to be a mere experience, I just want her. I know that won't happen because she's going to Australia, but I just want to know she'll miss me too. Which I know sounds sobby and wah wah, but if I'm not going to be honest about it then I'm not going to get the correct advice am I.

I sort of want to bring it up, but how? She doesn't know what I'm thinking, so it'll be really out of context, and she'll feel weird cos of that. I mean do I just say 'I'm really gonna miss you when you go, yknow", I can just imagine her saying "lol tom, I'm gonna miss you too" and that would be it, there'd be no conversation because lately we've been just having small talk. We were supposed to meet tomorrow to go this jazz club, and this mutual friend of ours who was driving us (it's quite far away, and we're at uni - no cars) pulled out so we couldn't go, I was assuming that would be the last time I'd see her but it might turn out to have been when she came over for dinner, which [i]annoys[/i] me because. Ah fuck it. I can't be bothered thinking about it enough to type it.

I mean, when she came over for dinner she was saying like 'Oh you'll have to come over and let me cook for you before I go to oz' and saying that we should send each other letters to stay in contact. I think we had enough wine in each of us to talk about it, we just don't anymore, we just make small talk.

Bah. Rant over. I definitely can't start talking to her about it now I'm a wee bit sad and drunk.[/QUOTE]

Being able to be honest with yourself will get you far more information and answers than you realize. It's, as I've said above, will basically help you distinguish between emotions and reasons and will also help you utilize this power to make better choices.

That didn't sound like small talk that dinner. I would assume she likes you more than you think actually.

I could give you a boatload of information right now on how to approach women, but that would actually confuse you at your current level and would hinder your progress with her.

Think about it this way; she's going for 6 months, you're long gone. She can't see you, do you think that if you don't say anything she'll stay available to you? women tend to piss off pretty quickly. Think about it even more - are you going to ask her out after she comes back? either way, I see this as a lose-lose situation if you don't ask her out. A mexican stand off if you will. You must choose.

[Turnips5]

[QUOTE=Mort and Charon;34166030]I'm in a very similar frame of mind. Been 4 months now, and I honestly thought the whole infatuation/honeymoon thing would have died down even a little bit by now but it just hasn't.

I honestly think we're getting closer and closer all the time and the relationship is moving forward all the time. We both really want this to last and be serious, and we're currently planning to go away for a long weekend in the summer if parents and wallets allow it.

We kind of had this whole love conversation the other day as well... we both agreed that we're not sure yet and only time will tell, but if we're going to say it we will actually mean it.

It seems the longer we are together the more I like her, and yes I see her faults, but we don't have any major differences and I can't see any trait in her that would threaten our relationship; despite her faults she is a lovely genuine person.[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how I feel at the moment (3.5 months now).

The thing that really singled out this girl was that I wasn't initially tripping over myself to speak to her. The whole thing was really laid back; as time went on we just got to know each other better and found that we liked each other a whole lot.

I only hope that both you and I can keep our relationships this way for as long as possible.

[editline]11th January 2012[/editline]

At no point did I feel infatuated, is what I'm trying to say. It really hammered home the fact that love is nothing [I]really [/I]to do with infatuation.

[Mort and Charon]

[QUOTE=Turnips5;34166625]This is exactly how I feel at the moment (3.5 months now).

The thing that really singled out this girl was that I wasn't initially tripping over myself to speak to her. The whole thing was really laid back; as time went on we just got to know each other better and found that we liked each other a whole lot.

I only hope that both you and I can keep our relationships this way for as long as possible.

[editline]11th January 2012[/editline]

At no point did I feel infatuated, is what I'm trying to say. It really hammered home the fact that love is nothing [I]really [/I]to do with infatuation.[/QUOTE]
Good luck to you too. We started off as friends and hit it off at the beginning; I've always felt relaxed around her, and like you, wasn't tripping over myself.

When I first met her really didn't have any female acquaintances (blame all boys grammar school), so to be honest, I was sceptical of my own feelings, and that i was latching on to my only option. But now I do know a lot more girls, looking at them compared to my girlfriend, I haven't met a girl I'd rather be with.

And yeah I'm not 100% sure what this feeling is. We do get "mushy mushy" as Seith calls it but it's not like I don't feel like there is a reason behind it. We text each other all the time because well, we like talking to each other.

I honestly hope we have each other, either as friends or partners, for a long time, I know we genuinely care about each other and there's not been one problem in our relationship that has been caused by us or having differences.

[dmillerw]

Definitely appreciated the advice Seith.

Now, another question, since I just read about it on the other thread. The whole "honeymoon phase" thing.

According to that, the whole not really seeing yourself with someone else, and hanging out/talking every day is just a phase. But what if that actually makes sense in your case? For example, I couldn't really see myself with someone else, because so far, she's the only person I've met who I share so many interests with, and the only person who I would really consider, if there WERE other options.

Secondly, the whole talking and hanging out a lot... what if both of you have shitty home lives, and are really the only sources of entertainment and escape to the other person?

Probably a stupid question, but just came to mind...

[JenkinsJ]

Eurgh. So I said to this girl I would miss her and she said 'lol tom XD' (this was over the internet) and ignored the subject. Maybe I've just got to admit she isn't into me anymore.

[Mon]

so
i think i've met the biggest stunner i've ever seen before, and for once in my life, i am honestly scared shitless of talking to / approaching her
how does one maneuver through these waters

[editline]11th January 2012[/editline]

by the way i just want to drop in and say this is probably the most quality thread on this site

[Flak]

[QUOTE=Mort and Charon;34166030]I'm in a very similar frame of mind. Been 4 months now, and I honestly thought the whole infatuation/honeymoon thing would have died down even a little bit by now but it just hasn't.

I honestly think we're getting closer and closer all the time and the relationship is moving forward all the time. We both really want this to last and be serious, and we're currently planning to go away for a long weekend in the summer if parents and wallets allow it.

We kind of had this whole love conversation the other day as well... we both agreed that we're not sure yet and only time will tell, but if we're going to say it we will actually mean it.

It seems the longer we are together the more I like her, and yes I see her faults, but we don't have any major differences and I can't see any trait in her that would threaten our relationship; despite her faults she is a lovely genuine person.[/QUOTE]
Feels longer than it has been, I imagine? That happens because of how much time you spend together. Don't jump the gun too soon, 4 months isn't enough. Not that I'm not happy for you, just want you (and others here) to understand that these things take time.

[junker|154]

I am really happy with my life and glad that I achieved all the stuff that I wanted to. But today is one of these days where I feel kind of useless, sometimes I can be really influenced by other people.

But I guess it has to do with my breakup, still can't cope with it that good as I always wanted. Still after all these months.

[E Quantifier]

If a girl is on good terms with me, might she take light antagonism as affection?
(My relationship towards her is odd, I'll elaborate if asked.)

[Turnips5]

[QUOTE=Cows Rule;34169234]If a girl is on good terms with me, might she take light antagonism as affection?
(My relationship towards her is odd, I'll elaborate if asked.)[/QUOTE]

if you have to ask that question, my answer would be maybe not

it all depends on how you've acted previously. if you're not naturally one to joke (which, y'know, you SHOULD be) then it'll come off as strange

[JenkinsJ]

I feel a little better about my situation now with time to reflect. Smoking a J and listening to Iron & Wine. I suppose it ain't all that bad. Disappointment is what it is and I may as well just start enjoying my own company for my own company.

[kijji]

I feel like a total dumbass for saying that I feel a little (meaning a lot) jealous when people here say they got a girl and when I see couples in school.

Makes me feel even more inadequate.

[JenkinsJ]

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34169634]I feel like a total dumbass for saying that I feel a little (meaning a lot) jealous when people here say they got a girl and when I see couples in school.

Makes me feel even more inadequate.[/QUOTE]

That's okay, you're allowed to feel jealous. Just because something's seen as a vice (like jealousy) doesn't mean it isn't perfectly normal to feel it. Hell we all get jealous when other people have something we want right? So don't let it get to you, and don't feel like you have to use it as a spur to try harder (like when people say "Well if you're jealous, make it a reason to try even harder" I think that's bullshit, it just makes me more annoyed if I fail), just acknowledge it and carry on.

[Turnips5]

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34169634]I feel like a total dumbass for saying that I feel a little (meaning a lot) jealous when people here say they got a girl and when I see couples in school.

Makes me feel even more inadequate.[/QUOTE]

a lot of us were there once

it's a fairly standard thing, really.

[junker|154]

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34169634]I feel like a total dumbass for saying that I feel a little (meaning a lot) jealous when people here say they got a girl and when I see couples in school.

Makes me feel even more inadequate.[/QUOTE]

Actually, it is quite normal for a person to feel in a such a way. It is called the Social Comparison Theory, people evaluate attributes by comparing themselves to others. This tendancy to use social comparsion is especially in situations of uncertainty in which it is difficult to assess our ability in an objective way. Sometimes it really hurts your self-esteem.

A study has shown that if people see pictures of highly attractive persons, they actually feel worse about their current partner and relation with them. It is natural. This experiment has been tested in 1999 by Guetierres, Kenrick & Partch.

It happens to me sometimes even though I am aware of it.

[kijji]

I think people encourage me to get a girl just because I'm jealous of someone else. I like the encouragement but I'm just not putting myself out there. What the hell.

Remember that girl I asked out recently? A "friend" wants me to hit it and quit it. He doesn't know what "that isn't against my morals" means.

[JenkinsJ]

[QUOTE=junker|154;34169771]Actually, it is quite normal for a person to feel in a such a way. It is called the Social Comparison Theory, people evaluate attributes by comparing themselves to others. This tendancy to use social comparsion is especially in situations of uncertainty in which it is difficult to assess our ability in an objective way. Sometimes it really hurts your self-esteem.

A study has shown that if people see pictures of highly attractive persons, they actually feel worse about their current partner and relation with them. It is natural. This experiment has been tested in 1999 by Guetierres, Kenrick & Partch.

It happens to me sometimes even though I am aware of it.[/QUOTE]

I used to study Psychology at university, I miss being able to quote studies! I stopped doing that to do Biology & Computer Science, I might buy myself some psychology books to nerd up on it now, your post has inspired me to!

[junker|154]

Get the Social Psychology book of Catherine A. Sanderson. That book is genius and offers a lot of smart and witty knowledge about people. I really like it a lot. Even if you do not study it, reading it really helps you understand people.

[JenkinsJ]

[QUOTE=junker|154;34169870]Get the Social Psychology book of Catherine A. Sanderson. That book is genius and offers a lot of smart and witty knowledge about people. I really like it a lot. Even if you do not study it, reading it really helps you understand people.[/QUOTE]

Thanks man! Does it cite a lot of studies or does it just tell me stuff? I want want that cites studies I can look up.

[junker|154]

I give you a small review.

The book is written in a great way, not to complex but still it explains everything very well. All the theories are well explained and then backed up with studies, also providing names and dates about those. Besides there are also a lot of side information about general stuff in life, not only focused on the pure information. A lot of theories and results from studies are explained with comprehensible examples and situations.

All in all it is a great book, but a bit expensive. But I have to buy it anyway for my studies.

[Mr.Dounut]

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34169798]I think people encourage me to get a girl just because I'm jealous of someone else. I like the encouragement but I'm just not putting myself out there. What the hell.

Remember that girl I asked out recently? A "friend" wants me to hit it and quit it. He doesn't know what "that isn't against my morals" means.[/QUOTE]

you sound like the text-book nice guy that's fairly socially awkward.

you need to hit a gym and a few parties man