The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v2

[Turnips5]

[QUOTE=Occlusion;34176542]nice guy comic[/QUOTE]

see it's funny, when I was a "nice guy" I only subscribed to about 2 or 3 of those panels (spineless wimp, no self esteem, sacrificing desires (?))

I just wanted

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KI7XXX8j_Sg[/media]

ya know? I never hated girls, I just hated myself. So maybe I wasn't a "nice guy" in that sense, who can say.

another thing is that I'm still a nice guy, even though I'm not a "nice guy". being unassuming and polite is underrated! you don't have to be a douchebag to get your point across (even though I am sometimes a cunt online), it's rare that I have a permanent falling out with someone in real life. reconciliation almost always feels better in the long term than revenge.

[editline]12th January 2012[/editline]

i forget the point i was trying to make here

[Behemoth_PT]

Or this:
[video=youtube;JPK-z_CgtAo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPK-z_CgtAo[/video]

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=Mr.Dounut;34175254]
now i'm almost drowning in pussy[/QUOTE]

oh no! everyone this man needs help! he's drowning does anyone know CPR!!?

[CommanderMayhem]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;34176097]1st - Relax. That's the first thing to do.
2nd - Yes, you can easily get out of the dreaded friend zone abyss!

I actually managed that with my ex. We've been that kind of friends for 6 years and then one day it happened. True thing is relationships don't just come down on you out of thin air.
You have to work for it otherwise you'll lose all control over the situation and you'll be the "always there for her" guy for the rest of your life.

Change strategy (without changing your personality, of course). All it takes is for you to stop being always available to an interesting guy who has his own lilfe but likes the girl enough to ask her out.

1st thing you have to do is keep your "dates" short for a while. and by dates I mean just going out for coffee and such with her. (barely a date yet). Ask her "hey, do you want to go out for coffee? on Tuesday?" things like that. Simple things. Make it last at least one hour or so and always be the one to politely finish this "date" with something like "Hey, it's been great, but I've been very busy with/I gotta that" that kind of thing.

Yeah, this looks a little manipulating, I know. It's not. It's actually an exercise to help you control yourself around her and avoid being that friend zone guy that always stays as long as she wants who always listens to her vent who always gets the front seat to watch her moving on while you just sit there waiting for a chance. A chance she'll never notice and you'll never have with that attitude.

So, now you shouldn't end the dates with "we should meet again on Xday". Just leave with "ok, this was nice/nice being with you today). That will create a sort of mystic around you. You actually have control now instead, and one step away from lingering in the insecure zone of uncertainty, of depending on her next move and her.

Ok, now you've been going out for a cup of coffee for a while (a week or so, take your time people don't just run away). That's good, but you don't want to keep at that phase nor want it to become a routine. So it's time to take the next step:

Focus on fun! If there's a Carnival at your town, go there with her, even if that means bringing some of your friends with you on the first days. Having fun and having intense moments with each other it's what bonds us together. Ask her for a walk in the park, a bicycle ride together, you name it. The important thing is fun and that you want to have fun with her and actually make her happy. Now you may want to show some subtle romantic moves like for example You're in a Carnival fair and you win this stuffed teddy bear. It would be a good move to offer her that. You see?
You'll know what to do, trust me.

Ok, now she will want to go out with you to. It's also important that you give her some space. Specially space to remember you and ask you out too. We wouldn't want to spoil things with you smothering her with everyday fun fun fun! Make sure you do it without depending on her, you don't want to become a party animal in the process, right?

Ok, now it's time to make a move. Next time you are with her, you can make a simple test to see if she feels comfortable around you. For example, a good test is to pretend she has a hair or something in her cheek and gently taking it off with your finger. If she feels uncomfortable with that. It's a bad sign. (don't confuse uncomfortable with embarrassed though).

Ok, now if everything goes as planned, her heart will see you as a very special person, she will be more receptive to see you as more than a friend. Don't worry if in the process you hear something like "you're like a brother to me" because that is by far being in the friend zone. I can tell you this, I've had relationships with some girls who have told me this when I was dating them, it means nothing bad, keep going.

So now at this stage it's the perfect time to ask her out for a longer date. a real date. Go do something like watching the sunset at the beach, or if you want to risk it, ask her out for dinner. Do something romantic but not cheesy. Then, if the opportunity arrives, kiss her (or she'll kiss you).

There's no rocket science behind this. All it takes is for you to get out of the couch and show you really like and respect her. Make her respect you, see a role model in you.

If for some reason she rejects you or you receive the big heartbreaking NO during the kiss, after all the effort you went through don't react bad, don't make a scene as pissed off as you get (trust me, I've been there too), just politely say "I'm sorry, I though... ". keep it short, she made her decision and you'll take it like a man. That's what love is all about. If she says no, just be polite, apologize and then leave politely. You wouldn't want to linger there with her with all the awkwardness. She will probably speak to you again if that happens and you'll probably talk about it, no big deal.

This is also the best way to keep the respect she has for you without further ruining the chances you have with her.

Either way, good luck to you, Sir. And thing, people are not that black and white. You'll find out that people can be very flexible soon enough.[/QUOTE]

It`s a thursday.

I shall start this weekend.

[Mort and Charon]

Just fucking ask her out....

[Pascall]

I honestly never understood why it was so hard to ask people out. I mean obviously it's just me, but if I asked someone out, I wouldn't necessarily care that much if I got rejected. Just shrug and move along.

But I guess it's just not that easy for most people.

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=Pascall;34181341]I honestly never understood why it was so hard to ask people out. I mean obviously it's just me, but if I asked someone out, I wouldn't necessarily care that much if I got rejected. Just shrug and move along.

But I guess it's just not that easy for most people.[/QUOTE]

rejection is difficult for people with low self-esteem. basically a rejection, in their mind, is an affirmation of all the things wrong with them.

[Pascall]

Yeah that makes sense. I mean I have my bits of low self-esteem, but that's usually because I'm hard on myself when I screw up. But getting rejected has never really been affiliated with me screwing up in my mind. Just always meant that me and the other person weren't compatible.

It's a weird way of thinking I guess since I haven't really met too many people who share that ideal

[TheHypnotoad]

[QUOTE=Pascall;34181341]I honestly never understood why it was so hard to ask people out. I mean obviously it's just me, but if I asked someone out, I wouldn't necessarily care that much if I got rejected. Just shrug and move along.

But I guess it's just not that easy for most people.[/QUOTE]

I think part of it is people who would get rejected and have to see them every day, in education or what have you, makes it kind of awkward. Being reminded of it rather than being able to put it to the back of the mind.

It's so much easier to just get talking to strangers in places or extended circles of friends because if it goes south you can shrug it off and cease to be reminded of it.

Not that it really gets easier when you get older, seriously I'm just having problems finding other people my age. It's like everybody ages 22-26 just disappears and then re-appears in offices.

[Astronaut491]

[QUOTE=Autumn;34174732]being a pushover is not standing your ground and letting people (essentially) boss you about, though it might not quite feel that way

example 1 (and i am rubbish at coming up with these), you're discussing TV programs with your friend, and your friend claims that show A is *soo* much better than show B. but you love show B, and you think it's far better than show A. you can respond in (roughly) 3 ways:

"shut the fuck up, you must be a fucking idiot if you think A is better!!" - being a dick
"really? i can't stand A, but i love watching B. each to his own i guess!" - being nice, but holding your ground
"no no, you're completely right, A is much better. i can't believe i didn't realise this before." - being a pushover

that's an awful example, but like i said, i am not too good at coming up with them. i hope you see what i mean!

[editline]12th January 2012[/editline]

how does that help??[/QUOTE]

That really is a bad example of being a pushover. However, it is a good example of conformity, specifically internalisation.

[Mon]

[QUOTE=Pascall;34181341]I honestly never understood why it was so hard to ask people out. I mean obviously it's just me, but if I asked someone out, I wouldn't necessarily care that much if I got rejected. Just shrug and move along.

But I guess it's just not that easy for most people.[/QUOTE]

rejection makes people feel bad about themselves, so they avoid rejection
for some people, asking people out MEANS rejection (especially if they have low self-esteem), so they just don't ask anyone out

[editline]12th January 2012[/editline]

aw jeez thanks thisispain :c

[[CWG]RustySpann]

For me I'm trying to work up the courage, I'm scared that I'll screw up something that I could have potentially had a chance at.

[CommanderMayhem]

[QUOTE=Mort and Charon;34181262]Just fucking ask her out....[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I've got nothing to lose. Why not.

I'm rejected by everybody anyway :v:

[kijji]

I'm talking to a friend-girl on Facebook. I'm better at conversations online than in real life.

Why?

[CommanderMayhem]

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34183929]I'm talking to a friend-girl on Facebook. I'm better at conversations online than in real life.

Why?[/QUOTE]

No studdering, soldier

[Mon]

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34183929]I'm talking to a friend-girl on Facebook. I'm better at conversations online than in real life.

Why?[/QUOTE]
fsdfsd what am i saying

[Spirit_Breaker]

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34183929]I'm talking to a friend-girl on Facebook. I'm better at conversations online than in real life.

Why?[/QUOTE]

Probably because there aren't any awkward pauses and it makes you feel easier when you know she's not right next to you.

[Jmir 54]

Girls give off weird signals I swear to god.

Im talking to a girl on facebook who friend-zoned me a while ago when I asked her out. I asked her out because I honostly believed she liked me. She would always text me asking for me to come over to hang out, watch movies, talk about her stress. She would always poke, punch, jump on my damn back. I could make her laugh on a whim.

And no Im not some fat, funny guy a girl keeps around for good company. Im tall, not-dark, and hansome and I'm on this college's basketball team.

SO I figured this could turn out to be a good setup. We go to the same college together, im a p. nice dude, im a hell of a lot better and less insane than her last boyfriend. And for some reason I get friendzoned.

But I didnt really mind. I wanted a damn GIRLFRIEND to get over my 2 year relationship that im still bitter about and I finally got one. but I still dont get how a girl can pass up what seems like a great setup. I honostly had so much in my favor.

Not looking for advice. I jsut wanted to ventilate

[Pascall]

Maybe because she just wants a friend and not a boyfriend?

World doesn't revolve around any one person. You have to consider their circumstances and not just how much of a catch you are.

[Cheesemonkey]

#1 rule of people, people don't act in a logical manner at all

[editline]13th January 2012[/editline]

i'm just realizing now that i just want high school to end so i can just talk to people who aren't fucking boring. i know it's a common and pretentious thing to say but i'm tired of small talking to the same people about shit that doesn't matter because they never talk about anything or know about anything and just float through life

girls are the worst at being fucking boring. especially the ones who obsess over harry potter/twilight and are for some reason accepted even though they are clearly as retarded as any other spergs but can just bathe themselves regularly

[JohnnyMo]

[QUOTE=Cheesemonkey;34188550]#1 rule of people, people don't act in a logical manner at all[/QUOTE]

Don't say that near a university economics department or people will burst into tears

[Octyl]

Was at a movie with some friends tonight... In front of us was a couple who seemed to be on a first date. They barely talked, held hands for all of 30 seconds... And at the end of the movie, he stood up first, offered his hand to her in a "here, take my hand, I'll help you through the swarm of people" way, and she stared at it.

For five seconds.

And then....

She high fived him and walked pretty far in front.

Feels bad, man.

[Seith]

[QUOTE=Octyl;34189124]Was at a movie with some friends tonight... In front of us was a couple who seemed to be on a first date. They barely talked, held hands for all of 30 seconds... And at the end of the movie, he stood up first, offered his hand to her in a "here, take my hand, I'll help you through the swarm of people" way, and she stared at it.

For five seconds.

And then....

She high fived him and walked pretty far in front.

Feels bad, man.[/QUOTE]

Niiice!

[SaWAH]

i'm posting this here because it's the only place on facepunch where you can sort of "unburden" yourself for a minute or too and i guess it does sort of affect my social life

but for a couple of months my head has been messing with me in a mean way. i'm so confused about everything and have a hard time grasping what is real and what not - it's not that i can't tell the difference deep down my mind just plays some weird trick on me
it keeps making up stuff - like false memories. it'll begin as an image in my head or a single little thought. that thought will grow and grow way out of control and in the end it's so bad that i can't say for sure that i didn't know it happened - all i know is i remember the thought developing but for all i know it could be a long lost memory coming back

i can't say to myself "i know i'm making this stuff up" all i can say is "i think i'm making this up in my head, but what if?"

anyone had something similar or something?

[Behemoth_PT]

I never understood what that friend zone illusion is all about. Isn't your girlfriend suppose to be your friend too? Yes! Love, friendship, trust, those are all connected! So one can simply get out of the so called "friend-zone" easy enough. Aren't people suppose to build up friendship before dating? At least that's what I do. A relationship without friendship is just about sex and the romance. It's devoid of meaning.

What really shocks me is the "marketing" around the word "friend-zone". The books, the questions online about it... it's just what we want to hear. The word "friend-zone" sells millions today because people were and are always insecure trying to get out of that illusion when in fact it all depends on them to take steps towards romance.

Rejection does make us feel insecure that's for sure. It sucks, it makes people feel that they just want to jump of a cliff but most of all it makes people hot-headed, insecure and needy. And that's where other people come with such terms as "friend-zone" or "getting back with your ex in 5 easy steps" to feed on people's despair. Feeding them with lies.

So basically we lie to ourselves that we're on the "friend-zone" because it represents our fear of rejection and it means we feel that there is much to lose there. So it has meaning. Life is about that, taking that right chance even if it fails. It's all about giving one step forward.

[Seith]

Friendzone is when a woman doesn't take you anything more than a friend (i.e talks, going outs, nothing sexual)

Being in the friendzone is so common because most men will encounter and are currently in a friendzone situation due to their lack of tools and confidence.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Seith;34190658]Friendzone is when a woman doesn't take you anything more than a friend (i.e talks, going outs, nothing sexual)

Being in the friendzone is so common because most men will encounter and are currently in a friendzone situation due to their lack of tools and confidence.[/QUOTE]

Lack of tools?

[Seith]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;34190723]Lack of tools?[/QUOTE]

tools to manage situations with women

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Seith;34190853]tools to manage situations with women[/QUOTE]

Surely one does not need tools to manage situations with women

[Jo The Shmo]

I use power tools