The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v2 - General

I have nowhere else to turn to anonymous strangers help There's a girl I know. I thought we've been doing... pretty good? I've known her for about a year, sheepishly asked her once if she wanted to spend some time together over summer... And I don't know if it was mis-interpreted or something. We've gone to a couple movies together, and I've been to her house countless times to just, chill or whatever I've been doing this for nearly a year and I feel like nothing's happening. I don't know. She can't be clueless, you'd pretty much have to be retarded to not read my intentions here... I don't know. She always acts a little odd around me. Always doing the hair twiddling, talks at around 80 MPH, always greets me with this cheeky "hello" whenever she sees me, big smile, big wave... Is this the dreaded friendzone? If so, it's shit and I rather hate it. I want to know how to exit.... "this".

have you tried actually making a move on her?

[QUOTE=Mr.Dounut;34170619]you sound like the text-book nice guy that's fairly socially awkward. you need to hit a gym and a few parties man[/QUOTE] I used to be like that. Then I read this thread :v: [editline]12th January 2012[/editline] I feel like coming outta the closet was a huge mistake. seriously. It's not like people here are homophobic at all or anything, hell I live in a very liberal part of NY, but it's just my close group of friends... Ever since I told them last spring I feel as though their seeing me as a different person. They're still being good friends and all, fuck we're a close knit group if I've ever seen one, but it just seems like those strings got a bit loose. I dunno. I can't put it into words, it just feels..... Off.

hm OK so this girl I've known for a few months was being kind of flirty over the last few weeks. i really just got the vibe that she wanted my dick and all so I asked her for her number a few days back. she has barely texted me and her demeanor in person has not changed. its like she wants to avoid me but still follows me around and talks to me and continues to give fucking obvious signs biches be crazy

[QUOTE=Zinayzen;34161171]fine arts college = everyone is crazy.[/QUOTE] she's probably also a super-freak you should go for it

[QUOTE=thisispain;34173077]she's probably also a super-freak you should go for it[/QUOTE] I knew a girl from art college, she liked golden showers. They're freaks, total freaks.

[QUOTE=Cl0cK;34173099]I knew a girl from art college, she liked golden showers. [/QUOTE] :pwn:

[QUOTE=FlakAttack;34168083]Feels longer than it has been, I imagine? That happens because of how much time you spend together. Don't jump the gun too soon, 4 months isn't enough. Not that I'm not happy for you, just want you (and others here) to understand that these things take time.[/QUOTE] I know it takes time, I think it'd be another good 3/4 months before I get more sure of my feelings and sure that this is going to work in the long term. Yes it does seem much longer than it has been, but that can't really have been because of spending lots of time together; when we are at sixth form its once a week or less we get to see each other, and even then it might only be for 3/4 hours. In the holidays obviously its better, but at the moment we both wish we had a lot more time together, and more time alone. But things should be getting better in that respect over the next few months.

That feel when you ask your girlfriend if she would rather go to winter formal or a LAN party in formal attire, and she replies "LAN party!" Yes, we're actually doing the thing from the xkcd comic. (only it's winter formal instead of prom but both of them are really big at my school). We've already planned out the entire party and one of my friends is going all out on the classiness factor, he's already purchased a top hat and a monocle.

[QUOTE=robmaister12;34173455]he's already purchased a top hat and a monocle.[/QUOTE] burn him

[QUOTE=thisispain;34173467]burn him[/QUOTE] They're not that expensive and it's not meant to be taken seriously. [editline]12th January 2012[/editline] I wouldn't go so far as to call it a joke, but it's supposed to be funny instead of serious. Some stuff just doesn't translate that well over the internet...

he must be purified by the flame.

[QUOTE=thisispain;34173716]he must be purified by the flame.[/QUOTE] Yes, master. I must go now to fulfill my destiny.

[QUOTE=dmillerw;34167312]Definitely appreciated the advice Seith. Now, another question, since I just read about it on the other thread. The whole "honeymoon phase" thing. According to that, the whole not really seeing yourself with someone else, and hanging out/talking every day is just a phase. But what if that actually makes sense in your case? For example, I couldn't really see myself with someone else, because so far, she's the only person I've met who I share so many interests with, and the only person who I would really consider, if there WERE other options. Secondly, the whole talking and hanging out a lot... what if both of you have shitty home lives, and are really the only sources of entertainment and escape to the other person? Probably a stupid question, but just came to mind...[/QUOTE] Not stupid. It's the fact you think, sorry, currently you think she's the only girl for you because you have nobody else. If you WERE TO HAVE other options, maybe this situation would have looked differently. Currently, enjoy the situation and stop thinking about it. Let the cards fall as they may. [editline]12th January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=JenkinsJ;34167426]Eurgh. So I said to this girl I would miss her and she said 'lol tom XD' (this was over the internet) and ignored the subject. Maybe I've just got to admit she isn't into me anymore.[/QUOTE] She probably did not take it seriously as it was over the internet and obviously very vague. I wouldn't take it seriously if I were her as well. You assume it's a lost cause even before you begin asking her. Change that. The way to change it is to fully commit aka going up to her and telling her. As I've said earlier, it's a lose-lose situation if you don't. Half-ass internet statements won't do. [editline]12th January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Mon;34167937]so i think i've met the biggest stunner i've ever seen before, and for once in my life, i am honestly scared shitless of talking to / approaching her how does one maneuver through these waters [editline]11th January 2012[/editline] by the way i just want to drop in and say this is probably the most quality thread on this site[/QUOTE] Simplest solution? Simple pick videos.

[QUOTE=Seith;34174089] Simplest solution? Simple pick videos.[/QUOTE] that's not a solution at all.

[QUOTE=thisispain;34174196]that's not a solution at all.[/QUOTE] For him it is. He's having trouble approaching a woman and talking to her because she's stunning....

[QUOTE=Mr.Dounut;34170619]you sound like the text-book nice guy that's fairly socially awkward. you need to hit a gym and a few parties man[/QUOTE] Everyone tells me I'm too nice. Is there something wrong with that?

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34174558]Everyone tells me I'm too nice. Is there something wrong with that?[/QUOTE] depends on how tells you that.

being nice = good being a pushover = bad

And what constitutes someone being a pushover?

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34174643]And what constitutes someone being a pushover?[/QUOTE] Ask yourself.

being a pushover is not standing your ground and letting people (essentially) boss you about, though it might not quite feel that way example 1 (and i am rubbish at coming up with these), you're discussing TV programs with your friend, and your friend claims that show A is *soo* much better than show B. but you love show B, and you think it's far better than show A. you can respond in (roughly) 3 ways: "shut the fuck up, you must be a fucking idiot if you think A is better!!" - being a dick "really? i can't stand A, but i love watching B. each to his own i guess!" - being nice, but holding your ground "no no, you're completely right, A is much better. i can't believe i didn't realise this before." - being a pushover that's an awful example, but like i said, i am not too good at coming up with them. i hope you see what i mean! [editline]12th January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Seith;34174705]Ask yourself.[/QUOTE] how does that help??

When I'm talking to anyone besides a "friend", I would respond with the second option. Talking to this "friend", who is a douchebag, I use the first option. I can't be reasonable with a douchebag.

so long as people are seeing you as nice, and not a pushover, then i don't think you have anything to worry about sure, the "alpha" males may seem to get more attention than the nice guys, but contrary to popular belief, nice guys do not finish last. but saying that, there is a difference between being a nice guy, and being a clingy, annoyingly nice, pushover boy/friend, and those are definitely negative attributes.

They seem negative, especially because I knew somebody who had a clingy girlfriend. It did not end well. I think Dounut meant by nice is that I have morals to not lose my virginity to a whore; it sounds kind of dumb to any average high school kid but I feel doing that would be taking advantage of a girl. My opinion.

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34174822]They seem negative, especially because I knew somebody who had a clingy girlfriend. It did not end well. I think Dounut meant by nice is that I have morals to not lose my virginity to a whore; it sounds kind of dumb to any average high school kid but I feel doing that would be taking advantage of a girl. My opinion.[/QUOTE] There's nothing wrong with being nice as long as you don't let it stop you from looking out for your own interests every once in a while. And you have to make sure you're one of them people that chooses to be nice because that's how you think people [I]should[/I] be and not nice just because you don't know how to be nasty. Lemme give you an example. There's loads of guys I know who will talk to a girl all the time, being all nice, saying they like her interests and stuff, being a bit of a pushover like how Autumn described and things like that. These will be the kind of guys that will jump to a certain girls aid every time she's got a bit of a problem. And then they get all upset when she doesn't go out with them, even though they were 'so nice!'. Then these guys almost invariably say something along the lines of 'girls don't go for nice guys!', which is bullshit. Girls don't go for THOSE guys. And with good reason, they're fucking snakes, and nearly all of them don't have a story to tell or an interesting thing to talk about. They're usually sanctimonious and disguise the fact they're jealous of what you can get by saying 'Well I don't fuck WHORES anyway!', and then they'll go and meditate or something, because they're so much better than you. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who's obviously trying to impress you? Those of you who have will know what it's like to be the other side of this, it's weird and awkward. So yeah just don't be one of them, there's nothing wrong with being nice though.

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34174822]They seem negative, especially because I knew somebody who had a clingy girlfriend. It did not end well. I think Dounut meant by nice is that I have morals to not lose my virginity to a whore; it sounds kind of dumb to any average high school kid but I feel doing that would be taking advantage of a girl. My opinion.[/QUOTE] no i just think you're over analyzing the situation because I USED TO THINK like you, I used to be nerdy barely be able to ask out a girl now i'm almost drowning in pussy, and it's all because I manned up a little, if you took my advice word for word you'd have a girlfriend (not a whore) that you could easily lose your virginity too.

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34174822]whore[/QUOTE] protip stop using this word

[QUOTE=CommanderMayhem;34171815]I have nowhere else to turn to anonymous strangers help There's a girl I know. I thought we've been doing... pretty good? I've known her for about a year, sheepishly asked her once if she wanted to spend some time together over summer... And I don't know if it was mis-interpreted or something. We've gone to a couple movies together, and I've been to her house countless times to just, chill or whatever I've been doing this for nearly a year and I feel like nothing's happening. I don't know. She can't be clueless, you'd pretty much have to be retarded to not read my intentions here... I don't know. She always acts a little odd around me. Always doing the hair twiddling, talks at around 80 MPH, always greets me with this cheeky "hello" whenever she sees me, big smile, big wave... Is this the dreaded friendzone? If so, it's shit and I rather hate it. I want to know how to exit.... "this".[/QUOTE] 1st - Relax. That's the first thing to do. 2nd - Yes, you can easily get out of the dreaded friend zone abyss! I actually managed that with my ex. We've been that kind of friends for 6 years and then one day it happened. True thing is relationships don't just come down on you out of thin air. You have to work for it otherwise you'll lose all control over the situation and you'll be the "always there for her" guy for the rest of your life. Change strategy (without changing your personality, of course). All it takes is for you to stop being always available to an interesting guy who has his own lilfe but likes the girl enough to ask her out. 1st thing you have to do is keep your "dates" short for a while. and by dates I mean just going out for coffee and such with her. (barely a date yet). Ask her "hey, do you want to go out for coffee? on Tuesday?" things like that. Simple things. Make it last at least one hour or so and always be the one to politely finish this "date" with something like "Hey, it's been great, but I've been very busy with/I gotta that" that kind of thing. Yeah, this looks a little manipulating, I know. It's not. It's actually an exercise to help you control yourself around her and avoid being that friend zone guy that always stays as long as she wants who always listens to her vent who always gets the front seat to watch her moving on while you just sit there waiting for a chance. A chance she'll never notice and you'll never have with that attitude. So, now you shouldn't end the dates with "we should meet again on Xday". Just leave with "ok, this was nice/nice being with you today). That will create a sort of mystic around you. You actually have control now instead, and one step away from lingering in the insecure zone of uncertainty, of depending on her next move and her. Ok, now you've been going out for a cup of coffee for a while (a week or so, take your time people don't just run away). That's good, but you don't want to keep at that phase nor want it to become a routine. So it's time to take the next step: Focus on fun! If there's a Carnival at your town, go there with her, even if that means bringing some of your friends with you on the first days. Having fun and having intense moments with each other it's what bonds us together. Ask her for a walk in the park, a bicycle ride together, you name it. The important thing is fun and that you want to have fun with her and actually make her happy. Now you may want to show some subtle romantic moves like for example You're in a Carnival fair and you win this stuffed teddy bear. It would be a good move to offer her that. You see? You'll know what to do, trust me. Ok, now she will want to go out with you to. It's also important that you give her some space. Specially space to remember you and ask you out too. We wouldn't want to spoil things with you smothering her with everyday fun fun fun! Make sure you do it without depending on her, you don't want to become a party animal in the process, right? Ok, now it's time to make a move. Next time you are with her, you can make a simple test to see if she feels comfortable around you. For example, a good test is to pretend she has a hair or something in her cheek and gently taking it off with your finger. If she feels uncomfortable with that. It's a bad sign. (don't confuse uncomfortable with embarrassed though). Ok, now if everything goes as planned, her heart will see you as a very special person, she will be more receptive to see you as more than a friend. Don't worry if in the process you hear something like "you're like a brother to me" because that is by far being in the friend zone. I can tell you this, I've had relationships with some girls who have told me this when I was dating them, it means nothing bad, keep going. So now at this stage it's the perfect time to ask her out for a longer date. a real date. Go do something like watching the sunset at the beach, or if you want to risk it, ask her out for dinner. Do something romantic but not cheesy. Then, if the opportunity arrives, kiss her (or she'll kiss you). There's no rocket science behind this. All it takes is for you to get out of the couch and show you really like and respect her. Make her respect you, see a role model in you. If for some reason she rejects you or you receive the big heartbreaking NO during the kiss, after all the effort you went through don't react bad, don't make a scene as pissed off as you get (trust me, I've been there too), just politely say "I'm sorry, I though... ". keep it short, she made her decision and you'll take it like a man. That's what love is all about. If she says no, just be polite, apologize and then leave politely. You wouldn't want to linger there with her with all the awkwardness. She will probably speak to you again if that happens and you'll probably talk about it, no big deal. This is also the best way to keep the respect she has for you without further ruining the chances you have with her. Either way, good luck to you, Sir. And thing, people are not that black and white. You'll find out that people can be very flexible soon enough.

Thought this was relevant to the thread. [img]http://i.imgur.com/NM1Jf.jpg[/img]