The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v2 - General

You guys are making me tear up haha

I'm not sure my post makes much sense, I just mean he should be fucking grateful for someone that tries as hard as you, or be decent enough to tell you why not. Aka you deserve way better gurrrrl i meant to rate you heart whoops lol

[QUOTE=Smokes;34268892]You guys are making me tear up haha[/QUOTE] the first real break up is the hardest one.

It really doesn't help that I've had panic disorder and separation anxiety disorder since I was a baby, I better fill my prescription. I tried calling him but he's too much of a butt to talk to me, so I wrote him a letter instead. I know he'll at least read it if I took the time to write my heart out. I don't know if I'm shivering because it's cold or because I'm nervous ha

Smokes, I was in a position like yours a few years back. Mind you I believe I was 15-16 at the time, but my 'serious' girlfriend of 2 years and I were starting to split a part like you described. I would always try to plan dates but she was always pre-occupied or too busy for me. I eventually learned that she was no longer interested in me, but I held on for as long as I could. One day a few weeks later I just texted her and told her that I didn't think she wanted me anymore and it might be best to see other people (I texted because I knew I couldn't bare to talk to her in person and not sob like a blubbering moron) She agreed and we wen't our separate ways. We didn't talk for 2 years after that, but now we're good friends and I'm dating one of her best friends (funny how that worked out so well) You could still try to salvage whatever you have left, but honestly it sounds like it might be better to start off fresh again. Not trying to be a dick, but if he won't even get out of bed to see you, you need someone better than that.

We're actually going to Japan this summer together, so maybe I could give him some time to think about everything and try to change his ways, and after we get back we can decide what will be best for the both of us. I'd really like to enjoy our trip together, because even though he's a terrible boyfriend he's a really great friend.

He wouldn't even answer the phone? Low.

Smokes I'd happily accept your baked goodies.

here have a sad song: [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u84f2wdl6f4[/media]

Serious though, you sound like a really nice person and for him to not even appreciate that isn't fair on you. It really just sounds like the spark is gone for him, but it isn't completely hopeless. I used to have a friend who was a bit of a dick to his girlfriend, always ignoring her and prioritizing other shit above her, really similar to what you described, and since I was friends with her as well I always got both sides of the story. In the end they broke up, but after a while they talked it through, got back together, and from the looks of it now they're really happy together and are able to realize how much they appreciate each other. As everyone else has said and as you've said you're going to do, talking it through is really the best way to deal with it. Stop being so nice to him as well, and make him want and appreciate you again. It doesn't make a difference if you're the guy or girl in a situation like yours, once the other person starts to get too comfortable they're just going to grow complacent from the confidence of knowing that they have you wrapped around their finger. Show him that you're still in control and that you're very able to leave whenever you want to, and that he'll have to start picking his game up if he wants to keep you. From what you've said here, I'd say you're a catch that's worth holding on to. After everything though, with your overseas trip as well, if he still just doesn't care then you should move on. That might be what it takes to make him realize what he could be losing. If not though, there's hundreds of other guys out there that will love and appreciate you as much as you deserve to be. Keep your chin up (:

Sounds similar to girlfriend's past relationship. She thought she was with someone who genuinely cared for her, but in the last 6 months of the relationship he didn't put any effort in at all, letting her organise all the dates, unless it was going round to his to have sex. She felt used and unwanted and finally left him. She wishes she did it sooner, but it depends if you think you can salvage anything out of this.

[QUOTE=Smokes;34268434]He doesn't have the capacity to get more than grumpy, as long as I've known him I've never seen him pissed or angry at anyone. He has crazy mood swings though and treats me like a friend rather than a girlfriend. He's completely stopped doing anything romantic for me or even holding my hand when we walk together. But what bothers me the most is when he ignores me and runs off with one of his friends instead. I really enjoy doing nice things for him (I'd think I could expect at least something small in return), I buy him dinner, wash his clothes, bake him cookies, I plan all our dates which usually he blows me off and stays in bed the whole day instead. I've walked 8-9 miles in the freezing cold or the rain to see him some days and he can't even get out of bed to let me in.[/QUOTE] your boyfriend is a cunt. drop it like it's hot. [editline]18th January 2012[/editline] I understand that you love him - as you stated earlier. But it's very clear he either doesn't love you anymore, or is just a selfish asshole. That may be hard to hear, but I think you already know it's true and just didn't want to face it. If your post is at all accurate, you don't deserve somebody who ignores you, ever. Ignoring someone is like the lowest thing you can do. No partner should ever ignore their loved one. Ever. It's unacceptable, and considering he does it to you a lot, he's just a cunt. As hard as it may be to end it, I think you know it's for the best as he's clearly not making you happy.

He got the letter and just tried to call me, and my phone decided to go dead and hang up on him. I called him back and no answer.

he seems really finicky and moody, to the point where he lets it control him. i, and i'm sure most others, would answer their phone no matter what. i think that's pretty unacceptable

See if it's just a phase though, could be something he's not telling you or his head being fucked up. Do whatever and all that, giving specific instruction isn't going to help, just consider that it could be something he has no control over.

I think I need to vent, LA. Whilst I'd appreciate a reply, feel free to skip the wall of text if you want. Pretty much just going to write as much as I want here so w/e. I've made posts like this a few times here but I find myself in these moods too often where it all just seems so clear to me how miserable and lonely I [I]actually[/I] am. Then I go to sleep, and I'm fine again, and go on for a couple of months feeling at peace with myself and my life. But when I feel like this, I start to think that maybe I'm just living in a constant state of denial. I thought I'd actually vent somewhere this time instead of sleeping on it. I'm confident in myself. I'm still shy and am usually quiet but I don't think that's a problem anymore, and I understand that that slight introversion of my personality is just a part of who I am. I know I'm interesting, funny, and generally likeable once people get to know me, and the few people that actually do know me at that level know that as well. But I often worry that my 'shell' or whatever just has so many people hesitant to get past it. I've heard shit like, "You're not as intimidating as I thought you were," more than once from people. It's no surprise really, currently my main source of 'mass' social communication is Facebook, and I come across as a bit of a dickhead there apparently mostly because I'm one of the few people that actually speaks their mind without any bs or sugar-coating. I'm not a judgemental cunt, I just have opinions which I'm not afraid to voice, something which I think a lot of people don't do or aren't used to. Obviously this is only emphasized over a text-only medium such as FB, but I don't care much for people that are going to judge me based on that alone. However, the problem is still there. On that, I'm an arrogant person. As far back as when I started primary school, I've been at the top of my classes. Not just academically but also in a more general sense, I've always had a stronger and quicker grasp on concepts and issues ahead of my peers. Like I said, I try to not let this get in the way of my social interactions, and it isn't like I blatantly say or think shit like "I'm better than all of you," but it's definitely an aspect or perhaps a flaw in my personality. I often feel like the affairs and concerns of the majority of my peers are shallow and relatively insignificant. I hate that I feel this way because it makes me feel like a right cunt, but I can't deny it. I'll elaborate (if you've read this far then whatever you probably actually want to read all of this so I'll continue to write however much I want). I like to think I have a wide world-view, and I can recognize that my own place in this world and the universe as a whole, is insignificant, and so I don't let myself get down over little shit in my personal life and am constantly aware of the so called bigger picture. I keep up to date with world happenings and so when I'm seeing non-violent protesters getting arrested or fundamental human rights getting breached in this or that country, it's hard to then alt tab back to say Facebook and see a whole bunch of people bitching about their cars, or their sport team losing, or their ex not caring about them or whatever, and not feel a little bit like what I've described. I end up asking myself if I should continue to actually care as much as I do; about people, about the world, about my place in it, and so on. The world is fucked up and going to shit at an accelerating rate, so the logical solution is to just not give a fuck and go down with it. Obviously that's not something I want to do nor is it something I think anyone should do, and I spend a lot of my time giving people the opportunity to get aware of the fundamental flaws that exist in our society (not in a shoving down their throats kinda way either). I believe that this awareness should be the primary role of any citizen. This whole thing just leads into spiritual and other ontological questions which is clearly another massive issue. Whilst I'm not religious per se, I think as a human being we should continually be asking 'those' questions, and at the moment I do believe that there's more to us than a chance combination of various physical properties and forces. But I don't really think that's a big issue in my life at the moment. Even though I've drifted from my family's religion (and consequently, my family), it's out of my hands right now and I'm not going to force myself to make decisions like that just because I feel down on nights like these. Maybe in a few decades I'll come to the conclusions that bring me 'true happiness' or whatever but at the moment, that's not something I'm just going to force into existence. With the things I've outlined about myself, and my limited connection with my family, I'm left with a handful of friends. There's about 5 people in my life I would actually call a friend, 2 of which live on the other side of the country and I've never met. I don't want to be some social butterfly and I understand the idea of quality and not quantity, and I do have many people that I talk to regularly or people I would hang out with. The few 'real' friends I do have though I am very grateful for, and I know that the connections I have with them are actually meaningful and I appreciate that. It's however easy to feel lonely, especially if they're all busy or out or whatever, which is often the case with my irl friends as they're all over 18 and can go out together whilst I'm still underage. That's only a very superficial issue though. I don't know if it's as simple as feeling lonely though, at risk of sounding like a dramatic faggot it's more of an emptiness. I have goals in life, and I know I'm intelligent and mature to understand what I have to do to achieve them, and I've never felt like I have no purpose or direction. I still just feel something is missing. I like to think it's because I'm still only 17, in the transition from post-high school to university and the 'real world', and that consequently my impact on the rest of the world is restricted. If you were to ask me right now what my purpose in life was, I'd say to live a life which is rich in the experiences and knowledge of this world and to make the lives of the people around me similarly as meaningful and enjoyable. Clearly the fact that I'm still so restricted in terms of my access to the world makes achieving this difficult and so of course I'm going to feel a little stuck at times. Maybe I've just answered my own problem and this whole post is irrelevant. And on top of all of this, I'd honestly like to meet someone. Not even a girlfriend specifically (although the physical/emotional intimacy which comes with that is obviously something I'd like to have again), but I just want more meaningful connections in my life, people I can have interesting and insightful interactions with. I say to a lot of people in these threads, a relationship should only ever exist between two people which are happy and self-sustainable, and even though I've just spent the last 1000000 words sulking, I'm not a consistently miserable person and by no means do I think I 'need' a girlfriend. We all have our insecurities, and these are mine. I just think having someone that I trust enough to share these with would invite a new perspective on my life that would benefit me a lot. Again, it's not a priority though and not something I'm thinking about all the time. I don't even know how much I've written and I've probably repeated myself a bunch of times but whatever. This is just where my head is at at the moment and I wanted to empty it somewhere, and this is the best place to do so (and even for that much, I appreciate all of you here in these threads srs). Even writing all of this out and reading back over it has helped a little. But still, I invite anyone that's read this far to be as blunt as they feel they need to be. If I'm just being a melodramatic bitch of a teenager, then that's what I need to hear. ty

[quote]And on top of all of this, I'd honestly like to meet someone. Not even a girlfriend specifically (although the physical/emotional intimacy which comes with that is obviously something I'd like to have again), but I just want more meaningful connections in my life, people I can have interesting and insightful interactions with. I say to a lot of people in these threads, a relationship should only ever exist between two people which are happy and self-sustainable, and even though I've just spent the last 1000000 words sulking, I'm not a consistently miserable person and by no means do I think I 'need' a girlfriend. We all have our insecurities, and these are mine. I just think having someone that I trust enough to share these with would invite a new perspective on my life that would benefit me a lot. Again, it's not a priority though and not something I'm thinking about all the time.[/quote] This really is something to strive for, I've picked up friends and contacts through work and life that I can always rely on and those are the people you really want in your life. Just having somebody you can talk to regarding life problems with more experience or just to help you out. (CV's and mortgage/ financial advice) and stuff like that. I can think of a few people that I would honestly be dead in the water without. And I agree with you on the relationship side, you shouldn't try to force it. I've done it myself when I really should have known better, but deep down you really know when it isn't working. But what you always need to remember is to not break away completely and certainly not harshly. Just don't burn any bridges on the sinking ship as Seith would put it.

Yeah I think so too. Like I said I'm just out of high school and my lifestyle at the moment doesn't involve seeing a lot of people on a regular basis, but it will soon and I definitely look forward to meeting new people/having new experiences.

[QUOTE=TheHypnotoad;34275312] Just don't burn any bridges on the sinking ship as Seith would put it.[/QUOTE] Expand further please, just to be sure we're on the same page here. [editline]18th January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Dark_Light;34275552]Yeah I think so too. Like I said I'm just out of high school and my lifestyle at the moment doesn't involve seeing a lot of people on a regular basis, but it will soon and I definitely look forward to meeting new people/having new experiences.[/QUOTE] I invite you to come for a month to Israel. I pay for everything expect the ticket. You will, enjoy yourself. Mark my words. A new man will arise, a better you with a new perspective.

I've actually been to Israel before, all I remember though is nice architecture, delicious food and awfully hot temperatures. Travelling and seeing other countries though definitely does help broaden or develop perspectives, and I plan on doing a lot of that towards the end of this year. If I'm ever planning on going to Israel again though, I know who to inform. :v

Awesome!

[QUOTE=Dark_Light;34274702]But still, I invite anyone that's read this far to be as blunt as they feel they need to be. If I'm just being a melodramatic bitch of a teenager, then that's what I need to hear. ty[/QUOTE] You sound like a good guy Dark, maybe arrogance and your sometimes anti-social remarks can get in the way of showing off just how awesome you are. If anything I would focus on these aspects first and foremost because they've hampered me recently in getting to know people.

Yeah, that probably is the case. It's really just on Facebook though, because honestly I find it entertaining to make sarcastic comments on hilariously stupid posts and whatnot, and whilst there's a lot of people that understand my humour and appreciate it, there's of course many others which just think I'm a twat that trolls Facebook all day. The last time I liked one of those silly tbh statuses for example, was of a girl who I knew wouldn't write the same old shit, and her response pretty much sums it up: "tbh, I used to think that you were some mad keyboard warrior and an ass hole. but you've proven me wrong by actually having a point when you argue with people and not being a complete fuckwit. Please continue doing what you do. sidenote: I hope you are still growing the beard." So I don't know. It's just that Facebook has become a large part of my social life now that I'm out of high school and working from home, and aside from my closest friends and the people I hang out with irl, most people just know me over that. It's not really a big deal to me because I know it's just a temporary thing at the moment, and as I start working towards new ambitions or working in different environments etc, I'll meet new people and actually have proper interactions with them. I will definitely keep this all in mind though when that happens, because I know I'm actually a friendly person. My ex did tell me that she sometimes felt like I was condescending towards her and things like that though, and I do notice at times I let that arrogance spill over into how I feel or act towards people, so I'm glad you pointed that out as well. I appreciate the reply, too ^^

You certainly don't do it here, but you do have to be careful of a condescending or "I'm better than you" attitude even if you don't mean it. I really don't like people like that, unfortunately there's quite a few at my sixth form.

[QUOTE=Seith;34275624] I invite you to come for a month to Israel. I pay for everything expect the ticket. You will, enjoy yourself. Mark my words.[/QUOTE] mark my words? that's a bit grim for an invitation. then again it's israel. grim as fuck.

bla bla

you know i have right of return to israel so i could come back(??) and whoop yo ass.

Excellent. That will open up a lot of market opportunities for me. We need an English fluent person in the group. ;0

i'm fluent in ass whooping

Sure, I need the extra weight on the barbell.