The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v2

[CheeserCrice]

[QUOTE=TheDKer;34239782]I waited for her outside school today, and when she arrived I walked up to her and she smiled, gave me a kind of awkward hug and said hi. Don't think it meant much. She didn't stop up and talk to me but kept moving. I just followed her and made a couple of jokes about how we were drunk and she laughed. I said my offer still stands, but she said she was busy and had to hurry to class, and didn't give me a yes or no. 99% sure that was an excuse to get away from me though. I asked if we should exchange numbers so she could reply to me, but she replied to add her on Facebook, and then left.
If i add her on Facebook she'll most likely give me a no, unless our mutual friends have persuaded her during the day, so for me that looks like a bad option. The chance of getting a no face-to-face is probably just as big, but i atleast have a chance of using a little bit of charm and show persistance, without looking like an idiot over a chat, and hope to get her to go out with me anyways.
As said I still have to get in contact with her, so I'm thinking about doing what i did today, and wait for her outside school, and hope she isn't as busy as she was today. On top of that, it [I]could[/I] be a possibilty to send her a message over Facebook, telling her I'll be standing outside school again tommorow, without adding her so she can't respond, so she'll know I'm there. That just sounds a little lame though, so any advice would be greatly appreciated![/QUOTE]

To be honest it sounds like shes not interested in a relationship, it seems a shame but I don't think she's worth your time. If you are persistent it will probably come across as needy which is bad.

[Mort and Charon]

So if anyone remembers about my problem with sex and ny girlfriend being in serious pain when we tried it, thankfully its all good now. Tried it again yesterday, and while it was a spur of the moment thing half dressed and almost getting caught at it by my parents we both enjoyed it and she only hurt a little bit at the start. Think it helped that I'd fingered her literally straight before.

[junker|154]

Ew.

No seriously nice for you. It is no shame if it doesn't work out the first time. Happened to me to.

[DrBreen]

[QUOTE=CommanderPT;34240126]Story.[/QUOTE]

that's great man congratulations! you didn't change, you just got a boost of confidence, and now you feel like you own the moon, great feeling it is

I should note that you didn't really [i]change[/i] and by change i don't mean other clothes or whatever, what you should be proud is that you use your own personality and the very best of you to, you know, the whole dating thing.

A lot of guys, and i know plenty, just create this alter-ego to date women, and every single time it ends up terribly, so be careful about that in the future, but i doubt you'll have any trouble.

let us know how that date went

[Funky Mummy]

[QUOTE=DrBreen;34242722]that's great man congratulations! you didn't change, you just got a boost of confidence, and now you feel like you own the moon, great feeling it is

I should note that you didn't really [i]change[/i] and by change i don't mean other clothes or whatever, what you should be proud is that you use your own personality and the very best of you to, you know, the whole dating thing.

A lot of guys, and i know plenty, just create this alter-ego to date women, and every single time it ends up terribly, so be careful about that in the future, but i doubt you'll have any trouble.

let us know how that date went[/QUOTE]

Thanks! (Same goes to the rest of you)

The whole hypnotize thing was spontaneous and a result of my rather humorous nature. (If I were to believe what others say about me)
If I were to say so myself, I have the gift of gab which is probably why I managed to pull such a strange thing off.

Exciting times.. exciting indeed.

[Seith]

[QUOTE=TheDKer;34239782]I waited for her outside school today, and when she arrived I walked up to her and she smiled, gave me a kind of awkward hug and said hi. Don't think it meant much. She didn't stop up and talk to me but kept moving. I just followed her and made a couple of jokes about how we were drunk and she laughed. I said my offer still stands, but she said she was busy and had to hurry to class, and didn't give me a yes or no. 99% sure that was an excuse to get away from me though. I asked if we should exchange numbers so she could reply to me, but she replied to add her on Facebook, and then left.
If i add her on Facebook she'll most likely give me a no, unless our mutual friends have persuaded her during the day, so for me that looks like a bad option. The chance of getting a no face-to-face is probably just as big, but i atleast have a chance of using a little bit of charm and show persistance, without looking like an idiot over a chat, and hope to get her to go out with me anyways.
As said I still have to get in contact with her, so I'm thinking about doing what i did today, and wait for her outside school, and hope she isn't as busy as she was today. On top of that, it [I]could[/I] be a possibilty to send her a message over Facebook, telling her I'll be standing outside school again tommorow, without adding her so she can't respond, so she'll know I'm there. That just sounds a little lame though, so any advice would be greatly appreciated![/QUOTE]

Do not follow your own advice. Presistance is only worth something in the movies.

Don't add her, she clearly is showing a disintreset. seems like she was drunk and felt uncomfy talking about her "sluty" behaviour.

Leave her be for a few days, be social with more women (perferbly) and engaged her in case you see her.

When you do see her, engage her, start by building some comfort, but don't excuse your actions never.

read about attraction and comfort online.. too busy right now to tell you exactly what to do

[TheDKer]

[QUOTE=CheeserCrice;34242235]To be honest it sounds like shes not interested in a relationship, it seems a shame but I don't think she's worth your time. If you are persistent it will probably come across as needy which is bad.[/QUOTE]
I'm perfectly aware that she isn't interested in me at the moment, and regarding "worth my time", though i am socially very experienced, I lack in the dating department, and I hope to get some experience from this, and really, I've only spent two days on her. Besides I think it's funny and quite interesting as I've never done anything like this before, and I like the challenge :wink:

A whole lotta "I's" in that paragraph, but I am honestly thinking about how she feels, and being careful not to make her uncomfortable.
[QUOTE=Seith;34243393]Do not follow your own advice. Presistance is only worth something in the movies.

Don't add her, she clearly is showing a disintreset. seems like she was drunk and felt uncomfy talking about her "sluty" behaviour.

Leave her be for a few days, be social with more women (perferbly) and engaged her in case you see her.

When you do see her, engage her, start by building some comfort, but don't excuse your actions never.

read about attraction and comfort online.. too busy right now to tell you exactly what to do[/QUOTE]
As said, I am not very experienced with this dating business, but I don't like the idea of "If she is not interested in you right from the beginning, move on" thing that everyone seems to say in this thread. It might just be me though, as it seems a lot of you "commoners" agree on that.

Where are you getting the "slutty behaviour" from?

Heh, yeah social with more women. I'm in a class consisting of 27 girls, and me being the only boy. Got that covered :smile:

I have read, and will consider the rest of your advice, but don't have anything to say right now.

[Jo The Shmo]

I don't get why you guys all regurgitate mavericks whole "dont waste your time" spiel
sure he shouldn't waste months and months trying to chase this girl, but so far he's been very efficient
he should definitely pursue it, and if it doesn't work it, it doesn't work out, oh well

[Funky Mummy]

[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;34246340]I don't get why you guys all regurgitate mavericks whole "dont waste your time" spiel
sure he shouldn't waste months and months trying to chase this girl, but so far he's been very efficient
he should definitely pursue it, and if it doesn't work it, it doesn't work out, oh well[/QUOTE]

If anything, being direct is what worked for me. Maybe I was just really lucky. If I were to believe tips that I've received from women. The ones I spoke to prefer the guy to be much more direct and be clear about his intentions and if anything, that is a sign of confidence.
The whole reason about me just diving into it was that I didn't want to spend ages making zero progress and wondering.

Then again, as you might have noticed, I am not exactly experienced. :v:

[Jo The Shmo]

[QUOTE=CommanderPT;34246378]If anything, being direct is what worked for me. Maybe I was just really lucky. If I were to believe tips that I've received from women. The ones I spoke to prefer the guy to be much more direct and be clear about his intentions and if anything, that is a sign of confidence.
The whole reason about me just diving into it was that I didn't want to spend ages making zero progress and wondering.

Then again, as you might have noticed, I am not exactly experienced. :v:[/QUOTE]

no this is a good way to think about it
you're direct and efficient
but they were telling you to drop the whole thing, just because she didn't jump on your dick right away

[[CWG]RustySpann]

[QUOTE=CommanderPT;34246378]If anything, being direct is what worked for me. Maybe I was just really lucky. If I were to believe tips that I've received from women. The ones I spoke to prefer the guy to be much more direct and be clear about his intentions and if anything, that is a sign of confidence.
The whole reason about me just diving into it was that I didn't want to spend ages making zero progress and wondering.

Then again, as you might have noticed, I am not exactly experienced. :v:[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's my plan for tomorrow. Be direct.

[Funky Mummy]

[QUOTE='[CWG]RustySpannerz;34246590']Yeah, that's my plan for tomorrow. Be direct.[/QUOTE]

Best of luck to you tomorrow!

[Turnips5]

My girlfriend just knocked on my door, I let her in, gave her a hug, and noticed she had tears running down her face. Asked her what's wrong, no answer at all.

Sat her down on the bed, cuddled, got some tissues, asked her a bunch of different gentle questions over the space of about half an hour (punctuated with lots of silence, kisses, etc.). Nothing.

As far as I can tell, nothing specific ([I]was it something I said or did? no. was it something someone did to you? no. did it happen recently? no. are you pregnant (jokingly)? no.[/I]) has happened to make her feel this way, so it's something general. Exam stress? People being cunts? I dunno, not as far as I'm aware.

Now she's left again ("to do more revision, maybe later would be a better time to come round") and I'm really worried. I can't think of a single thing that would properly explain this. Can anyone provide some insight? Am I being thick?

[DrBreen]

[QUOTE=Turnips5;34246727]My girlfriend just knocked on my door, I let her in, gave her a hug, and noticed she had tears running down her face. Asked her what's wrong, no answer at all.

Sat her down on the bed, cuddled, got some tissues, asked her a bunch of different gentle questions over the space of about half an hour (punctuated with lots of silence, kisses, etc.). Nothing.

As far as I can tell, nothing specific ([I]was it something I said or did? no. was it something someone did to you? no. did it happen recently? no. are you pregnant (jokingly)? no.[/I]) has happened to make her feel this way, so it's something general. Exam stress? People being cunts? I dunno, not as far as I'm aware.

Now she's left again ("to do more revision, maybe later would be a better time to come round") and I'm really worried. I can't think of a single thing that would properly explain this. Can anyone provide some insight? Am I being thick?[/QUOTE]

she wanted to tell you but she didn't have the courage to tell you, at least not yet.

[Turnips5]

[QUOTE=DrBreen;34246785]she wanted to tell you but she didn't have the courage to tell you, at least not yet.[/QUOTE]

tell me WHAT

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

aaaaaaa

[DrBreen]

[QUOTE=Turnips5;34246809]tell me WHAT

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

aaaaaaa[/QUOTE]

whatever she was sobbing about i dunno, she wouldn't just go to your place and cuddle if she didn't want to tell you

[[CWG]RustySpann]

[QUOTE=Turnips5;34246809]tell me WHAT

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

aaaaaaa[/QUOTE]
I'd be worried, this happened to a friend of mine and it turned out she was a dude.

Sorry man.

[Turnips5]

[QUOTE=DrBreen;34246947]whatever she was sobbing about i dunno, she wouldn't just go to your place and cuddle if she didn't want to tell you[/QUOTE]

well... if she wanted to tell me, she could have told me

she's a brave fucking girl, she gave blood last week of her own accord and had a piece of T-shaped metal stuffed in her womb (for me, with me - something I can barely even contemplate), I don't see what could possibly be too personal for her to tell me

she's not stupid either. her parents aren't insane or anything, and she's pretty rational and responsible when it comes to it.

the thing that bothers me is, I thought our relationship had gotten to the stage where either party can confide anything. so either her worries are entirely irrational and there's nothing I can do other than being there, or there are still some barriers that need breaking down.

my throat got all dry while I was writing this. fuck

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

[QUOTE='[CWG]RustySpannerz;34246996']I'd be worried, this happened to a friend of mine and it turned out she was a dude.

Sorry man.[/QUOTE]

honestly i'd be relieved if she was a transgirl and that was that

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

unfortunately that's not a plausible explanation

[Mr.Dounut]

[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;34246340]I don't get why you guys all regurgitate mavericks whole "dont waste your time" spiel
sure he shouldn't waste months and months trying to chase this girl, but so far he's been very efficient
he should definitely pursue it, and if it doesn't work it, it doesn't work out, oh well[/QUOTE]

why the fuck would you pursue a girl that doesn't show interest in you if you're in high school or college?
do you understand how many girls are out there and that you should use that time wisely to meet new people and don't waste your time on girls that can't give you time.

[Jo The Shmo]

[QUOTE=Mr.Dounut;34247165]why the fuck would you pursue a girl that doesn't show interest in you if you're in high school or college?
do you understand how many girls are out there and that you should use that time wisely to meet new people and don't waste your time on girls that can't give you time.[/QUOTE]

because she might be interested in him
sure she was hesitant, but she said yes at this point
and he only "wasted" a day or two on her, do you really think he could have gotten anywhere great if he decided to not pursue her in just a day or two?

[DrBreen]

[QUOTE=Mr.Dounut;34247165]why the fuck would you pursue a girl that doesn't show interest in you if you're in high school or college?
do you understand how many girls are out there and that you should use that time wisely to meet new people and don't waste your time on girls that can't give you time.[/QUOTE]

Jo seems to be too clingy, and persistance for girl works, i admit it, but RARELY works 90% of times she'll consider you a stalker

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

[QUOTE=Turnips5;34247065]well... if she wanted to tell me, she could have told me

she's a brave fucking girl, she gave blood last week of her own accord and had a piece of T-shaped metal stuffed in her womb (for me, with me - something I can barely even contemplate), I don't see what could possibly be too personal for her to tell me

she's not stupid either. her parents aren't insane or anything, and she's pretty rational and responsible when it comes to it.

the thing that bothers me is, I thought our relationship had gotten to the stage where either party can confide anything. so either her worries are entirely irrational and there's nothing I can do other than being there, or there are still some barriers that need breaking down.

my throat got all dry while I was writing this. fuck

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

honestly i'd be relieved if she was a transgirl and that was that

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

unfortunately that's not a plausible explanation[/QUOTE]

tell her to go meet you at some coffe shop and be there for her, regardless if she tells you the mysterious secret or not

[Jo The Shmo]

how is that too clingy??? if it didnt work he would have wasted what, 2 days?
and since it did, he gets to go out with the girl hes interested in.

[ryfry]

Hello facepunch I recently found out that my girlfriend who I loved very much was cheating on me the entire time (3 months) and is marrying the other dude. :suicide: How do I stop feeling like shit? I've been listening to Boston- Don't Look Back and that helps a bit and trying to talk to this girl i had a crush in highschool but I still think about it all the time and I just get angry.

[Dr. Disciple]

[QUOTE=Turnips5;34247065]well... if she wanted to tell me, she could have told me

she's a brave fucking girl, she gave blood last week of her own accord and had a piece of T-shaped metal stuffed in her womb (for me, with me - something I can barely even contemplate), I don't see what could possibly be too personal for her to tell me

she's not stupid either. her parents aren't insane or anything, and she's pretty rational and responsible when it comes to it.

the thing that bothers me is, I thought our relationship had gotten to the stage where either party can confide anything. so either her worries are entirely irrational and there's nothing I can do other than being there, or there are still some barriers that need breaking down.

my throat got all dry while I was writing this. fuck

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

honestly i'd be relieved if she was a transgirl and that was that

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

unfortunately that's not a plausible explanation[/QUOTE]

You did the best thing you could have done at that time and that was comfort and be there for her. If she wants to tell you what was wrong she will eventually. I wouldn't try forcing it out of her though just maybe ask once or twice more to let her know you care.

[Jo The Shmo]

[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;34247526]how is that too clingy??? if it didnt work he would have wasted what, 2 days?
and since it did, he gets to go out with the girl hes interested in.[/QUOTE]

look, of course you shouldn't waste your whole life chasing after girls, that's a really stupid way to live
but as long as you recognize when it's not worth the effort, there's nothing wrong with spending a little effort on the girls you want to date
if you can manage not to go overboard, it's perfectly fine

[Turnips5]

[QUOTE=Dr. Disciple;34247550]You did the best thing you could have done at that time and that was comfort and be there for her. If she wants to tell you what was wrong she will eventually. I wouldn't try forcing it out of her though just maybe ask once or twice more to let her know you care.[/QUOTE]

yeah, I know that's definitely a bad idea to ask her too much

I forgot to mention, I've seen her like this once before, when she was getting on her train leaving for home after visiting me - I was a little worried at the time, but I guess that could be explained by her missing me (though I didn't think that at the time)

I should maybe also note that she wasn't sobbing uncontrollably either of these times, just very lightly weeping. :(

thanks for the reassurance man

[Seith]

That's not what I said. What I said was don't pursue her - you wanted to txt her, tell her to meet you bla bla.. I meant that you do not do that and not pursue her in such form but rather...

leave her be (for a few days, which denys the fact I care for how much a girl likes me or not), be meanwhile social with other women so that everybody, especailly her can see.

(social - interacting, teasing and laughing with the women around you. )

also, about the slutty behaviour.. that's pretty obvious and I will expand on it tomorrow morning.

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

[QUOTE=Turnips5;34247665]yeah, I know that's definitely a bad idea to ask her too much

I forgot to mention, I've seen her like this once before, when she was getting on her train leaving for home after visiting me - I was a little worried at the time, but I guess that could be explained by her missing me (though I didn't think that at the time)

I should maybe also note that she wasn't sobbing uncontrollably either of these times, just very lightly weeping. :(

thanks for the reassurance man[/QUOTE]

1st thing you could do is stop assuming shit like "what I did wrong". That's your own mind playing tricks. It's all experiences, not losses.

[JohnnyMo]

[QUOTE=ryfry99;34247533]Hello facepunch I recently found out that my girlfriend who I loved very much was cheating on me the entire time (3 months) and is marrying the other dude. :suicide: How do I stop feeling like shit? I've been listening to Boston- Don't Look Back and that helps a bit and trying to talk to this girl i had a crush in highschool but I still think about it all the time and I just get angry.[/QUOTE]

sorry what

were you the one she was cheating on or was she with him first because if she's marrying a guy she's been with for 3 months she's not worth giving a shit about

[RIPBILLYMAYS]

Hello thread. I recently decided to throw my hat into the ring with the whole love thing.

Recently I've been trying to get this girl I like over to my house to privately tell her I like her (we're both Nintendo fans so I figured we could play SSBB or Mario Kart on the Wii). Every time I ask her over she says she'll check with her parents to see what she's doing this weekend, and every time she's busy or her parents aren't home or she's doing stuff at her Church.

I'm not sure if she's kindly rejecting me or not. We're both in advanced classes so we have a lot of homework, her parents seem very restrictive (they bought her and iPhone but disabled calling/texting functions. I have no way of talking to her outside of school :smith:) and she's one of the nicest girls I've met. We share 3 classes together so we get to talk a lot.

I've never dated before and I don't know how to go about expressing personal feelings to another person without making myself feel awkward. If I can actually get her over, how should I tell her how I feel? And what should I do next?

Also we're both 15 turning 16 next month (6 days apart from each other). Should I get her a gift maybe?

[ryfry]

[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;34248848]sorry what

were you the one she was cheating on or was she with him first because if she's marrying a guy she's been with for 3 months she's not worth giving a shit about[/QUOTE]
She cheated on me with the other guy. I had my suspicions that she was but I'm too damn naive and if I feel like I can trust someone I'll give them all of my trust. Never making that mistake again. After our last big fight she straight out told me that I'm a mistake and "oh yeah I've been seeing this other guy for months and I'm going to be marrying him". The maddest I've ever been right there I just wanted to punch something but refrained. The whole thing is a fucking mess and the worst relationship I've ever been in but it still stings.

[editline]16th January 2012[/editline]

[QUOTE=RIPBILLYMAYS;34249473]Hello thread. I recently decided to throw my hat into the ring with the whole love thing.

Recently I've been trying to get this girl I like over to my house to privately tell her I like her (we're both Nintendo fans so I figured we could play SSBB or Mario Kart on the Wii). Every time I ask her over she says she'll check with her parents to see what she's doing this weekend, and every time she's busy or her parents aren't home or she's doing stuff at her Church.

I'm not sure if she's kindly rejecting me or not. We're both in advanced classes so we have a lot of homework, her parents seem very restrictive (they bought her and iPhone but disabled calling/texting functions. I have no way of talking to her outside of school :smith:) and she's one of the nicest girls I've met. We share 3 classes together so we get to talk a lot.

I've never dated before and I don't know how to go about expressing personal feelings to another person without making myself feel awkward. If I can actually get her over, how should I tell her how I feel? And what should I do next?

Also we're both 15 turning 16 next month (6 days apart from each other). Should I get her a gift maybe?[/QUOTE]
Just be honest and make your feelings about her known. Just be casual "Hey want to know something?" " What?" "I like you." She's probably just really shy. Getting her a gift would probably be a nice way to show you care but don't go overboard and buy something really expensive.