The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v2 - General

[QUOTE=FreddiRox!;34057335]I can't [b]tjinkbof[/b] the right saying. Mm, just don't be in panic or worry because your partner I'd high maintenance. Sorry I'm not good at toting on my.phone I was tired Si I got up and ate waffle and bnow I cacn sleep[/QUOTE] I had to look for a few seconds at the word, google translate that even, to understand you just meant "think of"

She's moving two states away and I don't have the time nor resources to travel that far. She said she hates it here so I don't expect her to come back anytime soon.

I'd recommend you not do it.

So my girlfriend has been suffering from a bit of low self esteem recently. She's worried that she's not good enough for me, and really doesn't think much of herself because of some nasty bullying she's suffered in the past. How can I get her out of this mindset? She's wonderful, and I really don't want her thinking that she's not.

fuck her

[QUOTE=ProWaffle;34061693]So my girlfriend has been suffering from a bit of low self esteem recently. She's worried that she's not good enough for me, and really doesn't think much of herself because of some nasty bullying she's suffered in the past. How can I get her out of this mindset? She's wonderful, and I really don't want her thinking that she's not.[/QUOTE] you shouldn't do anything. take it from someone who's always had low self esteem, it's always annoying when people who don't understand what you are going through do their best. just offer emotional support. she's the only one that can get herself out of that mindset.

[QUOTE=thisispain;34061816]you shouldn't do anything. take it from someone who's always had low self esteem, it's always annoying when people who don't understand what you are going through do their best. just offer emotional support. she's the only one that can get herself out of that mindset.[/QUOTE] What kind of emotional support can I offer her? From what she's said I'm the only thing keeping her from complete depression but I'm worried it could carry on to that given time. I just want her to be happy, and be able to see herself the way I see her.

i don't know, hugs, tissues, "you look radiant today", "have you lost weight?", "that is sooo your look", diamond rings, a bucket of chicken. depends on the person really but depression comes and goes without reason for a lot of people so there's not a lot more you can do beyond that.

[QUOTE=thisispain;34062015]i don't know, hugs, tissues, "you look radiant today", "have you lost weight?", "that is sooo your look", diamond rings, a bucket of chicken. depends on the person really but depression comes and goes without reason for a lot of people so there's not a lot more you can do beyond that.[/QUOTE] I agree to an extent. I am sure you're fully aware of my point of view by now on matters of such. Hugging, kissing, all of that is fine as a short term solution. To help her you can show her tools and broaden her perspective of life. Just because she was bullied doesn't mean she has to dwell in it for the rest of her life. It was said before here - it's her choice. Though, obviously, saying just that is not gonna cut it. Even though I don't have the power to professionally diagnose, I'd say, roughly 7 out 10 are cases not related to actual depression. Also, as harsh as it may seem, I think she's signaling you on something else than what you're asking about. "Recently low self-esteem" "you're the only one to keep me happy" I would deduct are signs of attention. This is a really really basic deduction, I have almost zero information. Low self-esteem doesn't just appear out of the blue. Think about it. If you give me more information, I could direct this discussion better. I can speculate all I want, but I need more snippets, things you've noticed so I could aim at right target.

[QUOTE=Seith;34062090]To help her you can show her tools and broaden her perspective of life. [/QUOTE] when you are depressed and have low self-esteem the last thing you need is something to show you tools and broaden your perspective. a holocaust movie is much more effective.

[QUOTE=thisispain;34062015]i don't know, hugs, tissues, "you look radiant today", "have you lost weight?", "that is sooo your look", diamond rings, a bucket of chicken. depends on the person really but depression comes and goes without reason for a lot of people so there's not a lot more you can do beyond that.[/QUOTE] Since when does giving someone a tissue get you anywhere?

[QUOTE=thisispain;34062121]when you are depressed and have low self-esteem the last thing you need is something to show you tools and broaden your perspective. a holocaust movie is much more effective.[/QUOTE] You might have personal experience, but that doesn't make your opinion obsolete. Also, as I've said, we can't professionally diagnose her even with the right information. I am not a doctor, but I can direct this discussion into a more "concrete" solution. A more detailed understanding of what is actually going on. I never first presume a person is sick, that's extreme. I presume further away from the extreme and go up.

[QUOTE=FreddiRox!;34062122]Since when does giving someone a tissue get you anywhere?[/QUOTE] it shows care and compassion without being overbearing and annoying. the subtle stuff is always the most important stuff.

Low self-esteem is a decent diagnosis in itself, no need to call it depression. If I knew how to fix it though, I'd be a lot happier. Probably as thisispain said, small things about her without needing her to bring it up, something unexpected. You develop a bit of a shell and if you try when she's expecting it, it probably won't work as well.

I started at a new [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gymnasium_(school)#North_European_countries]gymnaisum[/url] last tuesday. The thing is, that out of the 30 students we are in class, there's only two boys, me and another guy, but he has applied for another school, and is probably leaving within a month. So basically it's me and 28 girls. The first day was tough, but the second day was great. I started conversations with plenty of the girls in class, and today i felt like i was part of the class. I'm not looking for basic advice on how to behave and be social, cause i got that down, but are there some tricks that might not be totally obvious i should know about? Remember, i'm almost the only guy in class. On top of that, there's a christmas party tomorrow where all the girls will attend, and probably two other guys who have been in that class, but switched to another one. There will be booze invovled, and again, any social stuff i should be aware of, that's not obvious? I'm turning 18 in a month, and the girls are ranging between 16-18. I'm not looking to kiss anyone or get laid, just have a good time :wink:

It really shouldn't be hard with a 1:10 ratio. Just flirt with a few and one will work.

-I'm apparently a big fucking pussy, snipped-

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34064565]-I'm apparently a big fucking pussy, snipped-[/QUOTE] just fucking leave i'm so sick of you coming here and not taking advice this is the fifth time you've come asked for advice, ignored it then complained about how you're a pussy and can't help it, all of the people here got over it and so can you

Every time you come here you give excuses but don't do anything...

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34064565]-I'm apparently a big fucking pussy, snipped-[/QUOTE] listen come back in here when you have achieved something

So I'm going to the movies with a girl this weekend, but I'm really nervous about it. I sometimes get a little nervous when I go to talk to her, no idea why. Any suggestions on how to not be nervous?

[QUOTE=psychojake;34065360]So I'm going to the movies with a girl this weekend, but I'm really nervous about it. I sometimes get a little nervous when I go to talk to her, no idea why. Any suggestions on how to not be nervous?[/QUOTE] it's okay to be excited (hell, why would you be doing it if it didn't excite you to some degree?) but try to just remember there's no rational reason to be worried about it, just chill out and have a great time you already got the hard part over with so just enjoy the reward :D

[QUOTE=psychojake;34065360]So I'm going to the movies with a girl this weekend, but I'm really nervous about it. I sometimes get a little nervous when I go to talk to her, no idea why. Any suggestions on how to not be nervous?[/QUOTE] dont plan or think a single thing through, if it want you can think of a few questions to ask her for any awkward moments but that's really kind of unneeded just chill

[QUOTE=psychojake;34065360]So I'm going to the movies with a girl this weekend, but I'm really nervous about it. I sometimes get a little nervous when I go to talk to her, no idea why. Any suggestions on how to not be nervous?[/QUOTE] don't force anything, remember that you don't always need to be saying something, sometimes silences are okay. don't spend half the movie trying to work the confidence up to put your arm around her, it'll ruin your time and that's an awkward movement anyway. if you're planning on making a move, i always say holding their hand is a much better choice.

[QUOTE=AmericanInfantry;34064565]-I'm apparently a big fucking pussy, snipped-[/QUOTE] I don't know why I'm even disappointed, but I am. Get your fucking shit together dude or you won't ever achieve anything that you want in life. [editline]6th January 2012[/editline] I mean shit, after that massive post Seith wrote out, not to mention the countless others from other members and my own in the last thread. It's just a shame really.

That feeling when a girl you have a crush on says she'd date you if you weren't black and you can't tell if she's serious or not...

[QUOTE=Goldenmyer;34066938]That feeling when a girl you have a crush on says she'd date you if you weren't black and you can't tell if she's serious or not...[/QUOTE] oh god thats kind of hilarious and completely heartbreaking at the same time because i know girls like that only solution is to take her out and sweep her off her feet or take her out for a romantic evening in your boat on the ocean, where she'll have to have sex with you because of the implications

[QUOTE=Goldenmyer;34066938]That feeling when a girl you have a crush on says she'd date you if you weren't black and you can't tell if she's serious or not...[/QUOTE] what the fuck? that's awful [editline]5th January 2012[/editline] you should make sure she's serious and then never talk to her again, clearly not worth your time

[QUOTE=Dark_Light;34066315]I don't know why I'm even disappointed, but I am. Get your fucking shit together dude or you won't ever achieve anything that you want in life. [editline]6th January 2012[/editline] I mean shit, after that massive post Seith wrote out, not to mention the countless others from other members and my own in the last thread. It's just a shame really.[/QUOTE] I understand why you're disappointed and I'm disappointed in myself as well. I don't know why I'm like this, it extends past (not) getting a girl, it involves a lot of things, such as studying for AP classes in school (I have told myself that I would do it and I don't, even though I know I should), amongst other things. This goes past relationship advice and it's probably a mental thing. The post above was a heat of the moment response and I apologize for it. Knowing anything else I do it'll be taken as an empty apology though.

It's up to you to find that self motivation.